BAMFinator: I was expecting more photos in the article.
Man was I disappoint.



Be disappoint no longer

FarkinHostile: btraz70: I kinda like red...
[images.stuffofawesome.com image 640x480]

(looks at background)


Well, I'm not a gynecologist, but I know a (unt when I see one.

Do not stick your speculum in teh crazy.

I am at work, so I am just really checking in to be able to say I was part of this thread in case it goes epic.

The Lady with the Red Hoohaw

It was written, here, that the Lady with the Red Hoohaw shall bring peace to the land. And so, armed with this knowledge and a sharp broadsword and a sawed off shotgun and a high powered rifle and a pistol and sporadic A-10 Warthog support, I set off to find the Lady with the Red Hoohaw.

I traveled the land on my trusty steed Hyundai. To the villages within the known realm I went first. At each town, I went to the center and announced "I seek the lady with the red hoohaw. Not just redheads with matching drapes. Though I will happily look upon them."

I must have looked at a thousand hoohaws. None more redder than pink. A few drifted towards the other direction and I shall not describe them.

At the last village in the realm, an ancient man approached me. "It is foretold that you seek the red hoohaw and the maiden above it. I can direct you to her."

I replied "Where were you six hundred freaking villages ago? May my A-10 strike you where you stand." Fortunately, he blurted out the location before the short burst of the 20mm mini gun reduced him to pink powder.

And so I went over treacherous lands fraught with many challenges, dangers and risks. None of which I will relate to in this tale. Just where the recently deceased old guy said she would be, she was. I approached her carefully. I was weary of a trap.

"Are you the lady with the red hoohaw?"
"Who wants to know?" she replied.
"Tis I. I set forth upon a journey to find you and bring you back to the castle so there shall be peace and harmony upon the land once again."
"Yer at war?" she asked quizzically.
"Nope. We've been at peace for two hundred decades."
"That's a long time. So the country is mired economically?" quizzed she again.
"Nope. We know only double digit growth with no inflation. We hold billions of gold pieces in our treasury and other counties fear we will dump our gold for crush aluminum cans. Which we also have a lot of."
"So yer basically a perv going around looking up ladies skirts and checking their hoohaws, right?" she quizzed one last time.
"No. I am a government contractor paid to go around and look up ladies skirts and check their hoohaws. I get paid $46 an hour and I have very little government oversight. Now lift thy skirt. It's the law."
"Aint no law I ever heard of, but I aint doing anything else right now. Okay Red, perk up. Yer on stage"
And she showed me her hoohaw and it was red. The reddest that I have seen but, you know, $46 and hour is a tough rate to give up when you're getting a weekly paycheck and the boss is sixty miles away. So I bade her fare thee well and told her that her hoohaw wasn't the right color red. I told her that if she had a complaint, she could call a 1-800 number. The number I gave her went to a Sear Credit Card office so she'll just think she wrote the number wrong.
I went off in to the sunset, still on my quest, still collecting $46 an hour plus per diem (hey. I am on the road). I still seek the reddest of hoohaws and a wireless access point so I can upload my metrics and POAM to the boss.

Should I bookmark this thread for later?