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North American predator loss leaves Aliens unchecked, Santorum pulls out, and Best Buy CEO bones something other than his company: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 4/8 - 4/14 
Posted by Unfreakable at 2012-04-16 6:29:18 PM (8 comments) | Permalink

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4414 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Apr 2012 at 6:34 PM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Hey everybody, just dropping some of last week's best headlines on you to finish out your Monday afternoon. Enjoy.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2012-04-08 to Sat 2012-04-14:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  British child finds hand grenade during Easter egg hunt. Everyone runs when he says, "And first, thou shalt take out the holy pin"    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Lawrence Cobbold has filled every room in his three-bedroom house with a 21,600-strong collection of bird ornaments. Why yes ladies, he is single    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  7th Grader saves bus from crash after driver has heart attack. School to suspend him for driving without a license    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Man who walked 3,100 miles across Australia while wearing a full stormtrooper costume raised over $100,000 for the Starlight Children's Foundation, still hasn't found those damn droids    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Man changes Facebook relationship status to "Single", disgruntled girlfriend changes his automobile status to "Embedded in bowling alley"    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Louis Farrakhan says "Jesus was a black man." Well, Jesus liked Gospel, called everyone "brother" and couldn't get a fair trial, so it may be true    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  20 signs you might be a sex addict. 1: You are currently in someone    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Old fruit is better for you says study, Ian McKellen    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Newark Mayor downgrades neighbor's condition from "burn victim" to "alive and still in Newark"    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  The peacekeeper slowly entered, surprising the illegal gambling party. He knew these men were among the rich and powerful, but the tin shield on his chest proclaimed justice for all. Then one of the gamblers, in desperation, pulled a gun    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Naked Vermont governor narrowly outruns four large bears. Now that's a man's man    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Sports:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Former fiance of Petrino's mistress gets first class ticket out of Fayetteville, but she will only ride coach    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Apparently running on the field in Batman underwear and a cape is FROWNED UPON IN THIS ESTABLISHMENT    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Additions to Memorial Stadium in Lincoln, NE will increase capacity to hold over 90,000 people, or 45,000 Nebraskans    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Geek:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Touchscreen pay phones are coming to NYC, which still doesn't solve the problem of having to actually touch them    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  North American predator loss affects ecosystems, leaves Aliens totally unchecked    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Scientists try to find out if Scotch whiskey can mature in zero gravity, as the space program finally gets serious about an eight-month flight to Mars    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Entertainment:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Ronnie Wood says The Rolling Stones will begin recording new material this month, assuming they can remember where the studio is    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Axl Rose declines to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, eat Lean Cuisine    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Morgan Freeman denies rumors he is marrying step-granddaughter. Claiming "reports of any pending marriage or romantic relationship to anyone are defamatory fabrications from the tabloid media designed to sell papers. Titty sprinkles"  


Politics:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Thomas Jefferson created his own 'cut and paste' version of the Bible by removing what he felt couldn't be substantiated. The two page document is currently on display at the Smithsonian's Museum of American History    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Santorum to pull out. Gross    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Obama celebrates the sixth anniversary of Romneycare. Romney calls in sick with a bad case of the flip-floppy    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Business:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Facebook pays $1 billion for a company that produces a free app that can make pictures from your $500 phone look like they were taken with a $10 camera    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Former Best Buy CEO Brian Dunn may have resigned for boning something other than his company    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Purple produce purveyors petulantly proclaim premature primavera preemptively prevented personal prosperity, postponing packaged product premiere, prompting product pusillanimity    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]
· · ·
(view entire blog)


8 Comments   (+0 »)
   
 
2012-04-16 07:07:07 PM  
"Jesus was a black man" was one of the few religious headlines that have managed to give me a chuckle. +1 to that submitter.
 
2012-04-16 07:07:56 PM  
i like the Ian McKellen one
 
2012-04-16 07:09:49 PM  
The Batman/FROWNED UPON one cracks me up and I've nopt read the thread or article.
 
2012-04-16 07:25:37 PM  

I Have The Touch of a Shocked Monkey: "Jesus was a black man" was one of the few religious headlines that have managed to give me a chuckle. +1 to that submitter.


That was mine, but I can't really take any credit for it since I was basically just recycling an old joke.
 
2012-04-16 07:38:15 PM  
Ha!

P.S. Interjections
 
2012-04-16 09:59:45 PM  
There were three good arguments that Jesus was Black:

1. He called everyone "brother."
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.

But there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:

1. He went into His Father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure he was God.

But then there were another three equally good arguments that he was Italian:

1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with every meal.
3. He used olive oil a lot.

But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:

1. He never cut his hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.

But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:

1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all; conclusive proof that Jesus was a woman:

1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was work to do.
 
2012-04-16 11:24:34 PM  

coneyfark: There were three good arguments that Jesus was Black:

1. He called everyone "brother."
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.

But there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:

1. He went into His Father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure he was God.

But then there were another three equally good arguments that he was Italian:

1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with every meal.
3. He used olive oil a lot.

But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:

1. He never cut his hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.

But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:

1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all; conclusive proof that Jesus was a woman:

1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was work to do.


I am so stealing this. Thank you, good citizen. :D
 
2012-04-17 12:12:32 PM  
The links for the last two weeks are still not showing up. )~:
 
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