FARK.com: (7052519) Tips for aspiring thieves: 1) Bring a getaway car so you don't have to steal one when cops are running after you, 2) leave your bong at home, and 3) take something more valuable than frozen fish

If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

		Tips for aspiring thieves: 1) Bring a getaway car so you don't have to steal one when cops are running after you, 2) leave your bong at home, and 3) take something more valuable than frozen fish (blogs.tcpalm.com)		43
		More: Florida, drug paraphernalia

• • •

3831 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Apr 2012 at 12:53 PM | Favorite | share:

Share this link:

URL:

http://fark.com/go/7052519

Bookmark:

Article Comments close

43 Comments (+0 »)

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

antidisestablishmentarianism		2012-04-16 10:30:42 AM

EvilEgg		2012-04-16 11:33:29 AM

Have you seen the price of fish these days?!

dryknife		2012-04-16 12:57:44 PM

Salmon is a tasty fish found in waters of the North Atlantic coasts of North America and Europe. The pink-fleshed fish swims from salt to fresh water to spawn and is often grilled and served with buttery sauces.

Salmon, which contains Omega-3 fatty acids and is a good protein source, also can be enjoyed smoked and served with capers, toast points and diced onions.

The Salmon Mulvanerton is accused of stealing is not to be confused with Salmon, a city of 3,300 in central Idaho, or with Leftover Salmon, a jam band that's playing at the Wanee Music Festival in Live Oak on April 21.

Phisheva		2012-04-16 12:58:16 PM

Phish Fan?

snailbarf		2012-04-16 12:59:39 PM

phule		2012-04-16 12:59:48 PM

Came for Trailer Park Boys, done in one.

Salmon		2012-04-16 01:01:30 PM

The trick to the fcat is mcat

offmymeds		2012-04-16 01:02:11 PM

"Well now, here's another fine kettle of fish you've gotten us into!"

Honest Bender		2012-04-16 01:07:19 PM

1. Don't skimp on gear. That extra clip of ammo might be expensive, but you can't spend the money if you're dead.
2. Hire a solid rigger. They make good getaway drivers and drones are cool.
3. Invest in a solid fake SIN.
4. Always carry a little bribe money.
5. Don't forget to set your commlink to hidden mode before the op starts.

busy chillin'		2012-04-16 01:10:06 PM

he betta think it through next time.

Cybernetic		2012-04-16 01:20:28 PM

The author of TFA is apparently getting paid by the word. That may be the largest collection of oblique, tangential salmon references ever collected in one article.

Current Resident		2012-04-16 01:21:15 PM

Maybe he thinks that he's a gay fish.

probesport		2012-04-16 01:28:07 PM

Mike_Fulton		2012-04-16 01:29:02 PM

HOLY shiat!!!

I know that guy

Cybernetic		2012-04-16 01:32:09 PM

Mike_Fulton: HOLY shiat!!!

I know that guy

You must be so proud.

davidphogan		2012-04-16 01:33:36 PM

Mike_Fulton: HOLY shiat!!!

I know that guy

That may be something you shouldn't admit.

SultanofSchwing		2012-04-16 01:35:04 PM

antidisestablishmentarianism: [i.ytimg.com image 480x360]

Well played sir.

/meat dicks!
//oooh I'm farkin' hiiiiiiigh!!!

Gilligann		2012-04-16 01:37:58 PM

A man accused of stealing six bags of frozen salmon from a Stuart Publix before fleeing appears to have gotten himself into a fine kettle of fish.

Martin County Sheriff's deputies April 10 hooked accused fish filcher Ian Arthur Mulvanerton, reeling him in on a host of charges, according to recently released records.

What could be called the case of the fish thief that did not get away happened at a Publix in the 6500 block of South Kanner Highway.

Mulvanerton, 21, went in an area where he wasn't authorized, entered a cooler and netted six bags of frozen salmon, each valued at $9.99.

Meanwhile, a Publix employee spotted Mulvanerton leave the cooler. A meat department manager also saw Mulvanerton and told him to stop.

The meat department manager said Mulvanerton was about to leave the store when he stopped him. The meat department manager said Mulvanerton gave back the salmon and took off.

Deputies also reported Mulvanerton, who had a pipe that smelled of spliff in his pocket, broke a mirror on a vehicle as he tried to break in it.

Mulvanerton, of the 800 block of Southwest Lighthouse Drive in Palm City, was arrested on charges including burglary, retail theft, criminal mischief and possession of drug paraphernalia.

Mike_Fulton		2012-04-16 01:39:14 PM

davidphogan: Mike_Fulton: HOLY shiat!!!

I know that guy

That may be something you shouldn't admit.

Well, I know his brother. Dude was always a loser, smoking pot at 14

KrispyKritter		2012-04-16 01:44:04 PM

Mike_Fulton: HOLY shiat!!!

I know that guy

is he one of the many that require adult supervision and has none? maybe dealing with the challenges of mental illness? there are a lot of 'daywalkers' where i live. it's sad. they have to cope with what hand mother nature dealt them and they take turns interfacing with local law enforcement. from what i've seen in life there are too many people without someone to take care of them.

8InchFloppy		2012-04-16 01:44:22 PM

Mike_Fulton: HOLY shiat!!!

I know that guy

There's an outage going on get back to work.

theknuckler_33		2012-04-16 01:45:23 PM

I first read that as "Tips for aspirin thieves" and thought, who steals aspirin?

Mike_Fulton		2012-04-16 01:48:33 PM

KrispyKritter: Mike_Fulton: HOLY shiat!!!

I know that guy

is he one of the many that require adult supervision and has none? maybe dealing with the challenges of mental illness? there are a lot of 'daywalkers' where i live. it's sad. they have to cope with what hand mother nature dealt them and they take turns interfacing with local law enforcement. from what i've seen in life there are too many people without someone to take care of them.

I think he was coddled too much to handle the outside world, just my opinion.

dickieignorant		2012-04-16 02:01:57 PM

"smelled of spliff"

smelled of blunt?

smelled of bong?

smelled of crackpipe?

smelled of needle?

Degenerate Monkey		2012-04-16 02:18:49 PM

My first thought.

i.imgur.com

Maybe a bit of a stretch...

FnkyTwn		2012-04-16 02:23:10 PM

He should have stole the Prawns. Those are like little lobsters.

The Martintuckian		2012-04-16 02:32:04 PM

Looks at tag, smacks forehead

BobtheFascist		2012-04-16 02:36:34 PM

OR... Make sure you keep a little cash for munchies.

The Slush		2012-04-16 02:43:17 PM

Degenerate Monkey: My first thought.

My first thought as well. Should've brought Tim along to be the getaway driver.

tophergartman		2012-04-16 03:01:25 PM

At least it was farm3.static.flickr.com

and not

Skyred		2012-04-16 03:17:37 PM

TIL

"Salmon is a tasty fish found in waters of the North Atlantic coasts of North America and Europe"

89 Stick-Up Kid		2012-04-16 03:19:10 PM

scottyvr6		2012-04-16 03:23:42 PM

Damn you Degenerate Monkey, you beat me to it!

Honest Bender		2012-04-16 03:24:47 PM

89 Stick-Up Kid: Atlantic salmon is garbage. Everyone goes for Pacific.

Everything associated with the Atlantic Ocean is dog buns. The Pacific is where it's at. We have the better sea life. We have the better coast line. Better weather. Just... better.

Salmon		2012-04-16 03:33:00 PM

exactly

Hatchet GIR 420		2012-04-16 03:36:10 PM

Honest Bender: 1. Don't skimp on gear. That extra clip of ammo might be expensive, but you can't spend the money if you're dead.
2. Hire a solid rigger. They make good getaway drivers and drones are cool.
3. Invest in a solid fake SIN.
4. Always carry a little bribe money.
5. Don't forget to set your commlink to hidden mode before the op starts.

+1 for the Shadowrun. Fellow geek here.

nightlyraider		2012-04-16 04:11:26 PM

I want some pot that smells like spliff

Gyrfalcon		2012-04-16 04:27:33 PM

dryknife: Salmon is a tasty fish found in waters of the North Atlantic coasts of North America and Europe. The pink-fleshed fish swims from salt to fresh water to spawn and is often grilled and served with buttery sauces.

Salmon, which contains Omega-3 fatty acids and is a good protein source, also can be enjoyed smoked and served with capers, toast points and diced onions.

The Salmon Mulvanerton is accused of stealing is not to be confused with Salmon, a city of 3,300 in central Idaho, or with Leftover Salmon, a jam band that's playing at the Wanee Music Festival in Live Oak on April 21.

Someone was really bored yesterday, I'm guessing. Or really really hates their job.

By Will Greenlee on April 16, 2012 5:00 AM Proof you don't let interns write news stories late Sunday nights.

Oznog		2012-04-16 04:42:41 PM

Degenerate Monkey: My first thought.

[i.imgur.com image 640x406]

Maybe a bit of a stretch...

No, that's exactly what I saw.

LaughingRadish		2012-04-16 05:38:53 PM

There must be a Farker on the staff at TC Palm given the headlines they have. Example: "Charges dumped on pooping woman in Fort Pierce, report states"

AngrySpatula		2012-04-16 06:07:23 PM

Cybernetic: The author of TFA is apparently getting paid by the word. That may be the largest collection of oblique, tangential salmon references ever collected in one article.

Came here to say this and add: That article blew salmon chunks and the author should be fired and lashed.