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(Chicago Sun-Times)   Weather forecasters to denizens of the Midwest: Godspeed, and run if you see Bill Paxton   (suntimes.com) divider line 278
    More: Scary, Bill Paxton, Storm Prediction Center, Southeastern United States, University of Oklahoma, wind direction, National Weather Service, storms  
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9102 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Apr 2012 at 5:19 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-04-14 07:34:59 AM

r1niceboy: Another cow!


I think that was the same one
 
2012-04-14 07:43:06 AM
Somewhere in the midwest today, Reed Timmer and his hetero life-partner Joel Taylor will be sniping at each other, and driving away from the best tornado of the season.
 
2012-04-14 07:43:46 AM
Stay safe Yukon Oklahoma.
 
2012-04-14 07:51:36 AM
As a citizen of Illinois, I'm getting ready for Armageddon
 
2012-04-14 07:53:19 AM
Anyone have a basement in columbia MO?

/living in poorly built student housing
//is actually supposed to go to a baseball game today
///where's the caturday thread when I need it?
 
Skr
2012-04-14 07:55:27 AM
The edge of that weather porkchop of doom is over my area. Not much going on right now, but good luck to everyone else.
 
2012-04-14 07:58:58 AM
Rapture clouds are coming to sample our republicans! The ones they don't like will be thrown back.
 
2012-04-14 08:00:01 AM
I have a full basement here in OKC--complete with two stoves and a bathroom. Fully stocked with beer for all Oklahoma Farkers. But first, the Liverpool and Cardiff matches. It was nice knowing all of you.
 
2012-04-14 08:00:27 AM

Tickle Mittens: Rapture clouds are coming to sample our republicans! The ones they don't like will be thrown back.


It'll be raining men..
 
2012-04-14 08:02:09 AM

NowhereMon: I don't recall ever hearing a forecast like this. They must be getting a really spectacular signal from the models if they are willing to put something like this. Or maybe after the 2011 tornado outbreak they just are trying to get people to pay attention.

Damn glad that Bush didn't sell NOAA to AccuWeather like his advisors wanted.


Wait , are you saying Bush did something right?
 
2012-04-14 08:10:51 AM

svenge: This tornado warning has got nothing on the language used on the Katrina warning...

000
WWUS74 KLIX 281550
NPWLIX

URGENT - WEATHER MESSAGE
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE NEW ORLEANS LA
1011 AM CDT SUN AUG 28, 2005

...DEVASTATING DAMAGE EXPECTED...

.HURRICANE KATRINA...A MOST POWERFUL HURRICANE WITH UNPRECEDENTED
STRENGTH...RIVALING THE INTENSITY OF HURRICANE CAMILLE OF 1969.

MOST OF THE AREA WILL BE UNINHABITABLE FOR WEEKS...PERHAPS LONGER. AT
LEAST ONE HALF OF WELL CONSTRUCTED HOMES WILL HAVE ROOF AND WALL
FAILURE. ALL GABLED ROOFS WILL FAIL...LEAVING THOSE HOMES SEVERELY
DAMAGED OR DESTROYED.

THE MAJORITY OF INDUSTRIAL BUILDINGS WILL BECOME NON FUNCTIONAL.
PARTIAL TO COMPLETE WALL AND ROOF FAILURE IS EXPECTED. ALL WOOD
FRAMED LOW RISING APARTMENT BUILDINGS WILL BE DESTROYED. CONCRETE
BLOCK LOW RISE APARTMENTS WILL SUSTAIN MAJOR DAMAGE...INCLUDING SOME
WALL AND ROOF FAILURE.

HIGH RISE OFFICE AND APARTMENT BUILDINGS WILL SWAY DANGEROUSLY...A
FEW TO THE POINT OF TOTAL COLLAPSE. ALL WINDOWS WILL BLOW OUT.

AIRBORNE DEBRIS WILL BE WIDESPREAD...AND MAY INCLUDE HEAVY ITEMS SUCH
AS HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES AND EVEN LIGHT VEHICLES. SPORT UTILITY VEHICLES
AND LIGHT TRUCKS WILL BE MOVED. THE BLOWN DEBRIS WILL CREATE
ADDITIONAL DESTRUCTION. PERSONS...PETS...AND LIVESTOCK EXPOSED TO THE
WINDS WILL FACE CERTAIN DEATH IF STRUCK.

POWER OUTAGES WILL LAST FOR WEEKS...AS MOST POWER POLES WILL BE DOWN
AND TRANSFORMERS DESTROYED. WATER SHORTAGES WILL MAKE HUMAN SUFFERING
INCREDIBLE BY MODERN STANDARDS.

THE VAST MAJORITY OF NATIVE TREES WILL BE SNAPPED OR UPROOTED. ONLY
THE HEARTIEST WILL REMAIN STANDING...BUT BE TOTALLY DEFOLIATED. FEW
CROPS WILL REMAIN. LIVESTOCK LEFT EXPOSED TO THE WINDS WILL BE
KILLED.

AN INLAND HURRICANE WIND WARNING IS ISSUED WHEN SUSTAINED WINDS NEAR
HURRICANE FORCE...OR FREQUENT GUSTS AT OR ABOVE HURRICANE FORCE...ARE
CERTAIN WITHIN THE NEXT 12 TO 24 HOURS.

ONCE TROPICAL STORM AND HURRICANE FORCE WINDS ONSET...DO NOT VENTURE
OUTSIDE!


And yet hundreds of thousands of people who could leave, stayed.

For you Farkers in the line of fire. Please be safe. If you don't spend the day in a safe place, at least be prepared to get to one at the first signs of the storms coming in. We don't need any Farking tribute threads to dead Farkers.
 
2012-04-14 08:14:10 AM

intelligent comment below: NOAA? Who needs NOAA?

RON PAUL 2012!


STEVE HOLT!
 
2012-04-14 08:14:49 AM
omaha here. never seen a forecast like this. i must admit, i'm a little spooked.
 
2012-04-14 08:19:54 AM

FlashHarry: omaha here. never seen a forecast like this. i must admit, i'm a little spooked.


Stay safe, señor.

/and everyone else in the line of fire today
 
2012-04-14 08:21:04 AM
Whew, St. Louis isn't on that map (for once).

Guess God is giving us a break after that sucktastic Cardinals game yesterday and similarly sucky Blues game Thursday.

Or maybe he's keeping us safe so the Blues stay safe tonight. Who knows...

Folks to the North and West of me. Stay safe.
 
2012-04-14 08:25:50 AM

mainstreet62: FlashHarry: omaha here. never seen a forecast like this. i must admit, i'm a little spooked.

Stay safe, señor.

/and everyone else in the line of fire today


thanks.

we have a generator (and have used it before: we were out of power for FIVE days once in 2008 after a massive storm. five days in a major metropolitan area; that's crazy.) and we have water, flashlights and a bug-out bag. not sure what else we can do except hope it misses us.
 
2012-04-14 08:27:36 AM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Game over, man. GAME OVER


Bravo!! Just pictured Paxton in my mind...
 
2012-04-14 08:28:06 AM

Granolabar: Oh shiat... any Midwestern Farkers want to meet up in a basement for a tornado party?
/I'll bring the beer & guacamole



I have the bomb shelter cleared out. You are more than welcome to join the family.
 
2012-04-14 08:30:14 AM

exvaxman: Granolabar: Oh shiat... any Midwestern Farkers want to meet up in a basement for a tornado party?
/I'll bring the beer & guacamole


I have the bomb shelter cleared out. You are more than welcome to join the family.


Great! The 4 cats and I are on our way! You anywhere near WI?
 
2012-04-14 08:37:53 AM
Thet don't call it Tornado Alley for nothing. Stay safe everyone in the area. I live in central Oklahoma but luckily am going to Austin/San Antonio for the weekend for an OKC Barons road trip.
See folks, hockey can save your life!
 
2012-04-14 08:38:56 AM
"Weather forecasters to denizens of the Midwest: Godspeed, and run if you see Bill Paxton Pullman"

FTFY
 
2012-04-14 08:39:24 AM
One of these times a tornado will actually hit Chicago and then I'm screwed (apartment with no basement) until then I'll just sit here and wish you other farkers the best.
 
2012-04-14 08:41:30 AM
God must be pissed at the people of Kansas and Oklahoma. I wonder what they did? It must have something to do with all those creepy Jesus billboards they have on the sides of the road about him.

blogs.riverfronttimes.com
 
2012-04-14 08:43:39 AM
Live in Kansas City...so really getting a kick...

/Hoping this turns out to be one of those 'You're getting 8 feet of snow and ice' things and it we get flurries for 10 minutes.
 
2012-04-14 08:46:21 AM

Dalek Caan's doomed mistress: Am I the only one that thinks the map looks like a giant cock and balls farking Texas?


DAMN YOU! I just spit coffee all over my toddler!
 
2012-04-14 08:47:36 AM
I live on the fringes of this Dingus of Doom, so I'm getting a kick out of these replies.

NowhereMon: Damn glad that Bush didn't sell NOAA to AccuWeather like his advisors wanted.


I don't know how much Bush's advisors were involved, but Rick "Frothy Mix" Santorum introduced a bill to gut NOAA^ while he was in the Senate. What a coincidence that AccuWeather was a major contributor to his Senate reelection campaign. Pennsylvania voters did us a service in wiping that stain off the Senate floor. Fortunately, the bill died in committee.

From the bill in question:
SEC. 2. DUTIES AND RESPONSIBILITIES OF NATIONAL OCEANIC AND ATMOSPHERIC ADMINISTRATION AND NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE.
[...]
(b) COMPETITION WITH PRIVATE SECTOR- The Secretary of Commerce shall not provide, or assist other entities in providing, a product or service (other than a product or service described in subsection (a)(1)) that is or could be provided by the private sector unless--

(1) the Secretary determines that the private sector is unwilling or unable to provide such product or service; or

(2) the United States Government is obligated to provide such product or service under international aviation agreements to provide meteorological services and exchange meteorological information.


In other words, "Herpity derp, we can't have government agencies competing with for-profit operations!" No free radar maps for you, citizen! NOT YOURS!
 
2012-04-14 08:49:26 AM

burninbeaver: God must be pissed at the people of Kansas and Oklahoma. I wonder what they did? It must have something to do with all those creepy Jesus billboards they have on the sides of the road about him.

[blogs.riverfronttimes.com image 558x720]


Every time I have to drive through Kansas and Oklahoma, I see a ton of signs doing nothing but condemning me to hell or proclaiming some variation on "America! Fark Yeah!" or "America! Fark You!"

You'd think people would have better things to do, wouldn't they?
 
2012-04-14 08:51:55 AM

Alphax: Tickle Mittens: Rapture clouds are coming to sample our republicans! The ones they don't like will be thrown back.

It'll be raining men..


HALLELUJAH!
 
2012-04-14 08:53:21 AM
Meanwhile, the Sun-Times gives us a complete fail by not even providing a link to the NWS site where the map came from. I suppose that they could pass the blame on to AP, but still, haven't they heard of hyperlinks?
 
2012-04-14 08:57:04 AM
It's already been said, but please be careful today if you live in Oklahoma or especially if you live in Nebraska. You have perfect supercell conditions settling on you. It's very likely there will be an EF5 on the ground today, or as likely as it can be that the most rare weather phenomenon is going to happen. You've got good instability, a LOT of shear and even more helicity, so those supercells that fire are going to be tornadic.

Keep an eye on the radar.
 
2012-04-14 09:00:13 AM

Fubegra: Meanwhile, the Sun-Times gives us a complete fail by not even providing a link to the NWS site where the map came from. I suppose that they could pass the blame on to AP, but still, haven't they heard of hyperlinks?


Link

SPC forecast. 45% tornado chance in Nebraska, meaning that there is a 45% chance of there being a tornado on the ground within 25 miles of any point in that area. The hatched area means there is a 10% chance or greater of that tornado being EF2 or higher.
 
2012-04-14 09:02:04 AM
Paxton or Pullman? One of them should change their name.
 
2012-04-14 09:02:27 AM

BeatrixK: Live in Kansas City...so really getting a kick...

/Hoping this turns out to be one of those 'You're getting 8 feet of snow and ice' things and it we get flurries for 10 minutes.


It isn't spring to me unless Katie Horner is interrupting something I like watch to tell me about a thunderstorm more than 100 miles from KC.

Yeah I know she's not on anymore but I still like making fun.
 
2012-04-14 09:07:53 AM
A high categorical severe outlook has nothing to do with the new dire language the NWS will be using in individual storm warnings. This is an extremely rare event.

I hope it's not a bust so that people can see just how accurate and necessary the Storm Prediction Center is (hint: they're usually spot on). Hopefully this can happen with no property damage or loss of life.
 
2012-04-14 09:09:17 AM
I can't really see the map, but I'm minus my contact lens, hence blind. And of course, my fiancé is at his station today...I'll be bringing in the plants and lawn furniture soon.

/Tulsa Farker
//woo springtime in Oklahoma
 
2012-04-14 09:15:18 AM
Suck my dick, I'm a shark!
i.imgur.com
 
2012-04-14 09:24:40 AM

Craps the Gorilla: NowhereMon: I don't recall ever hearing a forecast like this. They must be getting a really spectacular signal from the models if they are willing to put something like this. Or maybe after the 2011 tornado outbreak they just are trying to get people to pay attention.

Damn glad that Bush didn't sell NOAA to AccuWeather like his advisors wanted.

I remember reading recently on fark, that the weather service is going to issue more grim warnings of tornadoes and such since many Morans out there never take the lighter warnings seriously


Yes, but TFA says that this warning is not part of that effort.
 
2012-04-14 09:24:59 AM
H O L D F A S T
 
2012-04-14 09:25:00 AM

Bit'O'Gristle: As a citizen of Illinois, I'm getting ready for Armageddon


Where abouts in IL? I'll wave at ya when I'm getting blown by.
 
2012-04-14 09:27:21 AM
Not a great time for my parents to be visiting my sister and her family in Lawrence, KS.
 
2012-04-14 09:29:30 AM

sovietski: I can't really see the map, but I'm minus my contact lens, hence blind. And of course, my fiancé is at his station today...I'll be bringing in the plants and lawn furniture soon.

/Tulsa Farker
//woo springtime in Oklahoma

Hey Tulsa Farker! I'm working at 54th and Yale. I have two different radars running in the background. I'm allowing myself 25 minutes before TSHTF to get home to Sapulpa. I've already lost one home to a tornado (mine was the only doublewide in the trailer park in Catoosa '93). The church behind us will be open for shelter.

Stay safe!

 
2012-04-14 09:37:55 AM

Spaced Lion: Well, what did you expect after Dethklok played that show in Omaha?


They're still playing. This is part of the afternoon set.
 
2012-04-14 09:41:01 AM
Well, last night, the Des Moines CBS affiliate (KCCI) was reporting that if Des Moines turs all bright ad sunny this afternoon, all that severe shiat could easily shift east to over us.

KCCI has a pretty good weather team, but they tend to get super intense around tornado and blizzard seasons, especially their chief meteorologist, John McLaughlin. Every time we have severe weather here, it's like he's running around the weather department with a raging hard on, cutting into regular programming every three minutes or so with the breatless details of the latest doppler radar scans.
 
2012-04-14 09:46:30 AM
Looks like Tornado Alley has been upgraded to Tornado Freeway.

Stay safe everyone.
 
2012-04-14 09:49:29 AM
I survived yesterday, but my underwear didn't. Not sure what I'm going to do today. Stay safe everyone.
 
2012-04-14 09:56:06 AM
Here it comes now.
 
2012-04-14 10:00:22 AM
TWC's Exclusive TOR:CON index
Saturday April 14
KS east - 8
(new window)

TOR:CON Value Descriptions
8:High probability of a tornado

/well isn't that just super
 
2012-04-14 10:08:29 AM
and run if you see Bill Paxton

if you see Helen Hunt, tell her to call me. Girl is totally AWOL. kthxbai

Helen Hunt's agent
 
2012-04-14 10:14:34 AM
I just want to tell you both good luck. We're all counting on you.
 
2012-04-14 10:38:30 AM
To be clear Subby, this is alot more Plains than Midwest.
 
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