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(Chicago Sun-Times)   Weather forecasters to denizens of the Midwest: Godspeed, and run if you see Bill Paxton   (suntimes.com) divider line 278
    More: Scary, Bill Paxton, Storm Prediction Center, Southeastern United States, University of Oklahoma, wind direction, National Weather Service, storms  
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9118 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Apr 2012 at 5:19 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-04-14 12:13:39 AM
I don't recall ever hearing a forecast like this. They must be getting a really spectacular signal from the models if they are willing to put something like this. Or maybe after the 2011 tornado outbreak they just are trying to get people to pay attention.

Damn glad that Bush didn't sell NOAA to AccuWeather like his advisors wanted.
 
2012-04-14 12:13:56 AM
The SPC is usually dead on when they forecast even a moderate risk. The headline accurately sums up high risk. Stay safe and watch the skies.
 
2012-04-14 12:29:52 AM
Game over, man. GAME OVER
 
2012-04-14 12:30:59 AM
Cow!
 
2012-04-14 12:53:56 AM
Another cow!
 
2012-04-14 01:26:31 AM
Third cow!
 
2012-04-14 02:02:01 AM
 
2012-04-14 03:02:01 AM
shiat ain't gonna happen here in Wichita. I guaranfarkingtee it.
 
2012-04-14 04:51:56 AM
FTFA: This weekend's outbreak could be a "high-end, life threatening event," the center said.

That sounds pretty classy, terrifying.
 
2012-04-14 05:09:21 AM
You spelled "Jim Cantore" wrong. That guy shows up and makes the Four Horsemen cancel hotel reservations.
 
2012-04-14 05:20:36 AM

Mr. Coffee Nerves: You spelled "Jim Cantore" wrong. That guy shows up and makes the Four Horsemen cancel hotel reservations.


I lol'd.
 
2012-04-14 05:24:30 AM
*kicks back and enjoys not living in the midwest*

Try not to die, dust bowlers. Go hide somewhere.
 
2012-04-14 05:25:01 AM

Mr. Coffee Nerves: You spelled "Jim Cantore" wrong.


Sorry, but I'll only ever think of Cantore as someone who blows his load over thunder in a snowstorm.

Paxton got his spine ripped out by a Predator. The winner is clear.
 
2012-04-14 05:27:15 AM

ArtosRC: Mr. Coffee Nerves: You spelled "Jim Cantore" wrong.

Sorry, but I'll only ever think of Cantore as someone who blows his load over thunder in a snowstorm.

Paxton got his spine ripped out by a Predator. The winner is clear.


All you need is Jim Reed.
 
2012-04-14 05:31:46 AM

cheap_thoughts: All you need is Jim Reed.


This guy? (new window) He's got a set on him, that's for sure.
 
2012-04-14 05:32:27 AM
Stay safe today, chasers

Get the good bids to weather channel.
 
2012-04-14 05:34:23 AM
Am I the only one that thinks the map looks like a giant cock and balls farking Texas?
 
2012-04-14 05:36:02 AM
http://www.spc.noaa.gov/products/outlook/day1otlk.html

Central Nebraska is as farked as someone attached to Peter North.
 
2012-04-14 05:36:47 AM
Why should my tax dollars go to these people and their bad life choices?
 
2012-04-14 05:36:52 AM

summersa74: http://www.spc.noaa.gov/products/outlook/day1otlk.html


Now with linky goodness! (new window)
 
2012-04-14 05:38:57 AM
Things I've done while driving and still being able to drive better than 95% of people on the road:

Eat
Drink(no alcohol)
Tie shoes(both).. left foot much easier
Text
Talk on phone
Roll a joint
Get a blow job(not to completion)
Apply eye drops
Change shirts
Pee in a poland spring water bottle
Cut the top off a Poland spring water bottle with a razor knife
Vomit
Drive without sitting(due to hot coffee spillage)

Dam thought I had more..gotta think about it
 
2012-04-14 05:41:01 AM
Watch the skies, traveler.
 
2012-04-14 05:43:00 AM
Thanks for the random off-topic bragging, publikenemy. Reading that certainly took my mind off of the fact that I've apparently got a 15% chance of my roof blowing away tomorrow.
 
2012-04-14 05:44:45 AM
NOAA? Who needs NOAA?

RON PAUL 2012!
 
2012-04-14 05:45:43 AM
This being the second time in history the Center has ever issued a warning like this, it looks like there's gonna be a massive outbreak of redneck divorces this weekend. Good luck all you double wide residents.
 
2012-04-14 05:46:22 AM

intelligent comment below: NOAA? Who needs NOAA?

RON PAUL 2012!


I wholeheartedly agree. Now lemme go check my mailbox for my gubmint entitlement check.
 
2012-04-14 05:52:08 AM
Guess I'll call and tell all of my family to go hide in a cellar somewhere.

Sometimes I really miss living in the midwest with its crazy storms. Nothing like feeling your house is inside a car wash, with no electricity except random blue strobing from lighting. I also used to love watched a massive storm front come in, with the wind picking up and the smell of ozone...sigh.

Here in England, when we get rain, it's like standing in front of a mister fan. Not the same at all. Although saying that, it did hail yesterday, but it was safe to stand outside.
 
2012-04-14 06:02:09 AM
These storms were a lot more fun before i was married and had a daughter
 
2012-04-14 06:20:31 AM
sorry, wrong thread
 
2012-04-14 06:24:12 AM

publikenemy: Things I've done while driving and still being able to drive better than 95% of people on the road:

Eat
Drink(no alcohol)
Tie shoes(both).. left foot much easier
Text
Talk on phone
Roll a joint
Get a blow job(not to completion)
Apply eye drops
Change shirts
Pee in a poland spring water bottle
Cut the top off a Poland spring water bottle with a razor knife
Vomit
Drive without sitting(due to hot coffee spillage)

Dam thought I had more..gotta think about it


Well, maybe today you'll have the opportunity to shiat yourself during a storm. We're all rooting for you!
 
2012-04-14 06:24:25 AM

Dalek Caan's doomed mistress: Am I the only one that thinks the map looks like a giant cock and balls farking Texas?


I was thinking the same thing.
 
2012-04-14 06:29:42 AM
That movie sucked.
 
2012-04-14 06:34:29 AM

NowhereMon: I don't recall ever hearing a forecast like this. They must be getting a really spectacular signal from the models if they are willing to put something like this. Or maybe after the 2011 tornado outbreak they just are trying to get people to pay attention.

Damn glad that Bush didn't sell NOAA to AccuWeather like his advisors wanted.


I remember reading recently on fark, that the weather service is going to issue more grim warnings of tornadoes and such since many Morans out there never take the lighter warnings seriously
 
2012-04-14 06:39:17 AM
Has Pat Roberts chimed in yet? I am curious about the root causes of this tornado outbreak.
 
2012-04-14 06:43:09 AM
run if you see Bill Paxton

They say that every year
 
2012-04-14 06:48:07 AM
Oh shiat... any Midwestern Farkers want to meet up in a basement for a tornado party?
/I'll bring the beer & guacamole
//please no one bring the chainsaw
 
2012-04-14 06:50:09 AM
Well, what did you expect after Dethklok played that show in Omaha?
 
2012-04-14 06:51:03 AM

Spaced Lion: Well, what did you expect after Dethklok played that show in Omaha?


+1000. Brutal.
 
2012-04-14 06:51:25 AM

starsrift: Dalek Caan's doomed mistress: Am I the only one that thinks the map looks like a giant cock and balls farking Texas?

I was thinking the same thing.


Well, governor Rick prayed for rain. Maybe now he's gonna get some.
 
2012-04-14 07:04:33 AM
This tornado warning has got nothing on the language used on the Katrina warning...

000
WWUS74 KLIX 281550
NPWLIX

URGENT - WEATHER MESSAGE
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE NEW ORLEANS LA
1011 AM CDT SUN AUG 28, 2005

...DEVASTATING DAMAGE EXPECTED...

.HURRICANE KATRINA...A MOST POWERFUL HURRICANE WITH UNPRECEDENTED
STRENGTH...RIVALING THE INTENSITY OF HURRICANE CAMILLE OF 1969.

MOST OF THE AREA WILL BE UNINHABITABLE FOR WEEKS...PERHAPS LONGER. AT
LEAST ONE HALF OF WELL CONSTRUCTED HOMES WILL HAVE ROOF AND WALL
FAILURE. ALL GABLED ROOFS WILL FAIL...LEAVING THOSE HOMES SEVERELY
DAMAGED OR DESTROYED.

THE MAJORITY OF INDUSTRIAL BUILDINGS WILL BECOME NON FUNCTIONAL.
PARTIAL TO COMPLETE WALL AND ROOF FAILURE IS EXPECTED. ALL WOOD
FRAMED LOW RISING APARTMENT BUILDINGS WILL BE DESTROYED. CONCRETE
BLOCK LOW RISE APARTMENTS WILL SUSTAIN MAJOR DAMAGE...INCLUDING SOME
WALL AND ROOF FAILURE.

HIGH RISE OFFICE AND APARTMENT BUILDINGS WILL SWAY DANGEROUSLY...A
FEW TO THE POINT OF TOTAL COLLAPSE. ALL WINDOWS WILL BLOW OUT.

AIRBORNE DEBRIS WILL BE WIDESPREAD...AND MAY INCLUDE HEAVY ITEMS SUCH
AS HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES AND EVEN LIGHT VEHICLES. SPORT UTILITY VEHICLES
AND LIGHT TRUCKS WILL BE MOVED. THE BLOWN DEBRIS WILL CREATE
ADDITIONAL DESTRUCTION. PERSONS...PETS...AND LIVESTOCK EXPOSED TO THE
WINDS WILL FACE CERTAIN DEATH IF STRUCK.

POWER OUTAGES WILL LAST FOR WEEKS...AS MOST POWER POLES WILL BE DOWN
AND TRANSFORMERS DESTROYED. WATER SHORTAGES WILL MAKE HUMAN SUFFERING
INCREDIBLE BY MODERN STANDARDS.

THE VAST MAJORITY OF NATIVE TREES WILL BE SNAPPED OR UPROOTED. ONLY
THE HEARTIEST WILL REMAIN STANDING...BUT BE TOTALLY DEFOLIATED. FEW
CROPS WILL REMAIN. LIVESTOCK LEFT EXPOSED TO THE WINDS WILL BE
KILLED.

AN INLAND HURRICANE WIND WARNING IS ISSUED WHEN SUSTAINED WINDS NEAR
HURRICANE FORCE...OR FREQUENT GUSTS AT OR ABOVE HURRICANE FORCE...ARE
CERTAIN WITHIN THE NEXT 12 TO 24 HOURS.

ONCE TROPICAL STORM AND HURRICANE FORCE WINDS ONSET...DO NOT VENTURE
OUTSIDE!
 
2012-04-14 07:07:04 AM

Granolabar: Oh shiat... any Midwestern Farkers want to meet up in a basement for a tornado party?
/I'll bring the beer & guacamole
//please no one bring the chainsaw


I've got the whiskey!

Well, till I finish off this bottle anyway. *hic*
 
2012-04-14 07:07:05 AM
twister whizzed by the nation's tornado forecasting headquarters but caused little damage.

Them tempests are getting smarter. Going after our nerve center.
 
2012-04-14 07:07:29 AM
991.com


Love that song. It was the first guitar riff I remember falling in love with.
 
2012-04-14 07:09:38 AM

Mr. Coffee Nerves: Canto


This!
 
2012-04-14 07:12:20 AM
F5!

F5!

dtrtministries.com
 
2012-04-14 07:20:11 AM
(Fires up Weatherbug on the iPhone, brings up weather map) Crap.
 
2012-04-14 07:23:46 AM
Piffle. TFA just reflects that the NWS is starting to use the same set of extreme adjectives in weather forecasting that have become all too dismally common in the rest of the media. Once we get to the point where "OMG, Obama got a devastating and unsurvivable ingrown toenail!" what will we use for the winds that will blow thereafter?
 
2012-04-14 07:23:47 AM
They did an excellant job warning eastern NC last April 16th. My school blew away that day. We are still in trailers, but no one died.
 
2012-04-14 07:28:07 AM

the_colors: Granolabar: Oh shiat... any Midwestern Farkers want to meet up in a basement for a tornado party?
/I'll bring the beer & guacamole
//please no one bring the chainsaw

I've got the whiskey!

Well, till I finish off this bottle anyway. *hic*


Hey, save some for the rest of us. If my car blows away, Ima need something stronger than beer.
 
2012-04-14 07:29:39 AM

ArtosRC: cheap_thoughts: All you need is Jim Reed.

This guy? (new window) He's got a set on him, that's for sure.


He's a moron, an adrenalin junkie. I would have zero (that's 0) sympathy if he'd gotten his ticket punched for a ride to Munchkinland.
 
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