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(Yahoo)   Louis Farrakhan says "Jesus was a black man." Well, Jesus liked Gospel, called everyone "brother" and couldn't get a fair trial, so it may be true   (news.yahoo.com) divider line 297
    More: Unlikely, Jesus Is, Farrakhan, black Muslim, fair trial, gospels, College Democrats of America, eternal life, u.s. congressman  
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3549 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Apr 2012 at 9:12 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-04-13 02:01:20 AM
He also says that Jesus was a Muslim. Wait--a charismatic black Muslim who is widely respected by his fervent followers, but vehemently diliked by his detractors? And all this time I thought right-wing Christians were being sarcastic when they called Obama "the messiah."
 
2012-04-13 02:55:06 AM
That attractive and successful Nubian owes me five bucks!
 
2012-04-13 03:10:57 AM
+1, Subs.
 
2012-04-13 03:37:41 AM
Holy black Jesus, there's not enough facepalm in the world for the insanity that comes out of this guy's mouth.
 
2012-04-13 03:52:55 AM
"Jesus was a black man."

I imagine he looks like Richard Roundtree in the Shaft years.

/keep the faith, baby!
 
2012-04-13 04:30:56 AM
Who cares what Farrakhan has to say about anything.

Oh, yeah. Conservatives.
 
2012-04-13 05:14:12 AM
Santa Claus is black, too.
 
2012-04-13 05:56:37 AM
Jesus coming from the middle east was probably a brown man thus pissing off both the whites and blacks.
 
2012-04-13 06:54:39 AM

Petit_Merdeux: Santa Claus is black, too.


And the Easter Bunny is Chinese.
 
2012-04-13 07:05:03 AM
Bravo, subby.

i305.photobucket.com
 
2012-04-13 07:18:58 AM
The tooth fairy is blue. I know. I woke up at night and saw her once when I was six. Why the hell does anybody care what color Louis Farrakhan thinks his sky fairy is? Maybe, just maybe, he woke up one day and saw him?
 
2012-04-13 07:30:28 AM

PreMortem: Who cares what Farrakhan has to say about anything.

Oh, yeah. Conservatives.


Well, they can't be butthurt about what he says if they don't listen carefully to everything he says so they can find something to be butthurt about.
 
2012-04-13 09:13:35 AM
He is certainly closer to the mark than the depictions I've seen in dozens of churches where he looks like an emaciated Swede.
 
2012-04-13 09:13:50 AM

GAT_00: PreMortem: Who cares what Farrakhan has to say about anything.

Oh, yeah. Conservatives.

Well, they can't be butthurt about what he says if they don't listen carefully to everything he says so they can find something to be butthurt about.


They should just admit it hurts because they keep sticking things there.
 
2012-04-13 09:15:16 AM
He's probably one of those supertards that think that blacks and native Americans are the real Jewish diaspora and those we know as Jews are actually demons.
 
2012-04-13 09:15:32 AM

robmilmel: "Jesus was a black man."

I imagine he looks like Richard Roundtree in the Shaft years.

/keep the faith, baby!


Who you talkin bout?
 
2012-04-13 09:16:31 AM
He was also poor. And had an illegitimate child so yeah, I can see that.
 
2012-04-13 09:16:59 AM
PreMortem: Who cares what Farrakhan has to say about anything.

Oh, yeah. Conservatives. Lazy racists who want to blame the white man for everything wrong with their lives, and every perceived ill in the world.


There. Fixed that for you.
 
2012-04-13 09:17:11 AM
Yeah, and this is the hot rod he built me:

www.bradsburgers.com
 
2012-04-13 09:17:15 AM

gilgigamesh: He is certainly closer to the mark than the depictions I've seen in dozens of churches where he looks like an emaciated Swede.


I usually see him depicted as kind-of an oak-y color

/especially up front in Catholic churches
 
2012-04-13 09:17:24 AM
Jesus probably looked much like a modern Palestinian or Israeli.

The American/European white Jesus is hilarious, he looks like Gregg Allman if he ever showered.
 
2012-04-13 09:17:51 AM
..but but the bible told me that Jesus was a blonde haired, blue eyed Nordic fellow. It even had pictures!
God would not have made his only son anything less than Aryan!
 
2012-04-13 09:18:02 AM
Subby starts the day with a flame bang.

/tips hat
 
2012-04-13 09:18:36 AM
Good one, subby. +1
 
2012-04-13 09:19:19 AM
Brown curly hair, nasally voice, sneezes alot due to allergies, complains about the weather, gifted comedian.
 
2012-04-13 09:19:39 AM
The obvious answer to this idms that there are two separate but ewual heavens. One with Black Jesus, and one with Matthew McConaughay (however you spell it) Jesus

/Allright, allright, allright
 
2012-04-13 09:20:15 AM

indylaw: He's probably one of those supertards that think that blacks and native Americans are the real Jewish diaspora and those we know as Jews are actually demons.


WTF did I just read?
 
2012-04-13 09:20:18 AM
www.israelshamir.net

Not so much black as middle eastern. Almost like he was born, lived, and died in the middle east.

/Who the fark cares what color skin he had?
 
2012-04-13 09:20:30 AM
I thought he was dead, and now he is resurrected? Farrakhan, not Jesus.
 
2012-04-13 09:21:34 AM

s1ugg0: [www.israelshamir.net image 220x242]

Not so much black as middle eastern. Almost like he was born, lived, and died in the middle east.

/Who the fark cares what color skin he had?


Conservatives. They also think the Bible was written in English.
 
2012-04-13 09:22:32 AM

Cyberluddite: He also says that Jesus was a Muslim. Wait--a charismatic black Muslim who is widely respected by his fervent followers, but vehemently diliked by his detractors? And all this time I thought right-wing Christians were being sarcastic when they called Obama "the messiah."


Like the time Archie Bunker had the black man sitting in his chair talking about religion. The black man tells Archie of course Jesus was black. Everyone knows Jesus was an Ethiopian. Archie counters, Now hold on a minute here. The Ethiopians say he was Ethiopian, the Presbyterians say he was Presbyterian. . .
Those were the days .
 
2012-04-13 09:22:42 AM
This guy would probably lose his shiat if you told him tha Jesus was a Jew.
 
2012-04-13 09:22:44 AM
Evidence Jesus Was Jewish

- He went into his father's business.
- He lived at home until he was 33.
- He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure he was God.

Link (new window)
 
2012-04-13 09:23:09 AM
Hey guys, is this the thread where all the Liberals roll their eyes at Farrakhan and wish he'd just go away, while all the Conservatives accuse all the Liberals of slurping on his schnocker?
 
2012-04-13 09:23:17 AM
Black? Not likely

The romanticized European Renaissance fair skinned white dude? Nah.

A tad to the swarthy side? Getting warmer...
 
2012-04-13 09:23:32 AM

s1ugg0: /Who the fark cares what color skin he had?


Racists?
 
2012-04-13 09:23:34 AM

indylaw: He's probably one of those supertards that think that blacks and native Americans are the real Jewish diaspora and those we know as Jews are actually demons.


No more or less retarded than any other superstition.
 
2012-04-13 09:24:18 AM
Yeah, I'm guessing Monty Python's depiction of the life and times of Jesus would (with the exception of the alien invasion and the Latin language professor guard) be the most accurate picture a modern person is likely to come across.

So, tan skin, dark hair, brown eyes? I'm going to go out on a limb here and call the biblical Jesus a shiat-disturbing radical reformer fundamentalist Jew. That's probably why the Temples of the time weren't so keen on him.
 
2012-04-13 09:24:29 AM

Fireproof: This guy would probably lose his shiat if you told him tha Jesus was a Jew.


That really upsets some people but it is true.
 
2012-04-13 09:24:53 AM

The Mothership was piloted by "Black men 4 1/2 feet tall." (I don't know where the women were during those extended orbits.)

There were 1500 "baby planes" on the Mothership, each plane possessing three bombs.

Those bombs had drills on their tips and, when deployed, would drill a mile deep beneath the surface and, upon explosion, force up a mountain a mile high.

The Messenger taught that such bombs were used to separate the Moon from the Earth 66 trillion years ago.

The Honorable Elijah Muhammad taught that Ezekiel's vision of wheels was a vision of the Mothership.

The 4500 bombs would all strike land. None, Mr. Muhammad taught, would fall into water.

America was the first nation the Mothership would attack. Before striking and releasing its bombs, it would drop leaflets printed in English and Arabic warning of the coming destruction.

Some unspecified time later it would emit a high-pitched, piercing sound to warn that the attack is imminent. At that point, it was too late. The destruction would commence.
 
2012-04-13 09:25:04 AM
That can't possibly be true since Jesus never existed.
 
2012-04-13 09:25:19 AM

thurstonxhowell: indylaw: He's probably one of those supertards that think that blacks and native Americans are the real Jewish diaspora and those we know as Jews are actually demons.

WTF did I just read?


Black Hebrew Israelites (new window)
 
2012-04-13 09:25:36 AM

gilgigamesh: He is certainly closer to the mark than the depictions I've seen in dozens of churches where he looks like an emaciated Swede.


Fun fact: Almost every culture has paintings of Jesus looking like them. I've seen ones of Jesus looking Chinese.
 
2012-04-13 09:26:08 AM
FTA:
"Farrakhan has previously called white people "potential humans who have not fully evolved" and referred to Jewish groups as a "synagogue of Satan.""

I see the dude has a lot of opinions and not so much basis to them.
 
2012-04-13 09:27:45 AM

Fireproof: gilgigamesh: He is certainly closer to the mark than the depictions I've seen in dozens of churches where he looks like an emaciated Swede.

Fun fact: Almost every culture has paintings of Jesus looking like them. I've seen ones of Jesus looking Chinese.


To be fair, I'm sure he loved Chinese food.
 
2012-04-13 09:27:50 AM

s1ugg0: [www.israelshamir.net image 220x242]

Not so much black as middle eastern. Almost like he was born, lived, and died in the middle east.

/Who the fark cares what color skin he had?


Whomever spent generations changing him into Fabio.
 
2012-04-13 09:27:51 AM
And yet this is still the most common depiction of Jesus that Western Christians use.

1.bp.blogspot.com

Even in movies he's this white.
 
2012-04-13 09:28:35 AM

Jake Havechek: The Mothership was piloted by "Black men 4 1/2 feet tall." (I don't know where the women were during those extended orbits.)

There were 1500 "baby planes" on the Mothership, each plane possessing three bombs.

Those bombs had drills on their tips and, when deployed, would drill a mile deep beneath the surface and, upon explosion, force up a mountain a mile high.

The Messenger taught that such bombs were used to separate the Moon from the Earth 66 trillion years ago.

The Honorable Elijah Muhammad taught that Ezekiel's vision of wheels was a vision of the Mothership.

The 4500 bombs would all strike land. None, Mr. Muhammad taught, would fall into water.

America was the first nation the Mothership would attack. Before striking and releasing its bombs, it would drop leaflets printed in English and Arabic warning of the coming destruction.

Some unspecified time later it would emit a high-pitched, piercing sound to warn that the attack is imminent. At that point, it was too late. The destruction would commence.


Care to tell us what that's from? Is it by Farrakhan?
 
2012-04-13 09:29:23 AM

fozziewazzi: And yet this is still the most common depiction of Jesus that Western Christians use.

[1.bp.blogspot.com image 362x450]

Even in movies he's this white.


No, that's Captain Faramir of Gondor.
 
2012-04-13 09:30:20 AM
And behold! He turned the water into Cult 45! Mark2:25
 
2012-04-13 09:30:41 AM
Weird, he's one of those guys I would have sworn was dead.
 
2012-04-13 09:31:09 AM
 
2012-04-13 09:31:36 AM
Fireproof: Jake Havechek: The Mothership was piloted by "Black men 4 1/2 feet tall." (I don't know where the women were during those extended orbits.)

There were 1500 "baby planes" on the Mothership, each plane possessing three bombs.

Those bombs had drills on their tips and, when deployed, would drill a mile deep beneath the surface and, upon explosion, force up a mountain a mile high.

The Messenger taught that such bombs were used to separate the Moon from the Earth 66 trillion years ago.

The Honorable Elijah Muhammad taught that Ezekiel's vision of wheels was a vision of the Mothership.

The 4500 bombs would all strike land. None, Mr. Muhammad taught, would fall into water.

America was the first nation the Mothership would attack. Before striking and releasing its bombs, it would drop leaflets printed in English and Arabic warning of the coming destruction.

Some unspecified time later it would emit a high-pitched, piercing sound to warn that the attack is imminent. At that point, it was too late. The destruction would commence.

Care to tell us what that's from? Is it by Farrakhan?


Those are the religious beliefs of the Nation of Islam. Basically, they're a cheaper and blacker version of Scientology.
 
2012-04-13 09:32:50 AM
i12.photobucket.com
 
2012-04-13 09:33:23 AM

Doink_Boink: Weird, he's one of those guys I would have sworn was dead.


Yeah for about 2,000 years now.
 
2012-04-13 09:34:09 AM

BronyMedic: Those are the religious beliefs of the Nation of Islam. Basically, they're a cheaper and blacker version of Scientology.


"Most English translations of the Quran are written with English on one side of the page and Arabic on the other. The Mothership's leaflets, then, really refer to the Quran. Once a person achieves trance/Mothership consciousness she can understand the Quran at a very different level."
 
2012-04-13 09:35:34 AM
It seems that if we ignore Farrakhan, he still wont go away.

Maybe start laughing? Whenever he speaks in public, just laugh at him, loudly and obnoxiously? There really is no winning move for him, at that point.
 
2012-04-13 09:35:57 AM
Just another religious/ethnic/fill in the blank nutter who expects whatever he's says is completely accurate. . From the bible thumpers who announce that God spoke to them directly and commanded the followers to pay for a mega church.
Or the group whose leader announced when life would end on Earth and only his chosen followers would be saved. Freedom of speech is in the Bill of Rights, there is no mention of Freedom of Stupidity.
 
2012-04-13 09:37:08 AM

indylaw: thurstonxhowell: indylaw: He's probably one of those supertards that think that blacks and native Americans are the real Jewish diaspora and those we know as Jews are actually demons.

WTF did I just read?

Black Hebrew Israelites (new window)


Well, if you take out the black and antisemitic part, that kinda sounds like the Book of Mormon^
 
2012-04-13 09:37:44 AM
No, Jesus was Batman.
 
2012-04-13 09:38:40 AM

fozziewazzi: And yet this is still the most common depiction of Jesus that Western Christians use.

[1.bp.blogspot.com image 362x450]

Even in movies he's this white.


No, I'm pretty sure that's the bass player from Genesis.
 
2012-04-13 09:39:24 AM
Go to Target and get some underwear a size or two larger than you are currently wearing.
 
2012-04-13 09:39:28 AM

fozziewazzi: Even in movies he's this white.


Because dark people are SCARY.
 
2012-04-13 09:39:57 AM

Fireproof: Jake Havechek: The Mothership was piloted by "Black men 4 1/2 feet tall." (I don't know where the women were during those extended orbits.)

There were 1500 "baby planes" on the Mothership, each plane possessing three bombs.

Those bombs had drills on their tips and, when deployed, would drill a mile deep beneath the surface and, upon explosion, force up a mountain a mile high.

The Messenger taught that such bombs were used to separate the Moon from the Earth 66 trillion years ago.

The Honorable Elijah Muhammad taught that Ezekiel's vision of wheels was a vision of the Mothership.

The 4500 bombs would all strike land. None, Mr. Muhammad taught, would fall into water.

America was the first nation the Mothership would attack. Before striking and releasing its bombs, it would drop leaflets printed in English and Arabic warning of the coming destruction.

Some unspecified time later it would emit a high-pitched, piercing sound to warn that the attack is imminent. At that point, it was too late. The destruction would commence.

Care to tell us what that's from? Is it by Farrakhan?


www.soundfinder.jp
The only mothership full of black folks that concerns me. I like to imagine the day where Bootsie Collins kicks Farrakhan off of his mothership.
 
2012-04-13 09:39:58 AM

Unsung_Hero: Yeah, I'm guessing Monty Python's depiction of the life and times of Jesus would (with the exception of the alien invasion and the Latin language professor guard) be the most accurate picture a modern person is likely to come across.

So, tan skin, dark hair, brown eyes? I'm going to go out on a limb here and call the biblical Jesus a shiat-disturbing radical reformer fundamentalist Jew. That's probably why the Temples of the time weren't so keen on him.


See I've always detected a hint of wicked sense of humor in the almighty, so I'm quite sure when say a klansman or a member of Aryan nation dies and reaches the Pearly Gates, Jesus comes out to greet them looking like 1970's Issac Hayes or Jim Brown, though he probably goes more "natural" when it's time to welcome an old Nazi war Criminal or Al-Qaeda member
 
2012-04-13 09:40:07 AM

fozziewazzi: And yet this is still the most common depiction of Jesus that Western Christians use.

[1.bp.blogspot.com image 362x450]

Even in movies he's this white.


That picture is bullshiat. His hair was lighter and he had blue eyes.
 
2012-04-13 09:40:44 AM

fozziewazzi: And yet this is still the most common depiction of Jesus that Western Christians use.

[1.bp.blogspot.com image 362x450]

Even in movies he's this white.


Enlighten us. What is with the depictions of the dude with his heart exposed, thorns poking into it, and blood dripping from it?
And the radioactive glow?
I can't for the life of me figure out what the fark that is supposed to inspire outside of come monkey jamming voo doo fears upon an unejumacated population.
I mean, I go to some Papist's house and they got there these black velvet paintings with the heart. Just the farking heart, and thorns jammed into it and blood dripping and a radioactive glow and if you didn't know they were already farked in the head for being christian, you'd be like these people need some serious help. Of course they do. But WTF is with the commonality of the display of a human organ as such?
Can I start my own religeon and use a penis like that?

And don't reply all snark like you're from the people who use a vag full of sand for your symbolism.
I figure a disembodied cawk with barbed wire jammed into it and blood dripping off of it would be jsut the thing to inspire followers to live a peaceful and generous life.

Oh, that sounds sick?

But the heat, that's ok?
 
2012-04-13 09:41:02 AM
Debeo Summa Credo: fozziewazzi: And yet this is still the most common depiction of Jesus that Western Christians use.

[1.bp.blogspot.com image 362x450]

Even in movies he's this white.

That picture is bullshiat. His hair was lighter and he had blue eyes.


That's also bullshiat. He also had a stubby mustache and yelled "SEEN KYLE" at everyone while showing them how tall Kyle is.
 
2012-04-13 09:41:19 AM

fozziewazzi: And yet this is still the most common depiction of Jesus that Western Christians use.

[1.bp.blogspot.com image 362x450]

Even in movies he's this white.


I'm more put off by the neckbeard.
 
2012-04-13 09:41:45 AM
drkronner.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-04-13 09:42:08 AM

rebelyell2006: That can't possibly be true since Jesus never existed.


Say what?

Most critical historians agree that Jesus existed and regard events such as his baptism and his crucifixion as historical.
(new window)

Was he just a preacher or the actual son of God is the question.
 
2012-04-13 09:42:38 AM
indylaw: He's probably one of those supertards that think that blacks and native Americans are the real Jewish diaspora and those we know as Jews are actually demons.

thurstonxhowell: WTF did I just read?

What makes it even funnier is that there are white groups that think the exact same thing, 'cept flipped about.
 
2012-04-13 09:42:51 AM
i141.photobucket.com
 
2012-04-13 09:43:25 AM
I've heard that the shroud of turin smells like cocoa butter, so there's that.
 
2012-04-13 09:43:46 AM

Jake Havechek: The Mothership was piloted by "Black men 4 1/2 feet tall." (I don't know where the women were during those extended orbits.)

There were 1500 "baby planes" on the Mothership, each plane possessing three bombs.

Those bombs had drills on their tips and, when deployed, would drill a mile deep beneath the surface and, upon explosion, force up a mountain a mile high.

The Messenger taught that such bombs were used to separate the Moon from the Earth 66 trillion years ago.

The Honorable Elijah Muhammad taught that Ezekiel's vision of wheels was a vision of the Mothership.

The 4500 bombs would all strike land. None, Mr. Muhammad taught, would fall into water.

America was the first nation the Mothership would attack. Before striking and releasing its bombs, it would drop leaflets printed in English and Arabic warning of the coming destruction.

Some unspecified time later it would emit a high-pitched, piercing sound to warn that the attack is imminent. At that point, it was too late. The destruction would commence.


This is the shiat that blows my mind about this clown - there are actually morons that wholeheartedly BELIEVE this DERP word for word. I know some of them and they are like sleeper cells waiting for the war on the white man to begin! Other parts of the "text" state that the "planes" were built in Japan, that the mountain ranges were created by these "bombs" and that FarraCON himself flew in one of the spaceships that was piloted by one of the black brothers waiting for the word to destroy. This has also been told to his followers and they believe that this is what explains every unexplained UFO sighting, it was a brother in a circular plane.
 
2012-04-13 09:44:20 AM

Cyberluddite: He also says that Jesus was a Muslim.


Well, saying Jesus was a Muslim is standard, traditional Islamic theology. The Nation of Islam gets unorthodox with it's version of Islam compared to mainstream Sunni and Shi'a thought, but that part is pretty standard.

Jesus is mentioned in the Koran (under the Arabic transliteration of his name of "Isa") many times. The only person more discussed in the Koran is Mohammed.

Conventional, mainstream Islamic theology holds that Judaism and Christianity as religions aren't inherently wrong, but they have diverged from the true divine guidance over many centuries. The concept is that people who followed God/Allah to the best they could with the information that was present in the world at that time are considered Muslims.

Thus, Adam and Eve are considered Muslims in Islamic theology. So was Noah, and Moses, and King David, and Jesus.

Jesus was even specifically considered a Prophet. Not "The Prophet", that's Mohammed himself, but a lesser prophet who was sent to Earth to provide divine guidance to the Jews in Roman-occupied Jerusalem. . .but his message got distorted and that distorted message got spread a lot farther than it was intended.

Mohammed's role, according to Islamic thought, was to provide a final, corrected version of divine revelation for posterity and for the whole world instead of separate prophets providing guidance to a single people or for a single era.

The much-maligned (in the modern world) concept of dhimmi stems from this. In most parts of the world back then, if you didn't follow the official state religion you were in for a world of hurt, especially if you made your lack of worship known. Dhimmi were allowed to practice their faiths on the idea that they were at least praying to Allah and worshipping Him, even if they were getting a lot of the details wrong because they were paying attention to the guidance of a lesser prophet. Thus, they would be allowed to worship in peace, as long as they paid their taxes and didn't try to convert Muslims to their faith. For the 7th Century, it was very progressive. For the 21st Century, not so much.

/Definitely not a Muslim myself, but am a bit of an amateur theologian.
//The More You Know. . .
 
2012-04-13 09:44:32 AM
And the invisible unicorn is pink
 
2012-04-13 09:46:02 AM

Grandemadaca: rebelyell2006: That can't possibly be true since Jesus never existed.

Say what?

Most critical historians agree that Jesus existed and regard events such as his baptism and his crucifixion as historical. (new window)

Was he just a preacher or the actual son of God is the question.


Or, just some nut who pulled the greatest con in the history of humanity. Maybe Jesus and Muhammad just got lucky, and thousands of other crackpots (like David Koresh) could have started religiions that eventually attracted billions of followers if they had just caught a few breaks.
 
2012-04-13 09:46:47 AM

GoodyearPimp: fozziewazzi: Even in movies he's this white.

Because dark people are SCARY.


I see you've been to Detroit. Don't worry, the horror will go away with time.
 
2012-04-13 09:47:52 AM

cleveoh: fozziewazzi: And yet this is still the most common depiction of Jesus that Western Christians use.

[1.bp.blogspot.com image 362x450]

Even in movies he's this white.

No, I'm pretty sure that's the bass player from Genesis.


Wrong band. The Bible clearly refers to him as Jesus of Nazareth.
 
2012-04-13 09:49:03 AM
Jesus might as well be green with tentacles as far as I'm concerned.
 
2012-04-13 09:49:46 AM

Dayglo Brown: [drkronner.files.wordpress.com image 475x356]


Came for, leaving quite happy and slightly impressed.
 
2012-04-13 09:49:46 AM
To quote a comedian whose name escapes me at the moment:

"Jesus wasn't black! He looked like one of the Bee Gees!"
 
2012-04-13 09:49:49 AM
Good 'ol US government definition [1] [2]

White. A person having origins in any of the original peoples of Europe, the Middle East, or North Africa. It includes people who indicate their race as "White" or report entries such as Irish, German, Italian, Lebanese, Near Easterner, Arab, or Polish.
 
2012-04-13 09:49:53 AM
Jesus looked like Aaron Neville.
 
2012-04-13 09:51:42 AM

s1ugg0: [www.israelshamir.net image 220x242]

Not so much black as middle eastern. Almost like he was born, lived, and died in the middle east.

/Who the fark cares what color skin he had?


Mildde Easterners, as we know them today, did not exist 2000 years ago. Judeans of the time would have look far more negroid than Arabic. So Farrakhan is kind of correct, which is scary.
 
2012-04-13 09:52:18 AM
He was a Jew. Jews still exist. It's not hard to guess.
 
2012-04-13 09:52:32 AM
Since Jesus was Jewish, he probably looked more like Marty Feldman....

farm8.staticflickr.com



Or maybe Zero Mostel.
 
2012-04-13 09:53:46 AM
Jesus was an Easter Islander.
 
2012-04-13 09:55:29 AM

lustfrog: Since Jesus was Jewish, he probably looked more like Marty Feldman....

[farm8.staticflickr.com image 171x260]



Or maybe Zero Mostel.


i.imgur.com

Klinger.
 
2012-04-13 09:55:35 AM

MorrisBird: The tooth fairy is blue. I know. I woke up at night and saw her once when I was six.



Wait --- the tooth fairy was the Smurfette?
 
2012-04-13 09:56:06 AM
I call BS. Everyone knows that Jesus has long, blond hair and blue eyes, speaks English, and drives around in a pickup truck with a Confederate flag decal in the rear window (right behind the gun rack).

On the other hand, I'm pretty sure the Shroud of Turin is really just Jeri-Curl staining...
 
2012-04-13 09:57:40 AM
Headline of the Year Candidate. Good one, Subby.
+several
 
2012-04-13 09:58:17 AM

predle: And the invisible unicorn is pink


And quarks are strange.
 
2012-04-13 09:58:22 AM

PreMortem: Who cares what Farrakhan has to say about anything.

Oh, yeah. Conservatives.


Every newspaper looking for a sound bite?

And middle eastern is not black, at least not black like the murderer Farrakhan.
 
2012-04-13 09:59:03 AM

Party Boy: Good 'ol US government definition [1] [2]

White. A person having origins in any of the original peoples of Europe, the Middle East, or North Africa. It includes people who indicate their race as "White" or report entries such as Irish, German, Italian, Lebanese, Near Easterner, Arab, or Polish.


Irish?

ObOldJoke: Are Jews white? Technically yes, but, . . .

/you hadda be there
 
2012-04-13 09:59:21 AM
According to Huffington Post Jesus was a Muslim Atheist Lesbian with an MFA in creative writing and she invented renewable energy.
 
2012-04-13 10:00:40 AM

steamingpile: Every newspaper looking for a sound bite?

And middle eastern is not black, at least not black like the murderer Farrakhan.


well.........

funny story about that.

There was a case of a Black Egyptian national who came here, wrote his nationality of the census forms, and was listed as white because, for the US govt, Egyptians, North Africans, and Middle Easteners are white.
 
2012-04-13 10:00:46 AM

CrispFlows: FTA:
"Farrakhan has previously called white people "potential humans who have not fully evolved" and referred to Jewish groups as a "synagogue of Satan.""

I see the dude has a lot of opinions and not so much basis to them.


I think Farrakhan has been hurt historically by comparisons of black people to sub-humans, so he tries to match that rhetoric with equally incendiary language. At least, I think that's what it was when he started. He probably believes it, now.
 
2012-04-13 10:01:57 AM
What? All those brown people look alike to him?
 
2012-04-13 10:02:18 AM
Hello again, left wing bullshiat.
 
2012-04-13 10:02:21 AM
Dear Farrakhan: Are you implying that Jesus must have been Black because he never met his father? Racist!
 
2012-04-13 10:02:48 AM

Party Boy: of the census forms


err govt employment form IIRC
 
2012-04-13 10:02:57 AM
I head that Jesus was Batman....
No, no, no, no, not at all
That was Bruce Wayne.


userserve-ak.last.fm
 
2012-04-13 10:03:35 AM

Magorn: Jesus comes out to greet them looking like 1970's Issac Hayes or Jim Brown, though he probably goes more "natural" when it's time to welcome an old Nazi war Criminal or Al-Qaeda member


...
Jim Brown is still alive.
 
2012-04-13 10:03:38 AM

sharkbeagle: According to Huffington Post Jesus was a Muslim Atheist Lesbian with an MFA in creative writing and she invented renewable energy.


Again, this is no less ridiculous than "normal" Christianity.
 
2012-04-13 10:04:00 AM
I have no more and no less reason to believe Farrakhan's claims about the myth of Jesus than I do any of the traditional Euro-centric versions of the story.

In related news, when you don't base your opinions and historical views on verifiable facts to begin with, it severely hinders your ability to criticize other people when they present their own, alternate views.

Besides out of all the stories about Jesus, his skin color is the real sticking point? Not his zombificiation, magic shows, impossible medical skills or the fact that he apparently had the same general density as balsa wood?

Yea. The real problem with this myth is his physical depiction
 
2012-04-13 10:04:03 AM

ReverendJasen: ..but but the bible told me that Jesus was a blonde haired, blue eyed Nordic fellow. It even had pictures!
God would not have made his only son anything less than Aryan!


Blue eyes as a genetic trait developed in the middle east.

And doesn't Aryan itself refer to an ethnic group from that area?
 
2012-04-13 10:04:32 AM
King James managed a lot of nonsense with Biblical texts, but this one he forgot:

"12 I turned around to see the voice that was speaking to me. And when I turned I saw seven golden lampstands, 13 and among the lampstands was someone like a son of man, dressed in a robe reaching down to his feet and with a golden sash around his chest. 14 The hair on his head was white like wool, as white as snow, and his eyes were like blazing fire. 15 His feet were like bronze glowing in a furnace, and his voice was like the sound of rushing waters. 16 In his right hand he held seven stars, and coming out of his mouth was a sharp, double-edged sword. His face was like the sun shining in all its brilliance. "

Revelation: Chapter 1, Verses 12 - 16.

So, there's that.
 
2012-04-13 10:04:35 AM

Smurfme: And behold! He turned the water into Cult 45! Mark2:25



COLT 45, you jive ass honkey.
 
2012-04-13 10:06:06 AM

DROxINxTHExWIND: jive


do you speak jive?
 
2012-04-13 10:06:08 AM

indylaw: He's probably one of those supertards that think that blacks and native Americans are the real Jewish diaspora and those we know as Jews are actually demons.


Oh, no. The Nation of Islam's racial mythology is more fun than that. An ancient Egyptian 'scientist' named Jacub noticed that lighter skinned children displayed more antisocial behavior than darker skinned kids (this was at a time when only black people inhabited the Earth). God had Jacub start a breeding program reinforcing light skinned traits. Eventually, non black "people" - in quotes because they have basic human form but no souls- were created: whites, Hispanics, Asians, etc. These 'half caste' animals are used by God as tools to teach real humans, i. e. , black people, lessons in humility and to obey God's word. When all real humans convert to Nation of Islam beliefs, God will wipe clean the half-caste devils and bestow the planet unto the real humans.

The Mother Plane, a UFO, figures into this cleansing somehow.

Should almost put any Mormon or Scientologist to shame for inventiveness.
 
2012-04-13 10:06:19 AM
uppitynegronetwork.files.wordpress.com

The hell you say.

/Praise White Jesus
 
2012-04-13 10:06:44 AM

Party Boy: steamingpile: Every newspaper looking for a sound bite?

And middle eastern is not black, at least not black like the murderer Farrakhan.

well.........

funny story about that.

There was a case of a Black Egyptian national who came here, wrote his nationality of the census forms, and was listed as white because, for the US govt, Egyptians, North Africans, and Middle Easteners are white.



And yet, you're scared to sit next to one on an airplane. Go figure.
 
2012-04-13 10:06:44 AM

indylaw: Fun fact: Almost every culture has paintings of Jesus looking like them. I've seen ones of Jesus looking Chinese.

To be fair, I'm sure he loved Chinese food.


If he was Jewish, I'm sure he always ate Chinese food on his birthday.

/Why yes, I did just read Lamb by Christopher Moore. What makes you ask?
 
2012-04-13 10:08:20 AM

fozziewazzi: And yet this is still the most common depiction of Jesus that Western Christians use.

[1.bp.blogspot.com image 362x450]

Even in movies he's this white.


Looks like a hippie to me... shocking that right wingers would worship a hippie.
 
2012-04-13 10:08:25 AM
No, Jesus was a white man from Oxford!
 
2012-04-13 10:08:31 AM
www.chakakhan.com
RIP Chaka Khan
 
2012-04-13 10:10:29 AM

JackieRabbit: s1ugg0: [www.israelshamir.net image 220x242]

Not so much black as middle eastern. Almost like he was born, lived, and died in the middle east.

/Who the fark cares what color skin he had?

Mildde Easterners, as we know them today, did not exist 2000 years ago. Judeans of the time would have look far more negroid than Arabic. So Farrakhan is kind of correct, which is scary.


The picture I posted based on a best estimate of what people in that era and time looked like by Forensic Anthropologists. Would you like to know more? (new window)
 
2012-04-13 10:11:27 AM

Pants full of macaroni!!: Hey guys, is this the thread where all the Liberals roll their eyes at Farrakhan and wish he'd just go away, while all the Conservatives accuse all the Liberals of slurping on his schnocker?


Schnocker? Slurping on his schnocker? I had a completely different meaning in mind.

Ah, so my vocabulary grows (or that of Pants full of macaroni!! shrinks).
 
2012-04-13 10:11:42 AM
Jesus was a Jew. And many of the people who worship him hate that undeniable fact (because they're bigots).

Ergo he's white, he's black, he's a Martian. Anything's preferable to him being depicted as he was: a Jew.

And that's pretty fu*king sad...
 
2012-04-13 10:12:13 AM
kim jong-un

Blue eyes as a genetic trait developed in the middle east.

Unlikely. The latest research I'm aware of suggests it developed in Europe between six and ten thousand years ago. Somewhere in what's now Romania, IIRC.

And doesn't Aryan itself refer to an ethnic group from that area?

The Persians have historically called themselves Aryans.
 
2012-04-13 10:12:37 AM
Good headline, subby. +1.
 
2012-04-13 10:13:16 AM

boogie_down: Evidence Jesus Was Jewish

- He went into his father's business.
- He lived at home until he was 33.
- He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure he was God.

Link (new window)


Wow. Those were painfully unfunny.
 
2012-04-13 10:13:21 AM

fozziewazzi: And yet this is still the most common depiction of Jesus that Western Christians use.


This is my favorite:

upload.wikimedia.org
 
2012-04-13 10:15:55 AM

MythDragon: [www.chakakhan.com image 600x486] RIP Chaka Khan


That's what Jesus looked like? Damn! That's OK.
 
2012-04-13 10:19:29 AM

Almet: The obvious answer to this idms that there are two separate but ewual heavens. One with Black Jesus, and one with Matthew McConaughay (however you spell it) Jesus

/Allright, allright, allright


I'd totally hang out with MM Jesus.
 
2012-04-13 10:22:29 AM

s1ugg0: [www.israelshamir.net image 220x242]

Not so much black as middle eastern. Almost like he was born, lived, and died in the middle east.

/Who the fark cares what color skin he had?


It matters when a Middle Eastern dude is portrayed the exact way described in some of the posts on the first page........ and then sold to people who look nothing like that. You know how offensive the Mormon 'when everyone gets to heaven they'll be given white skin' bullshiat is? You know the subtext beneath that?

It matters, in the same way.
 
2012-04-13 10:23:54 AM

PreMortem: Who cares what Farrakhan has to say about anything.

Oh, yeah. Conservatives.


That's why Huffpost reported this. For all their conservative readers.

Derp
 
2012-04-13 10:24:21 AM

StRalphTheLiar: cleveoh: fozziewazzi: And yet this is still the most common depiction of Jesus that Western Christians use.

[1.bp.blogspot.com image 362x450]

Even in movies he's this white.

No, I'm pretty sure that's the bass player from Genesis.

Wrong band. The Bible clearly refers to him as Jesus of Nazareth.


Requoting just because I don't think this comment got enough love. Bravo.
 
2012-04-13 10:25:37 AM

DROxINxTHExWIND: And yet, you're scared to sit next to one on an airplane. Go figure.


Huh? What do you know about me?
 
2012-04-13 10:26:24 AM

abhorrent1: He was also poor. And had an illegitimate child so yeah, I can see that.


You certainly NAILED that one! My eyes are CROSSED from laughing!

/actually, it was pretty funny,
 
2012-04-13 10:27:28 AM
www.yourfunnystuff.com
 
2012-04-13 10:27:36 AM

LarryDan43: Brown curly hair, nasally voice, sneezes alot due to allergies, complains about the weather, gifted comedian.


Fidgety, winces a lot, either had a jewelry or furniture store or was an accountant. Called Mark "Booby".

Also, awesome headline +1.

Also also, nearly every culture has made Jesus look like themselves. My favorites are the Asian Jesuses (Jesi?) It's dumb that we have Jesus looking like he's from Norway here in this country, but it's been the same deal with a bunch of other cultures throughout history. Funny and dumb, but nothing new.
 
2012-04-13 10:28:15 AM

vudukungfu: But WTF is with the commonality of the display of a human organ as such?


Let me Google that for you!

Sacred Heart (new window)
 
2012-04-13 10:28:50 AM

czetie: indylaw: Fun fact: Almost every culture has paintings of Jesus looking like them. I've seen ones of Jesus looking Chinese.

To be fair, I'm sure he loved Chinese food.

If he was Jewish, I'm sure he always ate Chinese food on his birthday.

/Why yes, I did just read Lamb by Christopher Moore. What makes you ask?


Look! A seagull!
 
2012-04-13 10:28:51 AM
He looked like the invisible man because he never even existed.
Show me one shred of proof Jesus ever even existed outside of the Bible.

I'll give you another 2000 years but I doubt you'll have one physical piece of proof... just like the last 2000.
 
2012-04-13 10:28:53 AM
Louis Farrakhan says "Jesus was a black man." Well, Jesus liked Gospel, called everyone "brother" and couldn't get a fair trial, so it may be true

Or, he was a mythological construct of several "christs" of the time and based loosely on Mithra. There's very little evidence the person called "christ" ever existed.

Interesting read by the way (new window)

.
..
...
Yep, I'm saying humans are hard wired to believe in fairy tales. Even the modern theories of relativity, light, gravity and photons might be incorrect. It's just we happen to believe in it right now (not saying it's wrong, I'm saying it's how are minds are able to perceive the information presented). Maybe in 500 years, they'll look back and laugh at our belief in gravitons, neutrons, bosons and have their owns myths which they'll defend to the last breath. We're a weird species.
 
2012-04-13 10:29:20 AM

PYROY: I've heard that the shroud of turin smells like cocoa butter, so there's that.


Soul Glow.
 
2012-04-13 10:29:27 AM
If Jesus is black, why is his body made of crackers?
 
2012-04-13 10:30:57 AM
Came for Black Grape, leaving drunk thanks to Mr Ryder.
 
2012-04-13 10:31:24 AM
Roses are red
Violets are bluish
If it wasn't for Christ
We'd all be Jewish!
 
2012-04-13 10:34:24 AM

Grandemadaca: Most critical historians agree that Jesus existed and regard events such as his baptism and his crucifixion as historical.


Well, that's a load of horseshiate. There isn't a single contemporaneous historical reference to Jesus, and the few non-Biblical references there are refer to his followers, not to him. "Most critical historians" say there isn't enough evidence to say one way or the other.
 
2012-04-13 10:34:32 AM

s1ugg0: Not so much black as middle eastern. Almost like he was born, lived, and died in the middle east.

/Who the fark cares what color skin he had?


So much this!

I am Christian (also white and leaning conservative - I know, shocker) and believe Jesus looked more like a Palestinian.

But His skin color has NOTHING to do with it. He was an incredible man, with tremendous words of wisdom.

Thank you Jesus! (And you too Jebus!)
 
2012-04-13 10:34:36 AM

cannibalparrot: boogie_down: Evidence Jesus Was Jewish

- He went into his father's business.
- He lived at home until he was 33.
- He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure he was God.

Link (new window)

Wow. Those were painfully unfunny.


Just shedding some light on the source of the headline. Carry on citizen.
 
2012-04-13 10:35:04 AM
www.mixtapewire.com
 
2012-04-13 10:35:33 AM
well played subby
 
2012-04-13 10:36:23 AM
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-04-13 10:36:47 AM

indarwinsshadow: Yep, I'm saying humans are hard wired to believe in fairy tales.


That might be fine and all, but

i.imgur.com
 
2012-04-13 10:39:11 AM

Deucednuisance:
Let me Google that for you!

Sacred Heart (new window)


Yeah, I go to the wikki and there is another icky pic of the dude holding his own heart, a crucifix jammed in the top like a birthday candle in a cupcake, and flames coming off of it like he lit it on fire and he's holding it in his own hand like he just kungfu ripped it out of his own chest. That's some freaky assed symbolism. How about just saying to your followers "Don't be a dick."?
Oh, right. They wouldn't go for that. They need to be prodded with freaky displays of self-mutilation, and constant reminders of a slow tortuous death. Nice religion.
I'll stick to the "don't be a dick" crowd.
Man you faux cannibals are weird.
 
2012-04-13 10:39:33 AM

Party Boy: indarwinsshadow: Yep, I'm saying humans are hard wired to believe in fairy tales.

That might be fine and all, but

[i.imgur.com image 450x399]


???

Young Jimmy Page...I'm confused.
 
2012-04-13 10:40:43 AM
Whatever Jesus looked like, I think it's fair to say that if he lived in America today, he would not be considered white and would probably be "randomly" selected for searching at the airport.
 
2012-04-13 10:40:45 AM

Silverstaff: .but his message got distorted and that distorted message got spread a lot farther than it was intended.


Looking at the whole story, The Fall, the Flood, The Story of Job, the Crucifiction, the Early church and its Martyrs, the various Schisms and now this, I just come away with one overarching impression.

The God of Abraham, the Great I AM, the Creator of the Universe, is a bumbling incompetent.
 
2012-04-13 10:41:19 AM
www.itsablackthang.com
Another interpretatiom.
 
2012-04-13 10:41:52 AM
ebaums world (new window)
There were 3 good arguments that Jesus could have been Black:

He called everyone brother
He liked Gospel
He couldn't get a fair trial.


jokes.com (new window)
Proof that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everybody "brother."
2. He liked gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.


i.imgur.com
 
2012-04-13 10:43:19 AM

Fireproof:

Care to tell us what that's from? Is it by Farrakhan?


Elijah Muhammed. There's a larger belief system it's from called Afrocentric history.

Bet you didn't know that there were African cities of solid gold, far more advanced than we are now, that were the basis of the legend of Atlantis. They had everything from genetic engineering to FTL space flight (thus the 'mothership'). Alas, they gave too much freedom to their genetically engineered servant race (guess who) who then rebelled and destroyed them, down to the last gold paving stone, leaving not one single titanium screw or pop-top equivalent to be found.
 
2012-04-13 10:43:26 AM
3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-04-13 10:45:22 AM

fozziewazzi: And yet this is still the most common depiction of Jesus that Western Christians use.

[1.bp.blogspot.com image 362x450]

Even in movies he's this white.


Funny enough, the depictions of Jesus changed from place to place, to accommodate the local viewpoints. For example, to try and convert the Norse, they emphasized Jesus' rebellious nature, and compared him to Baldr several times. And, in the new world, especially with the Nahua peoples, they emphasized Jesus' willingness to sacrifice himself for the greater good (to the Aztecs, Toltects, etc, our lives were really not ours, but of the gods).
 
2012-04-13 10:45:23 AM
a3.ec-images.myspacecdn.com

Gangstah Jesus
 
2012-04-13 10:45:59 AM
fark you Farrakhan, and your ideas and attention whoring. Your time is almost up, isn't it time to blow yourself up for your invisible sky wizard? Please do it in a empty field away from innocents. Thanks.
 
2012-04-13 10:46:52 AM
1. Nonexistent. Let people believe their imaginary characters are whatever color they want. It doesn't change the fact that there's not one shred of historical evidence of Jesus' existence outside of the Bible.

2. If you want to pretend at historical accuracy, then he would obviously have been dark-skinned, Arabic-looking, and not at all like either the Black or white hippie versions.

3. Jesus hates numbered lists.
 
2012-04-13 10:47:18 AM
farm4.static.flickr.com
 
2012-04-13 10:48:37 AM

Deucednuisance: Silverstaff: .but his message got distorted and that distorted message got spread a lot farther than it was intended.

Looking at the whole story, The Fall, the Flood, The Story of Job, the Crucifiction, the Early church and its Martyrs, the various Schisms and now this, I just come away with one overarching impression.

The God of Abraham, the Great I AM, the Creator of the Universe, is a bumbling incompetent.


Wait, so man really IS made in God's image?
 
2012-04-13 10:49:41 AM

indarwinsshadow: Party Boy: indarwinsshadow: Yep, I'm saying humans are hard wired to believe in fairy tales.

That might be fine and all, but

[i.imgur.com image 450x399]

???

Young Jimmy Page...I'm confused.


No... this is young Jimmy Page - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfZ1AEdfd1o
 
2012-04-13 10:49:50 AM

vudukungfu: Man you faux cannibals are weird.


Hey, now!

I'm not one of "them".

I just get a paycheck from them.
 
2012-04-13 10:49:54 AM

Pants full of macaroni!!: Hey guys, is this the thread where all the Liberals roll their eyes at Farrakhan and wish he'd just go away, while all the Conservatives accuse all the Liberals of slurping on his schnocker?


It appears not, so I assume you are seriously embarrassed.
 
2012-04-13 10:49:56 AM

indarwinsshadow: Young Jimmy Page...I'm confused.


i.imgur.com
 
2012-04-13 10:50:48 AM

Petit_Merdeux: That attractive and successful Nubian owes me five bucks!



What's a Nubian?
 
2012-04-13 10:50:58 AM

Jake Havechek: The Mothership was piloted by "Black men 4 1/2 feet tall." (I don't know where the women were during those extended orbits.)

There were 1500 "baby planes" on the Mothership, each plane possessing three bombs.

Those bombs had drills on their tips and, when deployed, would drill a mile deep beneath the surface and, upon explosion, force up a mountain a mile high.

The Messenger taught that such bombs were used to separate the Moon from the Earth 66 trillion years ago.

The Honorable Elijah Muhammad taught that Ezekiel's vision of wheels was a vision of the Mothership.

The 4500 bombs would all strike land. None, Mr. Muhammad taught, would fall into water.

America was the first nation the Mothership would attack. Before striking and releasing its bombs, it would drop leaflets printed in English and Arabic warning of the coming destruction.

Some unspecified time later it would emit a high-pitched, piercing sound to warn that the attack is imminent. At that point, it was too late. The destruction would commence.


People often do not realize that Scientology borrowed heavily from the NOI.
 
2012-04-13 10:51:40 AM
Awesome subby! Too funny!
 
2012-04-13 10:53:13 AM
Didn't speak English
Wore baggy clothes
Worked for a bit and decided to go on EBT instead
Stole a car (OK it was a horse or donkey)
Talked a lot of shiat
Was sexist

(it's OK to be racist when discussing a Farrakhan topic)
 
2012-04-13 10:55:12 AM

s1ugg0: JackieRabbit: s1ugg0: [www.israelshamir.net image 220x242]

Not so much black as middle eastern. Almost like he was born, lived, and died in the middle east.

/Who the fark cares what color skin he had?

Mildde Easterners, as we know them today, did not exist 2000 years ago. Judeans of the time would have look far more negroid than Arabic. So Farrakhan is kind of correct, which is scary.

The picture I posted based on a best estimate of what people in that era and time looked like by Forensic Anthropologists. Would you like to know more? (new window)


That assumes that his family wasn't from Ethiopia, which is certainly possible. Lots of Ethiopian Jews both then and now, and lots of them in Israel.
 
2012-04-13 10:55:58 AM
Jesus was not a black man.

He was a Jew.

He most likely had dark olive skin, a large nose, and wavy black hair. Probay had a dark beard, too.

The blonde haired, blue eyed pictures that you see are very appealing to western culture, but are not historically accurate.

Of course, He *is* Jesus. He can look however He wants to look.
 
2012-04-13 11:01:12 AM

fozziewazzi: And yet this is still the most common depiction of Jesus that Western Christians use.

[1.bp.blogspot.com image 362x450]

Even in movies he's this white.


I have it on good authority that was a self portait Jesus painted right before his ascension.
 
2012-04-13 11:01:23 AM

SharkTrager: People often do not realize that Scientology borrowed heavily from the NOI.


Another case of the white man ripping off the black man.
 
2012-04-13 11:03:57 AM

Deucednuisance: Grandemadaca: Most critical historians agree that Jesus existed and regard events such as his baptism and his crucifixion as historical.

Well, that's a load of horseshiate. There isn't a single contemporaneous historical reference to Jesus, and the few non-Biblical references there are refer to his followers, not to him. "Most critical historians" say there isn't enough evidence to say one way or the other.


Until the modern era there isn't a single contemperanous proof that 99% of the world existed. What do you want? His long form birth certificate? Think about this: Until the 1890's when Henrich Schliemann found it. Almost every historian was convinced that the city of Troy was an absolute myth. Now we know that not only did Homer's troy exist, but there were at Least TWELVE major cities that stood on that site through history. Moreover, given Troy's location athwart many ancient trade routes, many of those cities were quite wealthy and powerful. Yet the ONLY hint of the existence of ANY of those cities or the thousands upon thousands of people that lived there across a millennia, was a single poem by a Greek writer.

Now compared to that the evidence we have for the existence of Jesus is pretty dammed good. There are four independent books that said he exists that each were written no later than 70 years after he supposedly lived and they in turn are based on an older lost manuscript known as "the sayings of Jesus" which was written within a decades or so of his reported death. Now if you suppose, as you seem to that Jesus was an entirely invented figure the key question to ask is "why bother"? The Levant was rotten with self-proclaimed messiahs and prophets at the time. Why not pick one of them (say John the Baptist) to create a hagiography around rather than starting from whole cloth and running the risk, since the events you described were within living memory, or someone saying "BS that never happened! Nobody like that ever lived here!"
 
2012-04-13 11:05:37 AM
Well, he farking well didn't look like Willie Nelson, like he's usually depicted.
 
2012-04-13 11:06:19 AM

Unsung_Hero: Wait, so man really IS made in God's image?


Hmm, I guess I wasn't clear.

God made Paradise and put his Most Special Creation, Man, there to live. Result? Colossal Fail, and flaming sword of Eviction.

Man got pretty good at that being fruitful and multiplying part, but not so good at the doing what God wants part, so he kills everyone and everything that he made, except for a special few, who'll Get It Right, for sure this time, except they don't, so he has to rain fire and brimstone on a few cities, but he loves us, loves us so much that he'll take wagers with the Prince of Evil over the life and peace of his most righteous servant, and pretty much screw him, his family and his city just so he can say "told you so" to Satan, but most folks still Aren't Getting It Right, so he figures he'll send Himself to tell everyone How to Do It, but knowing that the powers that be will kill him, but that's OK, because he got The Word out (and beside, he can't *really* die, silly), and Me Dammit, this time will be the charm, except that it isn't and for the next two millenia, his followers are fighting amongst themselves, even starting shooting wars over things like whether "Baptism" must be full immersion, or can be achieved by "sprinkling", and now we hear that all of this was wrong, anyhow, and this other group of folks has got the goods, and *they're* fighting amongst themselves and dying over which one of Mohammed's relatives was his rightful heir...

You'd think that a Deity which can summon together All Things ex Nihilo, out of nothing, might just possibly have to power to clearly state what it is he wants his Creation to do.

Clearly, it's a defect of workmanship or materials, and someone is due a refund!

(And after typing all that, I just got your joke. But I went to the trouble to type it, and dammit, I'm gonna post it!)
 
2012-04-13 11:08:44 AM

Deucednuisance: (And after typing all that, I just got your joke. But I went to the trouble to type it, and dammit, I'm gonna post it!)


I don't LOL much. You just got me to do so.
 
2012-04-13 11:16:55 AM
Jesus probably looked like a modern Arab. Not white. Definitely not black.
 
2012-04-13 11:18:18 AM

indylaw: He's probably one of those supertards that think that blacks and native Americans are the real Jewish diaspora and those we know as Jews are actually demons.


I know some white people who believe such silliness arguing that England was settled by a lost tribe of Abraham and the descendants of these people were destined to rule the USA. I've never heard of blacks or native Americans subscribing to such beliefs.
 
2012-04-13 11:18:47 AM

Magorn: Almost every historian was convinced that the city of Troy was an absolute myth.


How does that (and what I've mercifully snipped from after that) logically infer that Jesus existed?

The Romans were meticulous record-keepers.

And yet? Nada.

And I'll still dispute Wiki's statement about "most critical historians" (which is what I was talking about) because it just ain't so.

As to the Four Gospels. I dispute your 70 years claim: Many scholars date some of them to as late as 135 AD. And if I grant the 70 years, given the life expectancy of the time, and that the Apostles were adults, that's about three generations removed from the events (if they occurred), plenty of time for an oral mythology to be propagated. Ever play Post Office?

Finally, there isn't a shred of evidence that "The Sayings of Jesus" ever existed. It's only an explanatory hypothesis, given the similarities of the Synoptic Gospels. Frankly, I'm more intrigued by outright contradictions between the Gospels, but your mileage may vary
 
2012-04-13 11:19:01 AM
i141.photobucket.com = 26.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-04-13 11:21:01 AM

Jake Havechek: The Mothership was piloted by "Black men 4 1/2 feet tall." (I don't know where the women were during those extended orbits.)

There were 1500 "baby planes" on the Mothership, each plane possessing three bombs.

Those bombs had drills on their tips and, when deployed, would drill a mile deep beneath the surface and, upon explosion, force up a mountain a mile high.

The Messenger taught that such bombs were used to separate the Moon from the Earth 66 trillion years ago.

The Honorable Elijah Muhammad taught that Ezekiel's vision of wheels was a vision of the Mothership.

The 4500 bombs would all strike land. None, Mr. Muhammad taught, would fall into water.

America was the first nation the Mothership would attack. Before striking and releasing its bombs, it would drop leaflets printed in English and Arabic warning of the coming destruction.

Some unspecified time later it would emit a high-pitched, piercing sound to warn that the attack is imminent. At that point, it was too late. The destruction would commence.


That's some great fanfic
 
2012-04-13 11:22:38 AM

indylaw: thurstonxhowell: indylaw: He's probably one of those supertards that think that blacks and native Americans are the real Jewish diaspora and those we know as Jews are actually demons.

WTF did I just read?

Black Hebrew Israelites (new window)


Dear Nelly.
 
2012-04-13 11:23:58 AM

Party Boy: ebaums world (new window)There were 3 good arguments that Jesus could have been Black:

He called everyone brother
He liked Gospel
He couldn't get a fair trial.

jokes.com (new window)Proof that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everybody "brother."
2. He liked gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.

[i.imgur.com image 100x64]


Remember, you can't steal something that isn't physical. This was upheld in court yesterday. Also the day ebaums "we infringe on everyone else's IP" world issues a complaint is the day the collective head of the internet explodes.

Also I'd like to point out that this is an old joke anyway. I remember hearing it for the first time in the 80s and I'm sure it's much older than that. You'll get over it.
 
2012-04-13 11:24:33 AM
This guy?

FARRAKHAN: Abraham Lincoln, the sixteenth president. Thomas Jefferson, the third president, and 16 and three make 19 again. What is so deep about this number 19? Why are we standing on the Capitol steps today? That number 19 -- when you have a nine you have a womb that is pregnant. And when you have a one standing by the nine, it means that there's something secret that has to be unfolded.

i.imgur.com
 
2012-04-13 11:27:08 AM

wambu: This guy?

FARRAKHAN: Abraham Lincoln, the sixteenth president. Thomas Jefferson, the third president, and 16 and three make 19 again. What is so deep about this number 19? Why are we standing on the Capitol steps today? That number 19 -- when you have a nine you have a womb that is pregnant. And when you have a one standing by the nine, it means that there's something secret that has to be unfolded.

[i.imgur.com image 552x360]



So...Farakkhan is...Timecube guy?
 
2012-04-13 11:27:22 AM

Lunaville: indylaw: He's probably one of those supertards that think that blacks and native Americans are the real Jewish diaspora and those we know as Jews are actually demons.

I know some white people who believe such silliness arguing that England was settled by a lost tribe of Abraham and the descendants of these people were destined to rule the USA. I've never heard of blacks or native Americans subscribing to such beliefs.


British Israelitism. I've seen medieval genealogical charts which attempt to show the descent of English royalty from David.

Some blacks hold similar dubious beliefs about distant Hebrew ancestry.

Hell, there are some Japanese that are convinced they're one of the lost tribes. It's usually not a race-supremacy belief, though.
 
2012-04-13 11:29:42 AM

Snapper Carr: wambu: This guy?

FARRAKHAN: Abraham Lincoln, the sixteenth president. Thomas Jefferson, the third president, and 16 and three make 19 again. What is so deep about this number 19? Why are we standing on the Capitol steps today? That number 19 -- when you have a nine you have a womb that is pregnant. And when you have a one standing by the nine, it means that there's something secret that has to be unfolded.

[i.imgur.com image 552x360]


So...Farakkhan is...Timecube guy?


it would explain a lot

/amazed no one made the "jesus was hung like this" joke yet
 
2012-04-13 11:33:27 AM
According to some Christians Jesus was also a big fan of the purple stuff.
 
2012-04-13 11:33:44 AM

HailRobonia: SharkTrager: People often do not realize that Scientology borrowed heavily from the NOI.

Another case of the white man ripping off the black man.



There is no description of Jesus in the bible. However, the description of Publius Lentullus and Pontius Pilate in letters (reports) back to Rome. Two men that we know lived in the area and in the correct time period gave a very similar description. Sandy, wavy hair and beard with blue/grey eyes and fair skin.
 
2012-04-13 11:36:16 AM
Everybody tries to use Jesus for whatever political purpose they think they can get away with. Remember when Hillary Clinton claimed that he was homeless? In truth, he wasn't homeless, he was a victim of Democrat policies. Caesar Augustus decreed that all the world should be taxed. Sure sign that he's a Democrat. Joseph and Mary had to go up to Bethlehem to pay the tax - another sign that it was a Democrat policy. Make the little guy do all the work. Joe was, after all, a carpenter trying to make a living. He wasn't homeless or unemployed but he had to take time off work to go pay his taxes. Then, he and Mary get to Bethlehem and there's no room at the inn because, true to form, the Dems just put out a policy with no idea how it's going to be accomplished or how the logistics will work so Joe, who was traveling slowly because Mary was 9 months pregnant, had no place to go. Not like he could wire ahead for a reservation or go on the internet to reserve a room. And thus, Jesus was born in a manger. Probably had health insurance back home but it wasn't transportable across town lines.

So you can interpret the Bible any way you want. See how easy it is? It doesn't even have to make sense.
 
2012-04-13 11:40:49 AM
I come from a long line of Kristoffersorians, so we believe Jesus was a Capricorn:

Link (new window)
 
2012-04-13 11:41:40 AM

pxsteel: There is no description of Jesus in the bible. However, the description of Publius Lentullus and Pontius Pilate in letters (reports) back to Rome. Two men that we know lived in the area and in the correct time period gave a very similar description. Sandy, wavy hair and beard with blue/grey eyes and fair skin.


Produce these letters forthwith, or be hereafter branded as a truthless knave!

(Actually, I've been pretty sure that that's what you are for a while, now, but this seems like as good a time as any to prove it.)
 
2012-04-13 11:44:22 AM
shroudofturin.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-04-13 11:44:31 AM

HoityToity: Jesus was not a black man.

He was a Jew.

He most likely had dark olive skin, a large nose, and wavy black hair. Probay had a dark beard, too.

The blonde haired, blue eyed pictures that you see are very appealing to western culture, but are not historically accurate.

Of course, He *is* Jesus. He can look however He wants to look.


Read the post right above yours. He could have been both black and Jewish.

I'm with the crowd that feels it is highly unlikely he was blonde with blue eyes. That said, I like to see Jesus depicted in a wide variety of ways. When I taught religious education, I tried to find books and pictures that ran the gamut in how he was depicted while stressing to the children that no one knows what he really looked like.
 
2012-04-13 11:45:03 AM
Whoa, that image is way bigger than i though.
 
2012-04-13 11:48:16 AM

wambu: This guy?

FARRAKHAN: Abraham Lincoln, the sixteenth president. Thomas Jefferson, the third president, and 16 and three make 19 again. What is so deep about this number 19? Why are we standing on the Capitol steps today? That number 19 -- when you have a nine you have a womb that is pregnant. And when you have a one standing by the nine, it means that there's something secret that has to be unfolded.

[i.imgur.com image 552x360]


numerology
 
2012-04-13 11:50:05 AM

indylaw: Lunaville: indylaw: He's probably one of those supertards that think that blacks and native Americans are the real Jewish diaspora and those we know as Jews are actually demons.

I know some white people who believe such silliness arguing that England was settled by a lost tribe of Abraham and the descendants of these people were destined to rule the USA. I've never heard of blacks or native Americans subscribing to such beliefs.

British Israelitism. I've seen medieval genealogical charts which attempt to show the descent of English royalty from David.

Some blacks hold similar dubious beliefs about distant Hebrew ancestry.

Hell, there are some Japanese that are convinced they're one of the lost tribes. It's usually not a race-supremacy belief, though.


Unfortunately, in my fathers' case it is a race-supremacy belief. Not that he's a racist. He'd be the first to adamantly explain to you that he is not a racist.
 
2012-04-13 11:52:10 AM

trappedspirit:


That Jesus looks like Drogo from Game of Thrones
 
2012-04-13 11:52:36 AM

meta1hed: [shroudofturin.files.wordpress.com image 584x777]


Is that Michael Landon?
 
2012-04-13 11:53:31 AM

indylaw: He's probably one of those supertards that think that blacks and native Americans are the real Jewish diaspora and those we know as Jews are actually demons.


O hai guyz, do you have a minute to discuss some really good news?

blog.sion.hr
 
2012-04-13 11:54:01 AM

degenerate-afro: Remember, you can't steal something that isn't physical. This was upheld in court yesterday. Also the day ebaums "we infringe on everyone else's IP" world issues a complaint is the day the collective head of the internet explodes.


heh

degenerate-afro: Also I'd like to point out that this is an old joke anyway. I remember hearing it for the first time in the 80s and I'm sure it's much older than that.


yo momma
 
2012-04-13 11:56:28 AM

Deucednuisance: pxsteel: There is no description of Jesus in the bible. However, the description of Publius Lentullus and Pontius Pilate in letters (reports) back to Rome. Two men that we know lived in the area and in the correct time period gave a very similar description. Sandy, wavy hair and beard with blue/grey eyes and fair skin.

Produce these letters forthwith, or be hereafter branded as a truthless knave!

(Actually, I've been pretty sure that that's what you are for a while, now, but this seems like as good a time as any to prove it.)


Look it up yourself. You might start with rendering for Tiberius Caesar. It's really easy and you might learn something.
 
2012-04-13 11:57:49 AM
As far as headlines go, Subby, that was a good one. +1
 
2012-04-13 12:00:21 PM

Lunaville: meta1hed: [shroudofturin.files.wordpress.com image 584x777]

Is that Michael Landon?


Kenny Loggins, pre "Top Gun" era?

"Manger at Pooh Corner?"
 
2012-04-13 12:01:28 PM

pxsteel: Look it up yourself. You might start with rendering for Tiberius Caesar. It's really easy and you might learn something.


Lo! The truthless knave returns with NOTHING.

I fear I shall have to retire to my chambers from the shock.

And why would I want to boil Tiberius Caesar and reserve the fat? He's such a nice fellow!

(Points and laughs at the knave who know'st not what "rendering" means!)
 
2012-04-13 12:03:23 PM

Debeo Summa Credo: Grandemadaca: rebelyell2006: That can't possibly be true since Jesus never existed.

Say what?

Most critical historians agree that Jesus existed and regard events such as his baptism and his crucifixion as historical. (new window)

Was he just a preacher or the actual son of God is the question.

Or, just some nut who pulled the greatest con in the history of humanity. Maybe Jesus and Muhammad just got lucky, and thousands of other crackpots (like David Koresh) could have started religiions that eventually attracted billions of followers if they had just caught a few breaks.


Well, Jesus and Muhammad never had to deal with the FBI.
 
2012-04-13 12:04:11 PM

HoityToity: Jesus was not a black man.

He was a Jew.

He most likely had dark olive skin, a large nose, and wavy black hair. Probay had a dark beard, too.

The blonde haired, blue eyed pictures that you see are very appealing to western culture, but are not historically accurate.

Of course, He *is* Jesus. He can look however He wants to look.


You're saying Jesus is a shape shifter?
 
2012-04-13 12:06:58 PM
There is no real reason to believe Jesus even actually existed - let alone belonged to any "race" or other.
 
2012-04-13 12:08:34 PM
Jesus is about as black as he is blond haired blue eyes depicted in most 'western' paintings or psychi. heck there have actually been scientific studies which speculated that he may even have short hair! From historical records a lot of lay people during that time in Jeruselam actually had short hair unlike what you see in movies etc.
 
2012-04-13 12:13:01 PM
Another hero of the Black Racists and the White Guilt Liberals. Even Muslims (real Muslims) think this guy is a heretic and a fraud.

Dare Calypso Louie to wear his Urkel outfit in a real mosque
 
2012-04-13 12:15:27 PM
Oh, Base Knave, truthless and foul?

I have learned something after all. You are also a gullible dupe!

"The Description of Publius Lentullus" and "The letter from Pontius Pilate to Tiberius Caesar" and "The Archko Volume" are all written years after Christ and are pseudopigrapha. The Publius Lentullus dates from 1420s, the letter from Pilate dates to the 4th century and is included in the apocryphal Acts of Peter and Paul. The Archko Volume as linked above is found in it's most primitive form from 1837. Fun to read, but hardly reliable as eyewitnesses of Christ.
 
2012-04-13 12:19:51 PM

Deucednuisance: pxsteel: Look it up yourself. You might start with rendering for Tiberius Caesar. It's really easy and you might learn something.

Lo! The truthless knave returns with NOTHING.

I fear I shall have to retire to my chambers from the shock.

And why would I want to boil Tiberius Caesar and reserve the fat? He's such a nice fellow!

(Points and laughs at the knave who know'st not what "rendering" means!)


Owe, the idiot that does not realize that the meanings of words change over time.
 
2012-04-13 12:20:18 PM
Jesus liked Gospel

Well... the Gospels sort of document Jesus' life, so they came after Him.
(But, you know, I may be over-analyzing the joke.)
 
2012-04-13 12:23:25 PM

pxsteel: the idiot


That's rich.

pxsteel: the idiot that does not realize that the meanings of words change over time.


Truthless, gullible, and devoid of a sense of humor is no way to go through life, son.
 
2012-04-13 12:26:41 PM

indylaw: Lunaville: indylaw: He's probably one of those supertards that think that blacks and native Americans are the real Jewish diaspora and those we know as Jews are actually demons.

I know some white people who believe such silliness arguing that England was settled by a lost tribe of Abraham and the descendants of these people were destined to rule the USA. I've never heard of blacks or native Americans subscribing to such beliefs.

British Israelitism. I've seen medieval genealogical charts which attempt to show the descent of English royalty from David.

Some blacks hold similar dubious beliefs about distant Hebrew ancestry.

Hell, there are some Japanese that are convinced they're one of the lost tribes. It's usually not a race-supremacy belief, though.


British Israelitism? you mean like this famous Willaim Blake Ditty?

And did those feet in ancient time.
Walk upon England's mountains green:
And was the holy Lamb of God,
On England's pleasant pastures seen!

And did the Countenance Divine,
Shine forth upon our clouded hills?
And was Jerusalem builded here,
Among these dark Satanic Mills?

Bring me my Bow of burning gold;
Bring me my Arrows of desire:
Bring me my Spear: O clouds unfold!
Bring me my Chariot of fire!

I will not cease from Mental Fight,
Nor shall my Sword sleep in my hand:
Till we have built Jerusalem,
In England's green & pleasant Land
 
2012-04-13 12:29:04 PM

SuperNinjaToad: Jesus is about as black as he is blond haired blue eyes depicted in most 'western' paintings or psychi. heck there have actually been scientific studies which speculated that he may even have short hair! From historical records a lot of lay people during that time in Jeruselam actually had short hair unlike what you see in movies etc.


Medieval and renaissance artists showed Jesus as (insert artist's race here) because science wasn't invented until the 1700s and the science of how things like race work wasn't developed until the late 1800s/early 1900s. Later depictions of Jesus as white were following the European artistic traditions.

However, someone race-correcting Jesus and doing it incorrectly now has neither the excuse of no one knowing how reproduction works yet nor a long tradition to sorta-justify the image. They're just stupid.

I May Be Crazy But...: Debeo Summa Credo: Grandemadaca: rebelyell2006: That can't possibly be true since Jesus never existed.

Say what?

Most critical historians agree that Jesus existed and regard events such as his baptism and his crucifixion as historical. (new window)

Was he just a preacher or the actual son of God is the question.

Or, just some nut who pulled the greatest con in the history of humanity. Maybe Jesus and Muhammad just got lucky, and thousands of other crackpots (like David Koresh) could have started religiions that eventually attracted billions of followers if they had just caught a few breaks.

Well, Jesus and Muhammad never had to deal with the FBI.


To be fair, Muhammad was a warlord who put together and army, took over a large chunk of the middle east, and established his family as what would be called god-emperors if it were based in a theology that weren't so similar to Christianity that European historians were capable of understanding the fine distinctions between a superpowered Prophet and a God.

So... less "luck" than "a huge quantity of charisma, skill, and effort".

//Also he actually wrote his own theology down, because he was actually an important figure when he was alive on account of, you know, actually existing and not being assembled from a bunch of random legends 400 years later.
 
2012-04-13 12:31:16 PM
Publius didn't even exist! (new window)

Seriously, have you read any authenticated Roman writing? If so, how can you read these forgeries and imagine that they could have been written by Romans in Jesus' time? Have you no ear at all?
 
2012-04-13 12:38:26 PM

Deucednuisance: Oh, Base Knave, truthless and foul?

I have learned something after all. You are also a gullible dupe!

"The Description of Publius Lentullus" and "The letter from Pontius Pilate to Tiberius Caesar" and "The Archko Volume" are all written years after Christ and are pseudopigrapha. The Publius Lentullus dates from 1420s, the letter from Pilate dates to the 4th century and is included in the apocryphal Acts of Peter and Paul. The Archko Volume as linked above is found in it's most primitive form from 1837. Fun to read, but hardly reliable as eyewitnesses of Christ.


IIRC have only the barest scraps of non-biblical evidence that somebody named Pontius Pilate actually existed or that he was governor of Judea
 
2012-04-13 12:40:12 PM

PreMortem: Who cares what Farrakhan has to say about anything.

Oh, yeah. Conservatives.


I do think they are the only people who take that man seriously. For everyone else, it is like going to see someone perform a comedy act... only that person has some sort of mental deficiencies, but you like to think that the cost of your ticket is going to help him and other people like him.
 
2012-04-13 12:41:18 PM
Jesus was a black man in the same way that George Zimmerman is white.

Discuss.
 
2012-04-13 12:41:35 PM

AbbeySomeone: You're saying Jesus is a shape shifter?


Shhhhhh
We're supposed to keep that information low-key.
 
2012-04-13 12:43:00 PM

Magorn: Deucednuisance: Grandemadaca: Most critical historians agree that Jesus existed and regard events such as his baptism and his crucifixion as historical.

Well, that's a load of horseshiate. There isn't a single contemporaneous historical reference to Jesus, and the few non-Biblical references there are refer to his followers, not to him. "Most critical historians" say there isn't enough evidence to say one way or the other.

Until the modern era there isn't a single contemperanous proof that 99% of the world existed. What do you want? His long form birth certificate?


blogs.westword.com
 
2012-04-13 12:50:33 PM

Deucednuisance: As to the Four Gospels. I dispute your 70 years claim: Many scholars date some of them to as late as 135 AD. And if I grant the 70 years, given the life expectancy of the time, and that the Apostles were adults, that's about three generations removed from the events (if they occurred), plenty of time for an oral mythology to be propagated. Ever play Post Office?


Memories can go a long time and be within a single telling. In Philly, a 111 year-old woman just died. Her grandmother was a slave.
 
2012-04-13 12:55:37 PM

pxsteel: HailRobonia: SharkTrager: People often do not realize that Scientology borrowed heavily from the NOI.

Another case of the white man ripping off the black man.


There is no description of Jesus in the bible. However, the description of Publius Lentullus and Pontius Pilate in letters (reports) back to Rome. Two men that we know lived in the area and in the correct time period gave a very similar description. Sandy, wavy hair and beard with blue/grey eyes and fair skin.


Red hair is a traditional stereotypical Jew trait. You got citation for the letters?
 
2012-04-13 01:01:40 PM
images2.fanpop.com

/hot... like a B.C. spliff
 
2012-04-13 01:15:02 PM

meta1hed: [shroudofturin.files.wordpress.com image 584x777]


Jesus looked like Kenny Loggins??

/mind blown
 
2012-04-13 01:16:02 PM

pxsteel: Deucednuisance: pxsteel: There is no description of Jesus in the bible. However, the description of Publius Lentullus and Pontius Pilate in letters (reports) back to Rome. Two men that we know lived in the area and in the correct time period gave a very similar description. Sandy, wavy hair and beard with blue/grey eyes and fair skin.

Produce these letters forthwith, or be hereafter branded as a truthless knave!

(Actually, I've been pretty sure that that's what you are for a while, now, but this seems like as good a time as any to prove it.)

Look it up yourself. You might start with rendering for Tiberius Caesar. It's really easy and you might learn something.


What? I don't know about DuecedNuisance, but myself I wouldn't know where to begin. I don't know what 'rendering for Tiberius Caesar' means. When did you first hear he was sandy-blond and had eyes like Athena (the greek version, anyway)? Sunday school, university, online?

Are you Christian?
 
2012-04-13 01:17:01 PM
Considering that nowhere in the gospels does it say, "When the workday was ended...", do you really want to make that distinction?
 
2012-04-13 01:17:35 PM
I figure a disembodied cawk with barbed wire jammed into it and blood dripping off of it would be jsut the thing to inspire followers to live a peaceful and generous life.

With a holy symbol like that you wouldn't have to worry about birth control issues!

Many years ago I took a 2 week package tour of Europe. We visited the Sistine Chapel and saw Michaelangelo's paintings. The priest giving the tour said that he (Michaelangelo not the priest) used his cousin for a model when he did Jesus, and that the real Jesus would have been black haired, brown eyed and swarthy. This was considered ethical at the time as the benefit of brining people to the "truth" was seen as more important than complete honesty. Because up until that point there were not many good pictures of Jesus's face, and it was a well done picture from a well known artist, people just adopted it and spread it. It gives me the giggles when I see it as people are worshiping Michaelangelo's cousin.
 
2012-04-13 01:22:05 PM

This text is now purple: In Philly, a 111 year-old woman just died. Her grandmother was a slave.


I wonder if she ever took antibiotics, had central heating or air conditioning or any of the myriad of things that extended life in the 20th that didn't exist in the first. My own Mom just entered Hospice at 93. Then again, she's bed-ridden and can barely speak, I doubt she'll be writing anything. But I'll grant you that by tradition, many of the Twelve lived long lives

But we do know for a fact that none of the gospels were written by the Disciples for whom they are named.
 
2012-04-13 01:23:52 PM
Century.

"20th Century".

Management regrets the error.
 
2012-04-13 01:26:10 PM

Durendal: Holy black Jesus, there's not enough facepalm in the world for the insanity that comes out of this guy's mouth.


It's not really that bizarre of a statement.

Yes, it's likely inaccurate, but certainly not more so than traditional European depictions of Christ.
 
2012-04-13 01:31:12 PM

Burning_Monk: [images2.fanpop.com image 511x359]

/hot... like a B.C. spliff


Love that movie.
 
2012-04-13 01:32:19 PM
He appeared white to whites
He appeared black to blacks
He appeared Asian to Asian
He appeared Hispanic to Hispanics

Apparently, he was a Vorlon.
 
2012-04-13 01:33:36 PM

PYROY: I've heard that the shroud of turin smells like cocoa butter, so there's that.


flamingdumbass.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-04-13 01:49:15 PM

A General Disdain For All Of Humanity: Apparently, he was a Vorlon.


How many Centuri does it take to change a lightbulb?
 
2012-04-13 01:53:09 PM

fireclown: A General Disdain For All Of Humanity: Apparently, he was a Vorlon.

How many Centuri does it take to change a lightbulb?


One - to order a Narn slave to do it.
 
2012-04-13 01:57:11 PM

que.guero: Jesus was a black man in the same way that George Zimmerman is white.

Discuss.


George Zimmerman was described as white in the initial police report. That's his race. That's his description. It's on his driver's license.

He is white

........................... but he's not white in the WASP/traditional 'neck way, so that's the trip up. His brand of whiteness doesn't follow the racial narrative pre-sets. We know why blacks are tripped up.

Do non-Hispanic/Anglo whites see Zimmerman as 'white', as what he puts on his government papers, though? Zimmerman's 'not-whiteness' tells us as much about blacks and the narrative, as it does whites and the narrative, but what I'm seeing is that only the blacks and the narrative issue is popping up, in order to smirk at blacks.

I'm not seeing the exact same discussions with the exact same smirking, towards Anglo whites who are suddenly not welcoming this Also-White man with open arms as one fo them. Why?
 
2012-04-13 01:59:07 PM

Burning_Monk: [images2.fanpop.com image 511x359]

/hot... like a B.C. spliff


The best scene in that entire movie. From the moment Jay says "How come it never rains big-titted blondes?" to Chris Rock saying "Let's break for a two-piece and a biscuit" it's the best theological discussion on film.
 
2012-04-13 01:59:18 PM

A General Disdain For All Of Humanity: He appeared white to whites
He appeared black to blacks
He appeared Asian to Asian
He appeared Hispanic to Hispanics

Apparently, he was a Vorlon.


Speaking of....... was Londo lying when he said he saw nothing?
 
2012-04-13 02:04:10 PM

Deucednuisance: This text is now purple: In Philly, a 111 year-old woman just died. Her grandmother was a slave.

I wonder if she ever took antibiotics, had central heating or air conditioning or any of the myriad of things that extended life in the 20th that didn't exist in the first.


That's a wonderful non-sequitor, but the point was that a story can be passed down within a single telling, even across a time-period commensurate with three generations. People often receive stories from grandparents or great-grandparents. 100 years is within the possibility of eye-witness testimony. There are plenty of people alive today who have met survivors of the Titanic.
 
2012-04-13 02:04:54 PM

propasaurus: +1, Subs.


This. Excellent headline.
 
2012-04-13 02:06:06 PM
aramaic speaking peoples' certainly looked more like modern day lebanese and hebrew types than white or black.
 
2012-04-13 02:09:45 PM
Excuse me. Everyone, I have a brief announcement to make. Jesus was black, Ronald Reagan was the devil, and the government is lying about 9-11. Thank you for your time and good night.
 
2012-04-13 02:11:16 PM

rebelyell2006: That can't possibly be true since Jesus never existed.


how can you say jesus never existed?
 
2012-04-13 02:14:58 PM

soakitincider: rebelyell2006: That can't possibly be true since Jesus never existed.

how can you say jesus never existed?


Easy: "Jesus never existed."

See?
 
2012-04-13 02:20:03 PM
Unlikely tag? He's closer to correct than all of the white-skinned, blue-eyed portraits we see of him in the Western world. Jesus was also a liberal, socialist, community organizer.
 
2012-04-13 02:23:18 PM
Jesus was a performance artist



"TAH-DAH!!!"
 
2012-04-13 02:24:23 PM
christianbackgrounds.info

"Ta-Dah!!!"
 
2012-04-13 02:24:45 PM

soakitincider: rebelyell2006: That can't possibly be true since Jesus never existed.

how can you say jesus never existed?


When people say Jesus did not exist, it is actually an intentional troll with the intent of asking their opponents to produce evidence that is not hearsay*, of which there is none.

*as in evidence that is usually not admissible in courts of law
 
2012-04-13 02:26:57 PM

Nick the What: soakitincider: rebelyell2006: That can't possibly be true since Jesus never existed.

how can you say jesus never existed?

When people say Jesus did not exist, it is actually an intentional troll with the intent of asking their opponents to produce evidence that is not hearsay*, of which there is none.

*as in evidence that is usually not admissible in courts of law


Yes, as the entire legal system and concepts of debate are actually just trolling.
 
2012-04-13 02:29:56 PM
Jesus was a muslim? Is that the islam version of mormons retroactively baptising people who have been dead for years?
 
2012-04-13 02:30:31 PM

soakitincider: rebelyell2006: That can't possibly be true since Jesus never existed.

how can you say jesus never existed?


No real contemporary evidence for his existence. The gospels were written 70 years after his death and not by his disciples as most christians would have you believe. OTOH there have been things that turn out to be true that have had very little hisorical evidence, the city Troy was used as an example up thread. There is simply no way of knowing if there was a historical Jesus or if he was an amalgam of first century jewish off-shoot preachers. Be just as suspicious of those who "know" there was a Jesus as you are of those who "know" there wasn't.
 
2012-04-13 02:32:51 PM
www.wadegraham.com
 
2012-04-13 02:34:28 PM

SuperNinjaToad: Jesus is about as black as he is blond haired blue eyes depicted in most 'western' paintings or psychi.


Most western paintings? He normally is depicted as brown-haired and brown-eyed.
 
2012-04-13 02:36:11 PM

Santa's Knee: Nick the What: soakitincider: rebelyell2006: That can't possibly be true since Jesus never existed.

how can you say jesus never existed?

When people say Jesus did not exist, it is actually an intentional troll with the intent of asking their opponents to produce evidence that is not hearsay*, of which there is none.

*as in evidence that is usually not admissible in courts of law

Yes, as the entire legal system and concepts of debate are actually just trolling.


My response: What LovingTeacher said 2 post above ^

//I was using the word troll in a good way
 
2012-04-13 02:37:04 PM
startheory.files.wordpress.com
Contemporary rendering of Yeshua ben Mirriam
 
2012-04-13 02:37:53 PM
We all know that God was Puerto Rican right? After he did name his son Jesus.
 
2012-04-13 02:48:11 PM
Soon I discovered that this rock thing was true
Jerry lee lewis was the devil
Jesus was an architect previous to his career as a prophet
All of a sudden, I found myself in love with the world
So there was only one thing that I could do
Was ding a ding dang my dang a long ling long

Jesus built my car
It's a love affair
Mainly jesus and my hot rod
 
2012-04-13 02:49:05 PM
Atheist, Jew, Christian, Muslim, Buddhist. Muslin lover, I dont care who you do or do not worship, this headline is funny
 
2012-04-13 03:09:24 PM

Jake Havechek: Fireproof:


The Mothership Connection (new window)


I bet the mothership is cloaked in a Hijab.

\Heh
 
2012-04-13 03:20:36 PM
Wow, this thread died off faster than a gay, communist Jew in Birkenau.
 
2012-04-13 03:20:40 PM
Dear Dr. Farrakhan,

As a white Christian, I believe I speak for many of our faith who say

api.ning.com

Please take your race-baiting bullshiat to another planet.

With brotherly love,

Mcsestretch
 
2012-04-13 03:25:29 PM

Splinshints: I have no more and no less reason to believe Farrakhan's claims about the myth of Jesus than I do any of the traditional Euro-centric versions of the story.


Occam's razor. Get one today.
 
2012-04-13 03:31:58 PM

chaddsfarkprefect: Yeah, and this is the hot rod he built me:

[www.bradsburgers.com image 500x375]


That there is a fly hoopty.
 
2012-04-13 03:41:19 PM

ExperianScaresCthulhu: A General Disdain For All Of Humanity: He appeared white to whites
He appeared black to blacks
He appeared Asian to Asian
He appeared Hispanic to Hispanics

Apparently, he was a Vorlon.

Speaking of....... was Londo lying when he said he saw nothing?


I wondered that too. Did he just see Sheridan floating down? That's the way I remember when they showed it from his perspective. That should have freaked him out. Drop a mile, IIRC, and no splat? Too bad Vir wasn't there and he could report on what he saw. All the other races saw their respective deity. Maybe the Vorlons never imprinted themselves onto the Centauri and that's why they (with a few exceptions) seem to lean towards the Shadows.
 
2012-04-13 04:00:21 PM
Black History Month just got better.
 
2012-04-13 04:34:33 PM

mcsestretch: Dear Dr. Farrakhan,

As a white Christian, I believe I speak for many of our faith who say

[api.ning.com image 486x353]

Please take your race-baiting bullshiat to another planet.

With brotherly love,

Mcsestretch



Do you kiss your Saviour with that filthy mouth? ;-)
 
2012-04-13 04:56:35 PM
Well, whatever Jesus was, he wasn't a fish belly-white European man like he's been portrayed everywhere.
 
2012-04-13 05:36:58 PM

A General Disdain For All Of Humanity: Maybe the Vorlons never imprinted themselves onto the Centauri and that's why they (with a few exceptions) seem to lean towards the Shadows.


As I recall, that was J. Michael Straczynski's explanation of that scene.

The Vorlons had manipulated man/most of the "younger races". Myths of angels and other divine beings of light were implanted by the Vorlons so younger races would venerate them as angels and gods if they left their encounter suits.

The Centauri were never affected by this for one reason or another, so they don't see the huge illusion when a Vorlon leaves their suit. They see either nothing at all (if the Vorlon is trying to actively invoke the programming so everyone sees what they want to be seen as, and the Centauri don't have that programming), or just an amorphous, vaguely-tentacled energy being (what they look like when they don't care about illusion any more, like when Ulkesh was being attacked by Sheridan, Kosh and most of B5 Security).
 
2012-04-13 06:05:41 PM

Silverstaff: A General Disdain For All Of Humanity: Maybe the Vorlons never imprinted themselves onto the Centauri and that's why they (with a few exceptions) seem to lean towards the Shadows.

As I recall, that was J. Michael Straczynski's explanation of that scene.

The Vorlons had manipulated man/most of the "younger races". Myths of angels and other divine beings of light were implanted by the Vorlons so younger races would venerate them as angels and gods if they left their encounter suits.

The Centauri were never affected by this for one reason or another, so they don't see the huge illusion when a Vorlon leaves their suit. They see either nothing at all (if the Vorlon is trying to actively invoke the programming so everyone sees what they want to be seen as, and the Centauri don't have that programming), or just an amorphous, vaguely-tentacled energy being (what they look like when they don't care about illusion any more, like when Ulkesh was being attacked by Sheridan, Kosh and most of B5 Security).


I don't believe that the Centauri were never manipulated by the Vorlons, they had telepaths after all. In fact most Centauri were somewhat precognitive about their deaths). I believe Londo didn't see anything because he was blinded by the shadow's influence.
 
2012-04-13 06:18:09 PM
I like to think that Jesus looked a fair bit like Max Klinger.

Also, fsck Farrakhan.

/liberal
 
2012-04-13 06:24:03 PM
Melanin is melanin.
 
2012-04-13 06:29:24 PM
"You are both wrong. The only real question is whether you believe in the legend of Davy Crockett Jesus or not. If you do, then there should be no doubt in your mind that he died a hero's death. If you do not believe in the legend, then he was just a man, and it does not matter how he died."
 
2012-04-13 06:35:14 PM

Burning_Monk: "You are both wrong. The only real question is whether you believe in the legend of Davy Crockett Jesus or not. If you do, then there should be no doubt in your mind that he died a hero's death. If you do not believe in the legend, then he was just a man, and it does not matter how he died."


And so it is, The Hero's Journey.

Everyman/woman's journey through the metaphysical world: does melanin matter that much?

No.

It matters not.

;)
 
2012-04-13 06:40:39 PM

Burning_Monk: "You are both wrong. The only real question is whether you believe in the legend of Davy Crockett Jesus or not. If you do, then there should be no doubt in your mind that he died a hero's death. If you do not believe in the legend, then he was just a man, and it does not matter how he died."


Klingons are weird. How can Worf say 'our gods are dead', and yet still venerate/worship the Divine Kahless? What is a god to a klingon?

/btw: the treatment of ferengi cosmology is why DS9 is better than even B5
//yes, I said it
//DS9 ending was better than B5 ending
/yes, I said that, too
 
2012-04-13 06:51:52 PM

ExperianScaresCthulhu: Klingons are weird. How can Worf say 'our gods are dead', and yet still venerate/worship the Divine Kahless? What is a god to a klingon?


In Klingon theology, the first Klingons rose up and killed the gods that created them. They don't have a creator god or a pantheon or such because in their legends, they killed them all.

Kahless became a figure of divine-like veneration after he died, being something of a Christ-like figure who basically laid out the tenets of the dominant belief system of the Klingon people (he created their whole honor code system) and setting up a prophecy of a second coming.

The only other semi-divine being in Klingon theology would be Fek'lahr, who is the keeper of Gre'thor, where the dishonored go when they die. He's sometimes likened to a devil-like figure, but that's disputed (since the TOS episode "Day of the Dove" says there is no Klingon devil, but the TNG episode "Devil's Due" said that he is the Klingon equivalent of Satan).

Apparently Kahless waits in Sto'vo'kor (Klingon Heaven, essentially Valhalla) for the honored dead who followed the code of honor he prescribed.
 
2012-04-13 08:04:54 PM
Since race does not exist, that would make him a blah person. Or, if there is no difference between the sexes that would make blah a blah person.
 
2012-04-13 08:38:26 PM

Tyranicle: Since race does not exist, that would make him a blah person. Or, if there is no difference between the sexes that would make blah a blah person.


Blah squared?

i love when i play into yer yokes...

;)
 
2012-04-13 08:39:02 PM

Indubitably: Tyranicle: Since race does not exist, that would make him a blah person. Or, if there is no difference between the sexes that would make blah a blah person.

Blah squared?

i love when i play into yer yokes...

;)


Epitomize duh-mb?

*sigh*
 
2012-04-13 08:56:21 PM

Indubitably: Indubitably: Tyranicle: Since race does not exist, that would make him a blah person. Or, if there is no difference between the sexes that would make blah a blah person.

Blah squared?

i love when i play into yer yokes...

;)

Epitomize duh-mb?

*sigh*


Confusing posts...
 
2012-04-13 09:06:01 PM
Just read your profile. Your an as*hole.
 
2012-04-13 09:09:29 PM

Tyranicle: Just read your profile. Your an as*hole.


Nope,

Just dancing...

*smarty-love-pants*

P.S. Apostrophe error.
 
2012-04-13 09:10:48 PM

Tyranicle: Just read your profile. Your an as*hole.


Just read yourn: arsehole.

heh.

;)
 
2012-04-13 09:11:59 PM

Indubitably: Tyranicle: Just read your profile. Your an as*hole.

Just read yourn: arsehole.

heh.

;)


p.s. i teach, you learn regardless...
 
2012-04-13 09:13:55 PM

Indubitably: Indubitably: Tyranicle: Just read your profile. Your an as*hole.

Just read yourn: arsehole.

heh.

;)

p.s. i teach, you learn regardless...


p.p.s. if i disappear ever, investigate. that is all...
 
2012-04-13 09:32:03 PM
+1 subby. You made my day.
 
2012-04-13 10:13:49 PM
Jesus wasn't dark skinned at all, you don't get much sun living in space ships.
 
2012-04-13 10:27:09 PM

ExperianScaresCthulhu: Red hair is a traditional stereotypical Jew trait. You got citation for the letters?


I believe some Pharaoh's of Egypt were light skinned and red haired. Not everyone living at the time was either black or olive skinned.
 
2012-04-14 12:07:17 AM

Santa's Knee: [a3.ec-images.myspacecdn.com image 600x450]

Gangstah Jesus


Shouldn't all those guns be sideways?
 
2012-04-14 03:26:23 PM

Hickory-smoked: Durendal: Holy black Jesus, there's not enough facepalm in the world for the insanity that comes out of this guy's mouth.

It's not really that bizarre of a statement.

Yes, it's likely inaccurate, but certainly not more so than traditional European depictions of Christ.


Not so much that. Read the rest of the article. The guy is nuttier than squirrel shiat.
 
2012-04-15 12:44:49 AM
This one's a winner, subby. See you at this year's HOTYs.
 
2012-04-15 12:50:09 AM

Party Boy: ebaums world (new window)There were 3 good arguments that Jesus could have been Black:

He called everyone brother
He liked Gospel
He couldn't get a fair trial.

jokes.com (new window)Proof that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everybody "brother."
2. He liked gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.

[i.imgur.com image 100x64]


Hmm. I take it back. To heck with you, Subby Mencia.
 
2012-04-15 12:21:22 PM
Wonder how Farrakhan would react if we were to say Muhammed was a white Christian?
 
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