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(CNN)   ♪ Ground control to Major Dong ♪   (cnn.com) divider line 376
    More: News, North Koreans, United States, United Nations Security Council, Kim Il Sung, rocket launch, Security Council resolutions, ballistic missiles, Kyodo News  
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29587 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Apr 2012 at 8:21 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-04-12 09:15:00 PM
Houston, we've isolated the problem...

t3.gstatic.com
/hot like an ICBM
 
2012-04-12 09:15:15 PM
Unless they found grain in space this may not work out for them
 
2012-04-12 09:15:32 PM
Sharks up 1-0 after 2nd
 
2012-04-12 09:15:49 PM

Enemabag Jones: IronTom,Ok, yeah, have you seen NASA lately?

NASA started going down the tubes when they doing too much freight delivery for the NSA. In a smaller, smarter role they might do more actual exploration work.


They contract that out these days anyway. NEAR, MESSENGER, and New Horizons (new window) have all been controlled out of JHUAPL, with at least NEAR being on time and under budget.

/my first job was at JHUAPL
 
2012-04-12 09:15:57 PM

JohnCarter: The number of failures USA had at the start of the rocket program was staggering (the USSR initially had better Germans that we did), but the difference was we did it all on live TV

Sort of worked out for us


So you're suggesting that things are inevitabrey going to change?
 
2012-04-12 09:16:31 PM
Its radar was jammed.
 
2012-04-12 09:16:40 PM
Those poor Kerbals.
 
2012-04-12 09:16:57 PM
Reading this thread to Peter Schilling's Major Tom...
 
2012-04-12 09:16:58 PM

Rodeodoc: Kevin72: Dalek Caan's doomed mistress: Apparently someone didn't read Wernher von Braun's notes closely enough. Oops.

"That's not my department"
Said Werner von Braun
"I make rocket go up
Don't know where it comes down."


Those lines are backwards, but thanks for trying.

You too may be a big hero,
Once you've learned to count backwards to zero.
"In German oder English I know how to count down,
Und I'm learning Chinese," says Wernher von Braun.

Expect BestKorea to soon publish video of their first man on the moon.


southparkstudios-intl.mtvnimages.com
 
2012-04-12 09:17:01 PM

KarmicDisaster: People who know are doubting that this could have worked anyway. Their rocket consists of basically of several of their "dong" rockets strapped together for the first stage, with one or two for the second and third stages. The rocket most likely does not have anywhere near enough impulse to launch into a polar orbit from their latitude (39 degrees), and the satellite that they showed did not appear to have any on orbit maneuvering ability to change it's orbit into a more polar one. So their "polar orbit" plan was out to begin with. In addition they have extreme difficulty getting any telemetry from their rockets, with no network of ground stations and certainly no in orbit satellite net to gather it. Maybe they have a few boats to help, but not much. They probably have no idea what went wrong, presumably staging like all their previous failures.


Killjoy. We need more humor to celebrate the great success of Best Korea on Grandpa's 100th birthday celebration!

/Seriously, citation needed. The US media played this up, and if someone reported that the rocket was crap, I would love to read it. Please provide a link of real news.
 
2012-04-12 09:17:09 PM

AverageAmericanGuy: fusillade762: I thought North Korea just used Photoshop for these occasions?

That's Iran.

North Korea uses water colors and pastel crayons.


No longer in the budget my friend, only recycled bar napkins and earwax.
 
2012-04-12 09:18:53 PM

Tennozan: AverageAmericanGuy: fusillade762: I thought North Korea just used Photoshop for these occasions?

That's Iran.

North Korea uses water colors and pastel crayons.

No longer in the budget my friend, only recycled bar napkins and earwax.


Along with the blood and tears of the poor for that special, North Korean glossy finish.
 
2012-04-12 09:19:29 PM
Heads will roll.
 
2012-04-12 09:20:32 PM

muck1969: North Korea vs Evil Genius
[i40.tinypic.com image 640x244]


No, you see, that's just the Mission Control simulator. The real deal is a technological marvel twice as advanced as NASA Control, which is why North Korea launches weather satellites, all of NASA's crash. The world's crop efficiency is less than half of what Best Korean scientists have calculated, which is why Best Korea launched their satellite into orbit today. We will soon see much more food for all peoples of the world.
 
2012-04-12 09:21:30 PM
How do they have HD video of this rocket being prepared? Or, is it footage from a different rocket? Is there footage of the rocket even taking off or burning up? If their rocket actually burnt up like this, their military looks to the rest of the world as being pretty sad.

meiobit.com
 
2012-04-12 09:21:54 PM

zarberg: There's a reporter on the news right now saying that he and dozens of other reporters had been gathered in a room in Pyongyang, presumably to be told by an official that their rocket launch was a success. The reporters heard from their news desks that the launch had failed and a little while later the North Korean "keeper" of the journalists excitedly came in and said they were all being brought to a music festival. Apparently all the reporters looked at him like he was nuts, he was asked about the rocket and gave a blank stare and then nearly ran out of the room.


"And now I will tell you of the latest updates on glorious rocket-ship of the Korean People... OMG! Look over there- WHAT'S THAT???"

/hey where'd he go?
 
2012-04-12 09:22:02 PM
I was watching a preview of this and they showed their launch control center. On one of the screens they were clearly running Satellite Tool Kit, a very expensive commercial program. Something tells me they didn't pay the license fee.

Also a NASA guy was allowed to see the payload, he thought it was a model and was shocked that they were going to try to put that into orbit. The whole thing is a CF.
 
2012-04-12 09:22:03 PM
Ding-dong the rocket's gone...
 
2012-04-12 09:22:56 PM

zarberg: There's a reporter on the news right now saying that he and dozens of other reporters had been gathered in a room in Pyongyang, presumably to be told by an official that their rocket launch was a success. The reporters heard from their news desks that the launch had failed and a little while later the North Korean "keeper" of the journalists excitedly came in and said they were all being brought to a music festival. Apparently all the reporters looked at him like he was nuts, he was asked about the rocket and gave a blank stare and then nearly ran out of the room.


"Rocket? What rocket?"
 
2012-04-12 09:23:05 PM
 
2012-04-12 09:23:11 PM

naughtyrev: So now they'll just test another nuke to compensate for this failure. Probably also say we (or someone else) shot it down because we were afraid of them.


The American Imperialists moved space OUT OF THE WAY from in front of it.
 
2012-04-12 09:24:14 PM

zarberg: There's a reporter on the news right now saying that he and dozens of other reporters had been gathered in a room in Pyongyang, presumably to be told by an official that their rocket launch was a success. The reporters heard from their news desks that the launch had failed and a little while later the North Korean "keeper" of the journalists excitedly came in and said they were all being brought to a music festival. Apparently all the reporters looked at him like he was nuts, he was asked about the rocket and gave a blank stare and then nearly ran out of the room.


"Um... the information on the rocket is in my car." *runs out of the room*

*sound of car door opening, slamming shut, car driving away*

*sound of airplane taking off*
 
2012-04-12 09:25:34 PM
gag tweet from twit acct KimJongNumberUn:

KimJongNumberUn @KimJongNumberUn

My rocket didn't launch. I swear this has never happened to me before.
 
2012-04-12 09:26:20 PM

Sock Ruh Tease: zarberg: There's a reporter on the news right now saying that he and dozens of other reporters had been gathered in a room in Pyongyang, presumably to be told by an official that their rocket launch was a success. The reporters heard from their news desks that the launch had failed and a little while later the North Korean "keeper" of the journalists excitedly came in and said they were all being brought to a music festival. Apparently all the reporters looked at him like he was nuts, he was asked about the rocket and gave a blank stare and then nearly ran out of the room.

"Um... the information on the rocket is in my car." *runs out of the room*

*sound of car door opening, slamming shut, car driving away*

*sound of airplane taking off*


*Sound of North Korean plane from WWI shooting down the plane*
 
2012-04-12 09:28:46 PM

rev. dave: They failed at attention whoring too.
We are wise to their shenanigans and will not give as much food as we did before this time.


Do you think that Kim will suffer for that?

UCFRoadWarrior: I wonder how many millions starved so the BestKoreans could launch their rocket?

Lets just nuke the craphole and get it over with


Or, even better, take out the Kims and demolish their Stalinist cult-of-personality. Hopefully, the South could extend its influence to the North, perhaps leading to reunification. More likely would be the PRC installing a puppet dictator there.

mpfjr: You do realize we did it without 50 years of information that can be gathered on the internet or even from one of those book things lots of Nazi help.


FTFY. And the American space program was embarrassingly bad at first. Russia shat all over the first attempts at rocketry in the US. The USSR won many of the battles of the space race, from first artificial satellite to even landing a rover on the moon.

ZenBrony: Huh... You mean bailing wire and recycled 8086 processors don't make for great rockets? Weird.


How powerful do you think the processors used in the Apollo project were?

Also brings to mind the first artificial nuclear reactor, from Enrico Fermi:

upload.wikimedia.org

Greatness comes through small steps, and building on previous accomplishments.
 
2012-04-12 09:29:30 PM
Came for Gary Seven image, thank you, phrawgh.
 
2012-04-12 09:30:11 PM

desertfool: KarmicDisaster: People who know are doubting that this could have worked anyway. Their rocket consists of basically of several of their "dong" rockets strapped together for the first stage, with one or two for the second and third stages. The rocket most likely does not have anywhere near enough impulse to launch into a polar orbit from their latitude (39 degrees), and the satellite that they showed did not appear to have any on orbit maneuvering ability to change it's orbit into a more polar one. So their "polar orbit" plan was out to begin with. In addition they have extreme difficulty getting any telemetry from their rockets, with no network of ground stations and certainly no in orbit satellite net to gather it. Maybe they have a few boats to help, but not much. They probably have no idea what went wrong, presumably staging like all their previous failures.

Killjoy. We need more humor to celebrate the great success of Best Korea on Grandpa's 100th birthday celebration!

/Seriously, citation needed. The US media played this up, and if someone reported that the rocket was crap, I would love to read it. Please provide a link of real news.



This talks about some of it, how the previous launches failed, the very difficult orbit insertion maneuver, which was probably impossible, and the lack of ground stations.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/47030095/ns/technology_and_science-space/
 
2012-04-12 09:30:47 PM
Someone should have pushed the primer bulb a couple more times.
i211.photobucket.com
/At least someone was kind enough to let them launch from their back yard.
 
2012-04-12 09:31:26 PM

mpfjr: JohnCarter: The number of failures USA had at the start of the rocket program was staggering (the USSR initially had better Germans that we did), but the difference was we did it all on live TV

Sort of worked out for us

You do realize we did it without 50 years of information that can be gathered on the internet or even from one of those book things. But you go ahead and compare the accomplishments of the U.S. and Russians vs. the North Koreans.


This..

KarmicDisaster:
People who know are doubting that this could have worked anyway. Their rocket consists of basically of several of their "dong" rockets strapped together for the first stage, with one or two for the second and third stages. The rocket most likely does not have anywhere near enough impulse to launch into a polar orbit from their latitude (39 degrees), and the satellite that they showed did not appear to have any on orbit maneuvering ability to change it's orbit into a more polar one. So their "polar orbit" plan was out to begin with. In addition they have extreme difficulty getting any telemetry from their rockets, with no network of ground stations and certainly no in orbit satellite net to gather it. Maybe they have a few boats to help, but not much. They probably have no idea what went wrong, presumably staging like all their previous failures.

This...

SharkTrager:
ZenBrony: Huh... You mean bailing wire and recycled 8086 processors don't make for great rockets? Weird.

You know, our early rockets didn't even have that.


And this.
 
2012-04-12 09:32:31 PM

iron de havilland: rev. dave: They failed at attention whoring too.
We are wise to their shenanigans and will not give as much food as we did before this time.

Do you think that Kim will suffer for that?

UCFRoadWarrior: I wonder how many millions starved so the BestKoreans could launch their rocket?

Lets just nuke the craphole and get it over with

Or, even better, take out the Kims and demolish their Stalinist cult-of-personality. Hopefully, the South could extend its influence to the North, perhaps leading to reunification. More likely would be the PRC installing a puppet dictator there.

mpfjr: You do realize we did it without 50 years of information that can be gathered on the internet or even from one of those book things lots of Nazi help.

FTFY. And the American space program was embarrassingly bad at first. Russia shat all over the first attempts at rocketry in the US. The USSR won many of the battles of the space race, from first artificial satellite to even landing a rover on the moon.

ZenBrony: Huh... You mean bailing wire and recycled 8086 processors don't make for great rockets? Weird.

How powerful do you think the processors used in the Apollo project were?

Also brings to mind the first artificial nuclear reactor, from Enrico Fermi:

[upload.wikimedia.org image 612x480]

Greatness comes through small steps, and building on previous accomplishments.


Oh, ffs. They have access to more stuff than we did then, and they got help from Russia.

The Ugandan Space Agency (new window) has a better chance than North Korea at this point.
 
2012-04-12 09:32:37 PM

KangTheMad: Tennozan: AverageAmericanGuy: fusillade762: I thought North Korea just used Photoshop for these occasions?

That's Iran.

North Korea uses water colors and pastel crayons.

No longer in the budget my friend, only recycled bar napkins and earwax.

Along with the blood and tears of the poor for that special, North Korean glossy finish.


Yes, Yes - I had forgotten that those were still in the budget, and had only enhanced the 2 dimensional effect that is so highly sought after in Best Korea. Many tears were gathered after the passing of the Beloved Father, although most were used as lubricant for the rocket's internal gyro mechanisms. Still no word as to why it failed.
 
2012-04-12 09:33:38 PM

KarmicDisaster: desertfool: KarmicDisaster: People who know are doubting that this could have worked anyway. Their rocket consists of basically of several of their "dong" rockets strapped together for the first stage, with one or two for the second and third stages. The rocket most likely does not have anywhere near enough impulse to launch into a polar orbit from their latitude (39 degrees), and the satellite that they showed did not appear to have any on orbit maneuvering ability to change it's orbit into a more polar one. So their "polar orbit" plan was out to begin with. In addition they have extreme difficulty getting any telemetry from their rockets, with no network of ground stations and certainly no in orbit satellite net to gather it. Maybe they have a few boats to help, but not much. They probably have no idea what went wrong, presumably staging like all their previous failures.

Killjoy. We need more humor to celebrate the great success of Best Korea on Grandpa's 100th birthday celebration!

/Seriously, citation needed. The US media played this up, and if someone reported that the rocket was crap, I would love to read it. Please provide a link of real news.


This talks about some of it, how the previous launches failed, the very difficult orbit insertion maneuver, which was probably impossible, and the lack of ground stations.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/47030095/ns/technology_and_science-space/


So let me get this straight.

My home model rocket launches (go out into the middle of the lake, stick 3 enormous engines in, let it fly, and never see it again) were about on the same technological level as North Korea's launches.

That's kinda sad.
 
2012-04-12 09:34:56 PM

Tony_Pepperoni: [i.imgur.com image 400x304]


GOD DAMN IT!! You just had to go there didn't you?!

/installs Evil Genius
/mumbles something about Jet Chan
 
2012-04-12 09:35:32 PM

KarmicDisaster: People who know are doubting that this could have worked anyway. Their rocket consists of basically of several of their "dong" rockets strapped together for the first stage, with one or two for the second and third stages. The rocket most likely does not have anywhere near enough impulse to launch into a polar orbit from their latitude (39 degrees), and the satellite that they showed did not appear to have any on orbit maneuvering ability to change it's orbit into a more polar one. So their "polar orbit" plan was out to begin with. In addition they have extreme difficulty getting any telemetry from their rockets, with no network of ground stations and certainly no in orbit satellite net to gather it. Maybe they have a few boats to help, but not much. They probably have no idea what went wrong, presumably staging like all their previous failures.


Exactly, I still think South Korea will get there first. They've just been unlucky so far but they have a rocket and a space program that should eventually work rather than the jury rigged POS that North Korea has.
 
2012-04-12 09:36:35 PM

Burr: Tony_Pepperoni: [i.imgur.com image 400x304]

GOD DAMN IT!! You just had to go there didn't you?!

/installs Evil Genius
/mumbles something about Jet Chan


And wrong person quoted!

/Still blames Jet Chan for this
 
2012-04-12 09:36:50 PM

yobbery: /At least someone was kind enough to let them launch from their back yard.


Hey, what could possibly go wrong with tons of rocket fuel near trees? Here, hold my beer....
 
2012-04-12 09:37:29 PM

Kevin72: North Korea is the worst country in the world. Its people are starving. But food aid goes to its military.


I wonder what it's like to live in a country that has high poverty rates, a crumbling infrastructure, an anti-intellectual climate and spends an insane amount of it's money on military.
 
2012-04-12 09:38:11 PM

meyerkev: KarmicDisaster: desertfool: KarmicDisaster: People who know are doubting that this could have worked anyway. Their rocket consists of basically of several of their "dong" rockets strapped together for the first stage, with one or two for the second and third stages. The rocket most likely does not have anywhere near enough impulse to launch into a polar orbit from their latitude (39 degrees), and the satellite that they showed did not appear to have any on orbit maneuvering ability to change it's orbit into a more polar one. So their "polar orbit" plan was out to begin with. In addition they have extreme difficulty getting any telemetry from their rockets, with no network of ground stations and certainly no in orbit satellite net to gather it. Maybe they have a few boats to help, but not much. They probably have no idea what went wrong, presumably staging like all their previous failures.

Killjoy. We need more humor to celebrate the great success of Best Korea on Grandpa's 100th birthday celebration!

/Seriously, citation needed. The US media played this up, and if someone reported that the rocket was crap, I would love to read it. Please provide a link of real news.


This talks about some of it, how the previous launches failed, the very difficult orbit insertion maneuver, which was probably impossible, and the lack of ground stations.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/47030095/ns/technology_and_science-space/

So let me get this straight.

My home model rocket launches (go out into the middle of the lake, stick 3 enormous engines in, let it fly, and never see it again) were about on the same technological level as North Korea's launches.

That's kinda sad.



In addition, their proposed launch direction was wrong for actually putting a satellite in polar orbit, requiring an almost impossible maneuver at right angles at the end. See...

http://www.northkoreatech.org/2012/04/11/where-is-north-koreas-satell i te-heading/


Seems like they knew it would likely fail.
 
2012-04-12 09:39:06 PM
it broke apart before escaping the earth's atmosphere and fell into the sea, officials said.

More propaganda from the running dog lackeys. Not only did it successfully reach orbit, it successfully deployed its payload, a satellite broadcasting revolutionary songs to the greater glory of Kim Il-Sung, without whom...

...aack. It's even hard to write that kind of dreck in jest.
 
2012-04-12 09:39:46 PM
They cannot do anything right -- except aggravate the hell out of the USA. They are farking pros at that shiat.
 
2012-04-12 09:40:13 PM

meyerkev: KarmicDisaster: desertfool: KarmicDisaster: People who know are doubting that this could have worked anyway. Their rocket consists of basically of several of their "dong" rockets strapped together for the first stage, with one or two for the second and third stages. The rocket most likely does not have anywhere near enough impulse to launch into a polar orbit from their latitude (39 degrees), and the satellite that they showed did not appear to have any on orbit maneuvering ability to change it's orbit into a more polar one. So their "polar orbit" plan was out to begin with. In addition they have extreme difficulty getting any telemetry from their rockets, with no network of ground stations and certainly no in orbit satellite net to gather it. Maybe they have a few boats to help, but not much. They probably have no idea what went wrong, presumably staging like all their previous failures.

Killjoy. We need more humor to celebrate the great success of Best Korea on Grandpa's 100th birthday celebration!

/Seriously, citation needed. The US media played this up, and if someone reported that the rocket was crap, I would love to read it. Please provide a link of real news.


This talks about some of it, how the previous launches failed, the very difficult orbit insertion maneuver, which was probably impossible, and the lack of ground stations.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/47030095/ns/technology_and_science-space/

So let me get this straight.

My home model rocket launches (go out into the middle of the lake, stick 3 enormous engines in, let it fly, and never see it again) were about on the same technological level as North Korea's launches.

That's kinda sad.


Heh, I bet three farkers supplied with 20 six-packs and a playboy magazine could get some rocket across the Pacific to North Korea. Of course, the little rascals would probably try to reverse engineer the Wondrous Technology Imagine By Dear Leader In A Dream.
 
2012-04-12 09:41:17 PM

InmanRoshi: Kevin72: North Korea is the worst country in the world. Its people are starving. But food aid goes to its military.

I wonder what it's like to live in a country that has high poverty rates, a crumbling infrastructure, an anti-intellectual climate and spends an insane amount of it's money on military.


I would imagine a lot like Zimbabwe.
 
2012-04-12 09:41:59 PM
Before or after the launch?
**checks article**
Hmm, afterwards. Well, that's better than I expected. Good job, I guess.
 
2012-04-12 09:43:15 PM
Glorious Leader: "I have great intelligence from pig-dog US of A!"

Crowd: "Tell us, Glorious Leader!"

Glorious Leader: "Intelligence say, Nuke it from ground, it's the only way to be sure!"
 
2012-04-12 09:43:19 PM

KarmicDisaster: This talks about some of it, how the previous launches failed, the very difficult orbit insertion maneuver, which was probably impossible, and the lack of ground stations.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/47030095/ns/technology_and_science-space/


News of a 'rogue nation' launching a rocket that would be lucky if it could even hit the ground doesn't make good news at 6. Hard to get the politicos lathered up over just that and there wasn't much coverage of the thing having a 3 in 5 chance of falling right back down and landing on Best Korea and about a 1 in 5 chance of just sitting there and blowing the launch facility all to hell.
 
2012-04-12 09:43:19 PM

ElLoco: Its radar was jammed.


cinemafanatic.files.wordpress.com

2.bp.blogspot.com

Video Link (new window)
 
2012-04-12 09:44:31 PM

Kevin72: North Korea is the worst country in the world.


One of the rare statements think (I think) we can all agree on. Sometimes I wonder how we can have such a cartoony-villainous hilarious-but-tragic regime on this planet. Then my thinking flips around and I wonder how we could not have one. I guess if they weren't the worst some other country would be. Someone's got to set the low bar, right? Could there be a lower bar for terrible countries than the one NK has set? Then my thinking flips around again.

WTF. I need another beer.
 
2012-04-12 09:44:52 PM

KangTheMad: I bet three farkers supplied with 20 six-packs and a playboy magazine could get some rocket across the Pacific to North Korea.


Considering that's it's pretty much certain that there are at least three farkers who are aerospace engineers? You could see it happen.
 
2012-04-12 09:44:56 PM

WhyteRaven74: yobbery: /At least someone was kind enough to let them launch from their back yard.

Hey, what could possibly go wrong with tons of rocket fuel near trees? Here, hold my beer....


They had a rail-car full of fertilizer explode a few years ago. Thing is, that incident happened in a populated area, killing over 100, injuring over 1,000, and completely destroying almost 2,000 buildings.
 
2012-04-12 09:46:39 PM

InmanRoshi: Kevin72: North Korea is the worst country in the world. Its people are starving. But food aid goes to its military.

I wonder what it's like to live in a country that has high poverty rates, a crumbling infrastructure, an anti-intellectual climate and spends an insane amount of it's money on military.


You must not be from around here....
 
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