If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Sly Oyster)   A grammatical analysis of Steven Seagal movie titles. Because why not   (slyoyster.com) divider line 46
    More: Spiffy, Steven Seagal  
•       •       •

5267 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 12 Apr 2012 at 2:13 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



46 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2012-04-12 11:35:30 AM
Clementine?
 
2012-04-12 12:52:18 PM
Don't you people have homes?
 
2012-04-12 02:27:00 PM
img.photobucket.com

I like pie charts as well
 
2012-04-12 02:43:03 PM
Steven Seagal: An akido -proficient Nicolas Cage? Discuss.
 
2012-04-12 02:47:29 PM
There was a time when several of my roommates and friends worked at Waffle House. We discovered most Steven Seagal movies could be reenacted in a WH during third shift.

Hard to Grill
Above the Slaw
Out for Just Ice
 
2012-04-12 02:52:47 PM
Steven Seagal is:

Hard of Hearing
Hard to Stomach
Out of Food

After a hard night of partying in Bangkok, Steven Seagan has:

A Fire Down Below.
 
2012-04-12 02:55:38 PM

palelizard: There was a time when several of my roommates and friends worked at Waffle House. We discovered most Steven Seagal movies could be reenacted in a WH during third shift.

Hard to Grill
Above the Slaw
Out for Just Ice


I am thinking Fire Down Below needs no modification?
 
2012-04-12 03:01:02 PM

Apos: Steven Seagal: An akido -proficient Nicolas Cage? Discuss.


No - Nic Cage actually did some great acting in some classic films (Raising Arizona, Leaving Las Vegas). Granted he has done a pile of crap, too. Actually, he's all over the chart. Matchstick Men was quite good, as was Lord of War. Then there was the Wicker Man thing. And on and on.

Segal is passable to awful, playing essentially the same character with the same expressions and mannerisms.

37 movies? Really? I would have guessed about 20. They all run together (the ones I have bothered to watch).
 
2012-04-12 03:01:13 PM

Apos: Steven Seagal: An akido -proficient Nicolas Cage? Discuss.


how am i not in that movie?

www.mediamarketjournal.com
 
2012-04-12 03:03:04 PM
Anyone know why Richie did Bobby Lupo?
 
2012-04-12 03:04:31 PM

AxL sANe: Segal is passable to awful, playing essentially the same character with the same expressions and mannerisms.


Out for Justice and Hard to Kill are great movies.
 
2012-04-12 03:08:39 PM
All those movies...and I think I've only seen one of them.
 
2012-04-12 03:10:30 PM
Would you believe that 65% of his movie titles could be described as "Steven Seagal is ..."

Yeah, right after I read the article on Cracked.

/seriously, who greens the links to these second tier blogs that do nothing but recycle old material?
 
2012-04-12 03:10:44 PM

hammettman: Don't you people have homes?


Ever kiss a girl?
 
2012-04-12 03:10:57 PM

dustygrimp: palelizard: There was a time when several of my roommates and friends worked at Waffle House. We discovered most Steven Seagal movies could be reenacted in a WH during third shift.

Hard to Grill
Above the Slaw
Out for Just Ice

I am thinking Fire Down Below needs no modification?


Ah, you've eaten in a Waffle House...
 
2012-04-12 03:13:39 PM

Gunny Highway: AxL sANe: Segal is passable to awful, playing essentially the same character with the same expressions and mannerisms.

Out for Justice and Hard to Kill are great movies.



Yeah, his movies were fun back before he turned into a land whale. The thing that ever really bothered me was when they insisted on "spicing up" the fight choreography with high kicks Seagal obviously had no proficiency in executing. There are some hilariously bad moments in otherwise well done fight scenes.
 
2012-04-12 03:17:56 PM

Gunderson: [img.photobucket.com image 251x251]

I like pie charts as well


Me too.
homepage.mac.com
 
2012-04-12 03:37:53 PM
*SNAP*

That's the sound of the article's writer having his elbow bent ninety degrees the wrong way by Steven Segal.

/'I'M GONNA TAKE YOU TO THE BANK...TO THE BLOOD BANK.''
 
2012-04-12 03:43:29 PM

Apos: Steven Seagal: An akido -proficient Nicolas Cage? Discuss.


People may call it akido, but most of what Seagal portrays on film is akijustu. As I understand it, most of the -justsu arts (kenjitsu, akijustu, jujutsu) became -do arts (akido, akido, judo) after a taoist movement through Japan a couple of centuries ago following the end of the Tokegawa period. Simple explanation of differences: -Justus are war arts, and -dos are peace arts. The peace art versions are heavier on meditation and accultrualization, the war arts are more focussed on making warriors faster. Seagal has too many bonebreaking moves, and fast disable moves in his (better) fight scenes to really consider it akido.

So, Nicholas Cage, if he somehow learned akido, would not be able to replace Seagal, who actually does akijutsu on film.

/don't get me started on the history of gung fu
 
2012-04-12 03:51:50 PM
I was always struck by the way that nearly all of his movies seem to have three-word titles.

Maybe it was a clause in his contract.
 
2012-04-12 03:54:20 PM
I'm just glad "Executive Decision" wasn't on that list. Because he got top billing for 10 minutes work.
 
2012-04-12 03:55:17 PM

Rhypskallion: People may call it akido, but most of what Seagal portrays on film is akijustu. As I understand it, most of the -justsu arts (kenjitsu, akijustu, jujutsu) became -do arts (akido, akido, judo) after a taoist movement through Japan a couple of centuries ago following the end of the Tokegawa period. Simple explanation of differences: -Justus are war arts, and -dos are peace arts. The peace art versions are heavier on meditation and accultrualization, the war arts are more focussed on making warriors faster. Seagal has too many bonebreaking moves, and fast disable moves in his (better) fight scenes to really consider it akido.


Isnt he an akido master in real life or something?
 
2012-04-12 03:56:13 PM
So did they intentionally list "On Deadly Ground" in two different categories, or is that just a farkup?
 
2012-04-12 04:01:03 PM

Sybarite: Clementine?


that was my first reaction. south korean cage-fighting movie. he had like 10 minutes of screen time.


also wtf stephen seagal has been in 37 movies? how?
 
2012-04-12 04:07:07 PM

jaggspb: Apos: Steven Seagal: An akido -proficient Nicolas Cage? Discuss.

how am i not in that movie?

[www.mediamarketjournal.com image 286x300]


You bring shame upon your dojo.
 
2012-04-12 04:08:59 PM

Gig103: I'm just glad "Executive Decision" wasn't on that list. Because he got top billing for 10 minutes work.


That,the first Under Siege flick and Hard To Kill are the only three I can watch without guffawing.
 
2012-04-12 04:23:04 PM

Gunny Highway:
Isnt he an akido master in real life or something?


Yes he is. Seventh degree black belt per wikipedia. However what he portrays on screen in his (better) fight scenes I would classify as akijutsu.
 
2012-04-12 04:41:48 PM

Rhypskallion: Gunny Highway:
Isnt he an akido master in real life or something?

Yes he is. Seventh degree black belt per wikipedia. However what he portrays on screen in his (better) fight scenes I would classify as akijutsu.


I hear that he's currently the only gaijin with a dojo in the land of the rising sun-which,if true,is an extraordinary achievement. If only he'd focus more on that.
 
2012-04-12 04:46:42 PM

Rhypskallion: Seventh degree black belt per wikipedia.


Which is ridiculous in a good way. You have to have been a sixth degree for 12 years to even be considered for seventh, and there have been fewer then 20 eighth ranks in aikido ever.
 
2012-04-12 05:30:53 PM
hahahaha .. that chart is awesome. Grammar is so much fun to study and manipulate. Some of my best friends are cunning linguists.
 
2012-04-12 05:32:21 PM

Cybernetic: I was always struck by the way that nearly all of his movies seem to have three-word titles.

Maybe it was a clause in his contract.


BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
 
2012-04-12 05:46:37 PM

puckrock2000: So did they intentionally list "On Deadly Ground" in two different categories, or is that just a farkup?


They also seem to think he was in "The Patriot", so I'm going with fark up.
 
2012-04-12 05:46:42 PM
used to like him, now he is a bloated has been, more boring than exciting
 
2012-04-12 06:24:14 PM
tsmall;dr

My mom went to Buena Park High School with that guy. He's in all her yearbooks as "Steve Seagal".

brool.
 
2012-04-12 06:48:55 PM

fusillade762: puckrock2000: So did they intentionally list "On Deadly Ground" in two different categories, or is that just a farkup?

They also seem to think he was in "The Patriot", so I'm going with fark up.


Sadly, he was in a movie called "The Patriot." He plays a doctor in it. Doesn't get much more ridiculous than that.
 
2012-04-12 07:39:41 PM

dietbubba: fusillade762: puckrock2000: So did they intentionally list "On Deadly Ground" in two different categories, or is that just a farkup?

They also seem to think he was in "The Patriot", so I'm going with fark up.

Sadly, he was in a movie called "The Patriot." He plays a doctor in it. Doesn't get much more ridiculous than that.


Ah. So obscure it didn't even come up when I Googled it.
 
2012-04-12 07:40:04 PM

Rhypskallion: Gunny Highway:
Isnt he an akido master in real life or something?

Yes he is. Seventh degree black belt per wikipedia. However what he portrays on screen in his (better) fight scenes I would classify as akijutsu.


Yeah, I trained for a bit with a 6th Dan instructor. I swear, he could move two inches and send you flying 20 feet across the room. Damned impressive.
 
2012-04-12 07:44:21 PM

Trackball: All those movies...and I think I've only seen one of them.


It is just one film-with 36 interchangeable titles and costars.
 
2012-04-12 08:23:07 PM

dietbubba: fusillade762: puckrock2000: So did they intentionally list "On Deadly Ground" in two different categories, or is that just a farkup?

They also seem to think he was in "The Patriot", so I'm going with fark up.

Sadly, he was in a movie called "The Patriot." He plays a doctor in it. Doesn't get much more ridiculous than that.


I saw this.. Probably on Netflix.

Not to give away the plot, but magic flowers only known by the local Native American tribe turn out to be the cure for the biological agent released by the local separatist group in Montana. They discover this because the one surviving guy gets better after drinking an herbal tea made of this flower.

Somehow they manage to extract the active agent in the flower and distribute it to the hot zone. Steven Seagal emotes.
 
2012-04-12 08:44:12 PM

Cubicle Jockey: Rhypskallion: Seventh degree black belt per wikipedia.

Which is ridiculous in a good way. You have to have been a sixth degree for 12 years to even be considered for seventh, and there have been fewer then 20 eighth ranks in aikido ever.


The traditional ranking systems for most unarmed sparring styles (including the European and North American ones, which have mostly co-opted the Eastern belt system in one way or another) don't generally have skill-based ranks for much after the basic master rank (generally black belt), "degrees" are usually more about your position in the associated organization, helping organize tournaments, teach, etc. Since, iirc, Segal does a lot of promotion for the Akido folks and owns a training center or two having a lot of stripes on his belt wouldn't be particularly unusual. It's more an indication of his involvement in the sport than a claim that he's actually eight times better at the physical aspect than your average black-belt. Though, given that he did professional stuntwork for a living for 37 movies (apparently, I haven't seen all of them) I would imagine he is quite good.

Rhypskallion: Apos: Steven Seagal: An akido -proficient Nicolas Cage? Discuss.

People may call it akido, but most of what Seagal portrays on film is akijustu. As I understand it, most of the -justsu arts (kenjitsu, akijustu, jujutsu) became -do arts (akido, akido, judo) after a taoist movement through Japan a couple of centuries ago following the end of the Tokegawa period.


Knowing how to do something and being proficient aren't necessarily the same thing, I'd file most of the injurious stuff under his proficiency with stunt-work and choreography rather than actually training in a separate style. Mainly because that would be a really bad idea if he's still involved with the Akido competitions, when you're wrestling it's never a good plan to practice something barred from said competition. There are quite a few strikes in Judo, for instance, but no one trains them to the automatic-reaction status of real proficiency because, well, you're going to end up breaking something with an illegal move. I imagine I could pull 'em out for demonstration purposes, but that's about it.

//Also a lot of inconsistency from location to location about which chokes and which bars are legal, too, I know several people that habitually won't go for anything other than a pin or a basic arm-bar for that reason.
 
2012-04-12 09:14:30 PM
What, no "Snowball in Hell"?
 
2012-04-12 09:37:17 PM
 
2012-04-12 09:46:34 PM

Gig103: I'm just glad "Executive Decision" wasn't on that list. Because he got top billing for 10 minutes work.


I cheered when he died in that.

/not a fan.
 
2012-04-12 10:27:21 PM

LockeOak: Anybody seen Richie? (new window)


Best. Scene. Ever.
 
2012-04-13 12:36:35 AM
Is it more depressing that I bothered to look at a pie chart of Steven Seagal's movie titles, or more depressing that I read it carefully enough to notice "On Deadly Ground" was listed twice?
 
2012-04-13 02:12:20 PM

Whatthefark: *SNAP*

That's the sound of the article's writer having his elbow bent ninety degrees the wrong way by Steven Segal.

/'I'M GONNA TAKE YOU TO THE BANK...TO THE BLOOD BANK.''


Steven Segal Kung Fu

Funny but it takes a couple minutes in to get funny. FF to 2:50
 
Displayed 46 of 46 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report