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(610 WIOD)   "Yes, hello? Is this the I.T. department? Can you help me fix my toilet? No? How about find me a video of Elvis?"   (610wiod.com) divider line 307
    More: Stupid  
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9715 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Apr 2012 at 4:35 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-04-11 01:02:06 PM  
i160.photobucket.com
 
2012-04-11 01:16:40 PM  

cretinbob: [Moss.jpg]


Have you tried turning it off and back on again?
 
2012-04-11 01:18:28 PM  
But for me, this was Tuesday.
 
2012-04-11 01:55:14 PM  
I had someone call in wanting to buy a new IP address because their PC said it was already in use.
 
2012-04-11 03:54:44 PM  
Just from the last month....

--

User: "the black box with the words in it is on my screen."
Me: "What did the words say?"
User: "I don't know. There were a lot of them."

--

Phone rings early on a Sunday Morning...
User: "I haven't gotten anything but spam since Friday. Is Email down?

--

User: My thing isn't going through my Microsoft.
 
2012-04-11 04:38:55 PM  
In the late 90s, there was a web page of stupid IT queries and stories. I remember one tech's grandmother called him to say that she got a pop up window saying the computer performed an "illegal operation". She took apart her computer and hid the parts in different places around the house.

Lots of people calling IT to say that the "cup holder" (CD drive) on their machine wasn't working or broke off.
 
2012-04-11 04:39:13 PM  
Our helpdesk peeps used to tell people to straighten out the cabling under their desks "so the bits can get through". Some even did it.
 
2012-04-11 04:39:58 PM  
RAM IS memory!
 
2012-04-11 04:40:48 PM  
 
2012-04-11 04:40:49 PM  
i22.photobucket.com
 
2012-04-11 04:40:50 PM  
IT HORROR STORY THREAD!!

Though Moss has been thoroughly covered...

s3.tinypic.com

"Alright...go!"
 
2012-04-11 04:41:48 PM  
The best is when departments think they can just use IT as their personal garbage disposals.

"Yeah, we have some old computers we need to get rid of, you send those off to a recycling place, right?"
"Yes, we do."
"Great. While you're at it, here's a ton of old VHS tapes, couple of fax machines, 200 lbs of old books, a fake potted plant, and this 10 foot conference table that once had a laptop set on it."
 
2012-04-11 04:42:17 PM  
Yesterday I had:

Lady with new computer I just deployed:
"Oh, there are files and programs missing from my new computer"
Me: "Sorry about that, what is missing and I can track it down"
Lady: "I'm not sure, but I know they're missing"


/why...why, lord?
 
2012-04-11 04:43:10 PM  
I know people who work in IT departments where they have to try to solve ANY problem, no matter what. Business related or not.

I have heard of calls from people on Christmas day because someone needed help in installing their garage door opener.
 
2012-04-11 04:43:20 PM  
"Where can I go to check out a rock?"
"A rock?"
"Yeah, to check out the rock."
"You mean, like, a fossil? Try a museum..."
"Where's the closest museum?"

--

"I just want to let you know that I keep all of my passwords and information in three separate secure locations, as per my RCMP and CSIS training. Also, the government has been intercepting my e-mail money transfers for drug-related crime and money laundering."

--

"What's my balance?"
"Can I have your card number?"
"OH MY GOD, YOU'RE SERIOUS? FOR REAL. GAWD, I'LL GO GET IT."

--

"What's my balance?"
"Can I have your card number?"
"Haha! I knew you were going to ask me that!"
"...Yet you didn't have it ready?"
 
2012-04-11 04:43:57 PM  
"Ah! The IT-department. Run by a dynamic go-getter, a genius and a man from Ireland."
 
2012-04-11 04:44:39 PM  
My favorite one, though, is the lady in our Psych department that thought she could change the speed dial buttons on her phone by just writing in new names on the template. Hand to God, she called the Help Desk about it and everything.
 
2012-04-11 04:44:53 PM  
Jake Havechek: In the late 90s, there was a web page of stupid IT queries and stories...

It still exists. (new window)
 
2012-04-11 04:46:42 PM  

Jim DiGriz: Jake Havechek: In the late 90s, there was a web page of stupid IT queries and stories...

It still exists. (new window)


Awesome! I spent a day on that site when I first found it.
 
2012-04-11 04:47:18 PM  
Weirdest one I remember is a computer at the high school got a virus.
The teacher wrapped it up in plastic and put it in the corner.

/true stories.
 
2012-04-11 04:47:18 PM  
My favorite call was someone who had heard of this thing called Ethernet, so they figured their computer could connect to the internet from anywhere through the ether.
(I swear on a stack of bibles it's true.)
 
2012-04-11 04:50:19 PM  

Jim DiGriz: Jake Havechek: In the late 90s, there was a web page of stupid IT queries and stories...

It still exists. (new window)


Huh. I thought it would be this one (new window)
 
2012-04-11 04:50:32 PM  

darthlanny: My favorite call was someone who had heard of this thing called Ethernet, so they figured their computer could connect to the internet from anywhere through the ether.
(I swear on a stack of bibles it's true.)


Makes sense in a strange metaphysical way.....

As someone who narrowly avoided being sucked into IT and support, and still have lots of friends in the business... I always get a kick out of horror stories..
please good people... keep them coming
 
2012-04-11 04:53:44 PM  
A recent favorite of mine. "My laptop won't connect to the VPN at home" Okay, is it connected to your router? "I don't have a router". Uh...okay, laptop plugged directly in to your modem then? *disgusted sigh* "I DON'T HAVE INTERNET! Just tell me how to connect to the VPN!".

Seriously. She thought the wireless card in her laptop magically connected to the internet. Not a 3G card, a wireless card.
 
2012-04-11 04:53:56 PM  
It's wireless!
i275.photobucket.com
 
2012-04-11 04:54:22 PM  

SuperChuck: Jim DiGriz: Jake Havechek: In the late 90s, there was a web page of stupid IT queries and stories...

It still exists. (new window)

Huh. I thought it would be this one (new window)


Yeah, that's the one, actually. Even still looks exactly the same.

I've done my time in tech support and have managed to live through some very weird calls, but this one was the best. An older lady bought a brand new desktop system with all the extras and had been using it for about a month when she got an error about an "illegal function." She took apart the whole system down to the hard drive and hid it in different parts of her house, called us, and wanted to know how much longer she had until the police were going to come get her. Needless to say, we spent a lot of time on the phone putting the system back together.
 
2012-04-11 04:55:01 PM  
Me: Please click on Start

Head Accountant: What's that?

Me: Its a button on the lower left corner of your desktop.

Head Accountant: I dont see it

Me: Please close all programs you have open.

Head Accountant: Ok (clicking sound of mouse in background) Done.

Me: Now - do you see "start" on the lower left corner of your desktop?

Head Accountant: No.

Me: Do you see the time on the lower right corner of your monitor? (note that I accidently said "monitor" instead of "desktop" this time)

Head Accountant: But my monitor is on the right side of my desktop!

Me: I'll tell you what. I am coming downstairs for something else. I will swing by your office and take care of the issue.

Head Accountant: Thanks!

(Yes, the maroon was looking at the TOP OF HIS DESK!!!!)
 
2012-04-11 04:56:32 PM  
For some reason nothing is printing?
Is the printer on?
....
It's working now, thanks!
 
2012-04-11 04:56:49 PM  
the one I hate the most is the "but I'm not a computer person" bullshiat you get when you ask them the simplest questions in order to fix their issue. Really? You're not a computer person? But you took a job using a computer? That doesn't make sense. See, I'm not a cat person, that's why I'M NOT A farkING VETERINARIAN!!!!
 
2012-04-11 04:57:10 PM  

Zotfripper: Very old, still relevant (new window)


Jim DiGriz: It still exists. (new window)


SuperChuck: Huh. I thought it would be this one (new window)


Great... three new sites to spend time muffling laughter in my office.

/glad I don't work in IT
 
2012-04-11 04:57:11 PM  
Why is there a chinese guy hacking into my computer?

What chinese guy?

It says my computer is connected to Wan
 
2012-04-11 04:58:40 PM  
Ah the good old tech support days....

Me: tech support can I help you?

User: yea it seems I can't connect

Me: are you behind a firewall?

Short pause....

User: Nope, I just have drapes

sigh....

Me: ok so right-click on "My Computer"

User: how can I do that? where are you? can I do that from here?

..............

I'll stop now, way too many stories to fit in one post.
 
2012-04-11 05:01:45 PM  

Rickenbacker: A recent favorite of mine. "My laptop won't connect to the VPN at home" Okay, is it connected to your router? "I don't have a router". Uh...okay, laptop plugged directly in to your modem then? *disgusted sigh* "I DON'T HAVE INTERNET! Just tell me how to connect to the VPN!".

Seriously. She thought the wireless card in her laptop magically connected to the internet. Not a 3G card, a wireless card.


Oh Jesus, we get that one all the time. And I deal with mostly Doctors, you'd think years of medical school would translate to a *smidgen* of common sense, nope. "Yeah, is this tech support? Yeah I'm on vacation in Barbados right now and my laptop won't connect to the VPN. I asked the hotel about it and they say they don't have internet here, can you guys send me one?"
 
2012-04-11 05:01:51 PM  
I asked a lady to fax me a report that she had a problem with and she replied, "I can't . . . I need it." I had to explain to her that a fax machine was not a teleportation device, the report would come out of the other side of the machine.
 
2012-04-11 05:02:07 PM  
customer service + strong knowledge of technology = LULZ!
 
2012-04-11 05:02:52 PM  
We had an issue with our token ring in the mid 80's. I fixed the problem and a few users asked me what the issue was. I said that a cable broke and the token fell on the ground. All I had to do was put the token back in the cable and then tape the area of the cable from where it fell.
 
2012-04-11 05:03:21 PM  
Some calls I got when I did end user support in the 90's:

- Many people called to make sure the CD tray really wasn't a cup holder. The call volume for this increased significantly the year a christmas program went around saying "Merry xmas from coca cola, here's your free cup holder" and issued an eject command to the cd tray.

- Someone called to ask if it was really safe to turn off Windows. He'd left it at that screen for 3 days. I asked why, and he said that he'd heard Microsoft was kind of dishonest.

- One woman called and told me the machine wouldn't start at all, and she'd followed the instructions and submerged it in 2 feet of water in the tub for 12 hours. Eventually I realized she was calling about a vacuum.

- One of our lines was 1 digit off from a phone sex line. Our operator was an 80 year old little Indian woman with a little statue of that elephant guy on her desk. The occasional angry shrills that came from her direction involving phrases like "do what with penis?" would once in awhile filter through to the tech calls, which occasionally led to entertaining discussions.

- My supervisor once told me to ask a customer if she had any open ports. She giggled and said yes and like a nerd, I did not keep her number and just walked her through fixing her problem.

- I was yelled at angrily several times because the MS Fax wouldn't scan the paper when it was held up against the monitor screen.

- I was yelled at angrily at least once when I explained folding the 5.25 floppies would not make them work in the 3.5 drive.

- He called back several months later to be angry at me about trying to do the same with the 3.5 floppies in a zip drive. I never found out how he 'folded' them.

- Someone once wrapped his machine in garbage bags and sank it in a bucket of ice water to liquid cool it.

I got the tamer ones. The guy who got pissed that he had to send his machine in for repair and loaded it into a giant wooden crate, filled with hundreds of lbs of scrap metal because we offered to foot the shipping bill was funny. Especially since he didn't read the "up to x price" part of it.


Now I deal with the same kind of people, only they're network admins. Either the calls are 5 minutes or 5 hours.
 
2012-04-11 05:03:49 PM  

jayhawk88: The best is when departments think they can just use IT as their personal garbage disposals.

"Yeah, we have some old computers we need to get rid of, you send those off to a recycling place, right?"
"Yes, we do."
"Great. While you're at it, here's a ton of old VHS tapes, couple of fax machines, 200 lbs of old books, a fake potted plant, and this 10 foot conference table that once had a laptop set on it."


The hoarder in me perked up at the idea of free junk. Dammit this is going to end with me sleeping on the outside of my house with the inside filled with garbage and dead cats.
 
2012-04-11 05:04:45 PM  
Lady comes up to get her password reset

Me: I reset your password to your ID number followed by your initials

User: Whaddya mean initials?

10 seconds of stunned silence

Me: I am going to set your password to 123456

User: Can you write that down for me?
 
2012-04-11 05:04:48 PM  

Hydra: [i22.photobucket.com image 452x357]


I worked with a guy who was almost EXACTLY like that character.

Me: "Hey, man. This computer is f*cking up. Can you take a look at it?"

Him: *SIGH* "MOVE!"

*time passes as he "fixes" whatever*

Me: "So what was wrong with it so I can fix it if it happens again?"

Him: *nonsensical jargon intended to make me feel stupid*

Me: "Oooookay..."

*two hours later computer borks out again*

Me: "Uh... dude..."

Him: "MOVE!"

As I learned more about computers and talked to some of his tech buddies it became apparent he actually really sucked and was causing most of the issues himself.

What a joy to work with.
 
2012-04-11 05:05:04 PM  
My favourite IT story comes courtesy of my stepfather (who has a serious case of technological Down syndrome) - does anybody remember that "Amish virus" email joke from the late 90s?

FTFJoke: Thou hast just received the Amish Virus. As we haveth no technology nor programming experience, this virus worketh on the honour system. Please delete all the files from thy hard drive and manually forward this virus to all on thy mailing list. We thank thee for thy cooperation.

Well, apparently he didn't quite get the joke, because he did it. On two separate occasions. Bonus, this happened at the hospital he works at, meaning that he completely deleted all of their patients' files twice.

/Managed to rescue everything, though.
 
2012-04-11 05:05:11 PM  

Bag of Hammers: Rickenbacker: A recent favorite of mine. "My laptop won't connect to the VPN at home" Okay, is it connected to your router? "I don't have a router". Uh...okay, laptop plugged directly in to your modem then? *disgusted sigh* "I DON'T HAVE INTERNET! Just tell me how to connect to the VPN!".

Seriously. She thought the wireless card in her laptop magically connected to the internet. Not a 3G card, a wireless card.

Oh Jesus, we get that one all the time. And I deal with mostly Doctors, you'd think years of medical school would translate to a *smidgen* of common sense, nope. "Yeah, is this tech support? Yeah I'm on vacation in Barbados right now and my laptop won't connect to the VPN. I asked the hotel about it and they say they don't have internet here, can you guys send me one?"


Nah, doctors are the worst! Did some time on help desk in a hospital.
 
2012-04-11 05:07:28 PM  
And the best IT story I ever heard came from a buddy of mine. He was working the counter at a comp store. I guess a guy came in and snagged one of those AOL free trial discs. He came back in the next day all pissed off and said "The internet isn't on this disc!"

*facepalm*
 
2012-04-11 05:07:40 PM  
tl;dr?
 
2012-04-11 05:07:54 PM  
"help desk workers now need to also have strong customer service skills and personal relations skills, not just strong knowledge of"


FTFY
 
2012-04-11 05:09:15 PM  
University media equipment tech support here. Best times:

A PhD candidate burning a PowerPoint to a CD, then trying to display it on a DVD player.

Professors asking if my department provides pianos and bubble machines.

People not knowing their own logins, despite having to use them daily in their own offices.

Requesting me to be a gaffer/stagehand for a play. A play being performed in a lecture hall, not a theater.

Professors trying to troubleshoot equipment by turning off and disconnecting every. Single. Cable.

And of course the usual "it works better if you turn it on."
 
2012-04-11 05:09:32 PM  

Bag of Hammers: Oh Jesus, we get that one all the time. And I deal with mostly Doctors, you'd think years of medical school would translate to a *smidgen* of common sense, nope. "Yeah, is this tech support? Yeah I'm on vacation in Barbados right now and my laptop won't connect to the VPN. I asked the hotel about it and they say they don't have internet here, can you guys send me one?"


Your Fark handle seems very appropriate for this story.

/what did you want to beat them with?


here to help: I worked with a guy who was almost EXACTLY like that character.

Me: "Hey, man. This computer is f*cking up. Can you take a look at it?"

Him: *SIGH* "MOVE!"

*time passes as he "fixes" whatever*

Me: "So what was wrong with it so I can fix it if it happens again?"

Him: *nonsensical jargon intended to make me feel stupid*

Me: "Oooookay..."

*two hours later computer borks out again*

Me: "Uh... dude..."

Him: "MOVE!"

As I learned more about computers and talked to some of his tech buddies it became apparent he actually really sucked and was causing most of the issues himself.

What a joy to work with.


Luckily, I don't work with people like that, but I have to wonder just how wildly out of touch someone has to be to act like that.
 
2012-04-11 05:09:45 PM  
I always get a kick out of people calling on holidays. Especially Christmas.

It's farking Christmas, go be with your family and let me get paid to watch movies. Sheesh!
 
2012-04-11 05:10:58 PM  
Oh, and the student who tried to convince me to give him free equipment by asking "what would Batman do?"
 
2012-04-11 05:11:02 PM  
It was 4:58pm and I get a relay call. It's a deaf woman saying she has no sound on her computer
 
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