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(Telegraph)   I know you stabbed me in the back with an 8-inch kitchen knife, but will you still marry me?   (telegraph.co.uk) divider line 50
    More: Strange, Ms Baillie, kitchen knife, guilty plea  
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6803 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Apr 2012 at 12:55 PM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



50 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

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2012-04-11 11:40:07 AM  
Ohhhhhh what the Hell. Let's do it.
 
2012-04-11 11:46:43 AM  
After a few years of marriage he will probably hope to be stabbed again.
 
2012-04-11 11:52:41 AM  
i.telegraph.co.uk

"I feel like the happiest man in the world!"
 
2012-04-11 12:02:27 PM  
I'm sure he was very proper and British about it at the time.

"Um, p-p-pardon me, darling. So sorry to complain, dear, b-b-but, is that your knife? Would you mind terribly pulling it out? Sorry to be a bother. Thank you so much."

Say it in John Cleese's voice.
 
2012-04-11 12:16:05 PM  

MrBallou: I'm sure he was very proper and British about it at the time.

"Um, p-p-pardon me, darling. So sorry to complain, dear, b-b-but, is that your knife? Would you mind terribly pulling it out? Sorry to be a bother. Thank you so much."

Say it in John Cleese's voice.


Sounds more like Hugh Grant.
 
2012-04-11 12:27:12 PM  

Slaxl: MrBallou: I'm sure he was very proper and British about it at the time.

"Um, p-p-pardon me, darling. So sorry to complain, dear, b-b-but, is that your knife? Would you mind terribly pulling it out? Sorry to be a bother. Thank you so much."

Say it in John Cleese's voice.

Sounds more like Hugh Grant.


Or Dame Edna. Work with me here...
 
2012-04-11 12:49:05 PM  
Repeat. (new window)
 
2012-04-11 12:54:51 PM  

jaylectricity: Repeat. (new window)


Red Sox: Hey, sorry about when you quit and we released a story saying you lost control of the team and you were hepped up on goofballs; please come back for our Fenway 100th birthday party? Terry Francona: LOLNO

You are correct, Sir???!!!??
 
2012-04-11 12:57:37 PM  
I don't know who said it, but 'you stab the one you love, you sue the one you hate.'
 
2012-04-11 12:57:51 PM  
The British have the strangest ideas of foreplay.
3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-04-11 12:58:28 PM  
It's actually fairly smart. He'll know going in that his life with her can't get any worse. It's all uphill from here, baby!
 
2012-04-11 12:59:52 PM  

Silly Jesus: It's actually fairly smart. He'll know going in that his life with her can't get any worse. It's all uphill from here, baby!


Freak in the head, freak in the bed. Amirite?
 
2012-04-11 01:00:04 PM  
Perhaps he should have just let her finish the job the first time.
 
2012-04-11 01:00:36 PM  

AlwaysRightBoy: You are correct, Sir???!!!??


That was the joke, yes.
 
2012-04-11 01:01:32 PM  
She put something hard in his back side to make up for all the times he tried to put something hard in hers.
 
2012-04-11 01:03:26 PM  
Came for So I Married an Axe Murderer. Leaving dissatisfied.

/William! Move your head!
 
2012-04-11 01:04:16 PM  

moos: Came for So I Married an Axe Murderer. Leaving dissatisfied.

/William! Move your head heed!

 
2012-04-11 01:08:20 PM  
so... is a pre-nup out of the question?
 
2012-04-11 01:11:50 PM  

Shaggy0717: so... is a pre-nup out of the question?


It's in the Conditions of Parole documents.
 
2012-04-11 01:12:12 PM  
Baillie, 32, who had been depressed after a miscarriage has been forgiven by Mr Todd who spent three months in hospital recovering from a damaged pancreas and spleen after she attacked him two weeks after losing his baby.

One sentence. One. With two subsentences beginning with 'who', and two subsentences beginning with 'after'. Wow.
 
2012-04-11 01:14:24 PM  
Pics of the bride to be or I call shenanigans. She must be smokin'.
 
2012-04-11 01:26:40 PM  
IT'S A MITZVAH

/jew
 
2012-04-11 01:27:56 PM  
Hmm... codependency?
 
2012-04-11 01:31:35 PM  
I am so good to my boyfriend (he is good to me also), yet no mention of a ring after 4 years. She stabs the guy and gets a nice proposal. I am doing it totally wrong. Totally!
 
2012-04-11 01:31:39 PM  
No Wierd Al references yet?
 
2012-04-11 01:36:13 PM  

sandi_fish: I am so good to my boyfriend (he is good to me also), yet no mention of a ring after 4 years. She stabs the guy and gets a nice proposal. I am doing it totally wrong. Totally!



You do realize that you're probably not getting a ring, right?
 
2012-04-11 01:36:26 PM  
Shouldn't this be tagged Dumbass instead of Strange?
 
2012-04-11 01:37:41 PM  

sandi_fish: I am so good to my boyfriend (he is good to me also), yet no mention of a ring after 4 years. She stabs the guy and gets a nice proposal. I am doing it totally wrong. Totally!


www.kaswords.com

Both problems solved.
 
2012-04-11 01:37:47 PM  

d-fens99: No Wierd Al references yet?


Not sure what you're looking for. "Since you've been gone"?
 
2012-04-11 01:38:21 PM  
Perhaps they just need a little time... (new window)
 
2012-04-11 01:40:08 PM  
Doing the backstreet slide. Do it all day, the backstreet slide
 
2012-04-11 01:42:45 PM  

MoronLessOff: moos: Came for So I Married an Axe Murderer. Leaving dissatisfied.

/William! Move your head heed!


Heed is reserved for times when he's asking for pants, not as a general reference to gigantic craniums, oranges on toothpicks, or crying himself to sleep on his huuuge pilla.
 
2012-04-11 01:48:30 PM  
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2012-04-11 01:50:55 PM  

moos: huuuge pilla


I laugh every time I hear that.
 
2012-04-11 02:10:08 PM  

sandi_fish: I am so good to my boyfriend (he is good to me also), yet no mention of a ring after 4 years. She stabs the guy and gets a nice proposal. I am doing it totally wrong. Totally!


Chick who stabs boyfriend with 8" kitchen knife is crazy. Crazy chick are usually awesome in bed. Dumb-ass 48 year old wants to marry the best piece of ass he has ever had or will ever have again and is willing to risk life and limb to do so... He deserves everything he gets...
 
2012-04-11 02:13:39 PM  
i1214.photobucket.com

There. That's better...
 
2012-04-11 02:38:37 PM  

senzasord: sandi_fish: I am so good to my boyfriend (he is good to me also), yet no mention of a ring after 4 years. She stabs the guy and gets a nice proposal. I am doing it totally wrong. Totally!


You do realize that you're probably not getting a ring, right?


You do realize that I was joking right?
 
2012-04-11 02:56:48 PM  

Silly Jesus: It's actually fairly smart. He'll know going in that his life with her can't get any worse. It's all uphill from here, baby!


My Crim Law professor was a barrister in England for many years before he came to America to teach us silly folk about our own laws. He had a wonderful sense of humour (I guess I should spell it that way for him), and told many horrifying stories about his clients back "home" in a jolly British accent.

One was the story about a woman who poured an entire pot of boiling oil onto her husband's face while he slept in an attempt to murder him. I say attempt because the husband actually lived--and refused to testify against her.

All this by way of saying, actually, yeah, it can get way a lot worse.
 
2012-04-11 04:15:33 PM  

MoronLessOff: d-fens99: No Wierd Al references yet?

Not sure what you're looking for. "Since you've been gone"?


I think they were looking for the song "You don't love me anymore" from his "off the deep end" album. It has been too long, I can't quote it like I used to. I haven't gotten around to getting it on CD.
 
2012-04-11 04:33:46 PM  

lack of warmth: MoronLessOff: d-fens99: No Wierd Al references yet?

Not sure what you're looking for. "Since you've been gone"?

I think they were looking for the song "You don't love me anymore" from his "off the deep end" album. It has been too long, I can't quote it like I used to. I haven't gotten around to getting it on CD.


DOH! I should have known that one. Off the Deep End was my first exposure to him.
 
2012-04-11 04:57:05 PM  
Most extreme case of being whipped ever?
 
2012-04-11 05:34:38 PM  
I'll just point out that she was depressed after a miscarriage. I've seen women clinically depressed after a normal childbirth, to the point of being suicidal. I can only imagine how bad it must be when you add grief.

I'm not saying that this guy isn't making a huge mistake, but if you were to tell me that she was chemically a different person/personality at the time of the attack, I could see that as plausible.
 
2012-04-11 06:51:35 PM  

LindenFark: I'll just point out that she was depressed after a miscarriage. I've seen women clinically depressed after a normal childbirth, to the point of being suicidal. I can only imagine how bad it must be when you add grief.

I'm not saying that this guy isn't making a huge mistake, but if you were to tell me that she was chemically a different person/personality at the time of the attack, I could see that as plausible.


I have a friend who divorced and remarried a woman over this. She had two kids before him, then they had a son after they married. The marriage lasted only a couple of years. She went completely nuts, threw the son in his lap and left with the older kids. When I met him he was raising the boy on his own and looking for a woman. Then one day she showed up to church with him and they got remarried shortly after. They have been back together for a few years now and you would think she never left. As long as it works, I am happy for him.
 
2012-04-11 07:29:32 PM  
Cue the Neil Patrick Harris "hot vs crazy.jpg"...
 
2012-04-11 08:00:31 PM  
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard. It's not true love unless there's blood.

/at least, that's what I keep trying to convince the girl chained up in my basement of...
//woops, did i use my outside voice for that?
///slashies ;)
 
2012-04-11 08:35:40 PM  

MrBallou: Slaxl: MrBallou: I'm sure he was very proper and British about it at the time.

"Um, p-p-pardon me, darling. So sorry to complain, dear, b-b-but, is that your knife? Would you mind terribly pulling it out? Sorry to be a bother. Thank you so much."

Say it in John Cleese's voice.

Sounds more like Hugh Grant.

Or Dame Edna. Work with me here...


Sorry old chap but Edna is a colonial.
 
2012-04-11 09:45:38 PM  
www.mirror.co.uk
Ack- Toad in the hole.
 
2012-04-11 09:49:18 PM  

Hassan Ben Sobr: Ack- Toad in the hole.


O_o Good lawrd, her head looks like a melon.
 
2012-04-12 12:59:34 AM  

mudesi: Pics of the bride to be or I call shenanigans. She must be smokin'.


Come on, man. This is England we're talking about!
 
2012-04-12 03:14:01 AM  
Ahh, true love with a crazy woman..
 
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