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(Scientific American)   "The researchers also measured the size of the Pandas' testes and induced erections and ejaculation with electrodes." I wonder what these people say when people ask them what they do for a living?   (scientificamerican.com) divider line 60
    More: Strange, pandas, heats, artificial insemination, sex drives, Biological life cycle, breeding seasons, sperm quality, Human sexual activity  
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977 clicks; posted to Geek » on 11 Apr 2012 at 1:24 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-04-11 11:33:18 AM
"It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination."
 
2012-04-11 11:37:59 AM
I'm a:

Panda Pimp
Panda sauce surveyor
Catcher for bears
(I don't want to talk about it. What do you do?)
I check Ling Ling's Yin Yang.
Panda projectile professional.


Other possible responses:

You know, the cute just stops around the waistline.
Ever watch Gladiator movies?
There is a female equivalent for 'bear'. (shudder)
All they need is the Panda equivalent of Marvin Gaye.
 
2012-04-11 11:38:48 AM
they say 'I incite pandabonium'

/hey-o!
 
2012-04-11 12:25:31 PM
Electrocutes, shoots and leaves
 
2012-04-11 12:31:15 PM
I wonder if the panda's safeword is "orange chicken."
 
2012-04-11 12:50:05 PM
csb
We took the kids to the Mystic Aquarium several years ago. The kids and I are watching them feed the belugas when an attractive female employee in a wet suit gets one of the belugas to roll over then she starts giving it a hand job. Who knew belugas had penises? It took a minute or two, she put a cup down and the beluga shot it's load into the cup. I was so stunned I kind of forgot the kids were watching this but my son, who was probably 6 at the time, asks, "Dad what is she doing to that whale?". That's when I realized it was time to move on to the seals.
/csb
 
2012-04-11 12:52:13 PM
 
2012-04-11 01:00:33 PM
cdn-w.fapdu.com

"I could be your panda."
 
2012-04-11 01:27:05 PM
"I'm a panda fluffer."
 
2012-04-11 01:28:06 PM
I work at Panda Express.
 
2012-04-11 01:31:00 PM

rwfan: csb
We took the kids to the Mystic Aquarium several years ago. The kids and I are watching them feed the belugas when an attractive female employee in a wet suit gets one of the belugas to roll over then she starts giving it a hand job. Who knew belugas had penises? It took a minute or two, she put a cup down and the beluga shot it's load into the cup. I was so stunned I kind of forgot the kids were watching this but my son, who was probably 6 at the time, asks, "Dad what is she doing to that whale?". That's when I realized it was time to move on to the seals.
/csb


...go on...
 
2012-04-11 01:32:05 PM
Bear 'Bater
 
2012-04-11 01:32:43 PM
I'm a panderer
 
2012-04-11 01:32:55 PM
You know, back when I was an undergrad, one of my housemates would describe her job at the ag lab as follows:
"I jack off roosters."

She'd follow that up with:
"The job's OK, but I hate that they get excited when they see me."

Then she'd smile at my roommate and ask him about his day.



/He was an Animal Husbandry grad student, and he had to collect boar semen.
//He hated that.
 
2012-04-11 01:40:25 PM

TheBeastOfYuccaFlats: "It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination."


Done in one. Came.. uhh, visited the thread... for this.
 
2012-04-11 01:43:24 PM
So has Mike Rowe done this yet?
 
2012-04-11 01:45:10 PM
Sounds like one hell of a sex toy. Where can I get one?

....
 
2012-04-11 01:53:30 PM
Among colleges I would be known as a panadarast.

But if I were a scientist that did this for a living and I had to explain it to a non-scientist I would just say that I am working on a cure for puppy cancer or something.
 
2012-04-11 01:53:38 PM

LordJiro: So has Mike Rowe done this yet?


With Pandas? I don't think so.

mark12A: Sounds like one hell of a sex toy. Where can I get one?

....


Here's a fun read. Not that you can get one from the link...
 
2012-04-11 01:58:53 PM

demaL-demaL-yeH: You know, back when I was an undergrad, one of my housemates would describe her job at the ag lab as follows:
"I jack off roosters."

She'd follow that up with:
"The job's OK, but I hate that they get excited when they see me."

Then she'd smile at my roommate and ask him about his day.



/He was an Animal Husbandry grad student, and he had to collect boar semen.
//He hated that.


something my wife said when she was in vet school: "I'd rather be shoulder deep in a cow then put my finger up a dog's butt"
 
2012-04-11 02:04:37 PM
Came for Clerks.

/leaving satisfied and in need of a cigarette.
 
2012-04-11 02:08:02 PM
I create big wobbly spunk bombs.

I create big wobbly spunk bombs, video link (new window)
 
2012-04-11 02:12:44 PM
data.whicdn.com
 
2012-04-11 02:14:01 PM
Yeah... enough with the pandas. They're adorable and all, but if they ain't f*ckin' after all this nonsense, time to let them go extinct.
 
2012-04-11 02:16:02 PM

Rain-Monkey: I check Ling Ling's Yin Yang.


gyanko.up.seesaa.net
 
2012-04-11 02:17:26 PM

rwfan: csb
We took the kids to the Mystic Aquarium several years ago. The kids and I are watching them feed the belugas when an attractive female employee in a wet suit gets one of the belugas to roll over then she starts giving it a hand job. Who knew belugas had penises? It took a minute or two, she put a cup down and the beluga shot it's load into the cup. I was so stunned I kind of forgot the kids were watching this but my son, who was probably 6 at the time, asks, "Dad what is she doing to that whale?". That's when I realized it was time to move on to the seals.
/csb


Did the whale at least reciprocate?
/i have the weirdest boner.jpg
 
2012-04-11 02:19:53 PM

DubyaHater: rwfan: csb
We took the kids to the Mystic Aquarium several years ago. The kids and I are watching them feed the belugas when an attractive female employee in a wet suit gets one of the belugas to roll over then she starts giving it a hand job. Who knew belugas had penises? It took a minute or two, she put a cup down and the beluga shot it's load into the cup. I was so stunned I kind of forgot the kids were watching this but my son, who was probably 6 at the time, asks, "Dad what is she doing to that whale?". That's when I realized it was time to move on to the seals.
/csb

Did the whale at least reciprocate?
/i have the weirdest boner.jpg


The whale got paid (in fish). It's good to be a whale.
 
2012-04-11 02:35:16 PM
These WoW updates are going too far
 
2012-04-11 02:41:28 PM
So that's what's going on in the Wood of the Staves on Wandering Isle?

/haven't quested that far yet
//my panda girl rocks
 
2012-04-11 02:45:18 PM
Pandaphile?
Panderast?

/shut the Fark up donnie.
 
2012-04-11 02:54:44 PM

towatchoverme: "I'm a panda fluffer."


Panda Fluffer is a great name for a band!
 
2012-04-11 03:00:56 PM
Read that in Bobcat Goldwaiths(sp?) voice.
 
2012-04-11 03:04:09 PM

rwfan: csb
We took the kids to the Mystic Aquarium several years ago. The kids and I are watching them feed the belugas when an attractive female employee in a wet suit gets one of the belugas to roll over then she starts giving it a hand job. Who knew belugas had penises? It took a minute or two, she put a cup down and the beluga shot it's load into the cup. I was so stunned I kind of forgot the kids were watching this but my son, who was probably 6 at the time, asks, "Dad what is she doing to that whale?". That's when I realized it was time to move on to the seals.
/csb


Worst penthouse letter ever.
 
2012-04-11 03:24:47 PM
They answer that question as they should, proudly!


"That's why l manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination."


4.bp.blogspot.com

/hot like an electrode!
//Hey, at least they're not guidance counselors...
 
2012-04-11 03:37:41 PM
Metalupis
Smartest
Funniest
2012-04-11 01:58:53 PM
demaL-demaL-yeH: .
something my wife said when she was in vet
school: "I'd rather be shoulder deep in a cow
then put my finger up a dog's butt"
` ; •)
Sooo hard to not make a joke about that last sentence.
 
2012-04-11 03:41:18 PM

Metalupis: something my wife said when she was in vet school: "I'd rather be shoulder deep in a cow then put my finger up a dog's butt"


... and then what?
 
2012-04-11 03:44:28 PM

grokca: rwfan: csb
We took the kids to the Mystic Aquarium several years ago. The kids and I are watching them feed the belugas when an attractive female employee in a wet suit gets one of the belugas to roll over then she starts giving it a hand job. Who knew belugas had penises? It took a minute or two, she put a cup down and the beluga shot it's load into the cup. I was so stunned I kind of forgot the kids were watching this but my son, who was probably 6 at the time, asks, "Dad what is she doing to that whale?". That's when I realized it was time to move on to the seals.
/csb

Worst penthouse letter ever.


why does it always come down to porn with you people. Can't someone jerk off a whale... FOR SCIENCE?!
 
2012-04-11 04:00:47 PM

Boatmech: Metalupis
Smartest
Funniest
2012-04-11 01:58:53 PM
demaL-demaL-yeH: .
something my wife said when she was in vet
school: "I'd rather be shoulder deep in a cow
then put my finger up a dog's butt"
` ; •)
Sooo hard to not make a joke about that last sentence.


Bah, I scew that up more often than not

/forget spellcheck, my phone needs grammar check
 
2012-04-11 04:01:37 PM

Metalupis: Boatmech: Metalupis
Smartest
Funniest
2012-04-11 01:58:53 PM
demaL-demaL-yeH: .
something my wife said when she was in vet
school: "I'd rather be shoulder deep in a cow
then put my finger up a dog's butt"
` ; •)
Sooo hard to not make a joke about that last sentence.

Bah, I scew that up more often than not

/forget spellcheck, my phone needs grammar check


Screw that up, apparently I do need spellcheck
 
2012-04-11 04:21:33 PM
Came for this.

guy.com
 
2012-04-11 04:24:07 PM
Jesus CHRIST, man, there's just some things you don't talk about in public.
 
2012-04-11 04:37:28 PM
Metalupis
Smartest
Funniest
2012-04-11 04:01:37 PM
Metalupis: Boatmech: Metalupis
.
Bah, I scew that up more often than not
/forget spellcheck, my phone needs grammar
check
Screw that up, apparently I do need spellcheck
`
Apostrophes at the end of words that end in S and are singular trip me up the most.
Hostess / Hostess' / Hostess's
If it's a plural possessive word I'm screwed.
 
2012-04-11 04:42:54 PM

ranger714: They answer that question as they should, proudly!


"That's why l manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination."


TF gifted. Had one to spare. Sucker.
 
2012-04-11 04:52:15 PM

BKITU: ranger714: They answer that question as they should, proudly!


"That's why l manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination."

TF gifted. Had one to spare. Sucker.


CRAP! That's like giving someone a plant. Now I've gotta take care of it...

Next time I get married, you're totally not invited.
 
2012-04-11 04:55:58 PM
That's my presentation. Would anyone in class like to volunteer?
 
2012-04-11 05:04:39 PM
Tyrosine
Smartest
Funniest
2012-04-11 04:21:33 PM
(Ugly_guy/crispy_critter.jpg)
Came for this.
`
Friend of my Dad was in a car wreck/fire years ago and pretty much looked like that. Guy had a wicked sense of humor when it came to practical jokes and halloween.
His vocal chords were damaged so he had this low, raspy voice that sounded down right demonic when he laughed hard and loud.
 
2012-04-11 05:36:55 PM
If it were me I would say in a loud voice. "I do science you little biatch. IMPORTANT SCIENCE." then hit them.
 
2012-04-11 05:52:32 PM

rwfan: csb
We took the kids to the Mystic Aquarium several years ago. The kids and I are watching them feed the belugas when an attractive female employee in a wet suit gets one of the belugas to roll over then she starts giving it a hand job. Who knew belugas had penises? It took a minute or two, she put a cup down and the beluga shot it's load into the cup. I was so stunned I kind of forgot the kids were watching this but my son, who was probably 6 at the time, asks, "Dad what is she doing to that whale?". That's when I realized it was time to move on to the seals.
/csb


You moved the kids down to the seals while you were asking a certain aquarium employee for her phone number....
 
2012-04-11 06:02:54 PM
Also, the Pandas are trying to commit racial suicide. Seriously, they're carnivores that eat nothing but plants that they can't digest very well, they won't fark without human intervention, they tend to be too farking stupid to take care of their cubs... Just let them die with at least some dignity preserved. Though if there are people electrocuting their genitals in an attempt to increase the population it might be too late for that.
 
2012-04-11 06:46:19 PM
Forty bucks, just like downtown.
 
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