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A few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 4/1 - 4/7
Posted by Unfreakable at 2012-04-09 6:33:21 PM (15 comments) | Permalink
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2663 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Apr 2012 at 6:37 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



A touch late this week; I'm in Kentucky trying to withstand Drew's best efforts to kill my liver.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2012-04-01 to Sat 2012-04-07:

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  Toddler drowns in washing machine. But hey, that's the cycle of life    
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  ICE operation nails 271 alien arrests. Will it ever stop? Yo, I don't know    
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  Our father, who art into gay porn, on a USB stick with autoplay. Thy people come, they see your dong, on a screen in front of the brethren    
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  Five hurt after De Plane misses DeLand and lands on De Publix    
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  Cow gives birth to rare set of triplet calves. Well, medium-rare at any rate    
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  Teen passes out in woman's yard after using spice. Woman tells him to get off her lawn, stop folding space    
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  Check out the world's quietest place, where just being there is unbearable and can make you hallucinate. Hint: it's not Kirk Cameron's birthday party    
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  Final surviving members of elite WW2 commando unit 'The Devil's Brigade' die within 12 hours of each other in same town. Unfortunately leaving the treasure to Baron von Herzenberger    
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  Man shot on Connecticut Avenue after getting out of jail. Suspect is described as wearing a monocle and top hat    
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  Detroit Robocop statue currently in prototype phase; total economic collapse and dystopian wasteland phase already complete    
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  Texas grandma wins tug-of-war with a tornado by hanging on to her grandson's feet as the storm tried to carry him away. The boy is expected to make a full recovery, have a hell of a career in the NBA    
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Sports:

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  The Big Iacocca, aka The Big Steve Jobs, aka The Big W. Edwards Deming, aka The Shaq Sigma Theory, aka Shaq Ziglar, aka Og Shaqdino, awarded doctorate in leadership    
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  Reggie and Cheryl Miller become the first brother and sister to share Hall of Fame honors, penis    
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  Ahh, the signs of spring: the sun shining, the birds chirping, and the Indians blowing a 3-run lead in the 9th en route to a historic loss    
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Geek:

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  Targeted nanoparticles showing success in beating cancer, eating the USS Enterprise    
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  Nearby star found to have nine planets. Pluto seen filling out adoption papers    
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  Denmark named happiest country as most men start off the morning by nibbling on a Danish    
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Entertainment:

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  Victoria Beckham says that she represents the average woman. However, she forgot to mention that the average woman she's representing is post-Zombie Apocalypse    
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  And the most shocking celebrity revelation of 2012 is... Ashley Olsen's retirement from acting to pursue cocaine full-time    
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  New high-end restaurant is designed to feel like being on board a plane -- because when you think 'fine dining experience', eating on a plane is the first thing that's pops into your head    
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Politics:

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  Sarah Palin to co-host The Today Show. Well, at least the first hour    
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  A quantum theory of Romney: By asking Romney how he feels about an issue, you unavoidably affect how he feels about it    
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  Mitt Romney runs winPrimary(String location) function on "Maryland", "Wisconsin", and "District of Columbia", making boolean assuredVictory = true    
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Business:

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  Molson Coors buys Czech brewer StarBev, still trying to produce something almost, but not quite, entirely unlike beer    
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  Ferdinand A. Porsche dead at 76. Nothing was the same after 911    
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  Judge rules that McDonald's can use toys to promote Happy Meals, since playing with those toys is the only exercise most kids will get all day    
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· · ·

15 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2012-04-09 06:43:00 PM  
Congrats to those responsible for the Pluto and Palin ones -I chuckled.
 
2012-04-09 06:49:11 PM  
911. Never forget
 
2012-04-09 06:54:59 PM  
Sarah Palin to co-host The Today Show. Well, at least the first hour

Loved it!

The headline, not Sarah Palin co-hosting The Today Show.
 
2012-04-09 07:15:13 PM  
Now I've lol'd twice at the ICE one.
 
2012-04-09 07:26:28 PM  
Gay porn one is brilliant. Good week. Thanks Unfreakable.
 
2012-04-09 07:27:07 PM  
I laugh every time I read the "De Plane" headline. Bravo.
 
2012-04-09 07:35:34 PM  
3 cheers for SUPER dorky headlines!!

"Teen passes out in woman's yard after using spice. Woman tells him to get off her lawn, stop folding space"
 
2012-04-09 07:38:08 PM  
wtf. i am watching Armageddon and Billy Bob just said it will be a tidal wave three miles high and wash up in Denver.
 
2012-04-09 08:03:46 PM  
My first headline to be picked as Fark's favorite, JavaRomney.

/yay
 
2012-04-09 09:39:56 PM  
Yay my first hotw!
(its sadly a big deal to me)
 
2012-04-09 10:08:19 PM  
The gay porn slideshow and the priest still has me chuckling..

That headline was full of WIN!!
 
2012-04-10 12:02:42 AM  
<TheCount>Two! Two headlines of the week! Ah ah ah ah ah</TheCount>
 
2012-04-10 01:49:43 AM  
Resistance is futile, Tony. Your liver will be assimilated.
 
2012-04-10 02:24:31 AM  
I WILL return to HotW rankings...


/goes back to plotting his inevitable return
 
2012-04-10 10:39:43 AM  
The Big Iacocca, aka The Big Steve Jobs, aka The Big W. Edwards Deming, aka The Shaq Sigma Theory, aka Shaq Ziglar, aka Og Shaqdino, awarded doctorate in leadership img.fark.net



Mine. first appearance on HOTW in awhile.

i was pretty proud of "Og Shaqdino", if i say so myself.
 
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