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(Gizmodo)   The five most mathematically essential bottles of booze. Remember: Don't drink and derive   (gizmodo.com) divider line 97
    More: Cool, Miller High Life, flavored vodkas, need to know, Gizmodo  
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15276 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Apr 2012 at 3:01 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-04-07 01:38:20 PM
Five bottles? Five???

I have a twice that many bottles on my second bar, the one that's just for single liquor drinks.

/and at least four times that many on the other one
//I sound drunk
 
2012-04-07 01:49:38 PM

timujin: Five bottles? Five???

I have a twice that many bottles on my second bar, the one that's just for single liquor drinks.

/and at least four times that many on the other one
//I sound drunk


Not just that; this list only works if your friends are completely average, or you plan to open the world's most limited bar.
 
2012-04-07 02:01:02 PM
Mm, I love scotch. I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down. Down into my belly. Mm-mm-mm.
 
2012-04-07 02:52:50 PM
I am the reason the rum is gone.
 
2012-04-07 03:06:51 PM

Weaver95: I am the reason the rum is gone.


No, I am.
 
2012-04-07 03:07:30 PM
I'll just leave this here for the intelligent ones among us....

bryonmike.com
 
2012-04-07 03:10:37 PM
"More: Cool, Miller High Life, flavored vodkas, need to know, Gizmodo"

Miller High Life? Really?
 
2012-04-07 03:13:00 PM
Oh, and: "Coffee liqueur? Gah! Really? Three times as popular as sweet vermouth? Maybe our finger isn't on the pulse of mainstream America, but this seems wrong."

The Dude does not abide.
 
2012-04-07 03:15:19 PM

gopher321: Mm, I love scotch. I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down. Down into my belly. Mm-mm-mm.


Highlands? Islay?
 
2012-04-07 03:16:47 PM

mudesi: I'll just leave this here for the intelligent ones among us....

[bryonmike.com image 360x241]


As you are not female, I must decline.
 
2012-04-07 03:16:55 PM
Arrive Embibed, Drink and Drive
 
2012-04-07 03:17:41 PM
Sweet vermouth is the odd man out here. The only thing it's good for is a manhattan or a rob roy...and both should use rye whiskey..which is not in the five. Better that you choose dry vermouth so you can mix up some tasty martinis.
 
2012-04-07 03:19:12 PM
Yeah, I'm sorry, but the average drinker of spirits and cocktails hasn't even heard of angostura bitters, much less had a drink which included it.

This entire gizmodo article is perpetuating the commonly held perception that liquor drinkers are stuffy old men by recommending ingredients that only stuffy old men would ever consider. If the point of the article was "Restock your grandfather's liquor shelf" then bravo, Gizmodo, you succeeded.

Sale and consumption of alcohol falls into the hospitality and service industry. Rule 1 of that industry is either give the customer what they want or the customer is always right, take your pick.

People like drinking Baileys Irish Cream? Give them Baileys Irish Cream.
People want Martinis that include neither gin nor vermouth? Give them that.

People really need to stop being pretentious about booze.
 
2012-04-07 03:21:09 PM
If your bar cannot make a Long Island Iced Tea it's not a real bar.
 
2012-04-07 03:21:16 PM

findthefish: Sweet vermouth is the odd man out here. The only thing it's good for is a manhattan or a rob roy...and both should use rye whiskey..which is not in the five. Better that you choose dry vermouth so you can mix up some tasty martinis.


I concur
 
2012-04-07 03:26:55 PM

findthefish: Sweet vermouth is the odd man out here. The only thing it's good for is a manhattan or a rob roy


The tasty, tasty Negroni would like to have a word with you.
 
2012-04-07 03:28:18 PM

ladyfortuna: Weaver95: I am the reason the rum is gone.

No, I am.


My rum is gone
 
2012-04-07 03:28:52 PM
Good to see Bulliets getting the nod. That is some tasty Bourbon.
 
2012-04-07 03:30:03 PM

mudesi: I'll just leave this here for the intelligent ones among us....

[bryonmike.com image 360x241]


69 ?
 
2012-04-07 03:38:05 PM
There's something utterly hilarious when an author gets snotty about the most popular liquors...in an article about mixed drinks.
 
2012-04-07 03:39:21 PM
Interesting methodology:

Step 1: Calculate the most commonly used liqueurs.
Step 2: Decide you don't like the results.
Step 3: Come up with a new standard.
Step 4: See if you like the results or not. If not, go to step 3.
Step 5: Call the results you like the "mathematically essential" ones.
 
2012-04-07 03:40:54 PM
A lot of vodka and a lot of coffee liquor. Sounds like a lot of bowlers.
 
2012-04-07 03:41:19 PM
Green Russians!
 
2012-04-07 03:43:06 PM

Lexx: Yeah, I'm sorry, but the average drinker of spirits and cocktails hasn't even heard of angostura bitters, much less had a drink which included it.


I'm forced to disagree with you. It's probably the best known bitter, something that even non-drinkers have usually seen, even if they don't know what it is, and it's a Manhattan ingredient.
 
2012-04-07 03:43:15 PM
How do they lump all vodka together while they separate whiskey by origin? If you combined Scotch, Canadian, American, and Bourbon, they would make a good run for first place.

Also, am I the only one who thought that the article would actually be about bottles and not about the kind of booze in them? I was thinking about the shape of bottles: cylinders, prisms, sinusoidal undulations both planar and cylindrical, etc.
 
2012-04-07 03:44:44 PM

Lexx: Yeah, I'm sorry, but the average drinker of spirits and cocktails hasn't even heard of angostura bitters, much less had a drink which included it.

This entire gizmodo article is perpetuating the commonly held perception that liquor drinkers are stuffy old men by recommending ingredients that only stuffy old men would ever consider. If the point of the article was "Restock your grandfather's liquor shelf" then bravo, Gizmodo, you succeeded.

Sale and consumption of alcohol falls into the hospitality and service industry. Rule 1 of that industry is either give the customer what they want or the customer is always right, take your pick.

People like drinking Baileys Irish Cream? Give them Baileys Irish Cream.
People want Martinis that include neither gin nor vermouth? Give them that.

People really need to stop being pretentious about booze.


If it doesn't have gin and vermouth in it then it isn't a martini. Anyone who asks for a martini and says 'hold the gin/vermouth' should be beaten up and tossed out by the bouncer. And charged with a felony for abusing the english language.

It's like asking for a screwdriver and telling them to use apple juice and rye instead of OJ/vodak. You can give it to them, but it isn't a farking screwdriver. Words have meanings god dammit.
 
2012-04-07 03:45:05 PM

Lexx: Yeah, I'm sorry, but the average drinker of spirits and cocktails hasn't even heard of angostura bitters, much less had a drink which included it.

This entire gizmodo article is perpetuating the commonly held perception that liquor drinkers are stuffy old men by recommending ingredients that only stuffy old men would ever consider. If the point of the article was "Restock your grandfather's liquor shelf" then bravo, Gizmodo, you succeeded.

Sale and consumption of alcohol falls into the hospitality and service industry. Rule 1 of that industry is either give the customer what they want or the customer is always right, take your pick.

People like drinking Baileys Irish Cream? Give them Baileys Irish Cream.
People want Martinis that include neither gin nor vermouth? Give them that.

People really need to stop being pretentious about booze.


Drinking things that are actually tasty rather than over-sugared crap isn't just for old people. I don't think anyone who actually likes a good drink gives a shiat if fratty mcfratboy who just wants to get hammered off his ass is offended by people trying to give advice of the basics of making things that don't taste like crap.

findthefish: Sweet vermouth is the odd man out here. The only thing it's good for is a manhattan or a rob roy...and both should use rye whiskey..which is not in the five. Better that you choose dry vermouth so you can mix up some tasty martinis.


There are actually a lot more than those two. But dry is fairly essential, if just to make martinis. And hey, two prominent drinks with sweet is still more than one drink with dry, even if that one drink is very popular.

Actually, I'd be interested in doing a study about how popular the martini really is, once you separate out the people who use it as a fancy name for iced gin and an olive in a cocktail glass.
 
2012-04-07 03:45:56 PM
My bar would basically consist of gin, tonic, coke, a decent blended whiskey or scotch.
 
2012-04-07 03:45:58 PM

Yoyo: How do they lump all vodka together while they separate whiskey by origin? If you combined Scotch, Canadian, American, and Bourbon, they would make a good run for first place.

Also, am I the only one who thought that the article would actually be about bottles and not about the kind of booze in them? I was thinking about the shape of bottles: cylinders, prisms, sinusoidal undulations both planar and cylindrical, etc.


Yea, um, I'm pretty sure you are the only one.
 
2012-04-07 03:48:00 PM

Yoyo: How do they lump all vodka together while they separate whiskey by origin? If you combined Scotch, Canadian, American, and Bourbon, they would make a good run for first place.

Also, am I the only one who thought that the article would actually be about bottles and not about the kind of booze in them? I was thinking about the shape of bottles: cylinders, prisms, sinusoidal undulations both planar and cylindrical, etc.


Because vodka has only one flavor of nothing while all the various varieties of whisk(e)y taste distinctly different and are called for by type in cocktails? If you substitute scotch for bourbon or vice versa, the flavor is gonna change a great deal. If you sub out a polish vodka for a russian one in a drink no one will actually notice.
 
2012-04-07 03:53:22 PM

way2slo: If your bar cannot make a Long Island Iced Tea it's not a real college bar.


fify.


Equilibrist: Good to see Bulliets getting the nod. That is some tasty Bourbon.


indeed.
 
2012-04-07 03:54:46 PM

cptjeff: If you sub out a polish vodka for a russian one in a drink no one will actually notice.


cdn2.business2community.com

I think I would.
 
2012-04-07 03:55:50 PM

Lexx: Yeah, I'm sorry, but the average drinker of spirits and cocktails hasn't even heard of angostura bitters, much less had a drink which included it.

This entire gizmodo article is perpetuating the commonly held perception that liquor drinkers are stuffy old men by recommending ingredients that only stuffy old men would ever consider. If the point of the article was "Restock your grandfather's liquor shelf" then bravo, Gizmodo, you succeeded.

Sale and consumption of alcohol falls into the hospitality and service industry. Rule 1 of that industry is either give the customer what they want or the customer is always right, take your pick.

People like drinking Baileys Irish Cream? Give them Baileys Irish Cream.
People want Martinis that include neither gin nor vermouth? Give them that.

People really need to stop being pretentious about booze.


Bollocks. Angostura bitters are delicious, and there are a whole range of drinks both classic and modern which require Angostura- foremost among them Manhattans and Old Fashioneds. People don't know them because bartenders forgot that Ango (and many other things) existed back in the 70s and 80s, and so a lot of folks just don't know what they're missing. Give me some watered-down bourbon with a splash of stale vermouth and a cherry, call it a Manhattan, and I can promise you I'm not going to patronize your bar anymore. But make it properly- with Ango, fresh vermouth (keeping it in the fridge helps), and preferably rye (though I prefer bourbon straight), and you have something which is sweet, spicy, complex and delicious.


To be fair, I've got nothing against vodka martinis: I don't personally care for them, because vodka doesn't taste like anything and I drink cocktails for the flavor more than the inebriation, but they can be well-made. But if you want a martini without the vermouth, you're not ordering a martini: you're just ordering chilled, watered-down gin or vodka. Nothing wrong with that, but choose the right words.

Some folks, myself included, really do prefer brown spirits, classic and fresh ingredients, and yes, aromatic bitterness. We're consumers, too, and the more people know the more of us there are.

Come to the dark side! Even our mojitos taste better! (Yes, for all my cocktail snobbery I do love mojitos too, long sweet drinks are often a better choice in the summer or with food.)
 
2012-04-07 03:56:44 PM

Porous Horace: Green Russians!


Ok, Pam.
 
2012-04-07 03:57:15 PM

downstairs: findthefish: Sweet vermouth is the odd man out here. The only thing it's good for is a manhattan or a rob roy

The tasty, tasty Negroni would like to have a word with you.


Campari is the nectar of the gods.
 
2012-04-07 03:57:15 PM
Our bar has: Scotch, Irish, Tennessee, and Bourbon whiskey for me...and vodka for the ladies...
 
2012-04-07 04:00:46 PM

Lexx: People want Martinis that include neither gin nor vermouth? Give them that.


If someone asked me for a martini without gin and vermouth, I would probably give them an actual martini, using both gin and vermouth, because the person clearly has no idea what those things are. As someone else said, this would be akin to asking for a screwdriver without orange juice or vodka... You can change the proportions or add in extra garnishes and such without offending me, but you have to know what things are for us to communicate.
 
2012-04-07 04:02:52 PM

cptjeff: Because vodka has only one flavor of nothing while all the various varieties of whisk(e)y taste distinctly different and are called for by type in cocktails? If you substitute scotch for bourbon or vice versa, the flavor is gonna change a great deal. If you sub out a polish vodka for a russian one in a drink no one will actually notice.


All the bars in Vegas with shelves full of different flavors of Stoli, et al. would like to disagree with you. And don't tell me that there are no drinks that specify the origin or flavor of vodka. Also, taken overall, whiskey, regardless of type/origin, has only one basic flavor: sweet, smokey, savory charcoal aging.

/what is polish vodka made from? shoe polish? floor polish? nail polish?
 
2012-04-07 04:03:43 PM
Not enough Campari in here.
 
2012-04-07 04:03:46 PM
I do a lot of party bartending at conventions, and came up with the 10 Things You Need For A Party Bar years ago:

1. Vodka
2. Gin
3. Bourbon
4. Scotch
5. Tequila
6. Blue Curacao
7. Orange Juice
8. Coke
9. Sweet & Sour
10. Plain soda

Sure, it won't work for a "real" bar, but it will allow you enough flexibility to create some colorful and flavorful drinks for keep people happy.
 
2012-04-07 04:06:27 PM

Hitting Coffee With Drumsticks: Lexx: Yeah, I'm sorry, but the average drinker of spirits and cocktails hasn't even heard of angostura bitters, much less had a drink which included it.

This entire gizmodo article is perpetuating the commonly held perception that liquor drinkers are stuffy old men by recommending ingredients that only stuffy old men would ever consider. If the point of the article was "Restock your grandfather's liquor shelf" then bravo, Gizmodo, you succeeded.

Sale and consumption of alcohol falls into the hospitality and service industry. Rule 1 of that industry is either give the customer what they want or the customer is always right, take your pick.

People like drinking Baileys Irish Cream? Give them Baileys Irish Cream.
People want Martinis that include neither gin nor vermouth? Give them that.

People really need to stop being pretentious about booze.

Bollocks. Angostura bitters are delicious, and there are a whole range of drinks both classic and modern which require Angostura- foremost among them Manhattans and Old Fashioneds. People don't know them because bartenders forgot that Ango (and many other things) existed back in the 70s and 80s, and so a lot of folks just don't know what they're missing. Give me some watered-down bourbon with a splash of stale vermouth and a cherry, call it a Manhattan, and I can promise you I'm not going to patronize your bar anymore. But make it properly- with Ango, fresh vermouth (keeping it in the fridge helps), and preferably rye (though I prefer bourbon straight), and you have something which is sweet, spicy, complex and delicious.


To be fair, I've got nothing against vodka martinis: I don't personally care for them, because vodka doesn't taste like anything and I drink cocktails for the flavor more than the inebriation, ...



You had me goin up to here.
 
2012-04-07 04:11:14 PM

Hitting Coffee With Drumsticks: Campari is the nectar of the gods.


Oohaahpaulwella: Not enough Campari in here.


Next round is on me.
 
2012-04-07 04:11:15 PM
Alright, time to lay down the real cocktail snobbery. My SO and I have building a bit of a home bar recently, with some help from her parents, who have been giving us bottles they don't want and a few more as a birthday present. We've pretty much got all the basics now except for vodka (neither of us care to have something which doesn't contribute any flavor, but we may get it eventually for entertaining and Black/White Russians), tequila (which we'll probably pick up as it gets warmer), and dry vermouth (she doesn't like martinis at all, and I don't find them essential). Our base spirits are brown-heavy 'cause that's what we like: rye, Johnnie Walker, gin, aquavit (it's like drinking rye bread! Delicious with lox or in OJ), rum, and applejack. Then we've got sweet vermouth (kept in the fridge of course), Kahlua, triple sec, and the two "let's be classy and get our favorite things" splurges: Campari and St. Germain. A jar of cherries. And of course bitters- Ango and orange.

It's enough to make most anything we'd want. Yum.
 
2012-04-07 04:19:00 PM

Hitting Coffee With Drumsticks: Alright, time to lay down the real cocktail snobbery. My SO and I have building a bit of a home bar recently, with some help from her parents, who have been giving us bottles they don't want and a few more as a birthday present. We've pretty much got all the basics now except for vodka (neither of us care to have something which doesn't contribute any flavor, but we may get it eventually for entertaining and Black/White Russians), tequila (which we'll probably pick up as it gets warmer), and dry vermouth (she doesn't like martinis at all, and I don't find them essential). Our base spirits are brown-heavy 'cause that's what we like: rye, Johnnie Walker, gin, aquavit (it's like drinking rye bread! Delicious with lox or in OJ), rum, and applejack. Then we've got sweet vermouth (kept in the fridge of course), Kahlua, triple sec, and the two "let's be classy and get our favorite things" splurges: Campari and St. Germain. A jar of cherries. And of course bitters- Ango and orange.

It's enough to make most anything we'd want. Yum.


Oh, I forgot: we also have a knock-off imitation Bailey's, which we've been putting off opening because it has to go in the fridge afterwards.

SDRR: Hitting Coffee With Drumsticks:
To be fair, I've got nothing against vodka martinis: I don't personally care for them, because vodka doesn't taste like anything and I drink cocktails for the flavor more than the inebriation, ...


You had me goin up to here.


Oh, don't get me wrong: a slight buzz is a wonderful thing- I'm not drinking Shirley Temples here. I just prefer to keep my tolerance, dependency, and booze bill in check somewhat, so my priorities lean towards taste rather than volume.
 
2012-04-07 04:19:36 PM

mudesi: I'll just leave this here for the intelligent ones among us....

[bryonmike.com image 360x241]


*snicker*
 
2012-04-07 04:20:07 PM

way2slo: If your bar cannot make a Long Island Iced Tea it's not a real bar.


You're an idiot that doesn't deserve to have their own booze.
 
2012-04-07 04:20:46 PM

mudesi: I'll just leave this here for the intelligent ones among us....

[bryonmike.com image 360x241]


Is the question mark a constant or a variable?
 
2012-04-07 04:21:20 PM
Aaahhhh....a well made Negroni, sipped in the summer time as the sun is setting is such a pleasure.
 
2012-04-07 04:21:45 PM
This guy said Hendricks is a "delicious and complex gin". It's not. The bottle even comes with a warning label telling you that this gin is not for everybody. Take the gin taste and amplify that by 10. you may as well go eat a Christmas tree.
 
2012-04-07 04:21:59 PM
www.toddhodes.comtheinfosphere.orgimg.math-fail.com

You can't beat Futurama's booze for highbrow-humor goodness.
 
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