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(Discover)   "The big stumbling block to communicating with dolphins is motivation. The dolphins just don't seem to care"   (blogs.discovermagazine.com) divider line 90
    More: Amusing, two-way communication, Bonobos, marine mammals, Southern Mississippi, fish, EPCOT Center, Flipper, swimming with dolphins  
•       •       •

3886 clicks; posted to Geek » on 04 Apr 2012 at 7:52 PM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



90 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-04-04 10:00:33 PM  

t3knomanser: Cuthbert Allgood: wtfamireading.jpg

Someone who's never seen dolphinsex.com? Next you're going to claim that you've never seen Goatse.


Is Goatse on tour?

/"sombody I used to know..."
 
2012-04-04 10:02:07 PM  
When they finally do decide to communicate I'd say it will be "So long and thanks for all the fish"
 
2012-04-04 10:04:19 PM  
Consider their audience. Not much to talk about...
 
2012-04-04 10:15:04 PM  

Mad Tea Party: [desmond.imageshack.us image 640x313]


And we have the winner.

Personally I feel their first communication will be divinely inspired. Maybe something like "We apologise for the inconvenience". I'd be able to die happy right then with that.
 
2012-04-04 10:23:15 PM  
This headline would have worked just as well in the Sports tab.
 
2012-04-04 10:46:16 PM  

Yuri Futanari: Female dolphins, once they show interest in you, can be supported in much the same way as the male, one hand under the fin, supporting her, the other doing the stimulating. The clitoris of the female is located at the top of the genital slit, and is a prominent lump when erect. You can rub this with your finger tips, or lick and suck it, but with the oral aspect, you might end up with a bruised nose as they thrust up into you. You can slide your hand gently into their genital opening, and feel around inside, rubbing gently. They feel warm and muscular inside, their labia like tough, squishy sponge when they are excited. Don't be surprised if they start to play with your hand inside them. They have very manipulative muscles, and can use them to carry and manipulate objects, including your hand. (They can do things that would make a regular human woman turn green with envy.) Their climax is coupled with stiffening, shuddering, sometimes a lot of thrusting, clinching of the vaginal muscles, and sometimes vocalisation.



i360.photobucket.com

"Lucas touched me inappropriately."
 
2012-04-04 10:48:56 PM  

Yuri Futanari: Female dolphins, once they show interest in you, can be supported in much the same way as the male, one hand under the fin, supporting her, the other doing the stimulating. The clitoris of the female is located at the top of the genital slit, and is a prominent lump when erect. You can rub this with your finger tips, or lick and suck it, but with the oral aspect, you might end up with a bruised nose as they thrust up into you. You can slide your hand gently into their genital opening, and feel around inside, rubbing gently. They feel warm and muscular inside, their labia like tough, squishy sponge when they are excited. Don't be surprised if they start to play with your hand inside them. They have very manipulative muscles, and can use them to carry and manipulate objects, including your hand. (They can do things that would make a regular human woman turn green with envy.) Their climax is coupled with stiffening, shuddering, sometimes a lot of thrusting, clinching of the vaginal muscles, and sometimes vocalisation.


Is your name Troy McClure?
 
2012-04-04 10:49:02 PM  

SmackLT: They're not intelligent, they're stupid. We've been trying to communicate with them for decades and they act like they're trying, but it's all coming out as gibberish. It's all, "kay pas-uh" this and "aw blaw es spanyol" that. Total morons.


You jerk. Now my sides hurt from laughing so hard.
 
2012-04-04 11:01:51 PM  

sammyk: Shadow Blasko: So long so long so long so long...

Give up. Nothing is obscure on fark.


miss shark miss shark miss shark
 
2012-04-04 11:08:57 PM  
i113.photobucket.com
RIP Flipper

/he caught a nasty virus
 
2012-04-04 11:27:11 PM  

Yuri Futanari: Female dolphins, once they show interest in you, can be supported in much the same way as the male, one hand under the fin, supporting her, the other doing the stimulating. The clitoris of the female is located at the top of the genital slit, and is a prominent lump when erect. You can rub this with your finger tips, or lick and suck it, but with the oral aspect, you might end up with a bruised nose as they thrust up into you. You can slide your hand gently into their genital opening, and feel around inside, rubbing gently. They feel warm and muscular inside, their labia like tough, squishy sponge when they are excited. Don't be surprised if they start to play with your hand inside them. They have very manipulative muscles, and can use them to carry and manipulate objects, including your hand. (They can do things that would make a regular human woman turn green with envy.) Their climax is coupled with stiffening, shuddering, sometimes a lot of thrusting, clinching of the vaginal muscles, and sometimes vocalisation.


www.drunktiki.com
 
2012-04-04 11:33:12 PM  
What, all this talk of dolphin communication, and no mention of Fa and Bee?
 
2012-04-04 11:34:08 PM  

Millennium: RIP Flipper
/he caught a nasty virus


HAHA nice! That's an excellent song, but I never quite understood what they were talking about. I heard it was some sort of reference to Natural Born Killers?

/Butthole Surfers FTW
 
2012-04-04 11:36:26 PM  
So stop giving them so damn many fish. They'll find their motivation soon enough. If they'll balance a ball or punch a keyboard for fish when they're fat, they'll do a lot more when they're a few pounds below their fighting weights. Sheesh, do I have to do all the work around here?
 
2012-04-04 11:44:39 PM  
 
2012-04-05 12:00:57 AM  

kevinfra: The article mentioned the experiments that taught apes to communication via sign lauguage. They always talk about what the apes say to us, but I always thought they should train two apes to use sign language and eavesdrop on what they say to each other.


I believe they were working towards that. I know at one point, they were hoping to get Koko to breed to see if she'd teach sign language to her infant, but she would have nothing to do with any of the male gorillas they introduced her to. IIRC, she called at least one of them "stupid" because he didn't sign.
 
2012-04-05 12:08:46 AM  
 
2012-04-05 12:15:23 AM  
One dolphin cared enough to get her jiggy on (new window)with a human.
 
2012-04-05 12:34:36 AM  
Male dolphins are known to isolate females, deprive them of food, and rape them.

Maybe you don't really want to talk to dolphins. They're assholes.
 
2012-04-05 12:39:41 AM  
Frat boys are the dolphins of dry land.
 
2012-04-05 12:40:25 AM  

Dwight_Yeast: kevinfra: The article mentioned the experiments that taught apes to communication via sign lauguage. They always talk about what the apes say to us, but I always thought they should train two apes to use sign language and eavesdrop on what they say to each other.

I believe they were working towards that. I know at one point, they were hoping to get Koko to breed to see if she'd teach sign language to her infant, but she would have nothing to do with any of the male gorillas they introduced her to. IIRC, she called at least one of them "stupid" because he didn't sign.


Hearing that, I'd suspect the problem is alot more complex than we are fully able to deal with.

Koko is an example of a species being uplifted. It would be like taking a teenager from a small farming town, giving it a mind blowing education in heady subjects at university level, and then sending it home.
It can no longer relate with its own kind because all dad and mom seem to talk about is what funny thing the dog did yesterday.
To make thinks worse, Shes probably incoherent to the males. You take a primate that was using the ape equivalent of the word smurf to describe everything it ever knew, and then you give it a thousand word vocabulary.
Eyes now opened, its no longer an ape.

/Then we wonder why aliens don't talk to us.
/Our chattering probably doesn't even rate as communication to them.
 
2012-04-05 12:41:05 AM  

Yuri Futanari: Female dolphins, once they show interest in you, can be supported in much the same way as the male, one hand under the fin, supporting her, the other doing the stimulating. The clitoris of the female is located at the top of the genital slit, and is a prominent lump when erect. You can rub this with your finger tips, or lick and suck it, but with the oral aspect, you might end up with a bruised nose as they thrust up into you. You can slide your hand gently into their genital opening, and feel around inside, rubbing gently. They feel warm and muscular inside, their labia like tough, squishy sponge when they are excited. Don't be surprised if they start to play with your hand inside them. They have very manipulative muscles, and can use them to carry and manipulate objects, including your hand. (They can do things that would make a regular human woman turn green with envy.) Their climax is coupled with stiffening, shuddering, sometimes a lot of thrusting, clinching of the vaginal muscles, and sometimes vocalisation.


weknowmemes.com
 
2012-04-05 06:31:01 AM  
shocked nobody else posted this.

4.bp.blogspot.com

//in like flint
 
2012-04-05 07:44:23 AM  

doglover: "BeeeeebooooooodooodleeeeeeeeeeeeeeedoodleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetBEANer EN ertschhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"


Farking racist modems...
 
2012-04-05 08:15:31 AM  
But as conversations go, these were shallow ones. "The dolphins were only really interested in communicating about needs that they had, like a tool they needed or a fish they wanted," says Kuczaj, who was involved in a similar project at DisneyWorld's EPCOT Center. "We hoped they would also comment on other things going on in the aquarium but they didn't."

Maybe they just didn't want to share their innermost thoughts with people, who kept them prisoners and made them perform pointles tasks for food. I wonder if they were tought the words for "Please let me out of here, I miss my wife and kids."
 
2012-04-05 08:53:05 AM  
Did they try talking very slowly and very loudly to the dolphins?
 
2012-04-05 09:08:42 AM  

rudemix: Did they try talking very slowly and very loudly to the dolphins?


They're not blind.
 
2012-04-05 09:11:14 AM  

wildcardjack: Male dolphins are known to isolate females, deprive them of food, and rape them.

Maybe you don't really want to talk to dolphins. They're assholes.


Actually, I always figured that's why we and dolphins get along so well - both of our species are total dicks.
 
2012-04-05 09:18:05 AM  
nihilists
 
2012-04-05 10:00:13 AM  

wildcardjack: Male dolphins are known to isolate females, deprive them of food, and rape them.

Maybe you don't really want to talk to dolphins. They're assholes.


Don't forget the killing of young dolphins by other dolphins for no readily apparent
reason.
(new window)
 
2012-04-05 10:29:32 AM  
Perhaps if they were offered stock options or profit sharing.
 
2012-04-05 11:46:53 AM  
Haven't we learned yet, the best way to get someone interested in us is to first show a little interest, and then ignore them? We need to stop chasing these dolphins.
 
ecl
2012-04-05 12:45:32 PM  

Yuri Futanari: Female dolphins, once they show interest in you, can be supported in much the same way as the male, one hand under the fin, supporting her, the other doing the stimulating. The clitoris of the female is located at the top of the genital slit, and is a prominent lump when erect. You can rub this with your finger tips, or lick and suck it, but with the oral aspect, you might end up with a bruised nose as they thrust up into you. You can slide your hand gently into their genital opening, and feel around inside, rubbing gently. They feel warm and muscular inside, their labia like tough, squishy sponge when they are excited. Don't be surprised if they start to play with your hand inside them. They have very manipulative muscles, and can use them to carry and manipulate objects, including your hand. (They can do things that would make a regular human woman turn green with envy.) Their climax is coupled with stiffening, shuddering, sometimes a lot of thrusting, clinching of the vaginal muscles, and sometimes vocalisation.


Wow that didn't go where I thought it was.
 
2012-04-05 01:58:59 PM  
The should try dolphinsex.org
 
2012-04-05 03:19:08 PM  
Have we tried dirty jokes?

I'm pretty sure the punch line "... and now we're just arguing over the price." is the same thing in Dolphin.
 
2012-04-05 03:22:05 PM  
miss shark
miss shark
miss shark

Obscure?
 
2012-04-05 06:26:17 PM  

Overman: Obscure?


Beat ya to it, Overman :)
 
2012-04-05 06:46:12 PM  

dj_spanmaster: Haven't we learned yet, the best way to get someone interested in us is to first show a little interest, and then ignore them? We need to stop chasing these dolphins.


STOP PUTTING THE PORPOISE ON A PEDASTAL.
 
2012-04-05 07:49:45 PM  
* play with toys, eat fish *
* swim around all day *
* and the air-breathers think we're stupid *


/ not strictly haiku, I know
// still, it's a nice life
 
2012-04-06 01:02:22 AM  
I find it hilarious to imagine dolphins as these spastic, ADD addled, insane children things.
 
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