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(Discover)   "The big stumbling block to communicating with dolphins is motivation. The dolphins just don't seem to care"   (blogs.discovermagazine.com) divider line 90
    More: Amusing, two-way communication, Bonobos, marine mammals, Southern Mississippi, fish, EPCOT Center, Flipper, swimming with dolphins  
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3884 clicks; posted to Geek » on 04 Apr 2012 at 7:52 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-04-04 05:53:20 PM
they're just waiting for us to say something intelligent.
 
2012-04-04 05:58:45 PM
They're not intelligent, they're stupid. We've been trying to communicate with them for decades and they act like they're trying, but it's all coming out as gibberish. It's all, "kay pas-uh" this and "aw blaw es spanyol" that. Total morons.
 
2012-04-04 05:58:45 PM
Do you carry on conversations with the guy serving your filet-o-fish at McDonalds?
 
2012-04-04 06:00:53 PM
So long so long so long so long...
 
2012-04-04 06:12:10 PM
My cat communicates with me perfectly. He knows how to tell me to let him out, let him in, feed him, and he pins me on the couch when it's time for his daily massage. Maybe they could try that with dolphins.
 
2012-04-04 06:14:47 PM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Do you carry on conversations with the guy serving your filet-o-fish at McDonalds?


I think we're done here.
 
2012-04-04 06:32:57 PM
They're probably still pissed about Flipper AND Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, so maybe we should back off.
 
2012-04-04 06:53:18 PM
I suspect that it's because dolphins are smart enough to know that they have nothing at all to gain/learn from us. It would be a one-sided deal, so they're not interested in playing ball.

I mean, unless there's an actual BALL involved. Then they'll balance that motherf*cker on the end of their noses 'til the fish-bucket runs out.
 
2012-04-04 06:56:16 PM
Of course Dolphins are stupid. Remember when they passed on Drew Brees?
 
2012-04-04 07:01:35 PM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Do you carry on conversations with the guy serving your filet-o-fish at McDonalds?


Sounds about right.

MaxxLarge: I mean, unless there's an actual BALL involved. Then they'll balance that motherf*cker on the end of their noses 'til the fish-bucket runs out.


Everyone needs a hobby.
 
2012-04-04 07:05:07 PM

Shadow Blasko: So long so long so long so long...


Give up. Nothing is obscure on fark.
 
2012-04-04 07:25:56 PM
Well, when the aliens come to steal our oceans, the jokes going to be on them. We'll build spaceships that suck out MOAR seawater to use for fuel, and the dolphins will be left behind.

TAKE THAT FLIPPER, YOU ASSHAT!
 
2012-04-04 07:40:41 PM
Dolphins are the kitties of the sea.
 
2012-04-04 07:56:45 PM
They only seem smart because we're measuring them using dolphin-centric testing. Those tests should be burned, and then banned, and then burned again.
 
2012-04-04 07:58:37 PM
It's because they know they're next when the tune runs out.
 
2012-04-04 07:58:54 PM

elleonheels: Dolphins are the kitties of the sea.


needs citation.
 
2012-04-04 07:59:03 PM
Man has always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much... the wheel, New York, wars and so on... while all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man... for precisely the same reason.

/well aware that's not obscure
//doesn't make it any less plausible
 
2012-04-04 07:59:26 PM
Female dolphins, once they show interest in you, can be supported in much the same way as the male, one hand under the fin, supporting her, the other doing the stimulating. The clitoris of the female is located at the top of the genital slit, and is a prominent lump when erect. You can rub this with your finger tips, or lick and suck it, but with the oral aspect, you might end up with a bruised nose as they thrust up into you. You can slide your hand gently into their genital opening, and feel around inside, rubbing gently. They feel warm and muscular inside, their labia like tough, squishy sponge when they are excited. Don't be surprised if they start to play with your hand inside them. They have very manipulative muscles, and can use them to carry and manipulate objects, including your hand. (They can do things that would make a regular human woman turn green with envy.) Their climax is coupled with stiffening, shuddering, sometimes a lot of thrusting, clinching of the vaginal muscles, and sometimes vocalisation.
 
2012-04-04 08:01:29 PM

Shadow Blasko: So long so long so long so long...


So long and thanks for all the fish, so sad that it should come to this. We tried to warn you all but oh dear,..
 
2012-04-04 08:04:19 PM
Humans have digital watches. We're obviously very clever.
 
2012-04-04 08:05:14 PM

Yuri Futanari: Female dolphins, once they show interest in you, can be supported in much the same way as the male, one hand under the fin, supporting her, the other doing the stimulating. The clitoris of the female is located at the top of the genital slit, and is a prominent lump when erect. You can rub this with your finger tips, or lick and suck it, but with the oral aspect, you might end up with a bruised nose as they thrust up into you. You can slide your hand gently into their genital opening, and feel around inside, rubbing gently. They feel warm and muscular inside, their labia like tough, squishy sponge when they are excited. Don't be surprised if they start to play with your hand inside them. They have very manipulative muscles, and can use them to carry and manipulate objects, including your hand. (They can do things that would make a regular human woman turn green with envy.) Their climax is coupled with stiffening, shuddering, sometimes a lot of thrusting, clinching of the vaginal muscles, and sometimes vocalisation.


wtfamireading.jpg
 
2012-04-04 08:08:12 PM

Cuthbert Allgood: wtfamireading.jpg


Someone who's never seen dolphinsex.com? Next you're going to claim that you've never seen Goatse.
 
2012-04-04 08:09:18 PM
*tuna

/I guess it works either way
 
2012-04-04 08:10:20 PM

Cuthbert Allgood: Yuri Futanari: Female dolphins, once they show interest in you, can be supported in much the same way as the male, one hand under the fin, supporting her, the other doing the stimulating. The clitoris of the female is located at the top of the genital slit, and is a prominent lump when erect. You can rub this with your finger tips, or lick and suck it, but with the oral aspect, you might end up with a bruised nose as they thrust up into you. You can slide your hand gently into their genital opening, and feel around inside, rubbing gently. They feel warm and muscular inside, their labia like tough, squishy sponge when they are excited. Don't be surprised if they start to play with your hand inside them. They have very manipulative muscles, and can use them to carry and manipulate objects, including your hand. (They can do things that would make a regular human woman turn green with envy.) Their climax is coupled with stiffening, shuddering, sometimes a lot of thrusting, clinching of the vaginal muscles, and sometimes vocalisation.

wtfamireading.jpg


It was only a matter of time before someone referenced dolphinsex.org ...
 
2012-04-04 08:24:51 PM
Well, they are smarter than humans.

/But not smarter than lab mice
 
2012-04-04 08:24:58 PM

elleonheels: Dolphins are the kitties of the sea.


More like the honey badgers of the sea.
 
2012-04-04 08:25:00 PM
So the dolphin is the honey badger of the sea.
 
2012-04-04 08:29:59 PM
Dolphins are assholes. There, I said it.
 
2012-04-04 08:34:44 PM
www.hollywood-elsewhere.com

/oblig
 
2012-04-04 08:37:46 PM

jaytkay: So the dolphin is the honey badger of the sea.


Except for that one AW in the pod.

CSB: We were off Pt Conception (Pacific coast of CA where it takes a dogleg SE) and a pod of 100 or so White-Sided little mfers were swimming with the boat. One of them would swim right up to us to make sure we were watching him with cameras at the ready and then he would take off and do tail stands and flips. And then come back to the boat to make sure we were still watching him.

The other 99 just swam.
 
2012-04-04 08:39:57 PM
Suck it, dolphin.
 
2012-04-04 08:40:28 PM

jaytkay: So the dolphin is the honey badger of the sea.


i1.kym-cdn.com
 
2012-04-04 08:49:08 PM
They say the parrot's last words were "You be good. I love you. See you tomorrow." I have it on good authority that his actual last words were "I told you...I was all out...of birdseed...dammit!"

/Fa love pa!
 
2012-04-04 08:49:39 PM

Cuthbert Allgood: Yuri Futanari: Female dolphins, once they show interest in you, can be supported in much the same way as the male, one hand under the fin, supporting her, the other doing the stimulating. The clitoris of the female is located at the top of the genital slit, and is a prominent lump when erect. You can rub this with your finger tips, or lick and suck it, but with the oral aspect, you might end up with a bruised nose as they thrust up into you. You can slide your hand gently into their genital opening, and feel around inside, rubbing gently. They feel warm and muscular inside, their labia like tough, squishy sponge when they are excited. Don't be surprised if they start to play with your hand inside them. They have very manipulative muscles, and can use them to carry and manipulate objects, including your hand. (They can do things that would make a regular human woman turn green with envy.) Their climax is coupled with stiffening, shuddering, sometimes a lot of thrusting, clinching of the vaginal muscles, and sometimes vocalisation.

wtfamireading.jpg


The Dolphin Sex FAQ. It was back in the days of yore when modems went "BeeeeebooooooodooodleeeeeeeeeeeeeeedoodleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetBEANerEN ertschhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
 
2012-04-04 08:53:16 PM
"The big stumbling block to communicating with dolphins is motivation. The dolphins just don't seem to care."

speak in trinary
boring humans are boring
honey dolphin don't care
 
2012-04-04 08:55:23 PM
Here's the original. It's a hoot. NSFW text so no linky.

http://www.sexwork.com/family/dolphins1.html
 
2012-04-04 08:57:06 PM

t3knomanser: Cuthbert Allgood: wtfamireading.jpg

Someone who's never seen dolphinsex.com? Next you're going to claim that you've never seen Goatse.


oh lawd!
 
2012-04-04 08:57:22 PM

doglover: Cuthbert Allgood:
wtfamireading.jpg

The Dolphin Sex FAQ. It was back in the days of yore when modems went "BeeeeebooooooodooodleeeeeeeeeeeeeeedoodleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetBEANerE N ertschhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"


Which also happens to be the sound a dolphin makes when it climaxes,
 
2012-04-04 08:58:41 PM
His wife is a cutie.
 
2012-04-04 08:58:53 PM

Yuri Futanari: doglover: Cuthbert Allgood:
wtfamireading.jpg

The Dolphin Sex FAQ. It was back in the days of yore when modems went "BeeeeebooooooodooodleeeeeeeeeeeeeeedoodleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetBEANerE N ertschhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

Which also happens to be the sound a dolphin makes when it climaxes,


Only if it's this one:
www.technovelgy.com
http://www.technovelgy.com/graphics/content06/darpa-shark.jpg
 
2012-04-04 08:59:53 PM

t3knomanser: Cuthbert Allgood: wtfamireading.jpg

Someone who's never seen dolphinsex.com? Next you're going to claim that you've never seen Goatse.


What's that? Link please?

Please don't
 
2012-04-04 09:00:06 PM
Probably a bit wary of:

encrypted-tbn1.google.com
 
2012-04-04 09:06:30 PM
The article mentioned the experiments that taught apes to communication via sign lauguage. They always talk about what the apes say to us, but I always thought they should train two apes to use sign language and eavesdrop on what they say to each other.
 
2012-04-04 09:07:39 PM
On other hand; could lead to:

upload.wikimedia.org

I rather enjoyed that book.
 
2012-04-04 09:21:16 PM
FTA: "He once flooded a house to keep a captive dolphin, instigated failed attempts to teach them spoken English, and even gave the animals LSD (while taking the drug himself)."

shiat man, and I thought miniature golf on LSD was the final frontier.
 
2012-04-04 09:22:34 PM
 
2012-04-04 09:26:32 PM

SmackLT: They're not intelligent, they're stupid. We've been trying to communicate with them for decades and they act like they're trying, but it's all coming out as gibberish. It's all, "kay pas-uh" this and "aw blaw es spanyol" that. Total morons.


individual.utoronto.ca
 
2012-04-04 09:37:31 PM

Marcus Aurelius: My cat communicates with me perfectly. He knows how to tell me to let him out, let him in, feed him, and he pins me on the couch when it's time for his daily massage. Maybe they could try that with dolphins.


Pet cats for dolphins? Sure, but how will they clean the litter box?
 
2012-04-04 09:51:08 PM
beat them, their english improves dramatically if you beat them!
 
2012-04-04 09:51:56 PM

LordOfThePings: Marcus Aurelius: My cat communicates with me perfectly. He knows how to tell me to let him out, let him in, feed him, and he pins me on the couch when it's time for his daily massage. Maybe they could try that with dolphins.

Pet cats for dolphins? Sure, but how will they clean the litter box?


I think he means like catfish, which would be a lot easier to handle given the water and all.
 
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