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(Sun Sentinel)   Drive-by masturbator caught before he can become drive-by shooter. Jerk   (weblogs.sun-sentinel.com) divider line 62
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5661 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Apr 2012 at 5:24 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-04-04 05:17:10 PM  
To be a drive-by shooter, he would have needed to have someone else driving the car so he could have his wang hanging out the car window.

And that's the problem... do you know anyone that you consider to be close enough to you that would drive the car as you let your wang flop in the breeze as you targeted your prey?
 
2012-04-04 05:27:05 PM  

FirstNationalBastard: To be a drive-by shooter, he would have needed to have someone else driving the car so he could have his wang hanging out the car window.


...says you.

/challenge accepted
 
2012-04-04 05:27:15 PM  
Shooting blanks are we?
 
2012-04-04 05:27:44 PM  
Does he hate the cans?
 
2012-04-04 05:28:20 PM  
Hopefully they got one of the guys who constantly spams the porn sites with videos of himself cranking it in his vehicle and flashing strangers.

I know there's a niche of porn out there for everyone, but I don't think even the most perverted out there want to watch 3 dozen videos of a fat bald guy accosting strangers with his wang out.
 
2012-04-04 05:28:54 PM  

tortilla burger: FirstNationalBastard: To be a drive-by shooter, he would have needed to have someone else driving the car so he could have his wang hanging out the car window.

...says you.

/challenge accepted


were we gonna meet?
 
2012-04-04 05:29:48 PM  
"Jerk" Jerk-off.

fixed it for ya, subby.
 
2012-04-04 05:30:08 PM  
They see me strokin
They hatin
 
2012-04-04 05:30:17 PM  
Flog the log
Pound the Porpoise
Beat the Bishop
Choke the bald headed man in the turtleneck sweater
Beat the meat
Hand to Gland Combat
Choke the chicken

/please feel free to add your own
 
2012-04-04 05:32:57 PM  
you could try to hoop it w/ onion rings....
 
2012-04-04 05:33:35 PM  
Obviously driving a... manual.
 
2012-04-04 05:37:18 PM  

karmaceutical: Obviously driving a... manual.


Stick Shift....nice
 
2012-04-04 05:40:25 PM  
No wonder why my Army Drill Sergeant kept telling us during Basic Training: "Keep your dickbeaters off of my weapons"
 
2012-04-04 05:40:56 PM  
Spoogtastic headline smitty.
 
2012-04-04 05:43:17 PM  
I guess you could say that...

*puts on glasses*

...they finished him.



YEEAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
 
2012-04-04 05:43:25 PM  

FirstNationalBastard: To be a drive-by shooter, he would have needed to have someone else driving the car so he could have his wang hanging out the car window.

And that's the problem... do you know anyone that you consider to be close enough to you that would drive the car as you let your wang flop in the breeze as you targeted your prey?


i have a very tolerant wife.
 
2012-04-04 05:43:52 PM  
So, this is auto erotica?
 
2012-04-04 05:44:42 PM  
What a stroke of genius! This guy wasn't just dickin' around, I'll tell ya.
 
2012-04-04 05:44:56 PM  

real_headhoncho: So, this is auto erotica?


Auto-Erotic Arrestification
 
2012-04-04 05:48:44 PM  
Goddammit. Another car jacking
 
2012-04-04 05:53:31 PM  
You say he wasn't the sex-ed teacher? I am glad I didn't do the extra credit.
 
2012-04-04 05:56:03 PM  

katghoti: Flog the log
Pound the Porpoise
Beat the Bishop
Choke the bald headed man in the turtleneck sweater
Beat the meat
Hand to Gland Combat
Choke the chicken

/please feel free to add your own


2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-04-04 05:56:18 PM  
Drive by shooter.....of short rounds.
 
2012-04-04 05:56:45 PM  
Does he work here?

i.imgur.com
 
2012-04-04 06:03:37 PM  
I bet he gets off
 
2012-04-04 06:06:00 PM  
really? fapping to boys at a bus stop? Wow..you fail at life. Get off the ride. Sick farker.
 
2012-04-04 06:06:30 PM  

X-boxershorts: I bet he gets off


Nah, he'll do hard time in a penal institution.
 
2012-04-04 06:06:53 PM  
He's never gonna renew his tags with those car emissions happening.
 
2012-04-04 06:09:28 PM  

skinink: He's never gonna renew his tags with those car emissions happening.


The smart guys use vans. It makes a big deferens.
 
2012-04-04 06:29:26 PM  
Becum subby, becum
 
2012-04-04 06:30:49 PM  
FTFA: "On Monday, James Michael Gregory, 34, the suspected drive-by masturbator, was allegedly seen at the bus stop by several boys as he drove by naked from the waist down while masturbating, according to the report."

What the fark was he driving that the kids could tell he was naked from the waist down?

static.ddmcdn.com

www.segway.com
 
2012-04-04 06:36:49 PM  

moike: FTFA: "On Monday, James Michael Gregory, 34, the suspected drive-by masturbator, was allegedly seen at the bus stop by several boys as he drove by naked from the waist down while masturbating, according to the report."

What the fark was he driving that the kids could tell he was naked from the waist down?


Came here to say this. Did he stop and hang his junk out the window? Or were the "kids" taller, like high-schoolers and he was driving a low-to-the-ground car? And even then he would have to be right next to the curb, one would think, for anyone to see anything.
 
2012-04-04 06:36:50 PM  
That story just made me throw up a little
/in my pants
 
2012-04-04 06:39:38 PM  

moike: FTFA: "On Monday, James Michael Gregory, 34, the suspected drive-by masturbator, was allegedly seen at the bus stop by several boys as he drove by naked from the waist down while masturbating, according to the report."

What the fark was he driving that the kids could tell he was naked from the waist down?

[static.ddmcdn.com image 400x233]

[www.segway.com image 228x377]


You have made me laugh out loud with the Segway. Damn, that would be hilarious. Where can I rent a Segway at this hour?
 
2012-04-04 06:40:11 PM  
Guy Rule #4: Let him finish.
 
HBK
2012-04-04 06:44:18 PM  
I had a buddy in college who admitted that he would masturbate on the two and a half hour drive home from Austin to Houston. I was flabbergasted, I mean the distraction, the logistics (seems like he would have a mess on his hands), why would anyone be that horny that they couldn't wait until they got home?

Is this common among men? Masturbating while driving?
 
2012-04-04 06:47:25 PM  

HBK: I had a buddy in college who admitted that he would masturbate on the two and a half hour drive home from Austin to Houston. I was flabbergasted, I mean the distraction, the logistics (seems like he would have a mess on his hands), why would anyone be that horny that they couldn't wait until they got home?

Is this common among men? Masturbating while driving?


I could see it happen with motorcycle riders.
 
2012-04-04 06:48:09 PM  
i guess this story doesn't have a happy ending.
 
2012-04-04 06:48:57 PM  
You gotta start young if your going to stick it out.
 
2012-04-04 06:52:46 PM  
+1 subby, i spewed
 
2012-04-04 07:11:45 PM  

TheShavingofOccam123: skinink: He's never gonna renew his tags with those car emissions happening.

The smart guys use vans. It makes a vas big deferens.


ftfy
 
2012-04-04 07:12:12 PM  
Where's a hobo with a shotgun when you need one?
 
2012-04-04 07:36:59 PM  
His stick shift was stuck in perverse gear.
 
2012-04-04 07:38:43 PM  

HBK: I had a buddy in college who admitted that he would masturbate on the two and a half hour drive home from Austin to Houston. I was flabbergasted, I mean the distraction, the logistics (seems like he would have a mess on his hands), why would anyone be that horny that they couldn't wait until they got home?

Is this common among men? Masturbating while driving?


Since I started driving 8 years ago, I've had 3 guys follow me on the highway while wanking it. Very weird and awkward.
 
2012-04-04 07:40:26 PM  

blondski: HBK: I had a buddy in college who admitted that he would masturbate on the two and a half hour drive home from Austin to Houston. I was flabbergasted, I mean the distraction, the logistics (seems like he would have a mess on his hands), why would anyone be that horny that they couldn't wait until they got home?

Is this common among men? Masturbating while driving?

Since I started driving 8 years ago, I've had 3 guys follow me on the highway while wanking it. Very weird and awkward.


Wait, what? Seriously?
 
2012-04-04 07:50:31 PM  

FirstNationalBastard: To be a drive-by shooter, he would have needed to have someone else driving the car so he could have his wang hanging out the car window.


Or he could just put the car in neutral and let momentum carry him to his target. Would take fantastic timing, though.
 
2012-04-04 07:54:48 PM  
2.bp.blogspot.com

Explains a lot.
 
2012-04-04 08:00:57 PM  

blondski: HBK: I had a buddy in college who admitted that he would masturbate on the two and a half hour drive home from Austin to Houston. I was flabbergasted, I mean the distraction, the logistics (seems like he would have a mess on his hands), why would anyone be that horny that they couldn't wait until they got home?

Is this common among men? Masturbating while driving?

Since I started driving 8 years ago, I've had 3 guys follow me on the highway while wanking it. Very weird and awkward.


Not as weird as driving past or being passed by the Bangbus, Baitbus, Backseat Bangers, etc people while they're making one of their films.
 
2012-04-04 08:08:21 PM  

HBK: I had a buddy in college who admitted that he would masturbate on the two and a half hour drive home from Austin to Houston. I was flabbergasted, I mean the distraction, the logistics (seems like he would have a mess on his hands), why would anyone be that horny that they couldn't wait until they got home?

Is this common among men? Masturbating while driving?


A friend of mine used to work at a sex shop, and one of the more popular items was a vibrator that you could plug into a car's cigarette lighter.

Without even asking, most of the women who bought them felt that they need to justify said purchase by claiming they had an unusually long commute.
 
2012-04-04 08:30:19 PM  

blondski: HBK: I had a buddy in college who admitted that he would masturbate on the two and a half hour drive home from Austin to Houston. I was flabbergasted, I mean the distraction, the logistics (seems like he would have a mess on his hands), why would anyone be that horny that they couldn't wait until they got home?

Is this common among men? Masturbating while driving?

Since I started driving 8 years ago, I've had 3 guys follow me on the highway while wanking it. Very weird and awkward.


Can they be charged with DWW?

Can you call in MADD (Mothers Against Diddling Drivers)?
 
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