Stibium: After another 2 months I get my T levels checked again. I will bet money they are still low since I still feel lousy. T levels and dopamine are, to my knowledge, directly connected.

Not quite direct, but it's close. Dopamine inhibits prolactin, which in turn inhibits testosterone. So low dopamine means high prolactin, which means low testosterone. Since a bunch of other chemicals are influencing everything, dopamine and testosterone levels don't always move in tandem, but normally they do.

I can only imagine the isolation of going through puberty as an asexual. I'd imagine you'd develop a whole bunch of secondary social anxiety issues about it while trying to figure out why you weren't like your friends.

But I can relate to the basic, immediate feeling of being asexual because my libido is highly dependent on the time of the month. For 3 or 4 days, I'll notice anything with two feet and a heartbeat. For one week or so you could gift-wrap a bunch of Hollywood heart-throbs for me and I'd just be: "Oh. Meh. I really wanted to finish reading my book." The rest of the month is more sensible - whether I'm in the mood or not depends on the guy, the situation, etc etc.

It's strange though ... I only notice the week of non-existent libido if the topic comes up and I consciously contrast it to the rest of the month. It doesn't feel different/strange/unusual while it's happening, I don't feel like I'm missing something. But I do feel different during the 3 or 4 days of hyper-libido. Closest analogy I can come up with is that it's a bit like thirst: you don't really notice that you're not thirsty, but you do notice when you are. (And then there are other times when you're not exactly thirsty but you'll drink a soda anyway because it tastes nice.)

Life without sex?

enderthexenocide: i'm still a virgin at age 32, and i've been accused of being both gay and being asexual and it gets annoying after awhile. i've also had friends gently suggest that maybe i was asexual. i'm not either, i'm totally straight and i am most definitely sexually attracted to women. if i could find a willing partner, i'd have sex with her 20 times a day. sadly i have not found one yet, and the way things are going i never will.

honestly though, i almost wish i was asexual. it would make my life so much easier.

Look. I'm serious. Take a trip to Toronto, Canada, where they don't treat prostitution as worse than drunk driving or drugs. Get a copy of the Sun from the desk clerk at the hotel. Or check out something called "Red zone" or similiar on the net. Pick up the phone and order something classy to come up to the room. Get the virginity thing checked off the bucket list.
Once that happens chances are you'll be a lot more relaxed and that's the key. So the first time wasn't love? Big deal, do you think it was love in the case of 99 per cent of your friends? Nope, just horny kids experimenting.

LordZorch: Life without sex? Isn't that called "married".....

...and done in 1

mudesi: Life without sex?

[www.threadbombing.com image 500x299]

Once again, you're missing the point. Life without sex is only bad if you do want it, but aren't getting it (I'm an expert at that). A truly asexual person doesn't want it. Like I said before, did you feel you were missing out when you were a small child? Try to imagine having the same sex drive you had as a five year old as an adult. You wouldn't feel deprived because you'd have no interest in it.

Repo Man: Like I said before, did you feel you were missing out when you were a small child? Try to imagine having the same sex drive you had as a five year old as an adult. You wouldn't feel deprived because you'd have no interest in it.

I do, unfortunately.

/hint, not asexual

Repo Man: You wouldn't feel deprived because you'd have no interest in it.

Sure, and if you'd never had a beer or listened to music or eaten chocolate or seen a movie, you wouldn't be disappointed at never having had any of those things, because you wouldn't realize how goddamned amazing they could be.

Not realizing that you're deprived doesn't mean you AREN'T deprived. I'd much rather have a sex drive and never get laid than have no sex drive at all.

I can accept asexuals generally, but there seem to be so many who insist that they are asexual, not aromantic, and want to date but keep their partner in the dark regarding their asexuality. They insist that dating someone does not imply that you will ever have sex with them.

Gunther: Repo Man: You wouldn't feel deprived because you'd have no interest in it.

Sure, and if you'd never had a beer or listened to music or eaten chocolate or seen a movie, you wouldn't be disappointed at never having had any of those things, because you wouldn't realize how goddamned amazing they could be.

Not realizing that you're deprived doesn't mean you AREN'T deprived. I'd much rather have a sex drive and never get laid than have no sex drive at all.

If you didn't like any of those things, you wouldn't be depriving yourself of anything by avoiding them. Suggested reading: Kurt Vonnegut's novel Deadeye Dick. The main character is asexual. It makes it easy to understand the perspective of someone truly asexual.

Repo Man: If you didn't like any of those things, you wouldn't be depriving yourself of anything by avoiding them

No. This isn't a hard concept to grasp.

Imagine someone with an unusual disorder; they can hear fine, but they can't take pleasure from music. They go through life thinking music is crap, and are glad they don't like it, as it leaves them more time for other stuff. Now, is that person any less deprived because they didn't realize what they were missing out on?

Just because you don't realize you've deprived yourself of something doesn't mean that you haven't deprived yourself. And whining about how you wish you couldn't feel sexual desire because women find you repulsive is kinda pathetic.

Nrokreffefp: I'm sorry that your only exposure to men was from your immediate family. That sort of stereotyping is considered extremely offensive when applied by men to women.

Sweetie, when you're stacked and an otherwise normal-looking man starts talking to you and is almost making sense and gets a glazed look in his eyes and trails off into bibbling idiocy, it may not be the boobs per se, but "I'm talking to a pretty girl" is high on the list of causes.

The reason for becoming cognizant of this effect, if you're the gal, is not to use it as a weapon but is the reverse. It's to be aware of it and figure out how to avoid collateral damage to the extent possible.

It is a fact that my daughter was minding her own business walking home from lunch and getting cars stopping by trying to pick her up and guys honking their horns at her. Happens to me when I walk along that route. Since she was wearing a long skirt and a tight shirt---yeah, they were noticing she has boobies.

The knowledge that that's why they were acting like that and what the various options are to cope with it--that knowledge doesn't just come by osmosis.

And in the case of teenage girls, if you leave them to figure it out for themselves, all they see is power to make men act like idiots, they don't see pitfalls or that it's not fun to be the guy who's feeling like an idiot. Or that idiots get stupid enough to try their luck.

Gunther: Repo Man: If you didn't like any of those things, you wouldn't be depriving yourself of anything by avoiding them

No. This isn't a hard concept to grasp.

Imagine someone with an unusual disorder; they can hear fine, but they can't take pleasure from music. They go through life thinking music is crap, and are glad they don't like it, as it leaves them more time for other stuff. Now, is that person any less deprived because they didn't realize what they were missing out on?

Just because you don't realize you've deprived yourself of something doesn't mean that you haven't deprived yourself. And whining about how you wish you couldn't feel sexual desire because women find you repulsive is kinda pathetic.

In the first case, comparing music to sex is a very poor analogy. Second (and this is the part you seem to keep missing) they aren't missing out on anything if they do not like it. From their perspective, you are the one with a disorder. Gays could argue that you're missing out by not wanting to have gay sex, and that your lack homosexuality is an unfortunate thing (in case you are gay, reverse that).

And it isn't a whine, it's a sincere desire. If there were a medication that negated your sex drive (nothing like this exists at this time) I would happily try it. I doubt I would ever go back.

dmars: Julie Cochrane: Someone who's asexual still has that child-like lack of interest

You joking right? I remember being 5 and looking at a playboy with interest. A neighbor girl and I would play a game we called party in the closest, we take down our pants and hug. I was also in madly in love with my babysitter at 5, my parents thought it was hilarious, I saw her boobs once, it was awesome. Now I didn't start masturbating till I was 12 or so, but the rest of it was all there. Actually do have a friend who says he started masturbating at 6.

People who think very young kids have no idea about sexuality are deluding themselves. While it may not be fully developed it is there in a very raw form.

I have to agree with this. When I was 5 I wanted to know all about the lady parts, and haven't stopped since. While I didn't know the mechanics until I was about 11, if I'd been given the chance after that I'd have been at it like a shot.

I've got to wonder about these idiots that go on about 'childhood innocence'. My childhood was pretty much me trying to get into adult situations as much as possible.

Repo Man: they aren't missing out on anything if they do not like it.

Yes, they are. I've already explained it several times - just because you don't think you're missing out on something doesn't mean that you aren't missing out on something.

Repo Man: If there were a medication that negated your sex drive (nothing like this exists at this time) I would happily try it

this guy has a cure for those pesky urges:


/hotlinked

It involves a hot knife and your scrotum.

Repo Man:
And it isn't a whine, it's a sincere desire. If there were a medication that negated your sex drive (nothing like this exists at this time) I would happily try it. I doubt I would ever go back.

Oh, yes there is (new window).

Subliterati: Repo Man:
And it isn't a whine, it's a sincere desire. If there were a medication that negated your sex drive (nothing like this exists at this time) I would happily try it. I doubt I would ever go back.

Oh, yes there is (new window).

Far too many dangerous side effects. I'm talking about something otherwise benign. I'm not sure that it can be done; it's akin to subtracting a storey from a standing building, without harming the rest of the building. Further study may find that the truly asexual are that way because of hormonal (or lack thereof) influences in the womb.

Subliterati: I have to agree with this. When I was 5 I wanted to know all about the lady parts, and haven't stopped since. While I didn't know the mechanics until I was about 11, if I'd been given the chance after that I'd have been at it like a shot.

I've got to wonder about these idiots that go on about 'childhood innocence'. My childhood was pretty much me trying to get into adult situations as much as possible.

Heh. Okay, I thought I was just the oddball perv.

It was a bit different from a lady POV in that guys being bigger and stronger than us adds an inherent element of scary or at least wariness---trust and trust issues naturally are involved---but yeah, wanted to know all about the man bits. Just didn't want anyone to know I wanted to know all about the man bits.

Yes, they are. I've already explained it several times - just because you don't think you're missing out on something doesn't mean that you aren't missing out on something.

There is no end of things that could be applied to. Are people who do not like classical music missing out because their brain isn't organized in a way that allows them to enjoy such music? From the perspective of someone who lives for classical music, and could not imagine not liking it, yes. So, everyone who does not like something that some other people do like is missing out. Got it.

Julie Cochrane: Nrokreffefp: I'm sorry that your only exposure to men was from your immediate family. That sort of stereotyping is considered extremely offensive when applied by men to women.

Sweetie, when you're stacked and an otherwise normal-looking man starts talking to you and is almost making sense and gets a glazed look in his eyes and trails off into bibbling idiocy, it may not be the boobs per se, but "I'm talking to a pretty girl" is high on the list of causes.

The reason for becoming cognizant of this effect, if you're the gal, is not to use it as a weapon but is the reverse. It's to be aware of it and figure out how to avoid collateral damage to the extent possible.

It is a fact that my daughter was minding her own business walking home from lunch and getting cars stopping by trying to pick her up and guys honking their horns at her. Happens to me when I walk along that route. Since she was wearing a long skirt and a tight shirt---yeah, they were noticing she has boobies.

The knowledge that that's why they were acting like that and what the various options are to cope with it--that knowledge doesn't just come by osmosis.

And in the case of teenage girls, if you leave them to figure it out for themselves, all they see is power to make men act like idiots, they don't see pitfalls or that it's not fun to be the guy who's feeling like an idiot. Or that idiots get stupid enough to try their luck.

Yeah, stacked women are brain numbing to poor, helpless men. Like a fat back pocket is to a woman?

Repo Man: Are people who do not like classical music missing out because their brain isn't organized in a way that allows them to enjoy such music?

You literally just said two posts ago:

Repo Man: comparing music to sex is a very poor analogy.

Seriously, I don't know if that was on purpose, or you're just a dumbass.

But anyway; my contention has always been that yes; they are missing out, even if they don't realize that. Sex is an integral part of being human and it's also possibly the most pleasurable thing you can experience. Not getting to enjoy it kinda sucks for you, whether you feel desire for it or not.

Gunther: Repo Man: Are people who do not like classical music missing out because their brain isn't organized in a way that allows them to enjoy such music?

You literally just said two posts ago:

Repo Man: comparing music to sex is a very poor analogy.

Seriously, I don't know if that was on purpose, or you're just a dumbass.

But anyway; my contention has always been that yes; they are missing out, even if they don't realize that. Sex is an integral part of being human and it's also possibly the most pleasurable thing you can experience. Not getting to enjoy it kinda sucks for you, whether you feel desire for it or not.

This reminds me of debating with a deaf guy who wanted to raise his children deaf as well, despite the ability to repair their hearing with a cochlear implant as a child. He argued till he was blue in the face that being deaf wasn't a handicap, that he didn't need it, etc. I proved my point by whistling and throwing stuff, everyone else figured out how to dodge.

LordZorch: Life without sex? Isn't that called "married".....

...and we have a WINNER !!!

Nrokreffefp: Gunther: Repo Man: Are people who do not like classical music missing out because their brain isn't organized in a way that allows them to enjoy such music?

You literally just said two posts ago:

Repo Man: comparing music to sex is a very poor analogy.

Seriously, I don't know if that was on purpose, or you're just a dumbass.

But anyway; my contention has always been that yes; they are missing out, even if they don't realize that. Sex is an integral part of being human and it's also possibly the most pleasurable thing you can experience. Not getting to enjoy it kinda sucks for you, whether you feel desire for it or not.

This reminds me of debating with a deaf guy who wanted to raise his children deaf as well, despite the ability to repair their hearing with a cochlear implant as a child. He argued till he was blue in the face that being deaf wasn't a handicap, that he didn't need it, etc. I proved my point by whistling and throwing stuff, everyone else figured out how to dodge.


Happy now, asswipe?

Gunther: Repo Man: Are people who do not like classical music missing out because their brain isn't organized in a way that allows them to enjoy such music?

You literally just said two posts ago:

Repo Man: comparing music to sex is a very poor analogy.

Seriously, I don't know if that was on purpose, or you're just a dumbass.

But anyway; my contention has always been that yes; they are missing out, even if they don't realize that. Sex is an integral part of being human and it's also possibly the most pleasurable thing you can experience. Not getting to enjoy it kinda sucks for you, whether you feel desire for it or not.

You continued it, so I ran with it.
Not getting to enjoy it when you want it but can't get it very much sucks for you. Think of the very, very ugly, people paralyzed from the waist down etc. Being free of desire is something that I think many people would like to try out.

"Most pleasurable" is very subjective. There are many things in life that are very pleasurable that don't involve having to be intimately coordinated with another person. And you've still never addressed how you felt about sex at five. Did you feel that you were missing out on something? People who do not feel, and have never felt, sexual desire might find you just as worthy of pity. Who is to say which perspective is the correct one? Do you really feel that your perspective is so privileged?

i am asexual and like they said in the article its like you missed some kind of important memo around middle school. It not that i think about the fact that i have no desire to have sex its that i simple don't notice. It not something important to me.

I have two good friends who are asexual by choice, a man and a woman. I never heard from them that they needed support or an advocacy group based on their inclination.

/me, it's not by choice, dammit

Repo Man

What's the Tennyson line? "'tis better to have loved and lost", and all that? That certainly summarizes my position.

I get the feeling any further argument is pointless. Clearly, you aren't going to be persuaded to my point of view, and I'm not going to be persuaded to yours. Because yours is stupid.

Repo Man: If there were a medication that negated your sex drive (nothing like this exists at this time) I would happily try it.

They're called "anaphrodisiacs." Depo-Provera is a notable one, used in chemical castration.

L.D. Ablo: gojirast: Seriously though, I gave up YEARS ago. At my age, all that are available are divorced chicks with kids by their exes. I've been through enough relationships that I know it's just not worth it.

Not interested in raising another man's children, not interested in fat redneck biatches, not interested in meth whores. That pretty much covers the available dating population of Volusia County Florida for men over 35, so I'll just enjoy my money all by myself.

I'm in Arizona and that sounds very familiar. I'm late 30s and there's just nothing.

This is what hookers are for. It's easy, you get to fark young girls who are way out of your league and there's no attachment.

If you're in that situation then forget all your anti-hooker prejudices and give it a try. Seriously. If you avoid the street walkers there are some really nice girls out there who do it part time for a bit of extra income. Treat them like human beings and you can have a really nice time with them.

fredbox: I identified as asexual for a couple years although I was fapping quite regularly and still found women attractive. I just had massive can't-leave-the-house anxiety issues

I don't think you understand what asexual is.

Hint: It's not the same as "not getting any".

Repo Man: Gunther: Repo Man: Are people who do not like classical music missing out because their brain isn't organized in a way that allows them to enjoy such music?

You literally just said two posts ago:

Repo Man: comparing music to sex is a very poor analogy.

Seriously, I don't know if that was on purpose, or you're just a dumbass.

But anyway; my contention has always been that yes; they are missing out, even if they don't realize that. Sex is an integral part of being human and it's also possibly the most pleasurable thing you can experience. Not getting to enjoy it kinda sucks for you, whether you feel desire for it or not.

You continued it, so I ran with it.
Not getting to enjoy it when you want it but can't get it very much sucks for you. Think of the very, very ugly, people paralyzed from the waist down etc. Being free of desire is something that I think many people would like to try out.

"Most pleasurable" is very subjective. There are many things in life that are very pleasurable that don't involve having to be intimately coordinated with another person. And you've still never addressed how you felt about sex at five. Did you feel that you were missing out on something? People who do not feel, and have never felt, sexual desire might find you just as worthy of pity. Who is to say which perspective is the correct one? Do you really feel that your perspective is so privileged?

Sophistry. Sorry, chuckles, but from a perspective outside the debate, to an impartial observer, what are they going to see when they look at the two groups? What does the person w/o desire experience that can be construed as a positive compared to the person who experiences and fulfills, however occasionally, those desires?

Or as my best friend likes to say, "There's somethin', and then there's nothin'. Somethin' is better."

WienerButt: I can't comprehend asexuality the same way I can't comprehend homosexuality.

It's easy.

There's a bit of your brain which is hard-wired to go "hubba hubba" when you see either a man or a woman. It develops in the fetal stage, it's mostly a visual thing.

Usually it's wired towards the opposite sex (heterosexuals), sometimes it's wired to the same sex (homosexuals), sometimes it's in the middle (bisexuals), sometimes it's not wired at all (asexuals).

I don't claim to know what makes it go one way or the other but I'm pretty sure there's nothing you can do about after you're born. You are what you are. It's nothing to do with education or life experience.

Tr0mBoNe: Tr0mBoNe: It would have failed due to a lack of penetration and ad revenue.

crap, wrong thread.

Quite possibly the greatest and most poignant of all "Oops, wrong thread" posts this decade.

Nrokreffefp: Nrokreffefp

This reminds me of debating with a deaf guy who wanted to raise his children deaf as well, despite the ability to repair their hearing with a cochlear implant as a child. He argued till he was blue in the face that being deaf wasn't a handicap, that he didn't need it, etc. I proved my point by whistling and throwing stuff, everyone else figured out how to dodge.

Wow...if you're not doing a bit, or trolling, you are gianormous douche and I hope the deaf guy cold cocked ya.

All these asexual people in here is really starting to turn me on.

But seriously, thanks for sharing the stories guy and girls.

Dr._Love: Sophistry. Sorry, chuckles, but from a perspective outside the debate, to an impartial observer, what are they going to see when they look at the two groups? What does the person w/o desire experience that can be construed as a positive compared to the person who experiences and fulfills, however occasionally, those desires?

Or as my best friend likes to say, "There's somethin', and then there's nothin'. Somethin' is better."

What on earth are you on about...?

I'm hetero, I feel no sexual attraction when I look at other men. Literally nothing. Maybe even the opposite.

It's not hard to imagine there's people out there who feel nothing when looking at any other person, man or woman. Literally nothing. Maybe even the opposite.

Saying it's because they're ignorant just shows how unimaginative/ignorant you are.

BurnShrike: All these asexual people in here is really starting to turn me on.

But seriously, thanks for sharing the stories guy and girls.

I'm actually a bit surprised at how many there are...I thought it was less common.

This will end up in a How I Met Your Mother Episode with Barny Stinson using asexual movement's rallies as vast pools of potential hook-up candidates.

Joce678: BurnShrike: All these asexual people in here is really starting to turn me on.

But seriously, thanks for sharing the stories guy and girls.

I'm actually a bit surprised at how many there are...I thought it was less common.

Behold the power of Fark. Nothing is obscure here.

booger42: Nrokreffefp: Nrokreffefp

This reminds me of debating with a deaf guy who wanted to raise his children deaf as well, despite the ability to repair their hearing with a cochlear implant as a child. He argued till he was blue in the face that being deaf wasn't a handicap, that he didn't need it, etc. I proved my point by whistling and throwing stuff, everyone else figured out how to dodge.

Wow...if you're not doing a bit, or trolling, you are gianormous douche and I hope the deaf guy cold cocked ya.

The point about throwing stuff at him was made up. He actually got hit by a car he didn't hear coming (I was driving it). Kidding again of course. I didn't do anything to him, but it seemed beyond retarded (another no-no word now?) that he didn't consider losing 20% of his ability to perceive the world as a disability. Its fine with me as he does, but leaving his kids handicapped on purpose is infuriating.

WinoRhino: BishopHatto: I live without sex or affection. Been married for 12 years now. I think I might've been dupped into this.

Just a thought: have you ever sat her down and said, "I didn't get married to have a life without sex or affection. If you want that, fine, but it won't be with me. That having been said, what can we do to fix this?" Too often married couples get into these ruts where the guy doesn't broach the topic for fear of rejection, and the women doesn't initiate because they don't feel a connection. It's a self-perpetuating cycle that actually gathers steam as time goes on.

You go around once. And if you think like me, you don't even get an after-life. It's never too late to start over, get what you want, and be happy. Have the balls to have the conversation honestly, and the courage to move on if you can't reach an agreement.

Don't mean to rant, it's just that I used to listen to couples complaining in private that neither was getting what they wanted / needed in the relationship when they both needed / wanted the same things. It's typical human behavior, but solvable.

Had this conversation with my Ex, but phrased it a little less confrontationally as I knew she was in a.... Delicate mental state. It works, gentlemen. It's a dangerous game to play, but it will work if you tailor your conversation to fit the woman (and/or your woman's proclivities).

Nrokreffefp: booger42: Nrokreffefp: Nrokreffefp

This reminds me of debating with a deaf guy who wanted to raise his children deaf as well, despite the ability to repair their hearing with a cochlear implant as a child. He argued till he was blue in the face that being deaf wasn't a handicap, that he didn't need it, etc. I proved my point by whistling and throwing stuff, everyone else figured out how to dodge.

Wow...if you're not doing a bit, or trolling, you are gianormous douche and I hope the deaf guy cold cocked ya.

The point about throwing stuff at him was made up. He actually got hit by a car he didn't hear coming (I was driving it). Kidding again of course. I didn't do anything to him, but it seemed beyond retarded (another no-no word now?) that he didn't consider losing 20% of his ability to perceive the world as a disability. Its fine with me as he does, but leaving his kids handicapped on purpose is infuriating.

I'm not deaf, and I can't speak with any great credibility, but the deaf communities arguement, is that they are just fine as they are, they don't need fixing and being deaf is a matter of pride. There are some hardcore deaf folks that shun the 'hearing world' and they feel if we can't speak their (sign) language, then we have the problem, not them. I see both sides of this issue. Of course a blind person may be percieved as handicapped, however they may not see themselves like that - rather that they experience the world in a different, but no less valid way.

/off soapbox now :*)

LordZorch: Life without sex? Isn't that called "married".....

No, you just have more time to play video games, watch anime, and/or drink beer.

Joce678: It's easy.

There's a bit of your brain which is hard-wired to go "hubba hubba" when you see either a man or a woman. It develops in the fetal stage, it's mostly a visual thing.

Usually it's wired towards the opposite sex (heterosexuals), sometimes it's wired to the same sex (homosexuals), sometimes it's in the middle (bisexuals), sometimes it's not wired at all (asexuals).

Apparently the "hubba hubba" part of my brain is cross-wired to the "creepy vibe emitting" part of my brain. Never had success in getting dates in high school. Gave up 30 years ago. Maybe the next incarnation will be better.

/Owner of a lonely heart
//Much better than owner of a broken heart