Illiterate lobsterman no longer lost at C, robot masturbators, and Internet meme recursion loops: some of Fark's favorite headlines of the week for 3/25 - 3/31
Posted by Unfreakable at 2012-04-03 4:58:06 PM (10 comments) | Permalink
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Well, with the Vegas event last Friday, we're a day behind on getting Headline of the Week out (and I missed the normal Fark Weird News Quiz completely), but I'm back now, so we should be back in business.
Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2012-03-25 to Sat 2012-03-31:
Shampoo commercial featuring Adolf Hitler draws outrage. "Mein herr .... is so soft and silky"
Naked drunk driver rolls 4WD, loses saving throw against police
Drink named "Albino Rhino" has a woman with albinism seeing red
Men have to prove they're gay to avoid the Turkish army. Suggestion 1: Enlist in the Greek army
Insects discovered in Starbucks Strawberry Frappuccino. Starbucks says it's not a bug, it's a feature. Which is a bug
Your Twitter stream can now be converted into toilet paper, creating a dangerous Internet Meme Recursion Loop
Mississippi is now the most religious state in U.S. after recent poll finds most people pray every day just to get out of Biloxi
Special needs adults taken to hospital after multi-vehicle accident. They were tardy due to traffic, chromosomes
Once-illiterate lobsterman no longer lost at C
Utah has nation's highest autism rate. Their parents probably did too much LDS when they were young
Lick... no, pump... punk... PUB. Lick laws. Public. Intosh, intop, intof... drunk laws. They're too fuc... whoops. Fum (hee hee) fuzzy. Crickets say. What? Critics. CRITICS. That's what they say
Nabokov signs one-year extension, has a seat right over there
I'm guessing Pat Summit can't remember the last time the Lady Vols lost this badly in the NCAA Tourney
News Corp. shopping an all-sports network to rival ESPN. No word yet on how they plan to present stats and scores in such a way so that it always looks like the team they like is the one that's winning
Because the SAT is so archaic, a 35-year-old man taking it would be quite _______: a) pabulum b) poignant c) comical d) prosaic e) ethereal
Bacteria could cause obsessive-compulsive disorder, so make sure you wash your hands frequently
Robot will help stroke patients. I just hope the nurse tells it to be gentle
20th Century Fox pulls ads for its new film "Neighborhood Watch" out of fears that a comedy starring Vince Vaughan and Ben Stiller fighting aliens might be just a little too close to current events for comfort
Clay Aiken finally admits that he had the "fat sucked out of his chin". Wow, his boyfriend must be reeeeeeallly good
Bones renewed for eighth season. Better luck next time, osteoporosis
Santorum loses his shiat over the media using his words against him
Romneybot 2.0 launches talkshow.exe subroutine, attempts to load regularguy.dat into newly formatted partition
Spaceman candidate allowed to call himself 'astronaut' on ballot. Other candidates protest, fearing they will be required to list their occupations
Apollo slumps 8%. YA GOT HIM ON THE ROPES, ROCKY
Without a hint of irony, RIM announces plans to re-focus on what they're good at. Eviscerating its stock strangely absent
Virgin Volcanic? Richard Branson to let people book trips to Journey to the Center of the Earth. Dinosaurs cost extra
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