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(The Onion)   Tim Tebow has been in New York City for a week. Let's see how he's doing   (theonion.com) divider line 44
    More: Followup, New York  
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7270 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 02 Apr 2012 at 4:22 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-04-02 01:13:16 PM
Awww. Poor guy. This is really going to come back as one of the Onion's few misses when Tebow becomes the first openly gay pro Quarterback.
 
2012-04-02 03:14:42 PM

SphericalTime: Tebow becomes the first openly gay pro Quarterback.


I'm glad I'm not the only one who strongly suspects this.
 
2012-04-02 03:28:01 PM

TheBeastOfYuccaFlats: SphericalTime: Tebow becomes the first openly gay pro Quarterback.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who strongly suspects this.


I take it you've seen him give an interview? I know it would be an insult to say he's the Marcus Bachmann of the NFL . . . but he's the Marcus Bachmann of the NFL.
 
2012-04-02 03:51:33 PM

SphericalTime: TheBeastOfYuccaFlats: SphericalTime: Tebow becomes the first openly gay pro Quarterback.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who strongly suspects this.

I take it you've seen him give an interview? I know it would be an insult to say he's the Marcus Bachmann of the NFL . . . but he's the Marcus Bachmann of the NFL.


Most of my female friends who have seen/heard interviews with him have had their Gaydar(tm)s go off, so yeah.
 
2012-04-02 04:25:18 PM
Did the Jets have him room with Erik Ainge?
 
2012-04-02 04:26:55 PM
"All that crack has made his delivery a lot faster" rofl.
 
2012-04-02 04:36:19 PM
The ticker at the bottom has some gold as well.

"Following win, Mariners decide to stay in Japan"
 
2012-04-02 04:36:26 PM
He is doing better than Ryan Leaf now. Damn dude got arrested again today....Serious prison time for this dude coming up.
 
mjg
2012-04-02 04:39:21 PM
Tebow discovers there is more out there than the missionary (aka. 'planking') position
 
2012-04-02 04:42:35 PM
the funniest part of that was the tree argument at the beginning
 
2012-04-02 04:53:47 PM
Ummm why is this in the entertainment section??

/Dammit he's real to me!!!!
 
2012-04-02 04:56:49 PM

SphericalTime: Awww. Poor guy. This is really going to come back as one of the Onion's few misses when Tebow becomes the first openly gay pro Quarterback.


Are you suggesting Jeff Garcia WASN'T?
 
2012-04-02 05:05:34 PM

SphericalTime: Awww. Poor guy. This is really going to come back as one of the Onion's few misses when Tebow becomes the first openly gay pro Quarterback.


Will never happen. Too wrapped up in the evangelical flag. Maybe in 20 years, after he's retired and grown up a bit he'll write a tell-all, but not while he's in the league.
 
2012-04-02 05:25:06 PM

rjakobi: SphericalTime: Awww. Poor guy. This is really going to come back as one of the Onion's few misses when Tebow becomes the first openly gay pro Quarterback.

Are you suggesting Jeff Garcia WASN'T?


Openly is the key word. Using a playmate as a beard DQ's him on that point.
 
2012-04-02 05:27:11 PM
I'm starting to accept Tebow as being who he says he is.
Religious mania doesn't have to be a coverup.
Just because it usually a hiding place for con men and bigots doesn't mean it is always just a hiding place for con men and bigots.

I'm willing to believe the guy is an actual Christian.
I've met a few, none as charismatic or voluble as Tim, but they do exist.

Christianity doesn't always mean greed and crueltry.
 
2012-04-02 05:32:33 PM
Maybe, but in my experience, the more closely people follow christ's teachings (I won't use the word christian for these few), the less likely they are to make a public display of their faith. Something about a Pharisee and the Publican.
 
2012-04-02 05:34:57 PM
Love GOOMF. That 3 minutes every week is a hundred times more entertaining than 22 minutes of Onion Sportsdome (which was pretty decent in its own right).
 
2012-04-02 05:46:23 PM
Here's my whole take on Tebow and the gay stuff...

If he was hiding his sexuality, wouldn't he try to act EXTRA butch and gruff, making sure to keep his flailing arms and hands to a minimum when giving interviews?

I think this is just a case of a charismatic xtian kid who's been home-schooled and bathed in the warm glowing warming glow of super-positive xtian rock, which if you ask this dyke, is a bit gay.

He's just all shiny-happy, is all. Brian Urlacher, he isn't.
 
2012-04-02 05:52:04 PM

AnEvilGuest: I'm starting to accept Tebow as being who he says he is.
Religious mania doesn't have to be a coverup.
Just because it usually a hiding place for con men and bigots doesn't mean it is always just a hiding place for con men and bigots.

I'm willing to believe the guy is an actual Christian.
I've met a few, none as charismatic or voluble as Tim, but they do exist.

Christianity doesn't always mean greed and crueltry.


I don't think he's gay. But he is an asshole. CSB:

He was a year ahead of me in high school (class of '06) and we were in the same school district. When we played his team once our free safety tackled him, but as the FS was 5'9" 160 lb. he had to tackle him with the ole' "Grab on and fall backwards". Tebow proceeds to stand back up and say "tackle me like a man next time". Asshole

/friend also said he slung a bat after being struck out in baseball
 
2012-04-02 06:00:07 PM

Phaeon: AnEvilGuest: I'm starting to accept Tebow as being who he says he is.
Religious mania doesn't have to be a coverup.
Just because it usually a hiding place for con men and bigots doesn't mean it is always just a hiding place for con men and bigots.

I'm willing to believe the guy is an actual Christian.
I've met a few, none as charismatic or voluble as Tim, but they do exist.

Christianity doesn't always mean greed and crueltry.

I don't think he's gay. But he is an asshole. CSB:

He was a year ahead of me in high school (class of '06) and we were in the same school district. When we played his team once our free safety tackled him, but as the FS was 5'9" 160 lb. he had to tackle him with the ole' "Grab on and fall backwards". Tebow proceeds to stand back up and say "tackle me like a man next time". Asshole

/friend also said he slung a bat after being struck out in baseball


Asshole? I think that's awesome!
 
2012-04-02 06:02:18 PM
I don't know any other professional football player that's done a commercial for a hate group.
 
2012-04-02 06:08:21 PM

pion: I don't know any other professional football player that's done a commercial for a hate group.


Awww but he was all smiley-gosh-gee-boy howdy happy with his mom!!

I mean, she was so sweet not to abort him, him now being a hetero quarterback and all. Thanks mom!

/puke
//this is the reason why I can't stand him
///could give two shiats what his religion is
 
2012-04-02 06:11:58 PM

Transpogue: Here's my whole take on Tebow and the gay stuff...

If he was hiding his sexuality, wouldn't he try to act EXTRA butch and gruff, making sure to keep his flailing arms and hands to a minimum when giving interviews?


Perhaps, but you gotta remember the boy has been in a protective bubble his entire life. He probably doesn't know what butch means. (Hell, who knows what he believes normal is) He probably believes he's manly enough because he plays football.
 
2012-04-02 06:29:11 PM

Phaeon: AnEvilGuest: I'm starting to accept Tebow as being who he says he is.
Religious mania doesn't have to be a coverup.
Just because it usually a hiding place for con men and bigots doesn't mean it is always just a hiding place for con men and bigots.

I'm willing to believe the guy is an actual Christian.
I've met a few, none as charismatic or voluble as Tim, but they do exist.

Christianity doesn't always mean greed and crueltry.

I don't think he's gay. But he is an asshole. CSB:

He was a year ahead of me in high school (class of '06) and we were in the same school district. When we played his team once our free safety tackled him, but as the FS was 5'9" 160 lb. he had to tackle him with the ole' "Grab on and fall backwards". Tebow proceeds to stand back up and say "tackle me like a man next time". Asshole

/friend also said he slung a bat after being struck out in baseball


If this happened, and is at all typical, then similar behavior will be exposed by the relentless media microscope and I will despise him then.

Alternatively we could start a "TebowIsAJerk" site and collect these kind of stories if the media lets us down.
(they disappoint in many ways but celebrity bothering is something they do well)

Actually I'm kind of excited by the TebowIsAJerk.com idea, the comedic possibilities of a Bill Brasky style Tebow site seem promising
 
2012-04-02 07:28:23 PM
What - Madonna can't seduce him, either?
 
2012-04-02 07:45:30 PM

carnifex2005: Phaeon: AnEvilGuest: I'm starting to accept Tebow as being who he says he is.
Religious mania doesn't have to be a coverup.
Just because it usually a hiding place for con men and bigots doesn't mean it is always just a hiding place for con men and bigots.

I'm willing to believe the guy is an actual Christian.
I've met a few, none as charismatic or voluble as Tim, but they do exist.

Christianity doesn't always mean greed and crueltry.

I don't think he's gay. But he is an asshole. CSB:

He was a year ahead of me in high school (class of '06) and we were in the same school district. When we played his team once our free safety tackled him, but as the FS was 5'9" 160 lb. he had to tackle him with the ole' "Grab on and fall backwards". Tebow proceeds to stand back up and say "tackle me like a man next time". Asshole

/friend also said he slung a bat after being struck out in baseball

Asshole? I think that's awesome!


Agreed.
 
2012-04-02 08:40:50 PM
Proving once again why, when it comes to making us laugh, The Onion should stick to text and avoid video.
 
2012-04-02 08:45:30 PM

pion: I don't know any other professional football player that's done a commercial for a hate group.


Tony Dungy. Who is a HELL of a lot worse than Tebow.

Seriously, Tebow's religion, his POV, has always been, "this is how I live my life. I'm not telling you what to do, just think about it."

He's not protesting outside of abortion clinics, he hasn't said WORD FARKING ONE about being anti-gay. His personal stand is that he's pro-life, because HE HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT.
 
2012-04-02 08:45:37 PM

GreatGlavinsGhost: Transpogue: Here's my whole take on Tebow and the gay stuff...

If he was hiding his sexuality, wouldn't he try to act EXTRA butch and gruff, making sure to keep his flailing arms and hands to a minimum when giving interviews?

Perhaps, but you gotta remember the boy has been in a protective bubble his entire life. He probably doesn't know what butch means.


Hell, Sean Hannity had to have 'a train' (as in pulling one in the sexual sense of the phrase) explained to him.
 
2012-04-02 08:53:01 PM
I love how people say we should stop bullying, and here's a bunch of you guys going "EL OH EL, this guy is religious, HE MUST BE SOME KIND OF QUEER!"

You know who else is hyper-religious? Kurt Warner. LET'S CALL HIM GAY TOO. Yeah, that's awesome.
 
2012-04-02 09:06:46 PM

MattyFridays: pion: I don't know any other professional football player that's done a commercial for a hate group.

Tony Dungy. Who is a HELL of a lot worse than Tebow.

Seriously, Tebow's religion, his POV, has always been, "this is how I live my life. I'm not telling you what to do, just think about it."

He's not protesting outside of abortion clinics, he hasn't said WORD FARKING ONE about being anti-gay. His personal stand is that he's pro-life, because HE HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT.


So now I know two. If you want to add some more to the list, keep them coming. Here's the thing: Focus on the Family is homophobic. If you support them, you are supporting discrimination against homosexuals.
 
2012-04-02 09:22:40 PM

pion:

So now I know two. If you want to add some more to the list, keep them coming. Here's the thing: Focus on the Family is homophobic. If you support them, you are supporting discrimination against homosexuals.


Silly question. Have you seen Tebow associated with them since the ad ran?

No?

And you saying "But but but discrimination against homosexuals!" and that can easily be construed as religious discrimination.

I eat at Chick-Fil-A. You gonna tell me I discriminate against homosexuals?
 
2012-04-02 09:24:47 PM
Oh, and BTW, Pion... when Tebow was in the Focus on the Family ad, he wasn't a pro football player. So get your facts straight.
 
2012-04-02 10:00:44 PM

MattyFridays: Oh, and BTW, Pion... when Tebow was in the Focus on the Family ad, he wasn't a pro football player. So get your facts straight.


Well, I think we know Tebow's bf's fark handle now.

I keed.

But seriously... if you appear in an ad for Focus on the Family and don't expect people to kinda call you out on FotF's anti-choice and homophobic stance, you've gotta develop a thicker skin. He was an up-and-coming football star, and he chose to do a political ad. He set the scene himself.
 
2012-04-02 10:20:04 PM

GreatGlavinsGhost: Transpogue: Here's my whole take on Tebow and the gay stuff...

If he was hiding his sexuality, wouldn't he try to act EXTRA butch and gruff, making sure to keep his flailing arms and hands to a minimum when giving interviews?

Perhaps, but you gotta remember the boy has been in a protective bubble his entire life. He probably doesn't know what butch means. (Hell, who knows what he believes normal is) He probably believes he's manly enough because he plays football.


I keep going back and forth. Yes, he does ping my gaydar big time, but on the other hand, there are an awful lot of male homeschoolers I know who do too but who I'm pretty sure are straight--I attribute it to spending so much of their formative years in a female dominated environment. Though, none of them are nearly as flaming as Tebow.

The interesting thing as far as the homeschool and conservative Christian world goes, at least in my experience, is that they only seem to pick up on people "dressing gay", mannerisms or complete lack of experience in dating anyone of the opposite sex goes right over their heads. My (straight) younger brother got lots of crap because of his taste in clothes, but I know of people, myself included, who managed to fly under the radar because clothing seems to be the only thing they pick up on. So, Tebow can be as flaming as Liberace, but because he dresses butch and plays football, most of them aren't even going to notice his mannerisms. If anything, they see it as him being a nice polite Christian boy, and well, the fact that there is no evidence that he's dated any women is just proof that he's a good Christian who's saving himself for marriage and the right woman to come along.

/So yeah, I think he probably is gay
//The lack of beards makes me think that if that's the case, he's probably not doing the "pray away the gay" thing, he's just closeted and doesn't want to overtly lie
 
2012-04-02 10:26:43 PM

Transpogue: MattyFridays: Oh, and BTW, Pion... when Tebow was in the Focus on the Family ad, he wasn't a pro football player. So get your facts straight.

Well, I think we know Tebow's bf's fark handle now.

I keed.

But seriously... if you appear in an ad for Focus on the Family and don't expect people to kinda call you out on FotF's anti-choice and homophobic stance, you've gotta develop a thicker skin. He was an up-and-coming football star, and he chose to do a political ad. He set the scene himself.


He was also a naive homeschooler who was kept in the football program bubble during his time at UF and who quite possibly didn't know about a lot of Focus on the Family's political stances at the time. When he thought of FotF, probably the first thing that came to mind for someone of his age would be their Saturday morning radio program for children, Adventures in Odyssey, and beyond that some nebulous sense that they do good things for families.

You have to remember, until he got to the NFL, he lived an extremely sheltered life.
 
2012-04-02 10:37:25 PM

rynthetyn: Transpogue: MattyFridays: Oh, and BTW, Pion... when Tebow was in the Focus on the Family ad, he wasn't a pro football player. So get your facts straight.

Well, I think we know Tebow's bf's fark handle now.

I keed.

But seriously... if you appear in an ad for Focus on the Family and don't expect people to kinda call you out on FotF's anti-choice and homophobic stance, you've gotta develop a thicker skin. He was an up-and-coming football star, and he chose to do a political ad. He set the scene himself.

He was also a naive homeschooler who was kept in the football program bubble during his time at UF and who quite possibly didn't know about a lot of Focus on the Family's political stances at the time. When he thought of FotF, probably the first thing that came to mind for someone of his age would be their Saturday morning radio program for children, Adventures in Odyssey, and beyond that some nebulous sense that they do good things for families.

You have to remember, until he got to the NFL, he lived an extremely sheltered life.


THIS.

He's a kid. I was a frigging dolt when I was his age. You expect a FOOTBALL player, of all things, to be well-versed in the socio-political steps of FOTF? They are subversive, they ain't Westboro, in your face and stuff.
 
2012-04-02 10:44:13 PM

rynthetyn: Transpogue: MattyFridays: Oh, and BTW, Pion... when Tebow was in the Focus on the Family ad, he wasn't a pro football player. So get your facts straight.

Well, I think we know Tebow's bf's fark handle now.

I keed.

But seriously... if you appear in an ad for Focus on the Family and don't expect people to kinda call you out on FotF's anti-choice and homophobic stance, you've gotta develop a thicker skin. He was an up-and-coming football star, and he chose to do a political ad. He set the scene himself.

He was also a naive homeschooler who was kept in the football program bubble during his time at UF and who quite possibly didn't know about a lot of Focus on the Family's political stances at the time. When he thought of FotF, probably the first thing that came to mind for someone of his age would be their Saturday morning radio program for children, Adventures in Odyssey, and beyond that some nebulous sense that they do good things for families.

You have to remember, until he got to the NFL, he lived an extremely sheltered life.


That would be all fine and good, but the dude has never said that doing the ad was a mistake or short-sighted. Hell, he's never even said "If I had known how it would be interpreted..." I highly, HIGHLY doubt that Tebow- even being as sheltered as he was- didn't have someone near him informing him that the ad might cause some talk. I also hold to the personal belief that if you're old enough to vote, you should be able to defend somewhat whatever political/religious/moral/whatever position you chose to take. I know I'm being very optimistic here...

I'm just not ready to hand Tebow a pass because we speculate he might not have known what he was getting himself into.

But whatever. He's an adult. He can believe and preach whatever he wants. Won't stop me from muff diving.

Just learn to throw a farking ball, dude. Seriously.
 
2012-04-02 11:14:38 PM

MattyFridays: I love how people say we should stop bullying, and here's a bunch of you guys going "EL OH EL, this guy is religious, HE MUST BE SOME KIND OF QUEER!"

You know who else is hyper-religious? Kurt Warner. LET'S CALL HIM GAY TOO. Yeah, that's awesome.


For the record, those of us who think that he's probably gay don't think so because he's super religious, it's because he's Marcus Bachmann level flaming. There's nothing wrong with it if he is, and I wish him the best because if he is gay, dealing with the baggage of a fundamentalist upbringing is hard enough without the spotlight of professional athletics.
 
2012-04-02 11:30:04 PM

Transpogue: rynthetyn: Transpogue: MattyFridays: Oh, and BTW, Pion... when Tebow was in the Focus on the Family ad, he wasn't a pro football player. So get your facts straight.

Well, I think we know Tebow's bf's fark handle now.

I keed.

But seriously... if you appear in an ad for Focus on the Family and don't expect people to kinda call you out on FotF's anti-choice and homophobic stance, you've gotta develop a thicker skin. He was an up-and-coming football star, and he chose to do a political ad. He set the scene himself.

He was also a naive homeschooler who was kept in the football program bubble during his time at UF and who quite possibly didn't know about a lot of Focus on the Family's political stances at the time. When he thought of FotF, probably the first thing that came to mind for someone of his age would be their Saturday morning radio program for children, Adventures in Odyssey, and beyond that some nebulous sense that they do good things for families.

You have to remember, until he got to the NFL, he lived an extremely sheltered life.

That would be all fine and good, but the dude has never said that doing the ad was a mistake or short-sighted. Hell, he's never even said "If I had known how it would be interpreted..." I highly, HIGHLY doubt that Tebow- even being as sheltered as he was- didn't have someone near him informing him that the ad might cause some talk. I also hold to the personal belief that if you're old enough to vote, you should be able to defend somewhat whatever political/religious/moral/whatever position you chose to take. I know I'm being very optimistic here...

I'm just not ready to hand Tebow a pass because we speculate he might not have known what he was getting himself into.

But whatever. He's an adult. He can believe and preach whatever he wants. Won't stop me from muff diving.

Just learn to throw a farking ball, dude. Seriously.


Since then he's steered a wide berth away from anything remotely political, so I think he's learned his lesson. However, that said, he can't publicly repudiate FotF without causing a major shiatstorm, most likely with the wrath of his parents at the epicenter.

It's just that speaking personally, having grown up in a very similar background as Tebow (heck, we've got mutual acquaintances), I feel for the guy. There's a lot of pressure to toe a narrow line, and you know that if you don't, your parents are the ones who get the brunt of other people's reactions. It's a difficult enough environment to navigate when you're not famous.
 
2012-04-03 01:34:03 AM

Phaeon: I don't think he's gay. But he is an asshole.


Why can't he be both?!
 
2012-04-03 04:01:04 AM

MattyFridays: pion:

So now I know two. If you want to add some more to the list, keep them coming. Here's the thing: Focus on the Family is homophobic. If you support them, you are supporting discrimination against homosexuals.

Silly question. Have you seen Tebow associated with them since the ad ran?

No?

And you saying "But but but discrimination against homosexuals!" and that can easily be construed as religious discrimination.

I eat at Chick-Fil-A. You gonna tell me I discriminate against homosexuals?


What did gay people ever do to you?
 
2012-04-03 04:43:18 AM

pion: MattyFridays: pion:

So now I know two. If you want to add some more to the list, keep them coming. Here's the thing: Focus on the Family is homophobic. If you support them, you are supporting discrimination against homosexuals.

Silly question. Have you seen Tebow associated with them since the ad ran?

No?

And you saying "But but but discrimination against homosexuals!" and that can easily be construed as religious discrimination.

I eat at Chick-Fil-A. You gonna tell me I discriminate against homosexuals?

What did gay people ever do to you?


Gave him a bad hair cut?
 
2012-04-03 03:58:10 PM
I still want to see him hanging around with Cromartie and Cromartie turning him to the dark side. I think that would be funny as all hell.
 
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