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(The New York Times)   A quantum theory of Romney: By asking Romney how he feels about an issue, you unavoidably affect how he feels about it   (nytimes.com ) divider line
    More: Obvious, Mitt Romney, Eric Fehrnstrom, Newtonian  
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3346 clicks; posted to Politics » on 02 Apr 2012 at 3:50 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-04-02 09:32:10 AM  
The Romney Uncertainty Principle on Issues: You cannot simultaneously know his position and how it is changing. A consequence is asking for a position forces a change.
 
2012-04-02 09:37:34 AM  

keylock71: [www.whataboutclients.com image 338x450]

Has Romney articulated his positions beyond, "I'm not a black guy with a foreign sounding name", "Ttax cuts for people who don't need them and tax increases for people who can't afford them", and "I'm not concerned about the very poor"?


Well, there was also "Corporations are people".
 
2012-04-02 09:48:39 AM  
I've felt for the last 6 months that Obama's campaign should just re run the GOP campaign ads.

Seriously any actual position these guys have consistently is asinine, and the rest of their positions change with every town hall, debate, etc.

Can we just skip to November already?
 
2012-04-02 09:53:01 AM  
Am I the only one who can't see the article without creating an account? What the hell, NYT? The article looks interesting, but it's not worth getting spammed.
 
2012-04-02 09:55:19 AM  

imontheinternet: Am I the only one who can't see the article without creating an account? What the hell, NYT? The article looks interesting, but it's not worth getting spammed.


I'm not getting the prompt to register, but if you want to register for the site, there are ways to do so without giving up your email.
 
2012-04-02 09:57:31 AM  

keylock71: Has Romney articulated his positions beyond, "I'm not a black guy with a foreign sounding name", "Tax cuts for people who don't need them and tax increases for people who can't afford them", and "I'm not concerned about the very poor"?


Romney Position #1) People and corporations only have the rights they can buy with cold, hard cash.
Romney Position #2) Unborn fetuses have inalienable rights until they are born, and then they must buy their rights like anybody else.
 
2012-04-02 10:00:39 AM  

HeartBurnKid: imontheinternet: Am I the only one who can't see the article without creating an account? What the hell, NYT? The article looks interesting, but it's not worth getting spammed.

I'm not getting the prompt to register, but if you want to register for the site, there are ways to do so without giving up your email.


You, sir, are a gentleman and a scholar. Thank you.
 
2012-04-02 10:08:32 AM  
I just want to add my voice to the many in here who are saying that this is a brilliant article. Smart, witty, clever, laugh-out-loud funny, and surprisingly gets its point across really well also.

David Javerbaum, you are a hilarious genius.
 
2012-04-02 10:12:11 AM  
I love the description of the Newt(Gingrich)onian principles of traditional campaigning.
 
2012-04-02 10:15:36 AM  
This is brilliant. Well done.

And again I am left to wonder why only the left can do good political humor and satire. Any time conservatives attempt it, it's like a train wreck, only less funny.
 
2012-04-02 10:15:56 AM  
The "face-time continuum." Snert.
 
2012-04-02 10:18:13 AM  

Doc Daneeka: This is brilliant. Well done.

And again I am left to wonder why only the left can do good political humor and satire. Any time conservatives attempt it, it's like a train wreck, only less funny.


That's because the only thing conservatives find amusing is the marginalization and misery of others.
 
2012-04-02 10:22:35 AM  

I still think the strangest thing to come out of this circus of a campaign is this:

- it made Ron Paul look almost sane and normal by comparison -


Compared to Schrodinger's Politician and the Smelly Low-IQ Worshiper, the more traditional "politician" vibe of Ron Paul is kind of refreshing. Sure, I may strongly disagree with him on most topics, but he can at least respond to questions and stay on topic. As a bonus: he's even fairly consistent in his talking points. [relatively speaking, for a politician]

As a low-water-mark on the "we're farked" scale, "Ron Paul: The Sane, Lesser Evil" is off the chart.

/none of that detracts from the *pure* *unadulterated* *AWESOME* of this article.
//they Feynman diagram is such a perfect addition
 
2012-04-02 10:32:20 AM  
Whenever I see him mentioned as Rmoney I keep thinking R-money.

I kind of hope that picks up because it is not only funny it is accurate.

Candidate Mitt (R-MONEY) . . . haha!
 
2012-04-02 10:36:28 AM  

novalord2: Figure 2 is farking genius.


Hell, subby did a good job, but there were a million lines straight out of that thing he could have used as a headline. Figure 2's caption being one of them. Awesome, awesome, awesome...
 
2012-04-02 10:42:02 AM  
...two widely held suspicions about Mitt Romney: that he is a) utterly devoid of any ideological convictions and b) filled with aluminum powder.

Wow, only the second sentence and I was laughing my ass off...
 
2012-04-02 10:42:25 AM  

Plug Suit: To be honest, even people like Mr. Fehrnstrom who are experts in Mitt Romney's reality, or "Romneality," seem bewildered by its implications; and any person who tells you he or she truly "understands" Mitt Romney is either lying or a corporation.

And surprising no one, it took April Fools for the NYT to find any courage to publish the most accurate summation of the entity known to man as "Mitt Romney" - under the guise of satire, of course.

This looks like something Stephen Colbert would've written, which is the highest honor I can give any living satirist today not named Stephen Colbert.


You do realize David Javerbaum is the former head writer and executive producer of The Daily Show, right? He pretty much created Colbert.

Also a writer on the new version of Bevis and Butt-head.
 
2012-04-02 10:46:42 AM  
Haven't read TFA or TFT yet... but if someone hasn't done a "Schrodinger's Dog on the roof of the car" joke by now, I am disappoint.
 
2012-04-02 11:24:19 AM  
In a saner political environment, Romney would basically be Thomas Dewey. Which means he'd still lose.
 
2012-04-02 11:28:31 AM  
This comment is the smartest and funniest comment about Romney, but it decoheres when observed.

So please, Farkers, don't read this post and ruin it for everyone else.
 
2012-04-02 11:44:12 AM  
"The comment seemed all too apt, an apparent admission by a campaign insider of two widely held suspicions about Mitt Romney: that he is a) utterly devoid of any ideological convictions and b) filled with aluminum powder."

Silly author. The RomneyTron 2012's filling must legally be referred to as "AlcoaTM Aluminum PowderTM- Your Link to Success" and linked to its official brochure.
 
2012-04-02 11:48:20 AM  
firstly, that article was pretty funny.

secondly, in case nobody has pointed it out yet, the Feynman diagram is incorrect. Time is the vertical axis, so it'd be an anti-Romney and a $20 bill annihilate to create a Romney and an electron. I still give it a 9 for originality and humor.
 
2012-04-02 11:49:13 AM  
The problem with Rmoney collisions is that they produce $20. Enough of them and we wind up with inflation.
 
2012-04-02 11:52:27 AM  
Anyone tried the double slit experiment with Mitt yet?
 
2012-04-02 11:58:29 AM  

meat0918: Anyone tried the double slit experiment with Mitt yet?


As a Mormon, Romney is very comfortable around multiple slits.
 
2012-04-02 12:05:45 PM  

Jake Havechek: So at the end of the hall, you find two doors, and one Romney guarding each door, behind one door is escape, and behind the other is death. One Romney always lies, and the other Romney always tells the truth. You can only ask one Romney one question.


Ask either Romney which door is the door the other Romney will say is the right door?

Then whichever Romney answers you take the other door.
 
2012-04-02 12:08:40 PM  

king of vegas: Jake Havechek: So at the end of the hall, you find two doors, and one Romney guarding each door, behind one door is escape, and behind the other is death. One Romney always lies, and the other Romney always tells the truth. You can only ask one Romney one question.

Ask either Romney which door is the door the other Romney will say is the right door?

Then whichever Romney answers you take the other door.


Correct!

You win the Las Vegas ashtray and free Spa treatment!
 
2012-04-02 12:09:12 PM  

king of vegas: Jake Havechek: So at the end of the hall, you find two doors, and one Romney guarding each door, behind one door is escape, and behind the other is death. One Romney always lies, and the other Romney always tells the truth. You can only ask one Romney one question.

Ask either Romney which door is the door the other Romney will say is the right door?

Then whichever Romney answers you take the other door.


2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-04-02 12:09:44 PM  

Cubansaltyballs: Wow. That was a really brilliant article.

My favorite part:

What does all this bode for the general election? By this point it won't surprise you to learn the answer is, "We don't know." Because according to the latest theories, the "Mitt Romney" who seems poised to be the Republican nominee is but one of countless Mitt Romneys, each occupying his own cosmos, each supporting a different platform, each being compared to a different beloved children's toy but all of them equally real, all of them equally valid and all of them running for president at the same time, in their own alternative Romnealities, somewhere in the vast Romniverse.

And all of them losing to Barack Obama.


Crisis On Infinite Romneys?

Oh Helll...does that mean eventually, Santorum's going to falcon punch time?
 
2012-04-02 12:18:36 PM  
Interesting how the metaphor conservatives come up with for a wishy-washy liberal candidate is a pair of flip-flops, and the metaphor liberals use for a wishy-washy conservative candidate is a quantum mechanics theory.
 
2012-04-02 12:20:51 PM  

RoyFokker'sGhost: Cubansaltyballs: Wow. That was a really brilliant article.

My favorite part:

What does all this bode for the general election? By this point it won't surprise you to learn the answer is, "We don't know." Because according to the latest theories, the "Mitt Romney" who seems poised to be the Republican nominee is but one of countless Mitt Romneys, each occupying his own cosmos, each supporting a different platform, each being compared to a different beloved children's toy but all of them equally real, all of them equally valid and all of them running for president at the same time, in their own alternative Romnealities, somewhere in the vast Romniverse.

And all of them losing to Barack Obama.

Crisis On Infinite Romneys?

Oh Helll...does that mean eventually, Santorum's going to falcon punch time?


I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!
 
2012-04-02 12:38:13 PM  

Homer Nixon: Interesting how the metaphor conservatives come up with for a wishy-washy liberal candidate is a pair of flip-flops, and the metaphor liberals use for a wishy-washy conservative candidate is a quantum mechanics theory.


The "smart" button should be the "this" button.
 
2012-04-02 12:41:28 PM  

PonceAlyosha: meat0918: Anyone tried the double slit experiment with Mitt yet?

As a Mormon, Romney is very comfortable around multiple slits.


*swish*
 
2012-04-02 01:01:21 PM  
That Feyman diagram. I guffawed audibly.
 
2012-04-02 01:07:16 PM  

HeartBurnKid: Well, there was also "Corporations are people".


This has nothing to do with Romney, per se, but if the Individual Mandate is overturned, wouldn't that in effect be a statement from the Supreme Court that corporations aren't people? Or at least corporations aren't to be treated the same way as individuals? Congress can mandate all sorts of shiat for corporations, but if the individual mandate is struck down, they'll have at least drawn a line between individual persons and corporate persons.
 
2012-04-02 01:12:23 PM  

jigger: HeartBurnKid: Well, there was also "Corporations are people".

This has nothing to do with Romney, per se, but if the Individual Mandate is overturned, wouldn't that in effect be a statement from the Supreme Court that corporations aren't people? Or at least corporations aren't to be treated the same way as individuals? Congress can mandate all sorts of shiat for corporations, but if the individual mandate is struck down, they'll have at least drawn a line between individual persons and corporate persons.


That's exactly why the challenge won't past muster.
 
2012-04-02 02:26:24 PM  
Santorum is the LaMarke of politicians.
 
2012-04-02 02:29:40 PM  
images.wikia.com
FEHRNSTROM!!!

www.sitcomsonline.com
"Look here, Farnzy. It appears the article writer faked the funk on a nasty dunk on the Feynman diagram. While it's true that if a Romney particle and an anti-Romney particle were to collide, it would release electrons like air from a basketball. However, there is no possible way to objectively observe the value of the bill in a state of SuperPACosition. The bill is proportional to the wavelength L of the probability wave function describing the bill, therefore we can either know the denomination of the bill or whether its been spent, but not both simultaneously.

If you ask me, Romney is just a jive-talkin' sucka."
 
2012-04-02 02:49:06 PM  
I think it's called "The Romney Uncertainly Principle".
 
2012-04-02 03:26:20 PM  

MadeuLaTerestrian: ox...ox...o..o..ox..ox...ox


this.

fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net
OX4LYFE

 
2012-04-02 06:03:49 PM  

www.quantumleap-alsplace.com
Let's see what Ziggy says


im.in.com
Ders a 42.256 percent Chu Gonna be Irie mon.

 
2012-04-02 07:42:56 PM  

urban.derelict: MadeuLaTerestrian: ox...ox...o..o..ox..ox...ox

this.

[fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net image 300x225]
OX4LYFE


All I hear is Greek grandmothers fretting.
 
2012-04-03 03:35:06 AM  
www.gamerdna.com

bbsimg.ngfiles.com

This article, this thread, and everyone in here are awesome. Except the two trolls. You know who you are.
 
2012-04-05 09:25:00 AM  
Relevant (new window)

[Michio Kaku]
The Quantum Theory
Offers a very different explanation
Of Mitt Romney
 
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