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(Des Moines Register)   The unseasonably warm weather has one small Iowa town fearing its annual Tulip Festival may get canceled because of premature blooming. But they have a solution: spray the plants with whiskey to delay the process   ( divider line
    More: Cool, Iowa, Tulip Time, Easter Week, plastic shopping bags, historical society, festivals, main stage, plants  
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2683 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Apr 2012 at 2:37 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

31 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
2012-04-01 12:27:56 PM  
Alcohol usually helps in the deflowering process.
2012-04-01 02:39:40 PM  
So, they are going for the "whiskey dick" solution.
Nice, I can see how that might work.
2012-04-01 02:41:16 PM  
Whiskey usually delays my premature problems too, so it seems logical.
2012-04-01 02:45:51 PM  
Oh, thought this would talk about Orange City, IA, not Pella.
2012-04-01 02:49:42 PM  
Whiskey, is there anything you can't do?
2012-04-01 02:49:56 PM  
Sounds like an excuse for the womenz to dump out our whiskey.
2012-04-01 02:55:23 PM  
They new to this or something?

Just a quick google informed me many types of Tulip traditionally bloom in early April.
2012-04-01 03:00:06 PM  
Wouldn't coffee be the better beverage in this case?

/It'll stunt your growth, kid.
2012-04-01 03:02:48 PM  
Screw your lame tulip festival, this year's crazy warm temps have allowed me to start my veggie garden a month ahead of schedule in northern IL.
2012-04-01 03:11:54 PM  
FTFA: About 80 percent of the tulips planted are late varieties, and yet the first blooms were spotted at least two weeks ago - two weeks!

The prose on display is up there with that Olive Garden review.
2012-04-01 03:31:41 PM  
So, for tulips, whiskey slows the aging process? Is it too late for me to sign up to be a tulip?
2012-04-01 03:36:14 PM  
The tulip is a very pretty flower that reminds me in some way of a form of human female lips.

/yes, whisky was involved in this analysis
2012-04-01 04:02:38 PM  

BigSnatch: Alcohol usually helps in the deflowering process.

Pouring some on your d*ck helps ward off disease too.
2012-04-01 04:19:53 PM  

jaxdahl: Oh, thought this would talk about Orange City, IA, not Pella.

Can you even buy whiskey in Orange City?
2012-04-01 04:22:31 PM  
Put the tulips on an organ and they'll perk right up.
2012-04-01 04:43:36 PM

Great, now I'm hungry.
2012-04-01 04:52:12 PM  
But Brain, where are we going to get Whiskey in Iowa?
2012-04-01 04:59:00 PM  
It's raining whiskey? Is this heaven?

/Play ball!
2012-04-01 05:07:07 PM  
Finally, something useful for that Johnny Walker crap they're trying to sell...
2012-04-01 05:31:55 PM  
How many hobos are they gonna attract doing that?
2012-04-01 06:22:00 PM  
BRB, dressing up as flower
2012-04-01 06:45:38 PM  
I will spray whiskey on the flowers but do you mind if I drink it first?
2012-04-01 06:53:40 PM  
That reminds me of a household tip: you can make cut flowers last longer by putting a bit of alcohol in the water. Vodka works best because it is clear and pure. It kills bacteria, nourishes the plant, etc. Sugar, vinegar and other substances will work also.

It also helps to remove any fading flowers, as they release ethylene, a gas that causes some fruit and vegetables to ripen and flowers to wilt. You can get special bags (as Seen on TV) to allow the ethylene to escape, thus making bananas and other fruit ripen and spoil more slowly. Some fruit, such as apples, and vegetables such as potatoes are notoriously high ethylene emitters and will cause other fruit and vegetables to spoil or ripen more quickly. It's worth a moment of your time to look into further. You can speed up or delay the ripening of fruits, vegetables and flowers by as much as a couple of weeks.
2012-04-01 07:05:51 PM  
We have a tulip festival every year here in Ottawa as a result of Ottawa serving as a home away from home for the Dutch Royal Family during World War II. A hospital room in a local hospital was officially declared Dutch soil so that a royal child could be born on Dutch soil (IIRC, it was the present Queen Beatrix of the Netherlands). I believe the Royals resided in the Governor General's Mansion, which has one of the largest monolithic stone pediments in the world but is otherwise a dull upper-class country house.

Every year journalists fuss about whether the tulips will bloom too early or be killed by frost. The trick is to plant lots of varities that bloom at different times so that there's always tulips in bloom before, during and after the festival peak. They plant several hundred thousand bulbs IIRC.

The Dutch also donated a windmill which stands near Dow's Lake, where the biggest beds of tulips can be seen.

Canadian troops liberated the Netherlands during the War, so there are affectionate ties between the two nations for that reason as well as the refuge provided to the Royal Family. If worse had come to worse, the British Royal family had plans to evacuate to Canada as well but fortunately it never came to that.

Two Royal Families in one city wouldn't work very well. And Canada has only a small number of houses that could be considered Royal-ready. Even if the US hadn't been drawn into the War by the attack on Pearl Harbor, it is unlikely the Nazis would have been allowed to occupy Canada. Australia and New Zealand, on the other hand, would have eventually fallen to the Japanese Empire without the War in the Pacific.
2012-04-01 07:47:49 PM  
Here's some of mine from the front yard taken at 7:30 PM today (April1st, 2012) in Aliquippa, PA.
/just a bit northwest of Pittsburgh
since it's too late to give them whiskey, I'll just have to step in and take one for the team...
2012-04-01 09:30:29 PM  
Normally whiskey helps me open things...
WGJ [TotalFark]
2012-04-01 09:52:55 PM  
The only thing better than roses on your piano is tulips on your organ.
2012-04-01 11:52:04 PM  
Meh. Happens in Holland, MI (the largest tulip festival) quite frequently. Instead of a Tulip Festival, you just have a Stem Festival. Doesn't stop the fleecing of the tourists.
2012-04-01 11:56:58 PM  
There was a june bug on my screen tonight. a JUNE bug in farkin' april?

all my tulips have bloomed incidentally
2012-04-02 03:29:40 AM  
2012-04-02 04:10:07 PM
What "spraying" plants with whiskey may look like in Pella, Iowa
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