"What Game of Thrones can teach us about fatherhood."

If you're going for lulz, you could have probably just stopped right there.

Game of Thrones season 2 airing tomorrow. Time for every blog website to write a stupid GoT article to maximize their page views.

#11

When your son hits puberty, get him a prostitute but tell him it's a gift: a bride.

#12

Bring a bastard son home and let him go fight the army even though he's secretly the heir to the entire kingdom

Kill anyone who opposes you, lie to anyone you can't kill.

#13 Your siblings make good mothers to your children

#14 Breastfeeding can be continued beyond infancy, all the way to perhaps age 8 or so

redmond24: #12

Bring a bastard son home and let him go fight the army even though he's secretly the heir to the entire kingdom

Well. That sounds remarkably like a spoiler from one of the later books. Son of a biatch.

#15 Teach your son where the whores go, so he doesn't have to ask everyone ALL THE FARKING TIME

elchip: redmond24: #12

Bring a bastard son home and let him go fight the army even though he's secretly the heir to the entire kingdom

Well. That sounds remarkably like a spoiler from one of the later books. Son of a biatch.

That's not actually a spoiler, it's just conjecture at this point. The real spoiler is about how Daenarys totally throws a kicking beach party and makes out with Jaime.

#16

Lock the door when you're on the toilet

#17

Even though the wedding reception may be a little more pricey at a hotel then doing it at your neighbor's house, it's probably worth the expense to have it at a proper venue

Even when you're taking a crap, it's a good idea to wear a codpiece.

Relevant

Best is at 2:20

#18

If you cut yourself, first wash it with cold water before applying a bandage. Going to an RN for stitches is a good choice; you might want to avoid witches.

elchip: Relevant

Best is at 2:20

Someone needs to make one for Indira Varma.

What Tyrion can teach us about diplomacy. (new window)

elchip: redmond24: #12

Bring a bastard son home and let him go fight the army even though he's secretly the heir to the entire kingdom

Well. That sounds remarkably like a spoiler from one of the later books. Son of a biatch.

It's still speculation and is hinted at from the beginning of book 1. Most of us believe that Jon is not Ned's bastard but Rhaegar's with Lyana.

Ned refuses to speak of Jon's mother because he doesn't want to lie. He promised Lyana (he keeps remembering a bloody bed (birthing beds get bloody)and Lyana whispering "promise me Ned") to keep the secret because a bastard Targaryen would be put to death. Rereading the book you notice that when anyone brings him up Ned insists "He is a Stark" or "Blood of the Starks" etc. He never actually calls him his son.

And the only person who remembers Rhaegar as a raping murderous bastard is Robert, who loved Lyana. To everyone else Rhaegar was a noble paramount knight. Even Ned never recalls a bad thing about Rhaegar, which would be odd if the guy HAD killed his sister.

Lyana wasn't kidnapped, she ran off with her love Rhaegar despite being promised to Robert. Robert demanded Aerys turn his brother over to Robert for justice. Aerys, being a madman, didnt take the demand well. He seized and killed Ned father and brother and Branded Robert and Ned traitors to the crown demanding Jon Arryn turn them over to him. Jon responded by raising an army and beginning the rebellion that put Robert on the throne.

Smeggy Smurf: I've never seen the show. It sounds like a soap opera for men

No, that's professional wrestling.

Tax Boy: #16

Lock the door when you're on the toilet

#17

Even though the wedding reception may be a little more pricey at a hotel then doing it at your neighbor's house, it's probably worth the expense to have it at a proper venue

I LOL'd so hard. Welcome to my favorites list you magnificent bastard.

Digitalstrange: Most of us believe that Jon is not Ned's bastard but Rhaegar's with Lyana.

Yep, that's my take as well.

Raising Jon as a Stark is probably the only sensible thing Bad Decisions Ned ever did.

elchip: redmond24: #12

Bring a bastard son home and let him go fight the army even though he's secretly the heir to the entire kingdom

Well. That sounds remarkably like a spoiler from one of the later books. Son of a biatch.



A spoiler perhaps (I haven't read it, so no idea), but also one of the only things in Game of Thrones that you can guess pretty much is going to happen at some point. By the 3rd episode of season 1 there have been half a dozen "But who is my father? [wink at camera]" scenes.

By father I mean mother, but the winks mean exactly the same.

#19: Teach your kids right from wrong. Stealing a throne? Okay. Stealing a dragon? ... Probably not going to work out. They breathe fire and don't like being whipped.

#20

No matter how soft and light your wedding cake is -- always chew your food

Smeggy Smurf: I've never seen the show. It sounds like a soap opera for men

I burned through the first season in 3 nights. The first episode is a little "rapey", and I wasn't sure if I'd stick around. After that most of the sex is consentual. The second episode had me hooked.

#21

If a dude with a goatee tells you not to trust him, DON'T FARKING TRUST HIM

bobbette: #19: Teach your kids right from wrong. Stealing a throne? Okay. Stealing a dragon? ... Probably not going to work out. They breathe fire and don't like being whipped.

Not all were meant to dance with dragons.

#20: So things didn't work out with your childhood girlfriend. That's okay! Eventually she'll have an orphaned daughter who you can show how the roles of family friend, uncle, lover and adoptive father are totally interchangeable.

Bungles: elchip: redmond24: #12

Bring a bastard son home and let him go fight the army even though he's secretly the heir to the entire kingdom

Well. That sounds remarkably like a spoiler from one of the later books. Son of a biatch.



A spoiler perhaps (I haven't read it, so no idea), but also one of the only things in Game of Thrones that you can guess pretty much is going to happen at some point. By the 3rd episode of season 1 there have been half a dozen "But who is my father? [wink at camera]" scenes.



It's never said "officially" anywhere. It's one of those inferred things that people see as being true.

#21 It's totally fine for the entire family to fark off for months, and leave a 7 year old child in total control of running the household.

#21: Don't climb walls to be a voyeur of any royalty having incestuous sex.

Getting direct installed today (Waiting on the tech now), so I'll need to hurry up and catch up (Gods I hope it's on HOBgo).

Oh and I really don't like what the show is doing with Renley. Not that it will end up mattering much but it's pretty homophobic. The producers made him a whuss whos afraid of blood just because he is gay.

In the book Renley was the anti-Ned. Every single thought he has is ultimately right and smart.

After Roberts death he offers Ned a small army if he would take control of Cersei and her bastards and run the kingdom thru Joffrey until they had proof of their bastardy when they could be disposed of in an orderly way once a succession had been set in place for a peaceful change in rule. When Ned refused because it wasn't honorable Renley fled rather than get rounded up by Cersei's men.

Later when Catelyn came to him as he was bringing his army North to Kings Landing she looked at it with a Stark eye and thought he was a vain foolish child playing soldier because they were partying all along the way but it was actually brilliant strategy. Kings Landing was starving and near chaos while they were feasting and partying each night. Which side would you have joined? When Catelyn talked to him about honor and duty to his brother Stannis as he had the right of succession Renly pointed to his army and told her that he had the same right to the throne as his brother Robert had, a larger army. That anything else was a justificational fiction and that Stannis would be as horrible a king as Robert, if for different reasons.

He was never afraid to fight or bleed and would have been the best choice for ruler of Westeros. He was as beloved by the people as Robert but his being gay had taught him to temper the gluttony that ruined Robert as well as taught him the importance of playing a role. He was wise and practical, decent enough to do justice more often than not, but not so rigid as to let honor force him into bad choices.

#23:
Under the waves, a demented jinglefish raises the mermaid princess, because the mermaid king and queen are too busy with coral swords
I know, I know, oh, oh, oh

PanicMan: Smeggy Smurf: I've never seen the show. It sounds like a soap opera for men

I burned through the first season in 3 nights. The first episode is a little "rapey", and I wasn't sure if I'd stick around. After that most of the sex is consentual. The second episode had me hooked.

In Ep 1 the honeymoon scene for Drogo and Danerys wasn't supposed to be as rapey as it appeared but it was harder to convey without the books advantage of being inside Danys head. She was scared shiatless as any virginal child bride in an arranged marriage would be but Drogo was patient and understanding and by the end she was onboard. They shortcutted it because the patient seduction would've taken 3X as long of screentime and Drogo is supposed to be a savage anyway

Digitalstrange: Oh and I really don't like what the show is doing with Renley. Not that it will end up mattering much but it's pretty homophobic. The producers made him a whuss whos afraid of blood just because he is gay.

In the book Renley was the anti-Ned. Every single thought he has is ultimately right and smart.



I agree but the show is limited because it has to cover 900+ pages in about 10 hours. I don't think they're homophobic, though. Renly's sexuality is only hinted at early on so HBO could have decided to do away with the gay scenes altogether if they wanted to.

Digitalstrange: PanicMan: Smeggy Smurf: I've never seen the show. It sounds like a soap opera for men

I burned through the first season in 3 nights. The first episode is a little "rapey", and I wasn't sure if I'd stick around. After that most of the sex is consentual. The second episode had me hooked.

In Ep 1 the honeymoon scene for Drogo and Danerys wasn't supposed to be as rapey as it appeared but it was harder to convey without the books advantage of being inside Danys head. She was scared shiatless as any virginal child bride in an arranged marriage would be but Drogo was patient and understanding and by the end she was onboard. They shortcutted it because the patient seduction would've taken 3X as long of screentime and Drogo is supposed to be a savage anyway

Which is why anyone who likes the show should read the book. The show doesn't convey the internal thoughts of the characters.

It'll be interesting to see how they do Jaime. They'll have to somehow make him likeable and make ppl root for him pretty soon.

Sidebar -- people really shouldn't enter GoT threads and not expect someone to spill a spoiler or two. For that same reason I've yet to read a Mass Effect 3 article or thread. Waiting for all the bugs and DLC and (gasp) endings to come out first.

Unoriginal_Username: Getting direct installed today (Waiting on the tech now), so I'll need to hurry up and catch up (Gods I hope it's on HOBgo).

I was able to watch episode 8, at least, on HBO Go... my wife canceled the DVR recording of it because it interfered with one of her shiatty shows.

#24:

Hodor. Hodor Hodor Hodor.
Hodor Hodor.
Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor.

Hodor.