If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(LA Times)   The Mega Millions jackpot has reached a record $500 million as of 12pm today and with two days to go before Friday nights drawing, things are bound to go full crazy   (latimesblogs.latimes.com) divider line 229
    More: Obvious  
•       •       •

5014 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Mar 2012 at 10:36 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



229 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Last | Show all
 
2012-03-29 02:18:27 AM  

GAT_00: I bought 5. Might get some more tomorrow. I'm not dumb enough to expect to win, it's just fun to imagine what I could do with all of it, and you can't win if you don't play.

Besides, I've wasted $5 in far dumber ways before.


Yes. You waste 5 a month ruining fark political threads.
 
2012-03-29 02:25:48 AM  

MyRandomName: GAT_00: I bought 5. Might get some more tomorrow. I'm not dumb enough to expect to win, it's just fun to imagine what I could do with all of it, and you can't win if you don't play.

Besides, I've wasted $5 in far dumber ways before.

Yes. You waste 5 a month ruining fark political threads.


LOL
 
2012-03-29 02:31:52 AM  

The Onion is prophetic: The odds of winning are 176,000,000 to one. Therefore, I just need to buy 176,000,000 tickets, and I'm guaranteed to triple my money!

/farkin' probability, how does it work?


This is probably why it jumped from 467M to 500M in the early morning. someone...or 2 someones may be doing this already.
 
2012-03-29 02:40:35 AM  
First things first:

1)verify reality, make sure ticket is real.. double, triple, quaduple, as many times as neccesary to make sure I'm not hallucinating.
1)contact lawyer and accountant, put them on retainer.(luckily I have access to a good pair that have done work for my family for years)
2)claim solid cash chunk, pay off taxes, pay off any debt(almost none)
3)purchase modest local home, trick it out, update it, make it mine(like sub 200k home).
4)work with accountant and lawyer to set up a small trust whose sole purpose is to pay every home related bill.. utilities, taxes, landscaping, pantry stocking, whatever, and make it ironclad, "I can't ever touch that money". Make it just big enough to generate enough interest in a very very ultra safe way. And again, I reiterate, design it so that I can never take that money out. Permanent and irrevocable. This guarantees that no matter what else might happen, me or whoever I want will always have a safe home to live cheaply. (I'm spitballing that 3 million tops is all I would need to set aside for this.)
5)set up five similar trusts for me, mom, 2 brothers and sister, minus the house.. this pays income.. moderate middle class 40ish k a year (my mom can stay in my house, or with a sibling, whatever)
6)I figure at this point I have put about 18 million in irrevocable trusts, and probably have paid my lawyer and accountant very well, say a million each, so far. putting me at about 20million spent.

What do I do with the rest? Start a small business that I enjoy. Buy some health insurance. Explore living in another state, or several. Still a good amount of big land out in the great big West. Get my health in order.

I get so sick of people who are like "yeah if you win it you'll just be broke in 10 years". No dickholes, maybe your white trash ass will be, but not me.
 
2012-03-29 02:52:03 AM  

I sound fat: The Onion is prophetic: The odds of winning are 176,000,000 to one. Therefore, I just need to buy 176,000,000 tickets, and I'm guaranteed to triple my money!

/farkin' probability, how does it work?

This is probably why it jumped from 467M to 500M in the early morning. someone...or 2 someones may be doing this already.


some killer math skills you have there
 
2012-03-29 02:54:14 AM  

hobbes0022: When you buy one ticket your chances are 1:170,000,000. But when you be a second your odds instantly double. Based on this math i've purchased 30 tickets.

1$ = 1:170,000,000
2$ = 1:85,000,000
3$ = 1:42,500,000
4$ = 1:21,750,000
...
30$ = 1:0.317

I expect to win 3 jackpots, and all the minor prizes. I don't know why no one has figured this out yet.


I lol'ed.
 
2012-03-29 02:56:28 AM  
[fordprefect.jpg]

I'll take "highly improbable" for $1
 
2012-03-29 02:57:01 AM  
Hmm. I'd pay off all my debt, and settle an income on my mother so she could retire. I'd fund my kids' college educations and buy the youngest a truck. (He has a car, he wishes he had a truck.) I'd buy myself a number one Barbie. Then I'd take my family on one of those month-long cruises around the Mediterranean. I'd see Pompeii and Herculaneum, and visit Rome. I'd probably buy a slightly bigger house, one with a dining room and a library. And I'd hire a professional genealogist to help me with my family history research. Actually? I'd turn that hobby into my new vocation, and spend the rest of my life compiling biographies of my ancestors, tracking down photographs and seeing the places where they lived.
 
2012-03-29 03:09:10 AM  

MAYORBOB: First thing to do with money like that is to buy an island and fall off the grid.


You should try that out first. I've spent time off the grid on beautiful tropical islands.
It gets old...REAL fast.
 
2012-03-29 03:11:00 AM  

August11: Ok. Just to remind everyone. There is only one way to proceed if you win.

1. Create a 501c3 charitable foundation with the money.
2. Make yourself CEO of foundation with a yearly salary of $180,000.
3. Spend the rest of your life wisely giving worthy causes money.
4. If you cannot seem to live a good life on that salary, then you should die.
5. Live a good life.


A very well-off guy I know was legally prevented from setting up a nonprofit foundation by the state because he would be the only source of funds to the foundation. Might be more to the story but that was how it was presented. Kind of sad because it would have been the first research foundation of its kind. I guess the rule is there to prevent fraud.
 
2012-03-29 03:11:53 AM  

neongoats: Explore living in another state, or several.


Mr. Adventure :-)
An XX for you, sir!
 
2012-03-29 03:33:15 AM  
I'm playing the following numbers:

1 2 3 4 5 (6)

Of course, the odds of those numbers being drawn are identical to the odds of any any particular set of numbers being drawn (e.g. 12 18 29 31 43 (22)). I just want to be the guy who played [1:6].
 
2012-03-29 03:36:28 AM  

0Icky0: neongoats: Explore living in another state, or several.

Mr. Adventure :-)
An XX for you, sir!


heh, "state" could be nation state too. I don't care, my point was just that that kind of money leaves plenty of room for some "smart play it safe" future planning, and still plenty of money to piss away.
 
2012-03-29 03:36:34 AM  

you are a puppet: Honest Bender: CBob: A little hard work and you could turn that into some real money there.

Why bother? Stick the ~$400 million in an account earning 4-5% interest. Sit on your lazy butt and collect $16-20 million in risk free profit every year.

Where are accounts with these rates being offered? Assuming that the past doesn't qualify as a location.


The location is wherever the hell you are. If you have $400million of uninvested cash, the banks come to YOU.
 
2012-03-29 03:39:13 AM  

neongoats: 3)purchase modest local home, trick it out, update it, make it mine(like sub 200k home).


Purchase old nuclear missile silo. Outfit it with real nuclear missile. Demand $100 million dollars!!!!
 
2012-03-29 03:40:04 AM  

GAT_00: I bought 5. Might get some more tomorrow. I'm not dumb enough to expect to win, it's just fun to imagine what I could do with all of it, and you can't win if you don't play.

Besides, I've wasted $5 in far dumber ways before.



I'm in full agreement. Bought 2 today and might get a couple more tomorrow and then a few more Friday.

All from different places, $1 at each.
 
2012-03-29 03:42:53 AM  
All I want to know is, how the hell would you even be able to LOOK at the winning ticket if you had it?

I sure as hell would be so damned terrified that it would spontaneously combust, or the ink would fall off, or my dog would eat it...
 
2012-03-29 03:45:29 AM  

Arcturus72: ver wronged in your life won't be looking you up, trying to sue you for "their cut" of the money, I'll have a bridge to sell you...


Even those you didn't wrong. I hate to say it, I'm sure as hell never posting on Fark again if I did win.
 
2012-03-29 03:54:01 AM  

sforce: That's too much for any one person so I'm here to give you all the winning numbers:

22-23-31-44-53 MB 17

I'm going to need 5% from everyone, I live in a non Megamillions state.



Just for grins, I'll play those.
Gave you a special color in my favs to help me track you down in the event that the Force is with me.
 
2012-03-29 05:51:04 AM  

WxGuy1: I'm playing the following numbers:

1 2 3 4 5 (6)

Of course, the odds of those numbers being drawn are identical to the odds of any any particular set of numbers being drawn (e.g. 12 18 29 31 43 (22)). I just want to be the guy who played [1:6].


Actully since those numbers are not random you're more likely to split a jackpot with a lot of people, thats why i wouldn't pick them
 
2012-03-29 06:14:06 AM  

kim jong-un: Arcturus72: ver wronged in your life won't be looking you up, trying to sue you for "their cut" of the money, I'll have a bridge to sell you...

Even those you didn't wrong. I hate to say it, I'm sure as hell never posting on Fark again if I did win.


I think my posting on Fark would get out of control in a hurry.
 
2012-03-29 07:10:02 AM  
Anyone willing to buy a ticket for me, since I'm not States-side and so am unable to get one myself? Tell you what, I'll make a deal with you. If the ticket wins the jackpot, just give me 5 million dollars of the winnings and you can keep the rest for your trouble and kindness. Sound fair?

/what?
 
2012-03-29 07:22:59 AM  
The first thing I would do it put an end to that heinous kitten juggling! ...Plus I know a guy that needs some help getting the seats reupholstered in his Cessna.
 
2012-03-29 07:38:20 AM  
Some people have really modest dreams. I saw one guy on Yahoo post that if he won, he'd wear a new pair of socks every day for the rest of his life. Imagine that being your dream.
Hell, if I won, I'd never wear PANTS again, let alone socks.
 
2012-03-29 08:09:51 AM  

bulldg4life: So, I'll take the $247,710,000 that I would get in Georgia...

Give me the $47m+ to blow on anything I can think of...I'll invest $200m in a nice medium risk fund getting 8% and I'll have a solid $1.6b when I'm 50.



It would be great to see someone's name on the Forbes list that under "source of wealth" just says "lucky bastard".
 
2012-03-29 08:11:34 AM  
Instead of spending $10 on lunch today, I will buy 2 chicken sandwiches at McDonald's for $2. Then spend the other $8 on Lotto tickets. I cut my calories and get a chance at winning big bux. A win, win.
 
2012-03-29 08:14:06 AM  

AeAe: tweek46420: namatad: so I am thinking about buying $100 worth. I can easily afford the 100.
but
I am so embarrassed that I will have to go down at like 4am to buy them so no one else sees me buying the tickets.

/sad but true

you can't buy them that late....they shut the machines down after 12.....at least in MN they do

buy your tickets really early then. And wear a hoodie.


but don't charge them.
 
2012-03-29 08:31:46 AM  
Federal withholdings are 25%.

State withholdings are as follows:

California - None
Georgia - 6%
Illinois - 3%
Maryland - 7.75%
Massachusetts - 5%
Michigan - 4.35%
New Jersey - None
New York - 6.85% State/4.648% NYC/0.685% Yonkers
Ohio - 6%
Texas - None
Virginia - 4%
Washington - None

source: lotteryuniverse.com
 
2012-03-29 08:52:47 AM  

Patronick313: Federal withholdings are 25%.

State withholdings are as follows:


I assume the withholdings are based on the state where the ticket was sold - anyone know for sure? Otherwise, since you usually have 180/365 days to claim the prize, if you bought the winning ticket in some place like Taxachusetts, it seems like it could potentially be worth several million dollars to move to some place with no state lotto tax like California, establish residency, and THEN claim your winnings.

/and the lulz of the world not knowing for weeks/months who won $500 million, speculating on whether ticket was thrown out by accident, etc, would be fun too
 
2012-03-29 09:01:07 AM  

redly1: I sound fat: The Onion is prophetic: The odds of winning are 176,000,000 to one. Therefore, I just need to buy 176,000,000 tickets, and I'm guaranteed to triple my money!

/farkin' probability, how does it work?

This is probably why it jumped from 467M to 500M in the early morning. someone...or 2 someones may be doing this already.

some killer math skills you have there


yeah, but that's a good way to get burned by multiple winners. Two people win and you're only break even. If three people win you're farked.
 
2012-03-29 09:03:09 AM  

mavexe: redly1: I sound fat: The Onion is prophetic: The odds of winning are 176,000,000 to one. Therefore, I just need to buy 176,000,000 tickets, and I'm guaranteed to triple my money!

/farkin' probability, how does it work?

This is probably why it jumped from 467M to 500M in the early morning. someone...or 2 someones may be doing this already.

some killer math skills you have there

yeah, but that's a good way to get burned by multiple winners. Two people win and you're only break even. If three people win you're farked.


But what are the chances that another person would win????
 
2012-03-29 09:07:04 AM  
Put up a lot of billboards along I75 in Florida.

"That Mega Church Preacher that is promising you Heaven? All he wants is your $$$$$."

Then show a guy in suit with a big smile on his face, standing with a new Mercedes in a church parking lot.
 
2012-03-29 09:11:01 AM  
But what are the chances that another person would win????

176,000,000:1

Could be a lot less, depending on how many others have this evil plan.
 
2012-03-29 09:13:39 AM  
Id give my wife 55% and say bye!
 
2012-03-29 09:20:34 AM  
Arcturus72: Meh... I'd thought about not playing this thing for one simple reason:

Most lotteries REQUIRE you to give your full name in order to receive the jackpot. This lets the lotto people "prove that real people are playing and winning"...

And if you don't think EVERY stinking idiot you ever wronged in your life won't be looking you up, trying to sue you for "their cut" of the money, I'll have a bridge to sell you...


Lets see them try seizing my assests after battling the Rancor.
 
2012-03-29 09:26:53 AM  

jat26006: mavexe: redly1: I sound fat: The Onion is prophetic: The odds of winning are 176,000,000 to one. Therefore, I just need to buy 176,000,000 tickets, and I'm guaranteed to triple my money!

/farkin' probability, how does it work?

This is probably why it jumped from 467M to 500M in the early morning. someone...or 2 someones may be doing this already.

some killer math skills you have there

yeah, but that's a good way to get burned by multiple winners. Two people win and you're only break even. If three people win you're farked.

But what are the chances that another person would win????


It always seems that when the jackpots get above 300m, there are multiple winners more often than not. It's just a matter of so many people playing, the chances of multiple winners go up significantly, assuming a random distribution of number picks.
 
2012-03-29 09:37:01 AM  
If your curious about what the actual payout would be after federal and state taxes, there's a website that breaks it down for each state:
Link (new window)

Of course this is just the initial payout, not the full tax liability. If you buy the ticket out of your state of residence, the final taxes ends up pretty much being the higher state tax of where the ticket was purchased or your state of residence.

/Played $10 because why the hell not
 
2012-03-29 09:47:02 AM  
NeoCortex42: If your curious about what the actual payout would be after federal and state taxes, there's a website that breaks it down for each state:
Link (new window)

Of course this is just the initial payout, not the full tax liability. If you buy the ticket out of your state of residence, the final taxes ends up pretty much being the higher state tax of where the ticket was purchased or your state of residence.

/Played $10 because why the hell not


If you live near to a state with a radically lower state income tax (like as in a state without one) buy your ticket in that state and if you win change your residency to that state before going to the lotto office to collect.

Winning
 
2012-03-29 09:55:38 AM  

Oldiron_79:
If you live near to a state with a radically lower state income tax (like as in a state without one) buy your ticket in that state and if you win change your residency to that state before going to the lotto office to collect.

Winning


I couldn't imagine having the winning ticket just sitting around while I wait for residency of a new state to take effect. I'll be paranoid of something happening to it. Plus, until it was actually verified, I probably wouldn't even believe it was real.
 
2012-03-29 10:03:37 AM  

Oldiron_79: NeoCortex42: If your curious about what the actual payout would be after federal and state taxes, there's a website that breaks it down for each state:
Link (new window)

Of course this is just the initial payout, not the full tax liability. If you buy the ticket out of your state of residence, the final taxes ends up pretty much being the higher state tax of where the ticket was purchased or your state of residence.

/Played $10 because why the hell not

If you live near to a state with a radically lower state income tax (like as in a state without one) buy your ticket in that state and if you win change your residency to that state before going to the lotto office to collect.

Winning


I don't think you can change state residency that easily. I seem to recall it takes 1 year or 1 tax cycle to become a resident of a state. At the very least you have to be a partial year resident.
 
2012-03-29 10:31:50 AM  
Link (new window)
 
2012-03-29 10:34:50 AM  
 
2012-03-29 10:36:36 AM  
I figure $10 for a chance at $500 million is worth it. $20 million a year for almost thirty years could solve a lot of problems =)
 
2012-03-29 10:42:25 AM  
I'd be really surprised if a jackpot of this size isn't won by 4-5 separate tickets, with at least one of them being a large office pool. Of course, I said that before Tuesday's drawing and not a single ticket won. It sure would be interesting if only one person one the jackpot, just to see where they are five or ten years down the road.
 
2012-03-29 10:58:44 AM  
Bought twenty
day dreams alone are worth it
 
2012-03-29 11:03:31 AM  
AeAe: Oldiron_79: NeoCortex42: If your curious about what the actual payout would be after federal and state taxes, there's a website that breaks it down for each state:
Link (new window)

Of course this is just the initial payout, not the full tax liability. If you buy the ticket out of your state of residence, the final taxes ends up pretty much being the higher state tax of where the ticket was purchased or your state of residence.

/Played $10 because why the hell not

If you live near to a state with a radically lower state income tax (like as in a state without one) buy your ticket in that state and if you win change your residency to that state before going to the lotto office to collect.

Winning

I don't think you can change state residency that easily. I seem to recall it takes 1 year or 1 tax cycle to become a resident of a state. At the very least you have to be a partial year resident.


I'm pretty sure it only takes 90 days to change residency(at least in the states that don't have like the highest of the high income tax rates ), and you have 180 days to claim your prize, so its actually a fairly reasonable plan if you have the patience to wait 90 days to tell everyone you don't care about to go pound sand.

Personally I already live in a no state income tax state so I'm already good to go, Just have to drive like 175 mi to the state capital to pick it up if I win.
 
2012-03-29 11:18:11 AM  

Show_The_O_Face: Id give my wife 55% and say bye!


That's a friend of mine's plan.

His reasoning, which is totally sound, logical, and correct, is:

Look, this is a lot of farking money. You're not going to like the person that I become with access to all this money. Let's split this now, we'll go our separate ways, and I'll will what's left of the money to the kids, because I don't expect to survive the next 5 years.
 
2012-03-29 11:39:17 AM  

The Onion is prophetic: The odds of winning are 176,000,000 to one. Therefore, I just need to buy 176,000,000 tickets, and I'm guaranteed to triple my money!

/farkin' probability, how does it work?


Well, if you did buy them all, you'd have invested $176 million to earn about $305 million before taxes (present value and all). Gambling losses are allowed to be deducted against gambling winnings so you'd walk away with what, $77 million profit?

(assuming you didn't split the pot).
 
2012-03-29 11:41:59 AM  

AlwaysRightBoy: dustman81: I threw my $5 into the office pool. If it hits, you'll never see my fatass again. I'll be in Palm Beach with my new friends.

AlwaysRightBoy: I'm thinking it will go to $6 million by Friday night, but who knows.

I was on the train this morning going to work and there was this guy sitting in front of me who had at least 20 copies that probably had ten $5 tickets on each from the last drawing. He was going thru all of the numbers without a pen or pencil for the full hour.

/Obviously an office pool but some of these people are hardcore

I guess we have it easy in Ohio. Here, all we have to do is go to a lottery seller and scan the tickets. If one is a winner, it'll let you know.

You can scan 8.5x11 copies there?

We have machines everywhere in Manhattan that will let you scan the originals yourself, but not office copies.
//Are you going to trust the guy with the originals without copies? We make sure all the people paying into it have their names on the copies


We had a contract in our office pool that included the ticket IDs as part of the document.
 
2012-03-29 11:53:18 AM  

August11: Ok. Just to remind everyone. There is only one way to proceed if you win.

1. Create a 501c3 charitable foundation with the money.
2. Make yourself CEO of foundation with a yearly salary of $180,000.
3. Spend the rest of your life wisely giving worthy causes money.
4. If you cannot seem to live a good life on that salary, then you should die.
5. Live a good life.


Actually, I'm suprised there isn't one 'best' solution on how to handle winning the lottery. A trust fund or something seeems to make sense, from here Link (new window) only some set up organizations. ("won by MAIM Revocable Trust", P1 Gold Lottery Club) I wonder why that's not universal. I suppose someone could look those up to see what type of organization they are.

Can that organization then invest the money and gain returns? Could you pass CEO of that org on to children in a will/company charter to avoid the tax for ammounts over $250,000?

Next is do you take the lump sum or cash payout? I guess that decision would depend on if you plan to make 12%, 8%, 4% or nothing on your money. I always thought a 4% CD should be attainable, I guess they are currently 1%. Is there a limit you can put into CD's? or a chance you could ruin a bank (if you had 10 million in a 15% CD from 1975, I'm sure they would hate you today). Maybe they don't roll over at the same rate they were perchased. What's a realistic safe investment for those large sums?
 
Displayed 50 of 229 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report