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(Some Guy)   Guy comes out of the closet after 8 years, on Facebook. Friends are horrified, HORRIFIED, at the web design of his linked blog post, begin in-depth discussion on how to make it look better   (happyplace.com) divider line 253
    More: Cool, Facebook, The Big Bang Theory, CSS, credit history, web design, internet age  
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27074 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Mar 2012 at 2:31 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-03-28 06:02:26 PM

BurnShrike: Almost 200 posts before the "You know how I know you're gay?" picture? I've been waiting all day.

The whole discussion about penis/penii nearly made me post it myself.


You nearly take care of all of us on Fark. It's like you almost nearly care. :P
 
2012-03-28 06:02:39 PM

lordargent: what_now: Actually, yes. A friend of mine came out several years ago after the two of us spent some time stalking a boy we thought would be perfect for her, and I was blown over. I had *NO* idea she was gay.

Other than the stereotypical butch lesbian, gay women are harder to spot IMO.

/IE, how do you tell a flamboyantly gay woman from a straight flamboyant woman?


Women can't be gay
 
2012-03-28 06:03:13 PM

PonceAlyosha: kellynoel: Sybarite: Completely tangential, but has anyone ever had a friend come out that you weren't secretly thinking "Well, duh."? I mean, even though you obviously have to make the appropriately supportive statements.

Yes. A bunch of guys at my school came out toward the end of senior year. Two in particular, their parents probably knew when they were born, that's how obvious it was. Both of them took great pains to orchestrate coming out situations that were super comfortable and then gave big speeches and whatnot. On both occasions, it was like...dude. The only thing you could have done to make it more obvious for the last, say, six years, would be show up with a dick in your mouth. I mean, really. Now go getcha some.

Nothin' like taking the wind outta someone's sails when they're coming out to make their day hilarious. I was like "Mom, I'm gay." And she literally said "No shiat."

I was 14.


Yeah.. I'm not sure if my son doesn't know he's gay.. doesn't 'want' to be gay... or just thinks I'm stupid... but when he finally gets around to admitting it then that will be my answer too...

.. "No shiat"
 
2012-03-28 06:05:13 PM

BurnShrike: Almost 200 posts before the "You know how I know you're gay?" picture? I've been waiting all day. The whole discussion about penis/penii nearly made me post it myself.


NEARLY. Aren't we ambitious?
 
2012-03-28 06:06:24 PM
Straight HTML is so damn boring.
 
2012-03-28 06:06:40 PM

3steps: Yeah.. I'm not sure if my son doesn't know he's gay.. doesn't 'want' to be gay... or just thinks I'm stupid... but when he finally gets around to admitting it then that will be my answer too...

.. "No shiat"


Having been in that situation, the best thing for you to do is just to make it clear to him [in a way that's not accusing him of anything] that you full support gays and would have no problem with one as a son or around or something. My family is the most liberal libs that ever libbed and I still had the cursory "OMG SCARED" phase.

But he could just be a girly boy. They have straight versions of those too.
 
2012-03-28 06:12:29 PM

Mock26: Straight HTML is so damn boring.


Gay HTML is faaaabulous
 
2012-03-28 06:14:16 PM

bobbette: What really makes you spot someone queer is usually attitude and how they interact with people. How they interact with you. For confirmation, ask what she's been reading/watching lately.

/99.999% accurate gaydar


Actually, scientific studies of gaydar indicate a lot of it comes from the person's face, especially the eyes, at least when other signs such as clothing, voice, and mannerisms are suppressed.
 
2012-03-28 06:15:12 PM
Awesome story, awesome thread.

All around, Faaaaabulous!
 
2012-03-28 06:19:13 PM

ciberido: Headso: It's probably one of those cases where everyone already knew the guy was gay.

TV Tropes call this the "Transparent Closet."

"Everyone knows these characters are gay except the characters themselves. Any suggestion to the characters that they are gay is met with a too-emphatic statement of their heterosexuality. If they finally come out of the closet, no one will even pretend to be surprised. Often played for laughs. "


www.stevecap.comwww.gilligansisle.com
 
2012-03-28 06:24:30 PM

Oznog: ciberido: Headso: It's probably one of those cases where everyone already knew the guy was gay.
TV Tropes call this the "Transparent Closet."
"Everyone knows these characters are gay except the characters themselves. Any suggestion to the characters that they are gay is met with a too-emphatic statement of their heterosexuality. If they finally come out of the closet, no one will even pretend to be surprised. Often played for laughs. "
[www.stevecap.com image 200x253][www.gilligansisle.com image 640x426]


The Skipper, too? Say it isn't so!
Maynard G Krebs
 
2012-03-28 06:28:00 PM

Hot Carl To Go: Most people here seem to have known people that were obviously gay prior to them coming out. Is it better to try to talk to them before they spend many years living a stressful double life or let them admit it on their own? Maybe it would drive them deeper into denial/fear or whatever if they were asked, though. Any gay farkers want to chime in?



It's a very, very bad idea to ask someone directly if they're gay, outside of hypothetical scenarios such as needing that information to defuse a nuclear bomb or something. All you can do is convey as much "gay-friendliness" as you can. Make it clear that you would still love them/be their friend if they were. Never even hint that you think they might be gay. It's their right to tell you or not tell you in their own time and on their own terms, and putting them in a situation where they feel they have to either come out and tell you or lie is very bad.

The worst part of being in the closet is having to lie to people you care about. But being asked forces you to lie more, which adds to feelings of isolation and guilt.

The only time it's ok to out someone against their will, or even pose the question, is when they're saying or doing something especially homophobic which allows for a significant hypocrisy factory. We call that the George Rekers rule.

Disclaimer: I was outed in high school by a jilted lover. It sucked. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Maybe that's colored my take on things.

Just my personal opinion, ymmv, I'm sure other gay people would disagree, yadda yadda.
 
2012-03-28 06:32:57 PM
Is hating on Agile the hip thing to do now? Damned kids.
 
2012-03-28 06:33:21 PM
On the topic of 'our generation and younger doesn't give a shiat'...

We attended a party with a large number of friends, and along with me was my pre-teen cousin. A couple of older lesbians were being comfortable and hanging off one another; not kissing or holding hands but being close and cuddly.

At one point my cousin asked, "Those two women, they're not sisters, are they?" I told her, "No honey, they're lesbians." My cousin shrugged and said, "Okay, I figured." And that was it. No OMG EWW. Just 'Oh, okay.'

Nice sign for the future. Hope this trend continues.
 
2012-03-28 06:40:32 PM

reverendsaintjay: If we're not having sex, your sexuality is unimportant to me.


Bingo. Except I might add it may also matter if I *want* to have sex with you. If you're a lesbian and a guy starts hitting on you, best to let him know up front.
 
2012-03-28 06:41:39 PM

ryanecandyce: Seconded


Watch out, sister. I've had you farkied for a long time as someone I would accidentally if I were younger.
 
2012-03-28 06:41:58 PM

Supes: reverendsaintjay: If we're not having sex, your sexuality is unimportant to me.

Bingo. Except I might add it may also matter if I *want* to have sex with you. If you're a lesbian and a guy starts hitting on you, best to let him know up front.


Nah, she'll let you know after two or three drinks. The upside is, you have no gained a wing(wo)man for the rest of the night.
 
2012-03-28 06:43:57 PM
Link is wierd. All I saw were a rainbow of wieners and some were shooting.
 
2012-03-28 06:50:27 PM

ciberido: bobbette: What really makes you spot someone queer is usually attitude and how they interact with people. How they interact with you. For confirmation, ask what she's been reading/watching lately.

/99.999% accurate gaydar

Actually, scientific studies of gaydar indicate a lot of it comes from the person's face, especially the eyes, at least when other signs such as clothing, voice, and mannerisms are suppressed.


AFAIK those studies have mostly been about men though.
 
2012-03-28 06:50:34 PM

PonceAlyosha: Supes: reverendsaintjay: If we're not having sex, your sexuality is unimportant to me.

Bingo. Except I might add it may also matter if I *want* to have sex with you. If you're a lesbian and a guy starts hitting on you, best to let him know up front.

Nah, she'll let you know after two or three drinks. The upside is, you have no gained a wing(wo)man for the rest of the night.


was going to say, what's the rush to cancel a conversation? sometimes talking to people is its own end. and, you'll probably realize she's not that in to you, and then it doesn't matter what her sexuality is.

/ i have a lesbian friend. pretty much all of my single friends hit on her. she never realizes she's being hit on.
 
2012-03-28 06:52:59 PM

PonceAlyosha: hailin: Nothing is more awkward then having various guys you have known less then a few months sobbing on the phone to you asking why Tim dumped them. My only response was "What can I say? Sometimes Tim is a dick." Tim was always kind of a whore though.

...

fark YOU. Don't bring up my personal business in this thread.

/hopefully you're talking about some other Tim.


Awesome. I am going to picture you as Robin III now for all of time.
 
2012-03-28 06:57:29 PM

pute kisses like a man: PonceAlyosha: Supes: reverendsaintjay: If we're not having sex, your sexuality is unimportant to me.

Bingo. Except I might add it may also matter if I *want* to have sex with you. If you're a lesbian and a guy starts hitting on you, best to let him know up front.

Nah, she'll let you know after two or three drinks. The upside is, you have no gained a wing(wo)man for the rest of the night.

was going to say, what's the rush to cancel a conversation? sometimes talking to people is its own end. and, you'll probably realize she's not that in to you, and then it doesn't matter what her sexuality is.

/ i have a lesbian friend. pretty much all of my single friends hit on her. she never realizes she's being hit on.


It's not about cutting off conversation, just about how you approach the conversation. I'd rather know if I have a chance to get you in bed or not. Conversation is wonderful, but I won't bog it down with flirting if you're not into that.
 
2012-03-28 06:58:08 PM
So this is what passes for news eh? Well, at least its not another thread about Battle Royale with cheese.
 
2012-03-28 07:01:22 PM

Braindeath: PonceAlyosha: hailin: Nothing is more awkward then having various guys you have known less then a few months sobbing on the phone to you asking why Tim dumped them. My only response was "What can I say? Sometimes Tim is a dick." Tim was always kind of a whore though.

...

fark YOU. Don't bring up my personal business in this thread.

/hopefully you're talking about some other Tim.

Awesome. I am going to picture you as Robin III now for all of time.


Actually I'm an Indigo Tribesman but that's farking awesome too.
 
2012-03-28 07:01:58 PM

Jon iz teh kewl: Fun Fact; gay people can be hetero too (and not bi). But they usually end up in jail.
As rapists/pedophiels.


WTF does this even mean?
 
2012-03-28 07:02:23 PM

LovingTeacher: Jon iz teh kewl: Fun Fact; gay people can be hetero too (and not bi). But they usually end up in jail.
As rapists/pedophiels.

WTF does this even mean?


I M BAB AT TWOLLIWGN.
 
2012-03-28 07:03:53 PM

BumpInTheNight: So this is what passes for news eh? Well, at least its not another thread about Battle Royale with cheese.


The logo still says "It's not news, it's FARK.COM" on the mobile site.

/read the article, it's funny
 
2012-03-28 07:04:50 PM

Supes: reverendsaintjay: If we're not having sex, your sexuality is unimportant to me.

Bingo. Except I might add it may also matter if I *want* to have sex with you. If you're a lesbian and a guy starts hitting on you, best to let him know up front.



Not necessarily. Some guys take it as a challenge or an insult. Honestly, there is almost no way to tell a guy that you're not interested that is 100% guaranteed to work without pissing him off. Saying you're married won't always do it. Saying you're a lesbian is far from sure-fire as well. And if you don't tell him to fark off in a way that humiliates him or angers him, 5 minutes later you're a cock-tease.

Not to mention, I don't think I'd want to out myself to the entire bar every time some random stranger hit on me. And it's not my duty to explain to you why I'm not interested. My only obligation is to let you down with a reasonable effort at tact and quickness.

Hypothetical, since as a bisexual I don't normally get to disqualify anyone on the basis of their plumbing, but still.

I'm not exactly disagreeing with you. I'm just saying that there's no single perfect solution that works for everyone.
 
2012-03-28 07:06:32 PM

LovingTeacher: Jon iz teh kewl: Fun Fact; gay people can be hetero too (and not bi). But they usually end up in jail.
As rapists/pedophiels.

WTF does this even mean?


It means Jon iz teh kewl thinks paint chips are tasty.
 
2012-03-28 07:18:01 PM
I have a cousins who is married and both of them are Mormons. Normal, weird Mormon stuff or so I assumed. I don't really even know why they're Mormon since the rest of us are Christian (or nothing).

Anyways, a couple of years ago another family member sent me a link of them on youtube speaking at a workshop or conference about bi and gay Mormons and how they aren't accepted by the church. Apparently my cousin is married to a bi lady and (sadly for him) apparently he is not allowed to join in. He posted that nugget on Facebook shortly after that video. TMI, my friend, and sucks to be you!

Honestly I'm not sure what to make of them but hey, so long as they're happy it's not my place to judge.
 
2012-03-28 07:27:02 PM

Jon iz teh kewl: Fun Fact; gay people can be hetero too (and not bi). But they usually end up in jail.
As rapists/pedophiels.


Our public school system hard at work here, ladies and gents.
 
2012-03-28 07:29:42 PM

LovingTeacher: Jon iz teh kewl: Fun Fact; gay people can be hetero too (and not bi). But they usually end up in jail.
As rapists/pedophiels.

WTF does this even mean?


It means he's not quite ready to come out yet, but watch his Facebook page for updates.
 
2012-03-28 07:30:15 PM

ciberido: Supes: reverendsaintjay: If we're not having sex, your sexuality is unimportant to me.

Bingo. Except I might add it may also matter if I *want* to have sex with you. If you're a lesbian and a guy starts hitting on you, best to let him know up front.


Not necessarily. Some guys take it as a challenge or an insult. Honestly, there is almost no way to tell a guy that you're not interested that is 100% guaranteed to work without pissing him off. Saying you're married won't always do it. Saying you're a lesbian is far from sure-fire as well. And if you don't tell him to fark off in a way that humiliates him or angers him, 5 minutes later you're a cock-tease.

Not to mention, I don't think I'd want to out myself to the entire bar every time some random stranger hit on me. And it's not my duty to explain to you why I'm not interested. My only obligation is to let you down with a reasonable effort at tact and quickness.

Hypothetical, since as a bisexual I don't normally get to disqualify anyone on the basis of their plumbing, but still.

I'm not exactly disagreeing with you. I'm just saying that there's no single perfect solution that works for everyone.


Certainly all true. If only there was a perfect solution to these things.

Though honestly, guys should be able to take a hint.... it's a real problem according to girls I've talked to about it.
 
2012-03-28 07:39:03 PM
My family came from Provincetown, Mass (gay Disneyland) and I spent many summers there in my teens. My parents still have a summer home there that I love to take advantage of. As a straight male I have weapons grade "gaydar" and can tell if a preteen child is going to turn out a homosexual. My younger cousin probably 5 years old liked to vacuum wearing my grandmother's high heels, you guessed it, I knew it.
NTTAWWI
 
2012-03-28 07:39:48 PM

Supes: Though honestly, guys should be able to take a hint.... it's a real problem according to girls I've talked to about it.


Guy don't get hints. Positive OR negative.
 
2012-03-28 07:51:52 PM

bobbette: ciberido: bobbette: What really makes you spot someone queer is usually attitude and how they interact with people. How they interact with you. For confirmation, ask what she's been reading/watching lately.

/99.999% accurate gaydar

Actually, scientific studies of gaydar indicate a lot of it comes from the person's face, especially the eyes, at least when other signs such as clothing, voice, and mannerisms are suppressed.

AFAIK those studies have mostly been about men though.


That's because gay scientists are smart enough to bring the men to them.
 
2012-03-28 08:23:01 PM

HatMadeOfAss: bobbette: ciberido: bobbette: What really makes you spot someone queer is usually attitude and how they interact with people. How they interact with you. For confirmation, ask what she's been reading/watching lately.

/99.999% accurate gaydar

Actually, scientific studies of gaydar indicate a lot of it comes from the person's face, especially the eyes, at least when other signs such as clothing, voice, and mannerisms are suppressed.

AFAIK those studies have mostly been about men though.

That's because gay scientists are smart enough to bring the men to them.


I have a lot to learn.

/mostly brings the unconscious/clinically vegetative to him
//likes it that way????
///doesn't
 
2012-03-28 08:28:15 PM
Had a friend about five or six years ago that came out. He was part of a group of about 10 of us that had all know each other for over 10 years at that point. When he told us, it was really no big deal. We just knew him as "Mike" (not his real name). "Mike" was a little strange, but that was just "Mike". Occationally when we talked on the phone, I would mention that lady I was dating, and he would talk about the dude who pounded his ass the night before. No big deal.

The thing was he couldn't accept that it was no big deal to us. Three friends in particular were / are fairly religious. Their response to him was "You are our friend and we love you for who you are." It was as if he *wanted* a confrontation.......it was a little pathological, like he *needed* to lose a friend because he was gay. In retrospect I believe he wanted badly to have someone reject him as a way of suffering for his lifesyle.

Over the next two years we sorted drifted apart. He stopped inviting us to things he was doing. When we were invited, it was usually to "safe" events with his family. It was as if he now had two sets of friends: The "straight" friends and the "gay" friends, and never the two would meet. Eventually he defriended most of us from Facebook and blocked us from other social media sites.

I've talked with him about it. It hasn't been a good conversation.
I haven't thought about it much in the past 2 - 3 years because it is what it is, but it didn't have to be that way.

I miss my friend.
 
2012-03-28 08:34:25 PM

vudukungfu: BurnShrike:
You truly are my hero.

I got spoiled by her. Now when women offer me sex, I think. "look at her. Is her body better? Will she do anything at all to make you happy? Is she going to do wild and freaky things with you and then go to work and leave you alone and not bug you the next day?"


It's cute when boys think women are infatuated with them. Psst: Those imaginary women don't want to deal with you the next day, either. Or the day after that, or the day after that. You weren't that good, and they aren't that desperate. But you just keep thinking they do, honey. *pats head*
 
2012-03-28 08:36:10 PM

PonceAlyosha: Braindeath: PonceAlyosha: hailin: Nothing is more awkward then having various guys you have known less then a few months sobbing on the phone to you asking why Tim dumped them. My only response was "What can I say? Sometimes Tim is a dick." Tim was always kind of a whore though.

...

fark YOU. Don't bring up my personal business in this thread.

/hopefully you're talking about some other Tim.

Awesome. I am going to picture you as Robin III now for all of time.

Actually I'm an Indigo Tribesman but that's farking awesome too.


All gay Tims are defaulted to my favorite gay Tim. It's law. I can picture him wearing a purple loincloth if it helps.
 
2012-03-28 08:50:10 PM
My roommate in college suddenly walked into our dorm and started talking about a hot guy he met at the club. I asked if he said 'guy' and he said yeah (he had had girlfriends while I knew him) then left the room.

I told my gf (who was on the phone the whole time) 'I think my rommate just told me he's bi. Huh.' I was a little suprised but who cares?

When my other friend came out it was more 'Oh thank god. Your taste in women SUCKED!'
 
2012-03-28 08:53:23 PM

vudukungfu: ryanecandyce: Seconded

Watch out, sister. I've had you farkied for a long time as someone I would accidentally if I were younger.


:-) you got a colored girl blushing!
 
2012-03-28 08:56:30 PM

Oznog: ciberido: Headso: It's probably one of those cases where everyone already knew the guy was gay.

TV Tropes call this the "Transparent Closet."

"Everyone knows these characters are gay except the characters themselves. Any suggestion to the characters that they are gay is met with a too-emphatic statement of their heterosexuality. If they finally come out of the closet, no one will even pretend to be surprised. Often played for laughs. "

[www.stevecap.com image 200x253][www.gilligansisle.com image 640x426]


Gilligan was gay?
 
2012-03-28 09:00:51 PM

Jument: I have a cousins who is married and both of them are Mormons. Normal, weird Mormon stuff or so I assumed. I don't really even know why they're Mormon since the rest of us are Christian (or nothing).

Anyways, a couple of years ago another family member sent me a link of them on youtube speaking at a workshop or conference about bi and gay Mormons and how they aren't accepted by the church. Apparently my cousin is married to a bi lady and (sadly for him) apparently he is not allowed to join in. He posted that nugget on Facebook shortly after that video. TMI, my friend, and sucks to be you!

Honestly I'm not sure what to make of them but hey, so long as they're happy it's not my place to judge.


So he's got two wives?
 
2012-03-28 09:02:30 PM

Supes: ciberido: Supes: reverendsaintjay: If we're not having sex, your sexuality is unimportant to me.

Bingo. Except I might add it may also matter if I *want* to have sex with you. If you're a lesbian and a guy starts hitting on you, best to let him know up front.


Not necessarily. Some guys take it as a challenge or an insult. Honestly, there is almost no way to tell a guy that you're not interested that is 100% guaranteed to work without pissing him off. Saying you're married won't always do it. Saying you're a lesbian is far from sure-fire as well. And if you don't tell him to fark off in a way that humiliates him or angers him, 5 minutes later you're a cock-tease.

Not to mention, I don't think I'd want to out myself to the entire bar every time some random stranger hit on me. And it's not my duty to explain to you why I'm not interested. My only obligation is to let you down with a reasonable effort at tact and quickness.

Hypothetical, since as a bisexual I don't normally get to disqualify anyone on the basis of their plumbing, but still.

I'm not exactly disagreeing with you. I'm just saying that there's no single perfect solution that works for everyone.

Certainly all true. If only there was a perfect solution to these things.

Though honestly, guys should be able to take a hint.... it's a real problem according to girls I've talked to about it.


Guys, like me, don't want hints. We want absolute answers. We want, "yes, I'll fark you tonight." or "no, I don't want to fark you tonight." We don't want namby-pamby, "let's talk some more" or "want to get to know you some more" BS.
 
2012-03-28 09:06:54 PM

ryanecandyce: :-) you got a colored girl blushing!


Sweet. See you at the county fair!
 
2012-03-28 09:11:30 PM

ryanecandyce: :-) you got a colored girl blushing!


//checks OK cupid
/has the weirdest boner right now.
 
2012-03-28 09:13:33 PM

dericwater: Jument: I have a cousins who is married and both of them are Mormons. Normal, weird Mormon stuff or so I assumed. I don't really even know why they're Mormon since the rest of us are Christian (or nothing).

Anyways, a couple of years ago another family member sent me a link of them on youtube speaking at a workshop or conference about bi and gay Mormons and how they aren't accepted by the church. Apparently my cousin is married to a bi lady and (sadly for him) apparently he is not allowed to join in. He posted that nugget on Facebook shortly after that video. TMI, my friend, and sucks to be you!

Honestly I'm not sure what to make of them but hey, so long as they're happy it's not my place to judge.

So he's got two wives?


Nope. As I understand it, she gets the benefits and he gets... well... nada. It seems a little unfair, honestly. I couldn't do it but I guess he's ok with it.
 
2012-03-28 09:45:49 PM

vudukungfu: ryanecandyce: :-) you got a colored girl blushing!

//checks OK cupid
/has the weirdest boner right now.


:-) I lol'd
 
2012-03-28 09:47:33 PM

Hot Carl To Go: Craptastic: Reminds me of a friend who got a bunch of us together at a quiet bar to come out. We're drinking and goofing off like we normally do, and he blurts out "Guys, I'm gay. You're my best friends, and I've been wanting to tell you for a long time."

Then a few seconds of silence... Then uproarious laughter.

He was mortified at our reaction until I explained "John, we've known you for 20 years, and for 20 years we've also known that you were gay. It's just funny that you waited so long to admit it."

"You all knew?"

"Yeah. We've always known. Here, drink up, buddy."

Then we drank more and goofed off more like we normally do. The only sad thing was that he felt it was necessary to not trust the group that had known & loved him since 9th grade.

Most people here seem to have known people that were obviously gay prior to them coming out. Is it better to try to talk to them before they spend many years living a stressful double life or let them admit it on their own? Maybe it would drive them deeper into denial/fear or whatever if they were asked, though. Any gay farkers want to chime in?


I've kinda suspected that my sister might be lesbian or bi for a while, but the one time I brought it up resulted in very vehement denials on her part so I have no idea which is better. We were drinking at the time so she blamed my question on being drunk, I think.

/she was obviously drooling over Kristan Stewart in Twilight
//yes, we get drunk watching the Twilight movies MST3K-style
 
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