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Dick Cheney's heart plant surgery, Bob Uecker's statue juuust a bit outside of Miller Park, and a special report from Trevor McSmokingballs: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 3/18 - 3/24 
Posted by Unfreakable at 2012-03-27 7:17:48 PM (10 comments) | Permalink

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2990 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Mar 2012 at 7:57 PM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Thought this was posted yesterday, but hit a snag with the code. A few Tebow-related headlines from the sports tab aren't here because they're context headlines, but I've saved them separately, so you don't have to worry about them being missed.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2012-03-18 to Sat 2012-03-24:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Does the new iPad have a heat problem? Trevor McSmokingballs gives us some answers    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Karaoke singer gets drunk, strips, knocks out manager after customers complain. Or, as we call it in Florida, a night at Applebee's    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Drug resistant "white plague" spreading. Victims reportedly develop fevers, and urges to listen to Pat Boone, wear socks with sandals, argue about the designated hitter rule    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Body found in North Pole snowbank, police checking naughty list for missing persons    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Tonight at 10: Some washed up TV actor hates gays, and Kim Kardashian takes offense at being called stupid. 46Iraqisdiedinexplosions. NEXT, on Toddlers and Tiaras: Will Honey Boo Boo Child beat Neglected Naomi?    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Welsh sheep are no longer radioactive, the government announces, which is good news for locals who will no longer have to explain why their crotches are glowing    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Safeway will no longer sell "pink slime" beef products. Gray holographic shimmering pork still available    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  I know a guy. He'll break into homes. He obscures the peepholes. So the resident can't see. But he doesn't use butter. He doesn't use cheese. He doesn't use jelly. Or any of these    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Joshua Tree employees stricken by unknown illness. Hazmat teams conduct search for cause, but they still haven't found what they're looking for    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Barack Obama meets Hawaiian women on the rope line while campaigning, asks to see her birth certificate. Barack Obama, president, statesmen, King of the Trolls    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Dick Cheney in recovery after heart plant surgery    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Sports:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Brewers to honor Bob Uecker with statue just a bit outside of Miller Park    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Tebow must wait three days before his ascension to the Jets    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  ♫They say that Chipper, Chipper, ♪ tore his meniscus. ♫ Now you will see, ♪ he needs surgery ♫  


Geek:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Dr. Ur identifies ancient sites in modern Syria and Iran thru satellite imagery, will continue looking this Sumer    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Two in the pink: OS to support retina displays. One in the stink: It's Windows 8    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Were you thinking: "If only someone could combine the raw, macho, allure of a Segway with the sleek sex appeal of a Rascal scooter"? Well then, today is your lucky day, you freak    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Entertainment:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Richard Gere regrets Pretty Woman because it glorifies bankers. Hookers are cool though    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Founder of C-SPAN stepping down as CEO. Has plans to start another similarly exciting network tentatively called The Paint Drying Channel    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Drug charges against El DeBarge dropped after he tells police who Johnny is    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Politics:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Arizona GOP legislator says women should have to watch an abortion before having one, though the state doesn't currently have the funds to buy that many "According to Jim" DVDs    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Obama uses ASL to communicate with a deaf man. GOP immediately attacks him for not speaking English    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Rod Blagojevich's hair will turn gray while he's in prison, hopes his new cellmate is not there just for men    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Business:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Italian-Thai to issue 1.68 billion new shares, promote mouthwatering fusion cuisine    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  And I said "What about increased sales at Tiffany's?"    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Remember when Iceland discovered investment banking and totally screwed that up? Well, now they've discovered cloud computing. You can see where this is heading    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]
· · ·
(view entire blog)


10 Comments   (+0 »)
   
 
2012-03-27 07:45:44 PM  
There were a few that were kept for the Context headline of the year contest, but the one's you'll likely ask about are:

- Religious zealot set to take down Jets in New York City
- God to replace Jesus in Denver
 
2012-03-27 08:36:16 PM  
Needs moar "Nabokov signs one-year extension, has a seat right over there"
 
2012-03-27 08:55:20 PM  
Yay, my stupid Flaming Lips headline made it!

/yay
 
2012-03-27 08:55:25 PM  

Unfreakable: There were a few that were kept for the Context headline of the year contest, but the one's you'll likely ask about are:

- Religious zealot set to take down Jets in New York City
- God to replace Jesus in Denver


Just proud to get my first honorable mention.
 
2012-03-27 09:09:00 PM  

Unfreakable: There were a few that were kept for the Context headline of the year contest, but the one's you'll likely ask about are:

- Religious zealot set to take down Jets in New York City
- God to replace Jesus in Denver


I don't even watch football or ESPN, yet I know who both "God" and "Jesus" are in those headlines. I think simply being in the Sports section is enough context for the readers of that section to "get it".
 
2012-03-27 09:33:27 PM  
Dick Cheney has a heart?
 
2012-03-27 09:54:34 PM  

sn82: Dick Cheney has a heart?


He does now.

thatsthejoke.jpg
 
2012-03-27 10:53:45 PM  
Saw the heart plant joke on Jon Stewart. Laughed at that too.
 
2012-03-27 11:50:29 PM  

Mr_Ectomy: Needs moar "Nabokov signs one-year extension, has a seat right over there"


I think that's this week, but if not, QFT
 
2012-03-28 02:29:25 PM  
Votes for:

Joshua Tree
Chipper
2 Pink/1 Stink
 
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