Bungles: Esc7: Tigger: The Lords of the Rings: The Return of the King "nicely capture America as it was and as it is

Written by a Brit, inspired by his life in Africa and study of Anglo-Saxon, and a warning about totalitarian evil. WTF has it got to do with America?

I'm going to be as serious as I can for a minute right now, even though that whole magazine is LULZ.

Conservatives have a hard on for LOTR because it's a story about "Good" kicking the SHIAT out of Evil.

This appeals to so many facets of their psychology over liberals psychology. Where do I begin?

The story alludes to their own power/victim fantasy, where their ideology is facing down ultimate evil (Obama/Soros/libslibslibs). They win (naturally) and do it by kicking the shiat out of the others. Authoritarian belief systems derive greater pleasure out of violent conflict resolution. Did I mention that all the heros are white and the enemies are dark skinned? That's just a serendipity. What really rubs them the right way is how the conflict is framed. The good guys are stalwart bastions of ancient civilizations. They are defending the status quo. And they're defending it against a perfect enemy, one that is BY DEFINITION wrong. There is no hesitation, no gray areas, Sauron and his ilk are pure evil for the reason of being pure evil and exterminating any of his lackeys is 100% good. This sort of un-nuanced thinking is perfect for an uncritical mind, and reinforces that the world is black and white.



It's also packed to the brim with a never-mentioned homoeroticism, and no-one ever has to have actual yucky sex with a women. In fact, the only woman in it is the Thatcher-like sexless pseudo-woman of Galadriel, who can be lusted after without any actual fear of it turning into something naked.



lolwut?

Sock Ruh Tease: [i.imgur.com image 286x444]

Well, I know what I'm doing tonight...

"My Life as a Gay Republican Teen" by Marc B.

A Marcus Bachmann chapter would be awesome.

... sweaty, exhausted and raw we prayed to be freed from the curse of gayness, for a little while at least, ...

You are Borg: bobbette: Oh, this is nothing compared to Focus on the Family's teen magazines.

This used to actually exist (it ceased publication in 2008):

[lisafoiles.com image 450x604]



Yes - the Focus on the Family magazine for teen girls. The articles were all Jesus, Jesus, learn to cook so you can be a great homemaker, go to Bible college to meet your Prince Charming (who obviously will be a pastor one day, but has a cool side because he listens to Christian rock), live every day for Christ, here are 20 reasons why you should be praying in school RIGHT NOW, that is, if you're not one of the lucky girls who is homeschooled.

If you were a teen girl who grew up in a religious right environment, you probably had a stack of these.

I grew up in a super Christian household and have, thankfully, never heard of that magazine. Spending every damn Sunday from 8am until noon stuck in church was much, much worse.

Yeah but have you ever been to church on WEED?



/seriously, it might have made it more bearable!

Sabyen91: bobbette: Sabyen91: Curse of the Goth Kids: DeltaPunch: Shaggy_C: Most Conservative teens are beyond their years in maturity and can already handle reading adult political literature.

LOLLLL you're a riot. What a conservative teen may look like:

[gawker.com image 269x351]

When "adult political literature" consists of puerile crap like Ann Coulter and "American Thinker," I can totally see where Shaggy is coming from there.

Shut yo mouth.

[www.jewishworldreview.com image 640x202]

That's actually kind of hilarious although in incredibly bad taste...

Hmm, I guess I will have to take your word for it. It seems like a non-sequitur to use D and C.

D&C sounds like DNC. If anyone didn't get the reference, a D&C is a type of abortion procedure (dilation and curettage.) I think my finding it funny is just because it's ludicrously offensive and stupid.

dababler: Felgraf: So, they're asking for submissions.

....

....
Should we help?

OMFG yes!

This sounds like a job for!.....................Mike_Lowell!

bobbette: Sabyen91: bobbette: Sabyen91: Curse of the Goth Kids: DeltaPunch: Shaggy_C: Most Conservative teens are beyond their years in maturity and can already handle reading adult political literature.

LOLLLL you're a riot. What a conservative teen may look like:

[gawker.com image 269x351]

When "adult political literature" consists of puerile crap like Ann Coulter and "American Thinker," I can totally see where Shaggy is coming from there.

Shut yo mouth.

[www.jewishworldreview.com image 640x202]

That's actually kind of hilarious although in incredibly bad taste...

Hmm, I guess I will have to take your word for it. It seems like a non-sequitur to use D and C.

D&C sounds like DNC. If anyone didn't get the reference, a D&C is a type of abortion procedure (dilation and curettage.) I think my finding it funny is just because it's ludicrously offensive and stupid.

Yeah, that is what I mean. Humor depends on continuity. The D and C thing has zero to do with what they are talking about. It is out of the blue and there is no point to bringing it up.

/Am I asking too much out of a comic strip? I suppose they at least told a joke (unlike Mallard Fillmore). A joke that had zero context but a joke, nonetheless.

You are Borg: bobbette: Oh, this is nothing compared to Focus on the Family's teen magazines.

This used to actually exist (it ceased publication in 2008):

[lisafoiles.com image 450x604]



Yes - the Focus on the Family magazine for teen girls. The articles were all Jesus, Jesus, learn to cook so you can be a great homemaker, go to Bible college to meet your Prince Charming (who obviously will be a pastor one day, but has a cool side because he listens to Christian rock), live every day for Christ, here are 20 reasons why you should be praying in school RIGHT NOW, that is, if you're not one of the lucky girls who is homeschooled.

If you were a teen girl who grew up in a religious right environment, you probably had a stack of these.

I grew up in a super Christian household and have, thankfully, never heard of that magazine. Spending every damn Sunday from 8am until noon stuck in church was much, much worse.

I read it as a teen. Thinking back it's kinda strange that I had a subscription because my parents aren't the crazy type of Christian. I can only assume that my grandmother was paying for it. Wish she had gotten me Horse and Rider instead, to be honest.

It was articles about religiously appropriate fashion, Christian music (and not the good kind*) keeping your virginity and not having abortions. I wrote a question to their advice column about homosexuality (at the time I really loved Mercedes Lackey's Magical Talking White Horses series, which has some gay and lesbian characters) which was never answered.

I didn't realized that it was published by Focus on the Family, but I'm not surprised.

/* I like these guys (new window)

This is why talk radio works so well for 'conservatives' today. It is not about free thinking, it is about being programmed.

With the social conservatives adding religion to politics, I understand why it is taking this creepy cult feel onboard.

/Real conservatives were Liberterians before 2008.

Meh, who cares.

Sabyen91: bobbette: Sabyen91: bobbette: Sabyen91: Curse of the Goth Kids: DeltaPunch: Shaggy_C: Most Conservative teens are beyond their years in maturity and can already handle reading adult political literature.

LOLLLL you're a riot. What a conservative teen may look like:

[gawker.com image 269x351]

When "adult political literature" consists of puerile crap like Ann Coulter and "American Thinker," I can totally see where Shaggy is coming from there.

Shut yo mouth.

[www.jewishworldreview.com image 640x202]

That's actually kind of hilarious although in incredibly bad taste...

Hmm, I guess I will have to take your word for it. It seems like a non-sequitur to use D and C.

D&C sounds like DNC. If anyone didn't get the reference, a D&C is a type of abortion procedure (dilation and curettage.) I think my finding it funny is just because it's ludicrously offensive and stupid.

Yeah, that is what I mean. Humor depends on continuity. The D and C thing has zero to do with what they are talking about. It is out of the blue and there is no point to bringing it up.

/Am I asking too much out of a comic strip? I suppose they at least told a joke (unlike Mallard Fillmore). A joke that had zero context but a joke, nonetheless.

Let me give it a shot. See, Dean is saying "D and C" when he should be saying "DNC", and he doesn't care, because he is a libtard monster that kills babies like all libtards. In addition, it highlights the insanity of libtards wanting a licensed MD, who could perform abortions, in the White House. I think the last comma in the previous sentence is generous. Anyways, he clearly hates all babies like all libtards, and it is no coincidence that DNC sounds like D and C and the libtards don't even care because they all love killing babies.

Try to see it less as "ha-ha" funny, and more along the lines of "demented authoritarian with a persecution complex" funny.

I started looking through the actual magazine and found this:

"If you're reading this magazine, you already taken the first step forward--to get educated. As this column continues, I'll look at specific issues and why the conservative way is the best way. It's my hope that it will help you as you discuss and debate with friends and teachers."

And yet, it's the evil liberals who have an "agenda," who are hell-bent on forcing their way of life on the poor deluded populace who are being brainwashed by the media (in this story) and the forces of liberalism.

Mixolydian Master: Bungles: Esc7: Tigger: The Lords of the Rings: The Return of the King "nicely capture America as it was and as it is

Written by a Brit, inspired by his life in Africa and study of Anglo-Saxon, and a warning about totalitarian evil. WTF has it got to do with America?

I'm going to be as serious as I can for a minute right now, even though that whole magazine is LULZ.

Conservatives have a hard on for LOTR because it's a story about "Good" kicking the SHIAT out of Evil.

This appeals to so many facets of their psychology over liberals psychology. Where do I begin?

The story alludes to their own power/victim fantasy, where their ideology is facing down ultimate evil (Obama/Soros/libslibslibs). They win (naturally) and do it by kicking the shiat out of the others. Authoritarian belief systems derive greater pleasure out of violent conflict resolution. Did I mention that all the heros are white and the enemies are dark skinned? That's just a serendipity. What really rubs them the right way is how the conflict is framed. The good guys are stalwart bastions of ancient civilizations. They are defending the status quo. And they're defending it against a perfect enemy, one that is BY DEFINITION wrong. There is no hesitation, no gray areas, Sauron and his ilk are pure evil for the reason of being pure evil and exterminating any of his lackeys is 100% good. This sort of un-nuanced thinking is perfect for an uncritical mind, and reinforces that the world is black and white.



It's also packed to the brim with a never-mentioned homoeroticism, and no-one ever has to have actual yucky sex with a women. In fact, the only woman in it is the Thatcher-like sexless pseudo-woman of Galadriel, who can be lusted after without any actual fear of it turning into something naked.

[www.moviewallpaper.net image 640x512]

lolwut?



Arwen is in the book about the same amount as Peasant Number 4.

Sock Ruh Tease: [i.imgur.com image 286x444]

Well, I know what I'm doing tonight...

"My Life as a Gay Republican Teen" by Marc B.

I think you mean "My Life as a Totally Not Ghey Teen Republican". I'm sure there should be lots of scenes in the change rooms where absolutely nothing ever happened, except maybe some mild horse-play. There certainly would be no discussion of girls, because they're gross, and not a proper topic for Not-ghey republican teens to discuss. I think Newt might have to make a cameo (does anyone have a definition for this word?).

Cheers.

I have something written up, but it's garbage. Should I send it in? Oh God.

bobbette: D&C sounds like DNC. If anyone didn't get the reference, a D&C is a type of abortion procedure (dilation and curettage.) I think my finding it funny is just because it's ludicrously offensive and stupid.

An aside: I remember coming home from boot camp on leave, and telling my mom and girlfriend about my education in D&C. They both said "What?!", and I talked about my issues with Drill & Ceremony. I said "why? What did you think I meant?" and mom just said, "oh, it's a woman thing."

Took me awhile to figure that one out.

Racist?

born_yesterday: Let me give it a shot. See, Dean is saying "D and C" when he should be saying "DNC", and he doesn't care, because he is a libtard monster that kills babies like all libtards. In addition, it highlights the insanity of libtards wanting a licensed MD, who could perform abortions, in the White House. I think the last comma in the previous sentence is generous. Anyways, he clearly hates all babies like all libtards, and it is no coincidence that DNC sounds like D and C and the libtards don't even care because they all love killing babies.

Try to see it less as "ha-ha" funny, and more along the lines of "demented authoritarian with a persecution complex" funny.

Huh, I guess that NY Times piece about how liberals don't understand conservatives really IS true. Thank you for your service of twisting all logic and understanding the conservative mind.

/The abyss is coming for your ass.

vartian: [i40.tinypic.com image 430x261]

Must be more of that Conservative Humor I don't get.

It's funny because apparently our freedoms aren't self-evident and given by a Creator, but rather by having a gigantic military. Because everybody who isn't one of us will take those rights away because...um......WHY ARE YOU QUESTIONING, YOU COMMIE??

The conservative mindset is so pathetic and sad that it's easy to see why this magazine is made. This is the ideology of the fearful old who don't want others to live a life they couldn't.

Cats_Lie: [i39.tinypic.com image 322x185]

Racist?

If it is, then I'd say it's bigoted against Americans, by making us look stupid and making Asians and Indians look smart and studious.

heinekenftw: Cats_Lie: [i39.tinypic.com image 322x185]

Racist?

If it is, then I'd say it's bigoted against Americans, by making us look stupid and making Asians and Indians look smart and studious.

i guess because the american has the ipod made in china? and the hat made in india?

// also Who the Fark spells out LOL!??????

"What really motivates Barack Obama is an inherited rage--an often masked, but profound rage that comes from his African father; an anti-colonist rage against Western dominance, and most especially against the wealth and power of the very nation Barack Obama now leads."

You can't make this stuff up. THE ANGRY NEGRO IS COMING TO GET US.

Page 9: Too many of our libertarian, limited government friends side with these elites, thinking an "anything goes" mentality will have little affect on our society.

Good thing these kids have "taken the first step forward--to get educated."

This shiat is hilarious. Some group with actual talent is trolling conservatives. No way they'd make themselves out to be this stupid on purpose.

I think that guy on the cover would like to apply a liberal amount of lube on his meat hammer and create some santorum.

Mentat: cryinoutloud: "What really motivates Barack Obama is an inherited rage--an often masked, but profound rage that comes from his African father; an anti-colonist rage against Western dominance, and most especially against the wealth and power of the very nation Barack Obama now leads."

You can't make this stuff up. THE ANGRY NEGRO IS COMING TO GET US.

Damn anti-colonials!

LAUGH OUT LOUD!

/ because its funny right?

Bungles:
It's also packed to the brim with a never-mentioned homoeroticism,

Hmm. The main characters are, at least going by the movie renditions:
--An adventuring but otherwise normal and masculine man (Aragorn)
--An old man who still has a potent staff (Gandalf)
--A willowy, somewhat effeminate "elf" who can nonetheless win in an ass-kicking contest, and outstanding with a shaft in his hand (Legolas)
--An even more manly man's man, save for his stature. But hairiness, problem solving via axe, and undue confidence in his drinking ability? Check check and check. (Gimli)
--A few little boys. (the hobbitses. Small and chubby in stature, beardless, immature of mind, go around barefoot. Leave out the fact that their feet are oversized and hairy, there's gotta be SOME decoy.)

...you don't say?

the_freelance: Why the Unborn Need Our Protection

Because YOU Won't Take It in the Pooper, MISSY!

Link (new window)

Written by... Peter S. Sprigg? Come ON, parody people, at least take the names seriously...

oh. OH. okay. (new window)

I'm so sorry, my fault entirely, I just assumed.

Boxcutta: [i.imgur.com image 539x329]

Get it? Obama's sad because he's eliminating the People and making it a government of the by the for the ple. It's a powerful commentary, really.

WUT?! Why is Obama a sad hound-dog in this panel? Shouldn't he be cackling gleefully or grinning like a devil or something that might underline the point the cartoonist is trying to make? Whatever that point might be.

Conservative humour is completely inept.

cryinoutloud: "What really motivates Barack Obama George Washington is an inherited rage--an often masked, but profound rage that comes from his African American father; an anti-colonist rage against Western European dominance, and most especially against the wealth and power of the very nation Barack Obama now leads George Washington's family came from."

FTFBritish

MOAR WHITE CHRISTIAN BAYBEEZ!

additionally, what the everloving f*ck.

Although the Constitution vests legislative powers in Congress, the majority of "laws" today are promulgated in the form of "regulations" by bureaucrats (bureaucrat: a person of the government who does everything according to the rules of that government) who are mostly unaccountable and invisible to the public.

I'll be honest with you, I had to look up the definition of "promulgated", even though it wasn't as abstruse as "bureaucrat" or "cameo". Also, their definition of bureaucrat seems like what we should actually want out of our government. Do they not understand how the word is typically used, or do they think a good congressman doesn't let himself be bounded by the so-called "laws" of the government he's a part of?

Felgraf: So, they're asking for submissions.

....

....
Should we help?

Dear Conservative Teen,

I always thought the stories in your magazine were made up until this happened to me. I was in the men's restroom in the basement of the Capitol building when a man approached me from behind. He roughly grabbed my waist in a hug that was part gentle but which also let me know that he was in control. I tried to turn around but he kept his grip, planting soft kisses on my neck. Even without looking, I knew the identity of my sudden liaison. The masculine musk of tears and spray-on tan gave him away.

"Can we finish this in my office?", he purred, nuzzling my neck with his generous wattle.

I reached back to caress his large "stimulus package", which was already suffering from the kind of inflation that usually gets blamed on the Democrats.

"No", I replied. "Let's do it here".

"Ooooooooo.....the full Larry Craig experience", he squealed, taking my hand and leading me to an empty toilet stall....

It was a ten minutes that neither of us will ever forget.

buckler: Ha. HAWW. Ahahahaha! AAAAAAAAhahahahahahaah! HOO HOO! Aha...aha...AAAAAAAhahahahahahaha!

Oh, man...those guys...My stomach's gonna be hurting for DAYS!

Wait, I thought Michelle Obama was an evil socialist for trying to keep kids from getting morbidly obese.

Ten years ago conservatives kept me enraged. Now, they are keeping me entertained. Poe's law is like a wonderful gift.

Lucky LaRue: I anticipate dozens of subscriptions for this magazine.

By the parents of teens.

Son, it's time we had a little talk... and by that I mean, I think you should read this magazine... since you can't seem to be bothered to read any of the bibles I bought you... you irresponsible, probably gay, hippie, sinner.

Did we learn nothing from the failures of "teen" versions of publications as popular as Cosmopolitan and People? And those covered topics that teenagers care about (celebrities, fashion, fluff).

Who is the target audience for this magazine? Do the publishers realize that those teenagers Josh Lyman and Toby Ziegler ran into in BFE Indiana were fictional characters?

HotWingConspiracy: ...In light of Fox reading GOP press releases verbatim and saying it's a piece.

I enjoyed that as well. They say a conservative is a liberal who's been mugged; I say a conservative is a person from whom all self-awareness has been stripped.

vartian: [i40.tinypic.com image 430x261]

Must be more of that Conservative Humor I don't get.

What the fark?? I'm so farking pissed at seeing that I can't even express it properly right now (i'm being serious)

/dead troops is farking FUNNY??!!