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(Wonkette)   Ladies & Gentlemen I present to your left a review and links to the hot new magazine "Conservative Teen" & to your right a column of "wtfamireading. jpg" pics   (wonkette.com) divider line 330
    More: Asinine, TCT, Fox Business News, Fun Fun Fun, Media Research Center, culture wars, Abercrombie, invasion of Iraq, George Mason  
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8715 clicks; posted to Politics » on 26 Mar 2012 at 6:12 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-03-26 06:24:23 PM
This is an Onion article, right?
 
2012-03-26 06:24:37 PM
And I thought "George" is the worst idea for a political magazine to ever actually get made.
 
2012-03-26 06:24:47 PM
This is begging for a Photoshop contest.
 
2012-03-26 06:25:05 PM
If you are teenaged and embracing conservatism, you're doing it wrong.

WAY wrong.
 
2012-03-26 06:25:30 PM
www.lolriot.com
The centerfold?
 
2012-03-26 06:25:34 PM
Wow, a cartoon on education that paints the target audience idiots, a book review of "The Terrorist Next Door: How the Government is Deceiving You About the Islamist" and a request for submissions. Can't wait for issue #2.
 
2012-03-26 06:25:44 PM
HELP US FIGHT LIBERAL MEDIA BIAS!!!

Declaring that you're fighting bias on the left/right intrinsically means that you have no problem with bias on the opposite side. Remember back in the day when bias of any kind was a bad thing? Hell, the Fox News slogan "fair and balanced" is a throwback to those halcyon days. Thanks to the "team" mentality fostered by today's toxic, polarized, and partisan political environment, we've gotten to the point where people from each side embrace bias.

F*ckin' nuts, it is.
 
2012-03-26 06:25:45 PM
PS:

I wonder if they have their own version of "Goofus and Gallant", except that Gallant is a bleeding heart liberal who tries to feed the homeless and gets raped in the soup kitchen, whereas Conservative Goofus prefers to just set fire to sleeping hobos and record it on his iPhone.
 
2012-03-26 06:25:51 PM
FTFA: And of course, because the titular reader of this magazine doesn't know anything because they are home-schooled in a patient manner, the articles in The Conservative Teen are written by grownups, who all happen to be involved with either The Heritage Foundation, Fox Business News, the Family Research Council or the Media Research Center. Fun fun fun!

Gee whiz! That does sound like a walloping good read! Can I get it on my Kindle, so I can take it with me when I go to the strip clubs and whorehouses?
 
2012-03-26 06:26:19 PM
When I get my tax cut (tax cut: a reduction in taxes), I'm buying myself a 1985 Cameo with chrome (chrome: a thin layer of shiny stuff that goes on metal) exhaust (exhaust: what comes out of a liberal's butthole) and flame decals.
 
2012-03-26 06:27:13 PM
Gotta be satire.

Right?!?!
 
2012-03-26 06:28:38 PM
"An Oscar Take On The Culture War," argues that Oscar-winning films Ben-Hur, Titanic WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY JAMES CAMERON and The Lords of the Rings: The Return of the King "nicely capture America as it was and as it is

So America was, and is:

A fictional story set in Jerusalem 2000 years ago,

A fictional story set in a ship that left England 100 years ago and sank before reaching the US, and

A fictional story set in a fantasy alternate reality.

That's America, all right! Any questions, kids?
 
2012-03-26 06:28:39 PM

hubiestubert: Lando Lincoln: Getting more and more cult-like every goddamn day.

What kills me, is that is exactly the mentality. Nothing can be introduced that is in conflict with that particular world view. Anything that does conflict HAS to be the work of the godless Liberals. Even if it happens to be other Republicans and Conservatives, they aren't REAL Conservatives if they don't follow that particular mindset, and if they don't follow it, they're just SHEEP for the Liberal Media, Godless Communists, Evil Socialists, Trade Unionists, or Lying Feminazis, or whatever appellation is popular that week. It ALL, of course, ties in with the CONSPIRACY to subvert GOOD AMERICAN VALUES with LIES.

If you don't follow their views, you're a dupe for the conspiracy, and if you do, then you're a FREETHINKER.

It is pretty gottverdammt disgusting to watch, because they wave a flag in front of all this tripe and try to call it freedom.

Freedom to put on blinders. Freedom to subvert nation and party. Freedom to hand over any actual thought on issues. Freedom to submit. It is the exact opposite of any sort of Conservatism as I was taught, and it is the exact opposite of any good Republicanism as I was taught, but then again, good Conservatives and actual thinkers are being actively discouraged at this point...


How I wish you were in my family instead of the legion of Fox News viewers I have to deal with.
 
2012-03-26 06:29:05 PM

Philip Francis Queeg: TheBeastOfYuccaFlats: vartian: TheBeastOfYuccaFlats: vartian: [i40.tinypic.com image 430x261]

Must be more of that Conservative Humor I don't get.

What in the hell...?

Page 12.

I like how that explanation of how the US government came into being leaves out anything that isn't British or very narrowly defined Christianity.

Nothing like selective history teaching to make new, misinformed Conservatives.

And of course slavery is never mentioned.


No, they mentioned ObamaCare. AMIRIGHT, PEOPLE?!
 
2012-03-26 06:29:14 PM

El Pachuco: "An Oscar Take On The Culture War," argues that Oscar-winning films Ben-Hur, Titanic WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY JAMES CAMERON and The Lords of the Rings: The Return of the King "nicely capture America as it was and as it is

So America was, and is:

A fictional story set in Jerusalem 2000 years ago,

A fictional story set in a ship that left England 100 years ago and sank before reaching the US, and

A fictional story set in a fantasy alternate reality.

That's America, all right! Any questions, kids?


img404.imageshack.us
 
2012-03-26 06:29:29 PM

flaEsq: The coverkids make a fine bright and shiny couple.


I thought as much at first glance, but you missed a sinister detail. The young man in the photograph is wearing a hoodie, so he probably deserves a bullet.
 
2012-03-26 06:29:47 PM
61 comments and I'm the first? Geez, y'all are slacking.

i3.kym-cdn.com
 
2012-03-26 06:29:56 PM
Oh god, the back page.

This is the best day since they released that three bubbled "road to recovery chart".
 
2012-03-26 06:31:20 PM
IT'S NOT INDOCTRINATION WHEN WE DO IT!
\0/
|
/ \
 
2012-03-26 06:31:20 PM

TheBeastOfYuccaFlats: I like how that explanation of how the US government came into being leaves out anything that isn't British or very narrowly defined Christianity.

Nothing like selective history teaching to make new, misinformed Conservatives.


In other words, neoconservatives.
 
2012-03-26 06:31:27 PM
So, they're asking for submissions.

....

....
Should we help?
 
2012-03-26 06:31:40 PM
I have too much respect for my braincells to read that.
 
2012-03-26 06:31:42 PM
No.

Just no.

This is, as others have said in this thread, an Onion piece, yes?

Please?

No?

Oh.

*eats bullet*
 
2012-03-26 06:32:13 PM
27.media.tumblr.com


dafuq am I reading?
 
2012-03-26 06:33:09 PM

vartian: [i40.tinypic.com image 430x261]

Must be more of that Conservative Humor I don't get.


That's... I mean... there's something deeply wrong with that. Not the cartoon, but the "Laugh out loud!" thing on the side. I'll charitably chalk it up to terrible editing, because otherwise it makes me consider a train of conservative thought I find offensive and frightening.
 
2012-03-26 06:34:02 PM
img97.imageshack.us
 
2012-03-26 06:34:26 PM
You know that feeling you get when you put a plastic bag over your head and seal it shut?

No?

Well now you do.
 
2012-03-26 06:34:45 PM
So happy that I have a greenlight :D and that it's about something as absurd as this. Also, could the kids on the cover look any more stock photo-ish.
 
2012-03-26 06:35:28 PM
img.photobucket.com


I especially like this:

wonkette.com

...In light of Fox reading GOP press releases verbatim and saying it's a piece.
 
2012-03-26 06:36:10 PM
img210.imageshack.us

Conservative teens
 
2012-03-26 06:36:20 PM

Weaver95: The next article, "An Oscar Take On The Culture War," argues that Oscar-winning films Ben-Hur, Titanic WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY JAMES CAMERON and The Lords of the Rings: The Return of the King "nicely capture America as it was and as it is

wait, what was that about the Lord of the Rings!?

ok, did Gingrich forge the One Ring or something?


To me the funniest part of that is the praise for James Cameron, since he's an environmentalist, on the NASA Advisory Council, and is a Canadian who withdrew his US citizenship application when Dubya was re-elected.
 
2012-03-26 06:36:33 PM

kingoomieiii: Hobodeluxe: Modguy: Jesus Christ on a pogo stick. "Why abstinence works". WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!?

Abstinence does work. Right up until it doesn't.

Know what's crazy? Condoms are the best of birth worlds. You get the awesome protection of abstinence whenever your dick is in your pants, and then, as soon as abstinence becomes less effective, condoms step in! It's like a weird safety net.


I see what you did there?
 
2012-03-26 06:36:51 PM
The hilarious article on page 50 about "understanding liberals" goes so well with the NYT article a few links down on the politics tab about how conservatives can supposedly understand liberals but not vice versa.
 
2012-03-26 06:36:56 PM
Mother.
Of.
God.
 
2012-03-26 06:37:07 PM

Felgraf: So, they're asking for submissions.

....

....
Should we help?


OMFG yes!
 
2012-03-26 06:37:36 PM
... and the criticisms of this being INDOCTRINATION OF CHILDREN!!!11!! from Fox News in 3... 2...1....
 
2012-03-26 06:38:31 PM
Why is that thug on the cover wearing a hoodie? That ghetto trash is just asking to be murdered.
 
2012-03-26 06:38:50 PM

hubiestubert: You know when I was a youth, we had these magazines that we used to read. Time. US News and World Reports. Forbes. National Review. When I got a little older I started reading Foreign Policy. Atlantic Monthly. Ethics and Global Policy.

Not frickin' a slightly DERPier version of Highlights...


When I was a kid, my parents checked the wrong box on the order form and I ended up with a subscription to 'High Times for Children'. It led me on a long downward spiral that ended up with me having a Fark account.

/Goofus bogarts the joint.
//Gallant takes two hits and passes.
 
2012-03-26 06:38:52 PM
Enjoy this whole thing, which, by the way, is hosted at a domain called LongBoys.net! Bye.
 
2012-03-26 06:40:07 PM

mudesi: Gotta be satire.

Right?!?!


Three of the six "contributors" are from the Heritage Foundation. Must be serious business!
 
2012-03-26 06:40:26 PM
Give them time. They'll get a couple of years of liberal arts schooling on Mummy and Daddy's dime under their belts and wind up like these (new window) adorable little morons (new window).
 
2012-03-26 06:41:10 PM

vartian: [i40.tinypic.com image 430x261]

Must be more of that Conservative Humor I don't get.


Eeeesh. This whole already had a very weird vibe, but that takes it to a whole new universe of creepiness.

It's hard to know where to start. Why are we supposed to laugh at the grave of a fallen hero? And the "punch" is nonsensical -- how could we not get the bill? Wars are incredibly expensive, both in terms of human suffering and national budgets. Why am I even trying to understand this nonsense?
 
2012-03-26 06:41:25 PM
You know what teens love? Being told what to believe.
 
2012-03-26 06:42:21 PM

dababler: Felgraf: So, they're asking for submissions.

....

....
Should we help?

OMFG yes!


You better enlist Mike Low-ell and Pocket Ninja. Otherwise you'll never get past the editor's secretary's intern's desk.
 
2012-03-26 06:42:51 PM

Spaztictacular: When I saw that cover I seriously expected the date to read Winter 1987, not Winter 2011.

FFS. If Best Korea is perpetually stuck in the 1950s then conservatives seem to be perpetually stuck in the 1980s.


Lately it seems like they want a rematch of the 1960s.
 
2012-03-26 06:43:29 PM
i40.tinypic.com

Because the deaths of soldiers is HILARIOUS!!!1!
 
2012-03-26 06:43:52 PM

cannotsuggestaname: [27.media.tumblr.com image 400x272]


27.media.tumblr.com

img19.imageshack.us
 
2012-03-26 06:44:17 PM

TheBeastOfYuccaFlats: Weaver95: The next article, "An Oscar Take On The Culture War," argues that Oscar-winning films Ben-Hur, Titanic WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY JAMES CAMERON and The Lords of the Rings: The Return of the King "nicely capture America as it was and as it is

wait, what was that about the Lord of the Rings!?

ok, did Gingrich forge the One Ring or something?

What is it with Conservatives and their hard-on for comparing themselves to LotR?


I don't know, but I'm starting to seriously get annoyed with it. I adore that series, and watching first the Nazis and now the Republicans grab it for their jerk-off sessions is getting old.
 
2012-03-26 06:44:39 PM
 
2012-03-26 06:44:47 PM
Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't there an understanding in historic forms of print media (such as "magazines") that anything with "teen" in the title is actually geared towards 11 and 12-year olds, who consider "teenager" to be the next tier up in the social hierarchy? Isn't there an expectation that kids who are 13+ will just read the adult versions of whatever magazines they're interested in, since kids that age have decided they're grown up already? And, come to think of it, do kids even read "magazines" anymore, even if they are available online?

/ Just asking questions...
 
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