Need_MindBleach: I was all pissed off about the Indigo Child thing, but then I got to that whackjob couple that advocates pulling the hair of infants who clamp down too hard during breast feeding and beating children with PVC pipe, and I got even more pissed off

for real. Beat a kid too much with PVC and they'll get used to it. And that could lead to LARPing.

LabGrrl: Of course, my nutty neighbor actually said my son's sensitive skin was proof he was an indigo child. The fact that I had no respect for her opinion was because I, too, was apparently one of the early indigos, and she knew, man, she knew all about us!

A million years of evolution and we still think freaks (no offense) are signs from the Gods.

That's not even the issue for me. I hate that it teaches nothing but how to talk with a speech impediment. I hate how just honestly dumb, as in unintelligent, the characters are. I hate that it teaches lessons that are unrealistic or even flat out wrong. Also, another show I hate is that asshole brat Kyu or however you spell his stupid ass-name. You want to learn REAL life lessons, watch Thomas the Train. That shiat's real.

What, Thomas the Slave Train? They have to work and work and LIKE it, or else Sir Topham-Hatt threatens to send them to be scrapped. God help them if they aren't being Very Useful Engines. That whole show is one big example of Stockholm Syndrome.

Also, they have an unhealthy obsession with sploshing.

/My kid was forced to watch Bugs Bunny, and punished if he didn't like it.

What, Thomas the Slave Train? They have to work and work and LIKE it, or else Sir Topham-Hatt threatens to send them to be scrapped. God help them if they aren't being Very Useful Engines.


Yep, and if that isn't an accurate life lesson, I don't know what is. Who here that has a career would argue that that lesson is not spot on? Then you have Kyu being a spoiled little brat and an inconsiderate dick to people and getting away with it. That kid's going to get a punch in the face one of these days.

Aww, man, I think Caillou brings up feelings of red-haze violent rage in me faster than any show on TV. I can't quite figure it out... the abject stupidity is one part. Maybe it's the androgynous parents? The essentially plotless shows? Seriously, I think I could watch a full episode and not be able to tell what happened... it just drops a rage/stupor cloud on the brain somehow. I'll have to check out Thomas. He sounds pretty good.


Sorry, for some reason the quotes aren't working.
I remember the one Thomas episode where Topham Hat told him he has to deliver his whatever on time. On the way to his destination, one of Thomas' friends is stuck and Thomas debates whether to help his friend and be late or not help and be on time. Thomas helped his friend and rolled into the station late. "Topham Hat was not happy with Thomas for being late." Roll credits. Like I said, that shiat's real.

Pimple: All good things to try on my first kid when she pops in July.

/Current advise from friends seem more stupid than this list.
//Fark, want to give me advise?

This is a bit longer-term than what you're asking, but...

Let the kids have junk food. Not a lot, but just to the point where a bag of chips is not a major event in your child's life (family reunions, some super bowls). Because what ends up happening is that your kid goes "Hey, there are chips. There won't be more chips until this same event next year. EAT ALL THE CHIPS. (and Oreos and white bread and popcorn and Aunt Nancy's fudge and a lot of things)" And then they get to college, and there's a CVS around the corner that sells family-sized bags of chips for $4 (or even worse, the dorm that has unlimited bacon and Chocolate Chip cookies), and they gain 100 pounds their first two years of college.

/Also, Halloween. Stealing a Blow Pop is fine, stealing all 20 in the name of safety is BS. If you're really that scared, buy a bag of 'em at CVS and trade 1:1.
//Family joke at the ~50-person reunion was that they needed 3 bags of chips, 1 for me, 1 for my sister, and 1 for the other 48 people there.

meyerkev: Let the kids have junk food. Not a lot, but just to the point where a bag of chips is not a major event in your child's life (family reunions, some super bowls).

Holy Crap This. I had so many issues with food and had no idea how to deal with it when I got to college (and I'm a man, I imagine it was worse for my sisters) because despite there being no weight problems in the family my mother had to calorie-count every single thing.

Saracuda: Pimple: //Fark, want to give me advise?

Follow your instincts. If it works out better to let your child sleep in bed with you, let them. Be safe about it, but let them. Breastfeeding vs. formula feeding, disposables vs cloth, discipline methods, how you choose to handle the day to day routine, do what works for you. Don't let your mom or your spouse's mom or some random friend or relative tell you what to do with your kid. Only you guys know what's ultimately best for your kid.

Or some random person on fark? :)

IT IS THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE, you sillies.

/watched Bugs Bunny, Batman, and Clarissa Explains it All

Pimple:
Or some random person on fark? :)

Correct. I know my shiat. Or, I know about baby shiat... :)

My kid is not an Indigo Child? You mean my PRECIOUS LITTLE SNOWFLAKE is not SUPER DUPER SPECIAL?!!?1

Pimple: Or some random person on fark? :)

Everything you need to know about parenting is in one book: The Complete Calvin and Hobbes. Seriously. Forget Spock and the rest, buy Watterson.

/adlibbing

fireclown: Need_MindBleach: I was all pissed off about the Indigo Child thing, but then I got to that whackjob couple that advocates pulling the hair of infants who clamp down too hard during breast feeding and beating children with PVC pipe, and I got even more pissed off

for real. Beat a kid too much with PVC and they'll get used to it. And that could lead to LARPing.

Meh, LARPers are pussies. When I was a kid we hacked off the handle from our mom's broom, wrapped it in one layer of electrical tape, and beat each other with the result. None of this foam padded bull shiat no siree and head, groin, and kidney shots were not only legal, but expected.

We also used large rubber straps to make our own crossbows. The bolts were made of sharpened welding rods. If you got struck with one, well you just went home and stuck a band aid on it, never telling your parents as you really did not want to get your weapons taken away.

ajt167: Aww, man, I think Caillou brings up feelings of red-haze violent rage in me faster than any show on TV. I can't quite figure it out... the abject stupidity is one part. Maybe it's the androgynous parents? The essentially plotless shows? Seriously, I think I could watch a full episode and not be able to tell what happened... it just drops a rage/stupor cloud on the brain somehow. I'll have to check out Thomas. He sounds pretty good.


Sorry, for some reason the quotes aren't working.
I remember the one Thomas episode where Topham Hat told him he has to deliver his whatever on time. On the way to his destination, one of Thomas' friends is stuck and Thomas debates whether to help his friend and be late or not help and be on time. Thomas helped his friend and rolled into the station late. "Topham Hat was not happy with Thomas for being late." Roll credits. Like I said, that shiat's real.

The one that skeeved me out when I was young was one of the large trains... Edward? Took ill. He was running way behind schedule and was obviously not up to snuff. So naturally he came under the view of Sir Topham Hat. It turned out that the coal had sucked lately and Edward had a bad boiler. His engineer asked for "Welsh Coal" so Edward wouldn't be put to pasture, and Sir Topham Hat's reply started with "It's expensive.."
Edward did better on the Welsh coal, but instead the episode ended with Edward being sent to be "fixed."

/creepy

I have a problem with listening to authority but it doesn't mean I grew up an Indigo Child.

It just means I'm an asshole who doesn't like being told what to do by other assholes.

orbister: Pimple: Or some random person on fark? :)

Everything you need to know about parenting is in one book: The Complete Calvin and Hobbes. Seriously. Forget Spock and the rest, buy Watterson.

/adlibbing

I got the complete far side, does that work?

Ringshadow: ajt167: Aww, man, I think Caillou brings up feelings of red-haze violent rage in me faster than any show on TV. I can't quite figure it out... the abject stupidity is one part. Maybe it's the androgynous parents? The essentially plotless shows? Seriously, I think I could watch a full episode and not be able to tell what happened... it just drops a rage/stupor cloud on the brain somehow. I'll have to check out Thomas. He sounds pretty good.


Sorry, for some reason the quotes aren't working.
I remember the one Thomas episode where Topham Hat told him he has to deliver his whatever on time. On the way to his destination, one of Thomas' friends is stuck and Thomas debates whether to help his friend and be late or not help and be on time. Thomas helped his friend and rolled into the station late. "Topham Hat was not happy with Thomas for being late." Roll credits. Like I said, that shiat's real.

The one that skeeved me out when I was young was one of the large trains... Edward? Took ill. He was running way behind schedule and was obviously not up to snuff. So naturally he came under the view of Sir Topham Hat. It turned out that the coal had sucked lately and Edward had a bad boiler. His engineer asked for "Welsh Coal" so Edward wouldn't be put to pasture, and Sir Topham Hat's reply started with "It's expensive.."
Edward did better on the Welsh coal, but instead the episode ended with Edward being sent to be "fixed."

/creepy



I always wished there was one where the trains organized and rose up against Sir Topham-Hatt. Maybe displayed his severed head from the top of Cranky Crane's arm. Narrated by George Carlin.

Who's really usefeul now, Topham-Hatt??

Bathia_Mapes: The "Indigo children" concept isn't all that new. In fact it's been around since at least the late 90s.

I wonder how they've turned out. They're probably in high school or college by now. It would be interesting to see how they're doing.

serial_crusher: Really, the author had to photoshop a PVC pipe next to a bible. Dude couldn't have staged that actual photo?

The writer didn't do the page layout. Or have any input, most likely.

shortymac:
2 parenting pro tips from my mom:
1) kid wont eat veggies? Steam a bunch, purée, and mix with spaghetti sauce.
2) no markers EVER. Crayons and pencils are much easier to remove.

1b) funnel and duct tape

2b) Mr. Clean Magic Eraser - every parent I know with currently-young kids LOVES this product

Wow, orgasmic birthing? I don't see how shoving a watermelon through a pinhole is gonna make you cum, unless you're extremely masochistic.

orbister: Everything you need to know about parenting is in one book: The Complete Calvin and Hobbes. Seriously. Forget Spock and the rest, buy Watterson.

So much THIS.

orbister: Discipline your child and your produce a child who requires to be discipline.

That must be why we have an entire society of shrieking lunatics who throw their feces at one another in public places. Because conventional discipline never actually worked.

Too bad we didn't think of this new-age cooperative teachable-moment stuff hundreds of years ago, because then people would be socialized enough to usher forth some kind of renaissance, an era of enlightenment and maybe even an industrial revolution and information age.

Had to be done.

meyerkev: Pimple: All good things to try on my first kid when she pops in July.

/Current advise from friends seem more stupid than this list.
//Fark, want to give me advise?

This is a bit longer-term than what you're asking, but...

Let the kids have junk food. Not a lot, but just to the point where a bag of chips is not a major event in your child's life (family reunions, some super bowls). Because what ends up happening is that your kid goes "Hey, there are chips. There won't be more chips until this same event next year. EAT ALL THE CHIPS. (and Oreos and white bread and popcorn and Aunt Nancy's fudge and a lot of things)" And then they get to college, and there's a CVS around the corner that sells family-sized bags of chips for $4 (or even worse, the dorm that has unlimited bacon and Chocolate Chip cookies), and they gain 100 pounds their first two years of college.

/Also, Halloween. Stealing a Blow Pop is fine, stealing all 20 in the name of safety is BS. If you're really that scared, buy a bag of 'em at CVS and trade 1:1.
//Family joke at the ~50-person reunion was that they needed 3 bags of chips, 1 for me, 1 for my sister, and 1 for the other 48 people there.

This is a very good point. Don't create food issues for your little folks in the name of keeping them healthy. I over did this and my daughter would literally drink a 2 liter bottle of code red when she went to D&D because we never let her drink sodas. So then she came home and puked two liters of code red. This was a well intentioned error. But not a good plan. :-(

Saracuda: Don't let your mom or your spouse's mom or some random friend or relative tell you what to do with your kid. Only you guys know what's ultimately best for your kid.

That's when my wife threw my loser brother out of the house... when he declared that he knew better about our kids, especially the autistic one, he who couldn't even babysit the kids without flipping out, he who lost his own kids, which no longer ever want anything to do with him.

He so believed that he knew better. God I hope he rots in hell or something.

But on another note... I have come across some parents that need a good slap behind the head as they rant on about their kids and their approach, which is pretty easy common sense to see that they are making snowflakes out of their kids, and in time, will have created really pathetic kids.

So, it's hard to say don't listen to others... I would go more with... if the person offering advice, is stating that it is "advice" and not "how to do it", then listen, odds are, if they aren't telling you how to do it, but more, how it worked for them, odds are they have an idea that's worth listening to.

Pimple: //Fark, want to give me advise?

1. What everyone already said.
2. Swaddling Cloths. Lycra with Velcro closures. Worked like a light switch.

Other than that, we got extremely lucky! He never took to pacifiers (no food, why bother?), gave up bottles on his own, never smeared shiat everywhere. The wife got him on a sleep/eat schedule pretty much from birth. Upside? When it's bedtime, he stays in his room and goes to sleep. Downside? He won't sleep anywhere except his bed or car seat.
He never really crawled. Went from motionless to rolling to some sort of wounded soldier drag/crawl thing to walking. Don't overdo those bouncy chair walker thingies. Our son was good for about 20 minutes at a time before he got bored but I've heard overdoing it can cause them problems when they start walking.
Potty training was a bit infuriating. We did everything! Bought videos, books, took him to the bathroom with us, tried catching him before he got started, etc. Then, one day, he hopped out of his kiddy pool, ran to the bathroom and pee'd in the toilet. Soon after, #2's followed and with the exception of 2 night time accidents shortly after, he never looked back.

I take no credit, have no mad parenting skillz and don't consider him a precious snowflake. He's his own kid and does things in his own time. His kindergarten teacher tells us he has a "Problem With Authority" but reads at a second grade level, so there's that. The "Problem With Authority" thing always makes me giggle as I can't help but picture him standing on his little table, flipping her the double bird and screaming "Damn the Man!"

Xcott: orbister: Discipline your child and your produce a child who requires to be discipline.

That must be why we have an entire society of shrieking lunatics who throw their feces at one another in public places. Because conventional discipline never actually worked.

Too bad we didn't think of this new-age cooperative teachable-moment stuff hundreds of years ago, because then people would be socialized enough to usher forth some kind of renaissance, an era of enlightenment and maybe even an industrial revolution and information age.

Considering the number of female teachers that have sex with their students... that sure shows an evolution or something... rabble rabble...

The pole dancing one does seem a little suspect (having kids imitate strippers), but it's possible that pole dancing will evolve into another mundane dance form in the future. After all, many other forms of dance that are respectable today were seen as scandalous when they were first introduced.

The waltz, jazz dance, figure skating (look up Sonja Henie): they no longer have the lurid sexual connotations that they used to, and, if you take out the leering strangers stuffing dollar bills in the dancers shorts, pole dancing itself is not that much more lurid than ballet or hip hop dance.

On orgasmic childbirth: Imagine if someone said to a man, "Over the course of the next 24 hours, a very large, angry man will kick you in the testicles every three minutes. But don't worry, breathing will make it all better, and you should have an orgasm, too, because that will help." Duck you.

Parenting tips:
Read "The Happiest Baby on the Block" and accept that, in practice, at least one of those techniques will only piss your baby off. You won't know which one until you try, and hey, you learned some others that will probably help.

Learn a lullaby you are comfortable singing, because if it helps your baby sleep, you will happily sing it until your throat gives out.

On crying - I haven't seen it mentioned yet, but once you've run through everything on the list and your baby is still crying, he's probably tired and needs help getting to sleep. This is a problem with the very young, and there are a lot of ways to solve it, just try to stay sane and remember that this, too, shall pass.

With pre-verbal children, teaching them a few basic ASL signs will go a long, long way to preserving your sanity. It's amazing what they can communicate with gestures before the ability to vocalize is present.

Consistency is key. Consistency and routine are the difference between a happy household and a hot mess. As soon as your baby is out of that crazy newborn stage (past the fourth trimester), work towards getting a routine household schedule established. Most importantly, make your "no" mean "no" and not "maybe." Establishing these boundaries makes your child feel secure, and a secure child is a happy child.

Cloth diapers are magic even if you aren't cloth diapering. They're like shop rags for babies.

Baby carriers (slings, moby wraps, ergo packs, baby backpacks) were a godsend for me, and my son loved them. Way better than a stroller. I had a stroller, but I barely used it for my first. I have to use it from time to time now that I have two, but the personal baby carrier devices are still way better.

Good luck, and may the force be with you.

jenny next: The pole dancing one does seem a little suspect (having kids imitate strippers), but it's possible that pole dancing will evolve into another mundane dance form in the future. After all, many other forms of dance that are respectable today were seen as scandalous when they were first introduced.

Funny, I was thinking of Maypole traditions prior to Christians taking over Europe.

Pimple: orbister: Pimple: Or some random person on fark? :)

Everything you need to know about parenting is in one book: The Complete Calvin and Hobbes. Seriously. Forget Spock and the rest, buy Watterson.

/adlibbing

I got the complete far side, does that work?

Depends. Do you have opposable thumbs?

Xcott:
That must be why we have an entire society of shrieking lunatics who throw their feces at one another in public places. Because conventional discipline never actually worked.

You're making a jolly big assumption about what constitutes "conventional discipline" there, old boy.

ajt167: I get a kick out the people that say to not put diapers on the kid to prevent diaper rash. I've never known someone to say this that actually has a kid.
Another CSB: Cousin A has a 1 year old that just started to walk and was visiting childless cousin B with her kid. Cousin B knew the kid had some diaper rash. Cousin A had to run out for something quick and cousin B offered to watch the kid while she was out for about 45 minutes. When cousin A came back, the kid was walking around naked. Cousin B explained that cousin A should let her child walk around naked with it's ass in the open air to prevent the rash. As cousin A was explaining the obvious reason this is a bad idea, the kid decides to demonstrate why it's a bad idea right on cousin B's new suede couch.

LMAO! Awesome.

When my little one showed signs of rash, we switched from Pampers Swaddlers to Baby-Dry. Problem solved. YMMV, of course.

ytterbium: We tried everything, but she finally stopped the night I just put her in the crib, shut the door, turned the light off and cried in the stairwell of the apartment building. Sometimes they just want to not be messed with.

This is probably the one piece of advice American parents never give each other, and it baffles me. Yes, there is a basic sequence to handle crying infants, as factoryconnection noted:

1. I'm hungry (try feeding it)
2. I need a diaper change (check the nappy)
3. I need to burp (only but always after feeding)
4. I need to fart (a little tummy massage)
5. I'm hot/cold (touch the extremities)

But then here's the last one:

6. I'm cranky and I'm gonna let you know it

Yep. If the baby's not hungry or soiled or uncomfortable (and you know because you just checked), odds are it's just in a bad mood and should be left alone. So leave it alone. Assuming you've been diligent otherwise, if you need a nap, put in some earplugs and get some sleep. If it starts crying just as you're about to take a shower, take the damn shower. It's not made of glass (in fact studies are increasingly showing fussy parents cause all sorts of developmental problems). If you're paranoid about that 0.000X% chance of it dying in the span of a few hours, calm the hell down. However primordial it's a human being and a moody little asshole at that. For god's sake the first 5 are enough to deprive you of most sleep; why give a rat's ass beyond that? By doing due diligence you're not neglecting it; your job as a parent is to attend to its needs so catering to a crying baby that doesn't need anything doesn't get you bonus points.

If you're worried about something being seriously wrong with the child, here's the deal: If babby is in serious pain, babby has special noises to make sure you know about it and these noises will make your neck hairs stand on end. They sound very, very different from a baby in a pissy mood -- especially after you've heard it cry hundreds of times and know its cries like a second language. Frankly, I think a lot of American babies are conditioned to cry as much as possible.

/ Learned this shiat from a nurse in Pediatric ER
// #1 cause of infant ER visits are stupid parents thinking a cranky baby is sick
/// ER just makes them crankier, and increases their chances of getting REALLY sick

dragonchild: Frankly, I think a lot of American babies are conditioned to cry as much as possible.

FTFY


For babies, if you pay attention, you can learn to recognize the cries and what they are about.

A hungry cry is different from a dirty diaper cry, etc.

_{/not rocket science, but seems to be for many}

orbister: Discipline your child and your produce a child who requires to be discipline. Teach your child self-discipline and you'll produce a child you can take anywhere.

You can't teach a child something that you refuse to use.
I was never afraid to take my kids anywhere.
They had self discipline because they knew what discipline was.
However, I never beat them to pieces either, at some point with a child you'll get to a point where they'll decide to refuse to listen. What you choose to do or don't do, whether too much or too little, will have an affect.
Choose cautiously.
However, if you let them run wild, that's what they'll do.