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(The Raw Story)   How are your supplies of bottled water and ammo these days? Mysterious disease literally turning thousands of children in Uganda into zombies, and not only is there no cure, but they aren't even sure of the CAUSE yet   (rawstory.com) divider line 152
    More: Scary, Uganda, cure  
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28064 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Mar 2012 at 3:26 AM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-03-26 04:13:14 AM  
It's because they keep eating the poo poo!.

Ryker's Peninsula: The official Ugandan Minister of Health claimed that you can pray away HIV/AIDS, so I'm sure this will all be over in a couple of rosaries as long as you don't eat da poo poo.


I think I'm gonna go cry in a corner, and listen to Morrisey while I'm at it.
 
2012-03-26 04:16:05 AM  

Zoomaster: Republicans?


Impossible; there are no black Republicans.
 
2012-03-26 04:16:52 AM  
I didn't know aids makes zombies. Oh well. I'm just waiting for white people to get blamed.
 
2012-03-26 04:17:09 AM  

Jadedgrl: Remember: double tap.


Lol
 
2012-03-26 04:17:29 AM  
files.myopera.com

/GARY JOHNSON 2012
 
2012-03-26 04:18:52 AM  

Kurmudgeon: The problem with Africa is it's basically a big Petrie dish and there's no telling what may come festering out of there next. And if anyone has any idea how we can bring the place up to current medical standard without a full scale invasion, I'd really like to know.


I don't think there is enough money in the entire world to bring the whole of Africa to first world standards. But I am confident that the disease that will eventually wipe out the entire human race will begin in Africa.

Nuke it from orbit? It could be the only way to be sure.
 
2012-03-26 04:22:32 AM  
eh, I'll play a few more hours of Left 4 Dead with my friends, that oughtta be enough.
 
2012-03-26 04:23:02 AM  

Nidiot: Kurmudgeon: The problem with Africa is it's basically a big Petrie dish and there's no telling what may come festering out of there next. And if anyone has any idea how we can bring the place up to current medical standard without a full scale invasion, I'd really like to know.

I don't think there is enough money in the entire world to bring the whole of Africa to first world standards. But I am confident that the disease that will eventually wipe out the entire human race will begin in Africa.

Nuke it from orbit? It could be the only way to be sure.


Why stop there? Iran, north korea and new jersey are only a stones throw away.
 
2012-03-26 04:27:46 AM  
Some chlorine tablets or a bottle of bleach, some rubbers and a couple yards of netting and many of the kids who die today in Africa would be alive. With proper application.

/machete deaths excluded, of course.
 
2012-03-26 04:28:04 AM  
Is the port of Madagascar still open? We better head there before its too late.
 
2012-03-26 04:29:39 AM  

Kurmudgeon: The problem with Africa is it's basically a big Petrie dish and there's no telling what may come festering out of there next. And if anyone has any idea how we can bring the place up to current medical standard without a full scale invasion, I'd really like to know.


Africa has the most competitive ecology of all the continents. Some ecological niches that exist elsewhere (bears for example) never developed there of that competition. Just because you destroy the ecology doesn't mean all the life forms in that ecology cease to exist. The microbiological equivalent of Jurassic Park raptors may now be loose in the human population.
 
2012-03-26 04:32:21 AM  

Coelacanth: Africa has the most competitive ecology of all the continents.


Which explains why the Homo Sapiens Sapiens is what it is today.
 
2012-03-26 04:33:03 AM  

Ed Willy: Si now Kony has a zombie child Army?


Close, but not quite. Next week's news: Joseph Kony eaten by zombies.
 
2012-03-26 04:38:18 AM  

Nidiot: Kurmudgeon: The problem with Africa is it's basically a big Petrie dish and there's no telling what may come festering out of there next. And if anyone has any idea how we can bring the place up to current medical standard without a full scale invasion, I'd really like to know.

I don't think there is enough money in the entire world to bring the whole of Africa to first world standards. But I am confident that the disease that will eventually wipe out the entire human race will begin in Africa.

Nuke it from orbit? It could be the only way to be sure.


Before you nuke it could you just tell me? I need to pack and get on a plane...
 
2012-03-26 04:47:00 AM  

OMG! We're All Gonna Die!: Nuke it from orbit? It could be the only way to be sure.

Why stop there? Iran, north korea and new jersey are only a stones throw away.


Now now, guys, let's be fair about this. We all know the whole earth would have to go.

/At the very least, you forgot Texas.
//Do nuclear weapons count as "messing with"?
 
2012-03-26 04:48:27 AM  
Damn. That's depressing.

/and submitter... "literally turning [them] into zombies"? A bit of a stretch, even for a headline, no?
//It's like calling a kid dying of leukemia (for lack of a matching replacement marrow donation) a vampire.
///to say nothing of the abuse of "literally"...
 
2012-03-26 04:57:40 AM  

TheShavingofOccam123: Some chlorine tablets or a bottle of bleach, some rubbers and a couple yards of netting and many of the kids who die today in Africa would be alive. With proper application.

/machete deaths excluded, of course.


They would be alive to do what, continue the tradition of beating the odds? Most of Africa has no goal other than to fark and get farked. Africans need a reason to live longer, to care, with or without outside help, before providing these things makes any difference.

Not trolling, I completely agree, I just think it's a premature step, an ideology needs to be ingrained into the people first, morals of some sort (rape, killing is beyond belief).

There are obvious examples that refute my claim that morals don't exist in Africa, but the continent as a whole is so subject to migration that it doesn't take much for the bad to barrage the good enough to bring it back down. SA seems to be a relatively developed country, but the one thing that I know for certain about it is the statistics in one of its major cities, Johannesburg, and the massive amounts of car theft, with the usual suspects being new residents trying to get on even financial footing, quickly.
 
2012-03-26 04:59:49 AM  

you need help: TheShavingofOccam123: Some chlorine tablets or a bottle of bleach, some rubbers and a couple yards of netting and many of the kids who die today in Africa would be alive. With proper application.

/machete deaths excluded, of course.

They would be alive to do what, continue the tradition of beating the odds? Most of Africa has no goal other than to fark and get farked. Africans need a reason to live longer, to care, with or without outside help, before providing these things makes any difference.

Not trolling, I completely agree, I just think it's a premature step, an ideology needs to be ingrained into the people first, morals of some sort (rape, killing is beyond belief).

There are obvious examples that refute my claim that morals don't exist in Africa, but the continent as a whole is so subject to migration that it doesn't take much for the bad to barrage the good enough to bring it back down. SA seems to be a relatively developed country, but the one thing that I know for certain about it is the statistics in one of its major cities, Johannesburg, and the massive amounts of car theft, with the usual suspects being new residents trying to get on even financial footing, quickly.


I don't think it's right to say they don't have morals so much as they don't have our morals. I can't think of a way to justify a lot of the things that go on there, but I can't think of a way to justify a lot of the shiat that we do either, so...
 
2012-03-26 05:08:32 AM  
www.grandforksherald.com

Never mind the cause. I think we've found the cure...
 
2012-03-26 05:09:55 AM  
This justifies cannibalism all of a sudden.
 
2012-03-26 05:13:58 AM  
I'll be Rick. You guys all be Carol.
 
2012-03-26 05:20:51 AM  
Lessee....in the 1960's, we had massive civil wars in central Africa, with concurrent famines, refugees, internal displacement, field hospitals, rape and wartime prostitution; PLUS a breakdown of central government due to the collapse of colonialism and the complete abandonment by the West; PLUS well-intentioned but ultimately underfunded and underequipped medical teams trying to simultaneously end smallpox, treat malaria, cure cholera, TB and dysentery.

Twenty years later we had AIDS, plus a whole raft of new and never-before-seen diseases like Ebola, Lassa fever, West Nile Virus, etc.

Today we've had years of non-stop civil war with everyone between Kinsasha and Mogadishu playing, with concurrent famine, ethnic cleansing, rape and sexual slavery, child slavery and kid solders; PLUS a collapse of even the corrupt and brutal dictatorships when Mobutu was forced out and Kabila couldn't stay in the game without inviting the Angolan army in; PLUS a West too gun-shy since America's humiliation in Mogadishu to even try to intervene in the whole disaster.

Now we've got kids with some kind of weird nerve-eating disease? Color me totally unsurprised. Viruses live for this kind of bloodbath.
 
2012-03-26 05:22:03 AM  
O jeez I did not need to read this at 5:30 Monday morning..but I did..this fukn world sux
 
2012-03-26 05:25:44 AM  
Btw, guess which president gave more money than any other to causes in Africa? Go ahead guess...I'll give it away..GWBush. That is why he is still so revered over there
 
2012-03-26 05:27:10 AM  
Is this what happened to that faaaaabulous nekkid Kony dude?
 
2012-03-26 05:37:49 AM  

publikenemy: Btw, guess which president gave more money than any other to causes in Africa? Go ahead guess...I'll give it away..GWBush. That is why he is still so revered over there


Yep. All for abstinence only sex ed, IIRC.

See how that works?
 
2012-03-26 05:42:26 AM  

Gyrfalcon: publikenemy: Btw, guess which president gave more money than any other to causes in Africa? Go ahead guess...I'll give it away..GWBush. That is why he is still so revered over there

Yep. All for abstinence only sex ed, IIRC.

See how that works?


Hey, I'm no Bush apologist, but it is what it is. The guy loved him some Africans..But nah, he's just a racist warmongering cowboy. Does that feel better? I don't wanna blow your mind or anything.
 
2012-03-26 05:49:07 AM  

publikenemy: Gyrfalcon: publikenemy: Btw, guess which president gave more money than any other to causes in Africa? Go ahead guess...I'll give it away..GWBush. That is why he is still so revered over there

Yep. All for abstinence only sex ed, IIRC.

See how that works?

Hey, I'm no Bush apologist, but it is what it is. The guy loved him some Africans..But nah, he's just a racist warmongering cowboy. Does that feel better? I don't wanna blow your mind or anything.


You didn't, so mission accomplished. He didn't "love Africans", he loved the spread of Christiantity. And spreading Christianity is easy when it is well funded. Look up the groups funded to work over there under him.

Herpa.
 
2012-03-26 05:52:18 AM  

TimonC346: publikenemy: Gyrfalcon: publikenemy: Btw, guess which president gave more money than any other to causes in Africa? Go ahead guess...I'll give it away..GWBush. That is why he is still so revered over there

Yep. All for abstinence only sex ed, IIRC.

See how that works?

Hey, I'm no Bush apologist, but it is what it is. The guy loved him some Africans..But nah, he's just a racist warmongering cowboy. Does that feel better? I don't wanna blow your mind or anything.

You didn't, so mission accomplished. He didn't "love Africans", he loved the spread of Christiantity. And spreading Christianity is easy when it is well funded. Look up the groups funded to work over there under him.

Herpa.


Who really cares the reason why. Help is help, and they love him for it.
 
2012-03-26 06:10:09 AM  

CygnusDarius: Coelacanth: Africa has the most competitive ecology of all the continents.

Which explains why the Homo Sapiens Sapiens is what it is today.


The problem seems to be that no matter how much humans are malnourished, how much disease is endemic in the population, how little hope the future holds WE STILL BREED LIKE FARKIN' RABBITS!

And our systems pick the most selfish, hateful, greedy and downright evil people to run our society that are more interested in making themselves richer and more powerful than improving the lot of those they lead.
 
2012-03-26 06:24:05 AM  
Give them some hoodies. Right, Heraldo?
 
2012-03-26 06:24:50 AM  

Rug Doctor: Whatever. It's not like we've ever seen a horrific infectious disease come out of Africa.


Really. Look at Homo Sapiens. It's infested the whole f**king planet., and it's killing off everything.
 
2012-03-26 06:26:41 AM  
There's nothign we can do for the impoverished areas of Africa, it is beyond hope. Every dollar of aid that goes there is ultimately a waste; spend it on areas where it can make a difference. The only way I can see living conditions for most of Africa improving in the long term is massive population reduction to start with.

Either that or we get a miracle drug that can be easily administered that sterilizes the subject for life.
 
2012-03-26 06:35:49 AM  
I always love threads like this about Africa on Fark because then so many Farkers reveal themselves to be thinly disguised racists and/or obviously have no idea what they're talking about. As someone who's been to 10 African countries so far spread all over the continent...

"Africa" is not a country as you guys are describing it, but rather a friggin huge continent with over 50 countries that range from the pyramids in Egypt to the Serengeti to the modern city of Cape Town spread out over thousands of miles. Probably the most diverse place on the planet, so to say "XYZ is the problem" is the most disingenuous thing I can imagine.

I mean seriously, I'm cracking up at those comparing the problems in South Africa to those in Uganda. I've been to both and the differences are night and day- not even the same languages or the same history or same climate in any form (and why should they, being thousands of miles apart?), so I can't imagine why you'd compare the two unless you're just thinking to yourself "well they both have some black people." In which case we should start discussing why and how American problems relate to all this mess.

/Uganda's actually one of my favorite countries
//very sorry to hear about this going on there
 
2012-03-26 06:47:43 AM  

Andromeda: I always love threads like this about Africa on Fark because then so many Farkers reveal themselves to be thinly disguised racists and/or obviously have no idea what they're talking about. As someone who's been to 10 African countries so far spread all over the continent...

"Africa" is not a country as you guys are describing it, but rather a friggin huge continent with over 50 countries that range from the pyramids in Egypt to the Serengeti to the modern city of Cape Town spread out over thousands of miles. Probably the most diverse place on the planet, so to say "XYZ is the problem" is the most disingenuous thing I can imagine.

I mean seriously, I'm cracking up at those comparing the problems in South Africa to those in Uganda. I've been to both and the differences are night and day- not even the same languages or the same history or same climate in any form (and why should they, being thousands of miles apart?), so I can't imagine why you'd compare the two unless you're just thinking to yourself "well they both have some black people." In which case we should start discussing why and how American problems relate to all this mess.

/Uganda's actually one of my favorite countries
//very sorry to hear about this going on there


Every person has a need to feel special, and superior in some way. Our culture of media driven fantsay has exacerbated this - has falsely convinced many that they are the one who , as Dylan said, "can do what's never been done, that can win what's never been won".
What we have actually produced is a society of soft, complacent mediocrities.
But they need to feel special - and sonce they have never actually accomplished anything of note, they are left with rationalizing that they are somehow intrinsically superior to others, by accident of birth. That either their culture, or their so-called "race" are somehow gifted with inborn, superior characteristics.
I find that it's safer to leave them with the illusion.
Especially if I'm wearing a hoodie at the time.
 
2012-03-26 06:53:17 AM  

Andromeda: I always love threads like this about Africa on Fark because then so many Farkers reveal themselves to be thinly disguised racists and/or obviously have no idea what they're talking about. As someone who's been to 10 African countries so far spread all over the continent...


#1 So your getting a kick?

#2 If that's really your pic in your profile, and you really have been all over Africa, I salute you. You clearly have balls bigger than mine. How far do you think you can press your luck before you get raped, murdered and raped?
 
2012-03-26 07:03:59 AM  
Measles has a real nasty viral encephalitis that is usually pretty rare but it could have mutated or it could be an arthropod borne encephalitis like West Nile or Equine that mutated so my vote is for a viral cause. Amoebic brain infections are pretty easy to identify on autopsy too and viral ones are tough. Ah yes, the joys of pediatric autopsies.
 
2012-03-26 07:13:45 AM  
They just don't pray hard enough, right? Surely God can help them!
 
2012-03-26 07:21:46 AM  
The disease is God's punishment for Uganda's bill which makes homosexuality a capital crime.
 
2012-03-26 07:24:07 AM  

Zoomaster: Republicans?


I think you mean Democrats.
 
2012-03-26 07:24:25 AM  

BigBooper: Andromeda: I always love threads like this about Africa on Fark because then so many Farkers reveal themselves to be thinly disguised racists and/or obviously have no idea what they're talking about. As someone who's been to 10 African countries so far spread all over the continent...

#1 So your getting a kick?

#2 If that's really your pic in your profile, and you really have been all over Africa, I salute you. You clearly have balls bigger than mine. How far do you think you can press your luck before you get raped, murdered and raped?


You said rape twice. Which would be fine, except that one of them was after murdered, which makes it sort of gross. Unless she's a Labrador near a day care center.
 
2012-03-26 07:26:24 AM  
What. The. Fark.

That is all.
 
2012-03-26 07:27:38 AM  

Thrakkorzog: China sent us contaminated wallboard, lead paint toys and dog food that was poisoned so if they got a food shipment from China i would be very suspicious.


You forgot the baby formula, toothpaste, honey, and random radioactive stuff.

/Co-60, in my cheap imported crap? It's more likely that you think.
 
2012-03-26 07:33:42 AM  
If the President had a zombie son, he would look exactly like that kid Francis.
 
2012-03-26 07:35:50 AM  
This is a side effect of long term jenkem use.
 
2012-03-26 07:38:47 AM  
"Literally" turning into zombies. Got it.
 
2012-03-26 07:40:54 AM  
Now it gets worse:
The effort to restrain the children is not unwarranted. In one of the most bizarre symptoms of this tragic illness, children with the disease are reportedly setting fire to buildings in their communities. Coupled with the aimless wandering this disease provokes in victims, this is a deadly combination. More than 200 people have been killed in fires believed to be set by the zombified children. Link (new window)
 
2012-03-26 07:43:35 AM  

netcentric: If the President had a zombie son, he would look exactly like that kid Francis.


Ok, that was hilarious. Wrong, but hilarious.
 
2012-03-26 07:46:40 AM  

ChubbyTiger: BigBooper: Andromeda: I always love threads like this about Africa on Fark because then so many Farkers reveal themselves to be thinly disguised racists and/or obviously have no idea what they're talking about. As someone who's been to 10 African countries so far spread all over the continent...

#1 So your getting a kick?

#2 If that's really your pic in your profile, and you really have been all over Africa, I salute you. You clearly have balls bigger than mine. How far do you think you can press your luck before you get raped, murdered and raped?

You said rape twice. Which would be fine, except that one of them was after murdered, which makes it sort of gross. Unless she's a Labrador near a day care center.


Yeah I was about to say, I don't think there are that many people into necrophilia in the world.

And yep, I've actually been everywhere I claim, most of it alone, but never been anywhere I felt seriously unsafe. Most of the world is far safer than the United States after all (I believe the only place I went considered more unsafe is Johannesburg, where I minimized my time and stayed in good neighborhoods), and perfectly safe for travel so long as you don't do stupid crap you'd never consider doing at home like walking down dark alleys at 2am or trying weird drugs.
 
2012-03-26 07:50:03 AM  
farm3.static.flickr.com

I always keep 30 of these in stock. The wife does not let me keep any more. They are lighter and easier to open than cans.
 
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