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(Cracked)   Six movie friendships that make no damned sense   (cracked.com) divider line 174
    More: Obvious, Obadiah Stane, Iron Man, Memento, Inglourious Basterds, Hans Landa, memory losses, american citizenship, Stark Industries  
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24251 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 22 Mar 2012 at 4:13 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-03-22 12:33:06 PM  
Came for a black and white buddy cop duo, stayed for an exhibition in Christopher Nolan's ongoing incapacity for comprehending human emotions and motivations.
 
2012-03-22 12:56:14 PM  
Actually Rigg and Murtaugh make plenty of sense. Riggs save Murtaugh's life twice and his daughter in the first film. Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker is the cop buddy movie that makes no sense.

And of course Anakin and Padme.

And Bella and Edward.
 
2012-03-22 01:18:13 PM  

Mugato: Actually Rigg and Murtaugh make plenty of sense. Riggs save Murtaugh's life twice and his daughter in the first film. Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker is the cop buddy movie that makes no sense.

And of course Anakin and Padme. anyone
And Bella and Edward.

 
2012-03-22 02:07:04 PM  

Mugato: Actually Rigg and Murtaugh make plenty of sense. Riggs save Murtaugh's life twice and his daughter in the first film. Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker is the cop buddy movie that makes no sense.

And of course Anakin and Padme.

And Bella and Edward.



I agree that Anakin and Padme is a kind of dumb plot device- what does she see in that whiner? But lots of women go out with douche bags, so I can sort of see that.

It's Anakin and Palpatine that really confuses me. One minute he's shouting at Mace Windu that we have to bring this evil bastard to justice. The next minute, the emperor kills Windu and says "now be evil," and Anakin just says "OK. I'm evil now" and goes out and kills everyone. It makes no sense whatsoever.
 
2012-03-22 03:22:25 PM  

FloydA: Mugato: Actually Rigg and Murtaugh make plenty of sense. Riggs save Murtaugh's life twice and his daughter in the first film. Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker is the cop buddy movie that makes no sense.

And of course Anakin and Padme.

And Bella and Edward.


I agree that Anakin and Padme is a kind of dumb plot device- what does she see in that whiner? But lots of women go out with douche bags, so I can sort of see that.

It's Anakin and Palpatine that really confuses me. One minute he's shouting at Mace Windu that we have to bring this evil bastard to justice. The next minute, the emperor kills Windu and says "now be evil," and Anakin just says "OK. I'm evil now" and goes out and kills everyone. It makes no sense whatsoever.


And it's delivered with some of the most cringe worthy lines ever.

"I pledge myself to your teachings."

/really?
//REALLY?
 
2012-03-22 03:27:30 PM  
IN TWO CONVENIENT PAGES
 
2012-03-22 03:55:05 PM  

FloydA: But lots of women go out with douche bags, so I can sort of see that.


Well there's no argument there. But they could have made him the dangerous bad boy without being a creepy stalker guy. And they could have made him a murderous bastard without Padme finding out about it right away, especially the Tuskin Raider thing.

What they needed to do with Anakin/Palpatine was a better seduction scene (ewww, not that you pervs), a scene where Palpatine gets into Anakin's head and gets him to finally admit that all he really wanted ever since he was a powerless slave was to have power. And before that maybe Anakin trying to learn more about the Dark Side with good intentions in order to defeat the Sith master, whoever he may be. What I didn't dig was Anakin doing everything just to save Padme. It cheapens the character and it makes his motives too relatable to the audience.
 
2012-03-22 04:01:06 PM  

BigSnatch: FloydA: Mugato: Actually Rigg and Murtaugh make plenty of sense. Riggs save Murtaugh's life twice and his daughter in the first film. Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker is the cop buddy movie that makes no sense.

And of course Anakin and Padme.

And Bella and Edward.


I agree that Anakin and Padme is a kind of dumb plot device- what does she see in that whiner? But lots of women go out with douche bags, so I can sort of see that.

It's Anakin and Palpatine that really confuses me. One minute he's shouting at Mace Windu that we have to bring this evil bastard to justice. The next minute, the emperor kills Windu and says "now be evil," and Anakin just says "OK. I'm evil now" and goes out and kills everyone. It makes no sense whatsoever.

And it's delivered with some of the most cringe worthy lines ever.

"I pledge myself to your teachings."

/really?
//REALLY?


I love Red Letter Media's take on the dialogue. Said it was like George Lucas took his first draft and turned it in as the final product.

/Wesley Snipes and Sean Connery in Rush Hour was a pretty bad pairing too.
 
2012-03-22 04:06:26 PM  

Mugato: Actually Rigg and Murtaugh make plenty of sense. Riggs save Murtaugh's life twice and his daughter in the first film.


TFA argues that it is the relationship between Riggs and the LAPD that doesn't make sense, not the relationship between Riggs and Murtaugh.
 
2012-03-22 04:09:07 PM  

SurfaceTension:
/Wesley Snipes and Sean Connery in Rush Hour was a pretty bad pairing too.


Ugh....Wesley Snipes and Sean Connery in Rising Sun, or Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan in Rush Hour?

/Or did I miss a meme?
 
2012-03-22 04:15:25 PM  

I Havent Killed Anybody Since 1984: TFA argues that it is the relationship between Riggs and the LAPD that doesn't make sense, not the relationship between Riggs and Murtaugh


Yeah they sort of intimated it though. I think maybe they figured with Riggs on homicide, they'd both get killed. They wouldn't have to pay Rigg's pension and I don't know if they'd have to pay off Murtaugh's family before retirement or not. The point is, in most of these movies, every cop but the principles are incompetent, adn/or assholes. Die Hard is probably the worst offender. Every cop including the Feds are douchebags except McClane and Powell.

/Die Hard is my favorite cop movie
//doesn't mean it doesn't have its cliches
///actually the other cops in Die Hard 3 were okay
 
2012-03-22 04:17:14 PM  
For the most part, these seemed more like alliances than friendships.
 
2012-03-22 04:18:18 PM  
I suppose it wouldn't be fair and/or efficient to mention virtually every romantic comedy in history.
 
2012-03-22 04:21:21 PM  

I Havent Killed Anybody Since 1984: SurfaceTension:
/Wesley Snipes and Sean Connery in Rush Hour was a pretty bad pairing too.

Ugh....Wesley Snipes and Sean Connery in Rising Sun, or Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan in Rush Hour?

/Or did I miss a meme?


Yeah I meant Rising Sun. Haven't started my drinking yet so still easily confused.
 
2012-03-22 04:21:47 PM  
I'm not sure the writer of this article actually saw Memento.
 
2012-03-22 04:32:44 PM  

Mugato: FloydA: But lots of women go out with douche bags, so I can sort of see that.

Well there's no argument there. But they could have made him the dangerous bad boy without being a creepy stalker guy. And they could have made him a murderous bastard without Padme finding out about it right away, especially the Tuskin Raider thing.

What they needed to do with Anakin/Palpatine was a better seduction scene (ewww, not that you pervs), a scene where Palpatine gets into Anakin's head and gets him to finally admit that all he really wanted ever since he was a powerless slave was to have power. And before that maybe Anakin trying to learn more about the Dark Side with good intentions in order to defeat the Sith master, whoever he may be. What I didn't dig was Anakin doing everything just to save Padme. It cheapens the character and it makes his motives too relatable to the audience.


And I never understood why he even turned to the Dark Side over his little visions--how much trouble would he have gotten into if he had gone to the freakin' council and said, "Yeah, look, I know we're not supposed to, but I kinda got married and got her pregnant, and now I keep getting these visions of her dying, think you guys can step in? Oh, and she's the Republic Senator from Naboo, so not helping might be an international incident."

Worst case scenario, they kick a rising star and war hero out of the Jedi Order and tell him never to use the Force again, and refuse to help Padme, which I can't see Obi Wan doing. Even without them, he's got a rich-ass girlfriend and like all Jedi, can build a lightsaber from scratch.

Christ that was a stupid set of movies. There was no part I genuinely liked, hands down, no criticisms. The closest was the end when Anakin catches fire and melts and screams "I hate you". Only time it seemed like he was acting too.
 
2012-03-22 04:34:07 PM  
7.Turner and Hooch
8. Harold and Maude
 
2012-03-22 04:36:05 PM  

Mugato: I suppose it wouldn't be fair and/or efficient to mention virtually every romantic comedy in history.


Like Harley Davidson and The Marlboro Man?
 
2012-03-22 04:38:38 PM  

Fano: 7.Turner and Hooch


Come to think of it, you do look a lot like Hooch.
 
2012-03-22 04:41:00 PM  
The article is absolutely right about the end of the movie version of "Watchmen" and totally completely wrong on "Memento."
 
2012-03-22 04:42:30 PM  
Cracked articles always read like they wrote it while on the toilet.
 
2012-03-22 04:42:43 PM  

Fano: 7.Turner and Hooch
8. Harold and Maude


Both of those relationships were solely based on sexual chemistry.
 
2012-03-22 04:44:33 PM  
The answer to all of these is they are a product of sh*tty writing. We forgave some of them because the rest of the movie was entertaining.
 
2012-03-22 04:45:19 PM  
That was the single worst, most pointless article I have ever read.

Whoever is paying the salary of the 2 authors should lose their job for wasting company funds on 2 incompetents.
 
2012-03-22 04:47:41 PM  

Mugato: Actually Rigg and Murtaugh make plenty of sense. Riggs save Murtaugh's life twice and his daughter in the first film. Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker is the cop buddy movie that makes no sense


Or why the LAPD keeps Chris Tucker considering the his is the most incompetent cop I've ever seen in any cop movie. And let alone why the Feds would want him in the FBI when all he did was repeatedly threatened the case with his constant insubordination, needing Jackie Chan to bail him out each and every time. The only thing he does that actually helps the situation is threatening to set off a bomb strapped to a child.
 
2012-03-22 04:50:27 PM  
I remember seeing Memento in theaters, and these poor sob's came in 10min after it started and basically missed the end.
 
2012-03-22 04:52:17 PM  
Inglorius Basterds was a God awful pile of shiat. No buddy story could have saved it.
 
2012-03-22 05:02:12 PM  

palelizard: Worst case scenario, they kick a rising star and war hero out of the Jedi Order and tell him never to use the Force again, and refuse to help Padme, which I can't see Obi Wan doing. Even without them, he's got a rich-ass girlfriend and like all Jedi, can build a lightsaber from scratch.


Maybe they're like most gangs. Blood in blood out.
 
2012-03-22 05:07:24 PM  
Milo and Otis. I will never understand that one.
 
2012-03-22 05:08:37 PM  
Oh, is that how the movie Watchmen ended? I thought the giant squid was kinda silly, but evidently the filmmakers decided to one-up that.
 
2012-03-22 05:08:56 PM  
Why wasn't this number 1?

themoviesrevealed.webs.com

I love "Back To The Future". But what did/could these two do before the whole "Time Machine" thing? Go to the roller disco and hit on biatches?
 
2012-03-22 05:10:30 PM  

AmazinTim: Came for a black and white buddy cop duo, stayed for an exhibition in Christopher Nolan's ongoing incapacity for comprehending human emotions and motivations.


Of all his movies, Memento is the least of those things, because you're so busy with the gimmick that you don't even notice the lack of logical human interactions.

I think it was "The Prestige" that made me roll my eyes for the last time. He's almost a worse "twist" ending guy than Shalamayan.
 
2012-03-22 05:11:55 PM  
Keep in mind that, in the comic[watchmen], the fabricated attack was caused by an alien entity

WRONG! It was not an alien. It was a genetically altered monster made by Ozzy's company. His goal was to make it look like an attack by a monster from another dimension.
 
2012-03-22 05:12:06 PM  
I think this was a cracked article before except they mentioned Marty McFly and Doc Brown.
 
2012-03-22 05:17:26 PM  

I Havent Killed Anybody Since 1984: SurfaceTension:
/Wesley Snipes and Sean Connery in Rush Hour was a pretty bad pairing too.

Ugh....Wesley Snipes and Sean Connery in Rising Sun, or Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan in Rush Hour?

/Or did I miss a meme?


We also would have accepted Chris Rock and Anthony Hopkins in "Bad Company".
 
2012-03-22 05:19:40 PM  

TeddyRooseveltsMustache: Why wasn't this number 1?

[themoviesrevealed.webs.com image 400x300]

I love "Back To The Future". But what did/could these two do before the whole "Time Machine" thing? Go to the roller disco and hit on biatches?


Duh! Marty met Doc when he went back in time. Doc grew into 1980's doc and met Marty and took him under his wing, which ultimately led to Marty going back in time and meeting Doc. So when Doc grows into 1980's doc, he meets Marty at some point and takes him under his wing. This ultimately leads to Marty going back in time and meeting Doc....
 
2012-03-22 05:22:40 PM  
Any female lead and the dickbag she's dating at the beginning of any romantic comedy?
 
2012-03-22 05:24:05 PM  
In the original Lethal Weapon, the LAPD partners up middle-aged conservative Sgt. Murtaugh (Danny Glover) with young loose cannon Martin Riggs (Mel Gibson). The result inaugurated a proud cinematic tradition of Glover claiming to be too old for shiat and Gibson acting like a dangerous lunatic long before both of those things sadly became true. But for a while there, it was magical.


I lol'd.
 
2012-03-22 05:25:38 PM  

TheLopper: Any female lead and the dickbag she's dating at the beginning of any romantic comedy?


www.fansshare.com

Like this cocknozzle?
 
2012-03-22 05:25:58 PM  

MoronLessOff: TeddyRooseveltsMustache: Why wasn't this number 1?

[themoviesrevealed.webs.com image 400x300]

I love "Back To The Future". But what did/could these two do before the whole "Time Machine" thing? Go to the roller disco and hit on biatches?

Duh! Marty met Doc when he went back in time. Doc grew into 1980's doc and met Marty and took him under his wing, which ultimately led to Marty going back in time and meeting Doc. So when Doc grows into 1980's doc, he meets Marty at some point and takes him under his wing. This ultimately leads to Marty going back in time and meeting Doc....


24.media.tumblr.com
Oh, I hate temporal mechanics....
 
2012-03-22 05:28:03 PM  
2.bp.blogspot.com

One's a cat, and the other's a dog... being friends makes absolutely no sense!
 
2012-03-22 05:32:45 PM  

four95: That was the single worst, most pointless article I have ever read.

Whoever is paying the salary of the 2 authors should lose their job for wasting company funds on 2 incompetents.


Its Cracked. Most of the company funds are spent on Doritos and soiled action figures.
 
2012-03-22 05:34:44 PM  
3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-03-22 05:35:18 PM  
Cracked is blocked at work, and I see Watchmen got mentioned. I don't really recall any "friendships" as such, except if you maybe count Night Owl/Rorschach or Night Owl/Silk Spectre II.
 
2012-03-22 05:40:51 PM  

Gunderson: TheLopper: Any female lead and the dickbag she's dating at the beginning of any romantic comedy?

[www.fansshare.com image 640x360]

Like this cocknozzle?


Robbie: "I don't even know your last name".
Glen: "It's Gulia."
Robbie: "Gulia? Julia's last names gonna be Gulia. Julia Gulia, that's funny."
Glen: "Why's that funny?"
*pause*
Robbie: "I don't know."
 
2012-03-22 05:44:29 PM  

TeddyRooseveltsMustache: I love "Back To The Future". But what did/could these two do before the whole "Time Machine" thing? Go to the roller disco and hit on biatches?


You know what sucks? When I saw this movie as a kid I thought it would be awesome to be a high school kid who had a whacky older scientist friend who teaches me science stuff that I probably wouldn't be able to understand and hook me up with a kick ass amplifier system. Nowadays cynical farks would see some creepy inappropriate bullshiat into it
 
2012-03-22 05:49:01 PM  

TeddyRooseveltsMustache: Why wasn't this number 1?

[themoviesrevealed.webs.com image 400x300]

I love "Back To The Future". But what did/could these two do before the whole "Time Machine" thing? Go to the roller disco and hit on biatches?


Well, Doc knew Marty from when he went back in time. So he would seek out Marty in the future, knowing they had to become friends. The bigger question is why some kid several years before the movie decided to become friends with the creepy old man stalking him, constantly whispering "Marty, it's inevitable, we will be friends, time and destiny cannot be denied" under his breath.

And Doc and the terrorists. How did they ever meet up so Doc could convince them he knew how to build a nuclear bomb? This was BEFORE the internet.
 
2012-03-22 05:50:51 PM  

TeddyRooseveltsMustache: Why wasn't this number 1?

[themoviesrevealed.webs.com image 400x300]

I love "Back To The Future". But what did/could these two do before the whole "Time Machine" thing? Go to the roller disco and hit on biatches?


Well, according to the story, it's a temporal paradox. The doc already knew about Marty since Marty had gone back in time to tell him about the time machine he's going to build to send him back in time to tell him about the time machine....

But yes, why a teenage boy would knownly associate with a crazed, older scientist with an unusual fascination with him and him alone is either a symptom of more innocent times or (considering it was the 80's) a sign of a mad coke habit.
 
2012-03-22 05:51:02 PM  

MoronLessOff: TeddyRooseveltsMustache: Why wasn't this number 1?

[themoviesrevealed.webs.com image 400x300]

I love "Back To The Future". But what did/could these two do before the whole "Time Machine" thing? Go to the roller disco and hit on biatches?

Duh! Marty met Doc when he went back in time. Doc grew into 1980's doc and met Marty and took him under his wing, which ultimately led to Marty going back in time and meeting Doc. So when Doc grows into 1980's doc, he meets Marty at some point and takes him under his wing. This ultimately leads to Marty going back in time and meeting Doc....


Checks out.

farm8.staticflickr.com
 
2012-03-22 05:54:37 PM  

Kraftwerk Orange: [2.bp.blogspot.com image 345x307]

One's a cat, and the other's a dog... being friends makes absolutely no sense!


Well that one can be explained pretty easily; someone crossed the streams.
 
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