If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Fox News)   Not News: If I were the Devil speech perfectly describes the decay of modern-day America. Fark: Speech was given in 1965. "In other words, if I were Satan, I'd just keep on doing what he's doing"   (nation.foxnews.com) divider line 274
    More: Scary, Satans, ABC Radio, speeches  
•       •       •

16697 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Mar 2012 at 1:09 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



274 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | » | Last | Show all
 
2012-03-21 12:46:37 PM
EVERYBODY PANIC PRAY.
 
2012-03-21 12:51:31 PM
If I were Satan, I would continue trying to cure Hitler of the affliction that led him to go completely nutso on Europe. After all, Hell is just an asylum for those too dangerous to reincarnate. No actual punishment goes on there.
 
2012-03-21 12:56:13 PM
Rush Limbaugh is the devil?

hmm....I can see it.
 
2012-03-21 01:00:14 PM
If you were Satan, you wouldn't exist

/problem solved
 
2012-03-21 01:11:09 PM
the devil is a scapegoat we use so we don't feel so bad when we do horribly ugly things to other people.
 
2012-03-21 01:12:23 PM
If I were FoxNews, I'd dig up a 45+ year old speech from a popular radio entertainer, and put it out as "news".

Good job, guys!
 
2012-03-21 01:12:25 PM
If I were Paul Harvey I'd be dead.
 
2012-03-21 01:12:46 PM
Princip caught sayof...
 
2012-03-21 01:13:05 PM
If I were Satan...

i.imgur.com
 
2012-03-21 01:13:37 PM
Whare do I send monies??!!
 
2012-03-21 01:14:02 PM
Old man yells at cloud. Tonight at 11.
 
2012-03-21 01:14:16 PM
If I were Satan, I'm sure I could find a hell of a lot more entertaining things to occupy myself with than American politics.

Also, I wouldn't exist, because Satan is a made-up fairy-tale designed to frighten the naive into obedience.
 
2012-03-21 01:14:24 PM
If I were the devil, I wouldn't exist.
 
2012-03-21 01:14:28 PM
If I were the Devil

I'm not in the mood for fiction.
 
2012-03-21 01:14:31 PM

busy chillin': the devil is a scapegoat we use so we don't feel so bad when we do horribly ugly things to other people.


4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-03-21 01:15:12 PM
If I were the Devil, I would pervert the worship of a loving God into a mechanism of hate fear and violence. Good thing that hasn't happened.
 
2012-03-21 01:15:28 PM
Difficulty: There is no Satan
 
2012-03-21 01:15:55 PM
If I were Satan.... I'd continue to encourage Christians to beleive that worshipping Christianity is the same thing as worshipping Christ.
 
2012-03-21 01:16:07 PM
With the wisdom of a serpent, I would whisper to you as I whispered to Eve: "Do as you please." "Do as you please."

So the Devil is Ayn Rand?
 
2012-03-21 01:17:07 PM
Has anyone popped by yet to say they don't believe in Satan / that he doesn't exist?

No? I'm surprised!
 
2012-03-21 01:17:12 PM
Yea well if I were the devil, I'd tell everyone to invest in Anacott Steel.
 
2012-03-21 01:17:44 PM
If I were the devil, I'd hide all the white onions so all we could get to hang on our belts (as is the style) would be the big yellow ones.
 
2012-03-21 01:18:09 PM
Empathy for the Devil?
 
2012-03-21 01:18:23 PM

HotWingConspiracy: Difficulty: There is no Satan


Well, not since he retired, anyway.

www.nhlsnipers.com
 
2012-03-21 01:19:14 PM
If I were the devil, I'd twist the reality of things to fit my narrative of how everything that people do now is evil because it's not what I like to do.
 
2012-03-21 01:19:35 PM
Well, now I know what derp some of the more cretinous people on my Facebook friends list are going to be flooding my news feed with for the next week or so.
 
2012-03-21 01:19:36 PM
Troll posts are trolly.
 
2012-03-21 01:20:46 PM
If I were a blue whale, I'd have a 16-foot cock.

And that's... the rest of the story.

This is Mercator P.S.I.

Good day.
 
2012-03-21 01:21:05 PM
If you substitute the word progressive for "the Devil" it all makes sense.;)
 
2012-03-21 01:21:17 PM
I find the conviction of non-believers as irksome as the conviction of believers.
God, no God, Devil, no Devil, none of us knows for sure. The arrogance and hatred stemming from the belief in the unknown. Sigh.
 
2012-03-21 01:21:34 PM
I thought it was 1968.

So if you meet me
Have some courtesy
Have some sympathy,
and some taste
 
2012-03-21 01:21:57 PM
Yep, Paul Harvey's 1965 homily perfectly describes how Communism has gone on to take over the world.
 
2012-03-21 01:22:33 PM
So we blame it all on . . . Paul Harvey?

i.imgur.com
 
2012-03-21 01:22:35 PM
If I were the devil I would be fat and lazy because Christians have already shown that satanism is more compassionate.
 
2012-03-21 01:22:52 PM
Back in the 60s, we were still an industrial nation... lots of people making lots of things. We knew how to build strong, sturdy things like it was no sweat at all.

Including strawmen, evidently.

Except for the "pills" bit; every time I watch un-DVRed television I'm reminded how much the marketers are dying to shove pills down our throats. And not the good kind, either... they all have ridiculous side effects that make you scratch your head.
 
2012-03-21 01:22:55 PM
If I were an unaware insane person, I'd make people forget the definition of metaphor, so they would rail against the irrelevant argument of an embodied evil and thereby miss the point, while something more subtle destroyed their insight and degraded their lives, and mine.

thatsthejoke.jpg
 
2012-03-21 01:23:05 PM

blipponaut: I find the conviction of non-believers as irksome as the conviction of believers.
God, no God, Devil, no Devil, none of us knows for sure. The arrogance and hatred stemming from the belief in the unknown. Sigh.


At least you've managed to find a way to feel superior to both of them.

/xkcd
 
2012-03-21 01:23:44 PM
I, too, were I the Devil would make the symbol of Christmas, a bottle!

/what?
 
2012-03-21 01:24:58 PM
If I wanted to control people, I would tell them that doing anything but what I wanted would bring eternal ruin to the souls of their children.
 
2012-03-21 01:25:08 PM

blipponaut: I find the conviction of non-believers as irksome as the conviction of believers.
God, no God, Devil, no Devil, none of us knows for sure. The arrogance and hatred stemming from the belief in the unknown. Sigh.


You're right.

I mean, personally I don't believe that there are invisible flying zebras from Neptune controlling our weather, but I only hold that view because there's no evidence for it.

But I suppose there's no evidence against it either, so those who believe in the IFZfN have an equally legitimate opinion as mine. We should probably treat both claims with equal respect, out of a sense of balance.
 
2012-03-21 01:25:19 PM
If I were the devil, I'd take a nation whose technical and scientific achievements were instrumental in stopping a global advance of tyranny and convince its people that ignorance is a virtue.
 
2012-03-21 01:26:10 PM

poot_rootbeer: I, too, were I the Devil would make the symbol of Christmas, a bottle!

/what?


I think people were cooler in the 60s and drank more liquor. How we lost our way I don't know.
 
2012-03-21 01:27:19 PM
He said, "It's just like home
It's so low-down, I can't stand it
I guess my work around here has all been done
 
2012-03-21 01:27:20 PM
Why is it that the devil is responsible for all the cool things, yet we're supposed to hate him? I think Morning Star is a pretty cool guy. Eh kills Jesus and doesn't afraid of anything.
 
2012-03-21 01:27:20 PM
If I were Satan, I'd convince everyone I was God and lead them astray that way.

Far easier than all that Paul pronounced back then.
 
2012-03-21 01:27:38 PM
If I were the Devil I would have granted Ronnie James Dio another 20 years of life and taken Nickelback out in a horrible fiery painful plane crash.

/Sue me, I was taking a nap that day...

decapolis.com
 
2012-03-21 01:28:56 PM

jfarkinB: Yep, Paul Harvey's 1965 homily perfectly describes how Communism has gone on to take over the world.


Good point.

That's the odd thing about the strawman setup here: I'm not an expert on China or the USSR, but if there's one thing I would NOT describe the lives of their citizenry as, it would be "leisurely." All their progroms and cultural revolutions and industrial torture plants seemed like a hell of a lot of hard, joyless toil.
 
2012-03-21 01:28:56 PM

Saborlas: Hell is just an asylum for those too dangerous to reincarnate. No actual punishment goes on there.


Very interesting. Seriously. Your idea?

In this idea, what actually DOES go on there? Anybody ever allowed out to try it again?
 
2012-03-21 01:29:52 PM
If I were Satan, I'd write a bunch of different Holy Books that were convoluted, contradictory and guaranteed to lead to schisms, even when two people read the same Holy Book. Where the books were easy to read, I'd make sure they were full of violence and calls on believers to kill and oppress non-believers. I'd put orders in the books to give to the church, guaranteeing that church leaders were money-grubbing whores intent on fleecing their flocks. I'd make it a sin to question authority of the books and the leadership of the church, to attract the most power-hungry to the church. I'd make sure the books were "revealed" in roughly the same area of the world so that their believers would be right next door to each other, always ready to strike out. I'd make the books say that one of the extant sexes was lesser than the other, in order to attract the most misogynistic men to the church leadership. I would put in ridiculous ideas about science and nature to guarantee that scientific progress was retarded as much as possible to increase world suffering. And I'd put in the Holy Books just enough good ideas to throw off suspicion.
 
2012-03-21 01:29:54 PM

SpaceButler: If I were the devil, I'd take a nation whose technical and scientific achievements were instrumental in stopping a global advance of tyranny and convince its people that ignorance is a virtue.


Aaaaaand favorited.
 
Displayed 50 of 274 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report