If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Some Guy)   Rick Santorum admits to killing kittens: "The devil pulled me into lust. I would stare at screens, magazines, my hand...but now I'm free. I'm free of the devil's grip"   (freewoodpost.com) divider line 184
    More: Weird, Rick Santorum  
•       •       •

4358 clicks; posted to Politics » on 20 Mar 2012 at 11:08 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



184 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Last | Show all
 
2012-03-20 10:06:36 AM  
Bonus: the site's name is Free Wood Post
 
2012-03-20 10:15:07 AM  

SurfaceTension: Bonus: the site's name is Free Wood Post


www.freewoodpost.com

And just look at the image they chose. Mr. Frothy looks like he has a firm grip indeed.

But yeah, his statements in this article are just more examples of why he's a lunatic.
 
2012-03-20 10:17:13 AM  
Wait, he would stare at his hand?
 
2012-03-20 10:19:23 AM  
He's went so far as to say that if elected President, he would take steps to end pornography.

He's went???

In addition, his rumored running mate Michele Bachmann signed a pledge to a Christian organization that seeks to ban pornography as well.

Such density of ignorance and derp would surely cause a singularity that would consume the solar system.

But on purely practical political terms, what does she bring to the ticket? She's the female him.
 
2012-03-20 10:23:26 AM  

Diogenes: He's went so far as to say that if elected President, he would take steps to end pornography.

He's went???

In addition, his rumored running mate Michele Bachmann signed a pledge to a Christian organization that seeks to ban pornography as well.

Such density of ignorance and derp would surely cause a singularity that would consume the solar system.

But on purely practical political terms, what does she bring to the ticket? She's the female him.


It gives Rick an opportunity to hook up with Michele's husband.
 
2012-03-20 10:27:16 AM  

Cythraul: It gives Rick an opportunity to hook up with Michele's husband.


*spllggfft* coffee....burning.....
 
2012-03-20 10:30:03 AM  
Thanks to this article, I may never get an erection again.
 
2012-03-20 10:30:13 AM  
The guy who wants to ban pornography is a self-hating porn-addict?

:O
 
2012-03-20 10:33:04 AM  
So, I thought the whole point of temptation was the overcoming it. How can you overcome sin if you get rid of temptation?
 
2012-03-20 10:36:00 AM  
With all of the shiat going down in the world, it seems a little weird that God would give a flying fark if you're fapping.
 
2012-03-20 10:37:58 AM  
I would stare at screens, magazines, my hand

So, did he jerk off with one hand while staring at his other hand?
 
2012-03-20 10:43:38 AM  

sweetmelissa31: So, did he jerk off with one hand while staring at his other hand?


Doesn't everyone?

/*blinks*
 
2012-03-20 10:43:53 AM  

hubiestubert: So, I thought the whole point of temptation was the overcoming it. How can you overcome sin if you get rid of temptation?


I had that same discussion with a Muslim coworker. We were at Ramadan eid at work and they held a prayer. I noticed that all the female employees bowed to pray behind the men. I asked my friend why, since that seemed to support the accusations of sexism in Islam.

He explained that it was the opposite. It was intended to prevent the men from possibly looking at the women's asses whey they should be praying. It was to honor and protect them.

Which led me to the same question in my mind - is it better and more honorable to resist temptation, or is it better to remove the possibility of temptation? The latter is scary for lots of practical reasons. But how do you assess the strength of your morals if they've never been challenged?
 
2012-03-20 10:45:48 AM  

SurfaceTension: Doesn't everyone?

/*blinks*


I guess if you fold it in a certain way the area between your thumb and index finger sort of looks like a vagina.
 
2012-03-20 10:48:41 AM  

Diogenes:

Which led me to the same question in my mind - is it better and more honorable to resist temptation, or is it better to remove the possibility of temptation? The latter is scary for lots of practical reasons. But how do you assess the strength of your morals if they've never been challenged?


You have faith? I mean...I not religious, but isn't that the point? The hardest part to me was the idea that you might never be tested, or be given any insight. You just keep believing.
 
2012-03-20 10:52:37 AM  

vartian: Diogenes:

Which led me to the same question in my mind - is it better and more honorable to resist temptation, or is it better to remove the possibility of temptation? The latter is scary for lots of practical reasons. But how do you assess the strength of your morals if they've never been challenged?

You have faith? I mean...I not religious, but isn't that the point? The hardest part to me was the idea that you might never be tested, or be given any insight. You just keep believing.


I'm afraid we might be getting into a semantic argument. But I don't believe faith can be blind. I find the very idea contradictory. Faith without effort or challenge is merely habit.
 
2012-03-20 10:54:33 AM  

sweetmelissa31: I would stare at screens, magazines, my hand

So, did he jerk off with one hand while staring at his other hand?


Maybe he was stoned?
 
2012-03-20 10:56:54 AM  

sweetmelissa31: I would stare at screens, magazines, my hand

So, did he jerk off with one hand while staring at his other hand?


i.imgur.com
I'm sure he felt risque because he used a black pen
 
2012-03-20 10:57:46 AM  

sweetmelissa31: I guess if you fold it in a certain way the area between your thumb and index finger sort of looks like a vagina.


And with the right amount of baby oil and pressure, it certainly feels...hey, wait a minute...um...yeah, never mind
 
2012-03-20 11:00:11 AM  

WI241TH: i.imgur.com
I'm sure he felt risque because he used a black pen


The blacker the ink, the sweeter the juice.
 
2012-03-20 11:09:58 AM  
So he's Master of His Domain?
 
2012-03-20 11:10:09 AM  
Ah... the devil's grip. That's when you lead with the left hand, but you use both.
 
2012-03-20 11:11:03 AM  
Ah, so he's one of those "I couldn't handle myself so that means nobody else can either" types.
 
2012-03-20 11:11:27 AM  
Sounds like Jimmy Carter to me.
 
2012-03-20 11:13:47 AM  
Well, I didn't think he should be President of the United States of America before, but this changes everything.
 
2012-03-20 11:14:05 AM  
Ummm, just so I'm clear - are we all pretending this is not a satire site?
 
2012-03-20 11:14:27 AM  

Diogenes: He's went so far as to say that if elected President, he would take steps to end pornography.

He's went???

In addition, his rumored running mate Michele Bachmann signed a pledge to a Christian organization that seeks to ban pornography as well.

Such density of ignorance and derp would surely cause a singularity that would consume the solar system.

But on purely practical political terms, what does she bring to the ticket? She's the female him.


Well he can't have sex with himself, that would be gay. If it's a female him, it's ok. It also means he would never need porn.

Serious note for a minute, isn't pornography protected by the first amendment? I know there's the whole profane discussion, but I'm pretty sure you can't actually outlaw porn (not that the president has the power to do that even if it were constitutional)
 
2012-03-20 11:14:33 AM  
Don't even get him started on how many carrots he used to shove down his throat for practice.
 
2012-03-20 11:14:50 AM  
Go fark yourself, Santorum



wait
 
2012-03-20 11:14:53 AM  

sweetmelissa31: I would stare at screens, magazines, my hand

So, did he jerk off with one hand while staring at his other hand?


Sweetie, you never let the other hand know...
 
2012-03-20 11:15:20 AM  

Diogenes: vartian: Diogenes:

Which led me to the same question in my mind - is it better and more honorable to resist temptation, or is it better to remove the possibility of temptation? The latter is scary for lots of practical reasons. But how do you assess the strength of your morals if they've never been challenged?

You have faith? I mean...I not religious, but isn't that the point? The hardest part to me was the idea that you might never be tested, or be given any insight. You just keep believing.

I'm afraid we might be getting into a semantic argument. But I don't believe faith can be blind. I find the very idea contradictory. Faith without effort or challenge is merely habit.


Sounds like a practical solution to me for a culture that has women issues...
 
2012-03-20 11:15:33 AM  

sweetmelissa31: I would stare at screens, magazines, my hand

So, did he jerk off with one hand while staring at his other hand?


Look some of us just have really sexy hands, ok?
 
2012-03-20 11:16:00 AM  

Duke Phillips' Singing Bears: Ah... the devil's grip. That's when you lead with the left hand, but you use both.


That's actually the Reverse, Double-Handed Australian Jackhammer Method, but I suppose we're splitting hairs here.
 
2012-03-20 11:16:36 AM  

Morpher59: Ummm, just so I'm clear - are we all pretending this is not a satire site?


That seems to be the plan, yes.
 
2012-03-20 11:17:10 AM  

Cythraul: And just look at the image they chose. Mr. Frothy looks like he has a firm grip indeed.


i41.tinypic.com

/He always does.
 
2012-03-20 11:17:18 AM  
FreeWoodPost.com is intended for a mature, sophisticated, and discerning audience.
 
2012-03-20 11:17:54 AM  

Morpher59: Ummm, just so I'm clear - are we all pretending this is not a satire site?


That would assume people read the article before commenting.
 
2012-03-20 11:18:05 AM  

Quasar: Morpher59: Ummm, just so I'm clear - are we all pretending this is not a satire site?

That seems to be the plan, yes.


What does it say about Santorum that I sincerely believed this was true?
 
2012-03-20 11:18:06 AM  
Sadly, from the free wood post facebook page:

i.imgur.com
 
2012-03-20 11:18:15 AM  
He should propose a law making it a felony to look at your hand
 
2012-03-20 11:18:23 AM  

Kibbler: Sounds like Jimmy Carter to me.


He should just tear his lusty heart right out.
 
2012-03-20 11:19:04 AM  
Sounds like he really just needed to change up on his technique.
 
2012-03-20 11:19:06 AM  
Where in the Bible does it say that a man can't fire off some knuckle-children in the privacy of ... living room while his neighbor's at work because I don't have a DVD player?
 
2012-03-20 11:19:20 AM  
Looks like Santorum's self-loathing desires to "stare at screens, magazines and his hand" would play a great role in shaping the policies of a Santorum-Bachmann administration.


Looks like old frothy might have stumbled into pr0n, shiat, and it traumatised him. Just remember to wipe when you spread santorum!
 
2012-03-20 11:20:54 AM  
t3.gstatic.com

CAN'T FAP WITH THESE. HA! DYNAMITE!
 
2012-03-20 11:21:08 AM  
More than I need to know.
 
2012-03-20 11:21:40 AM  

Jake Havechek: Where in the Bible does it say that a man can't fire off some knuckle-children in the privacy of ... living room while his neighbor's at work because I don't have a DVD player?


I swear to god Jacob, if I have to chase you out with a broom one more got-damn time...

Wait WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW
 
2012-03-20 11:22:10 AM  

Diogenes:

I'm afraid we might be getting into a semantic argument. But I don't believe faith can be blind. I find the very idea contradictory. Faith without effort or challenge is merely habit.


Hey, as far as I am concerned, mo rules...you believe anything you want :)
 
2012-03-20 11:22:11 AM  

Diogenes: He explained that it was the opposite. It was intended to prevent the men from possibly looking at the women's asses whey they should be praying. It was to honor and protect them.


And giving an opportunity for the ladies to stare at the guys asses.
 
2012-03-20 11:22:18 AM  

marius2: The guy who wants to ban pornography is a self-hating porn-addict?

:O


Kind of informs on his hatred of gays, doesn't it?
 
Displayed 50 of 184 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report