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(Gizmodo)   How to take flawless naked pics of somebody else's body, considering this is Fark. (Probably not the safest thing for work)   (gizmodo.com) divider line 61
    More: PSA, reference frame, camera flashes, fluorescent lights  
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18942 clicks; posted to Geek » on 18 Mar 2012 at 10:28 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-03-18 10:22:40 AM
Step 1: Make sure the target leaves their blinds open.
 
2012-03-18 10:43:25 AM
I was kinda expecting a photoshop tutorial.
 
2012-03-18 10:45:05 AM
Hire professional photographer

NSFW (new window)
 
2012-03-18 10:51:38 AM
FTFA: Don't use vintage filters

Christ, have some self-respect.



Did He use vintage filters 2,000 years ago? I know he was super into the semi-naked thing.
 
2012-03-18 10:57:18 AM
So, turns out this isn't a tutorial on the best ways to hide webcams.....
 
2012-03-18 11:00:40 AM
"Make sure there are no kids in the room."

This should not be necessary.
 
2012-03-18 11:02:09 AM
Wear long pants. You never know what else will be hiding in the bushes.
 
2012-03-18 11:18:20 AM
But my flaws are my best feature!
 
2012-03-18 11:39:41 AM

ginandbacon: This should not be necessary.


I have no plans on risque pictures of any kind, however it's good advice.
The little creatures can teleport.
 
2012-03-18 11:42:47 AM
Flush
 
2012-03-18 11:44:05 AM
Step 1: Start with a flawless naked body...
 
2012-03-18 11:54:43 AM
flushthetoiletfirstjpgthatnoonereallywantstosee.jpg
 
2012-03-18 11:58:18 AM
cdn2.mixrmedia.com
 
2012-03-18 12:02:14 PM
If I don't have a mirror, can I use a shiny steel tea kettle? I've heard that can work.
 
2012-03-18 12:12:34 PM
No Such Agency

If I don't have a mirror, can I use a shiny steel tea kettle? I've heard that can work.

If you're short and stout it'll make things worse.
 
2012-03-18 12:14:13 PM
Don't take pictures of naked starlets if The Rock is the vicinity. He's such a ham.
 
2012-03-18 12:23:36 PM
Has anyone else seen the one that a girl took of herself in the bathroom, sexy pose and looked good, BUT the floater in the toilet was hilarious.
/ if you are taking a picture in the bathroom, flush the toilet.
 
2012-03-18 12:26:36 PM

cig-mkr: Has anyone else seen the one that a girl took of herself in the bathroom, sexy pose and looked good, BUT the floater in the toilet was hilarious.
/ if you are taking a picture in the bathroom, flush the toilet.


I found it !
NSFW

Link (new window)
 
2012-03-18 12:28:33 PM
This image in the comments was gold.

img.gawkerassets.com
 
2012-03-18 12:40:32 PM
Smile like a normal person

Translation: No duckface!

images.sodahead.com


Always use a mirror
Clean up your disgusting room


Also, clean up your disgusting mirror.
 
2012-03-18 01:20:37 PM

Zombalupagus: Also, clean up your disgusting mirror.


See, I always keep the camera pointed at myself so that I could use the mirror to line up the shot. No hidden streaks show up, and my shot can be lined up to where you can't tell I'm in a restroom at all.

/face shots
//no, not that kind of face shot
 
2012-03-18 01:57:33 PM
3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-03-18 02:39:11 PM
Some good advice and a lot of bad advice. But that's OK. There's a strong internet tradition of hilarious nude photos of people who take bad advice from the internet. It would be a shame for that tradition to end.
 
2012-03-18 02:56:41 PM
First step in taking flawless naked photos (fark version):

Sneak quietly into mom's bedroom.
 
2012-03-18 03:48:48 PM
FNPIE (Flawless Naked PIcs In Email)

/EIP
 
2012-03-18 04:22:10 PM
It's good to start by reading a column with tips about taking these pictures, but nothing can truly replace practice and some helpful criticism. So, in order to help, I'll make the following offer to any farkettes here. Take a few pictures and send them to my e-mail (which is in my profile). I will peruse them and let you know what I think.
 
2012-03-18 04:23:08 PM
You mean like this?
25.media.tumblr.com

Or this?
30.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-03-18 04:51:31 PM
Get a flawless naked body is the obvious first choice
 
2012-03-18 05:09:55 PM
I'm just gonna be insufferably smug and happy here and say that a very pretty girl sent me a picture of herself wearing a green wig yesterday... With no ducklips.

Of course, that might be all of my sex life for the rest of the year, but hey, it made me happy.
 
2012-03-18 05:20:25 PM

rf134a: You mean like this?
[25.media.tumblr.com image 500x667]

Or this?
[30.media.tumblr.com image 500x665]


I hate to be that guy, but there's poo on that toilet in the first pic. Why take a pic like that kneeling next to a poo stained toilet?
 
2012-03-18 05:21:03 PM

rf134a:

Or this?
[30.media.tumblr.com image 500x665]

Will take "or this for 20 Alex".
 
2012-03-18 05:22:59 PM
Does this mean we can have an honest to goodness AW thread?
 
2012-03-18 05:27:08 PM

rf134a: You mean like this?
[25.media.tumblr.com image 500x667]

Or this?
[30.media.tumblr.com image 500x665]


Well, the first is too brightly lit. The top is washed out. But the second is excellent!
 
2012-03-18 05:28:18 PM

I May Be Crazy But...: rf134a: You mean like this?
[25.media.tumblr.com image 500x667]

Or this?
[30.media.tumblr.com image 500x665]

Well, the first is too brightly lit. The top is washed out. But the second is excellent!


I should add that I'm pretty sure the point of view in the first shot is not flattering to anybody.
 
2012-03-18 06:39:19 PM
best0f.com

Also, flush.
 
2012-03-18 07:13:37 PM
i44.tinypic.com
 
2012-03-18 07:13:37 PM
Step 1. Don't have clothes on.
 
2012-03-18 07:55:36 PM
I hate to be that guy #3, but...anyone post a non-gawker link? Or the details? I don't really feel like enabling all 4000 things gawker wants.
 
2012-03-18 08:18:44 PM

kroonermanblack: I hate to be that guy #3, but...anyone post a non-gawker link? Or the details? I don't really feel like enabling all 4000 things gawker wants.


Enabling gizmodo was enough to get the article.
 
2012-03-18 08:23:47 PM

soupbone: rf134a: You mean like this?
[25.media.tumblr.com image 500x667]

Or this?
[30.media.tumblr.com image 500x665]

I hate to be that guy, but there's poo on that toilet in the first pic. Why take a pic like that kneeling next to a poo stained toilet?


cdn.static.ovimg.com
 
2012-03-18 08:27:36 PM

soupbone: I hate to be that guy, but there's poo on that toilet in the first pic. Why take a pic like that kneeling next to a poo stained toilet?


From the perspective, I think she's kneeling on the sink. That 'poo stain' is actually the hole in the sink that prevents flooding.
 
2012-03-18 08:38:21 PM

Nebulious: soupbone: I hate to be that guy, but there's poo on that toilet in the first pic. Why take a pic like that kneeling next to a poo stained toilet?

From the perspective, I think she's kneeling on the sink. That 'poo stain' is actually the hole in the sink that prevents flooding.


Yeah, her feet are on the toilet, and the toilet is covered in what looks like her discarded clothing.
 
2012-03-18 08:51:04 PM
How to take flawless naked pics of somebody else's body

First, for clarity of purpose, you move the key adjective to the correct part of the sentence, that is to say:

How to take flawless pics of somebody else's naked body

Otherwise you could be misinterpreted, even though that NEVER happens on Fark.
 
2012-03-18 09:14:02 PM
Fail: No mention of Windex.

Step 1: Clean the farking mirror.
 
2012-03-18 09:34:19 PM

Browncoat: [best0f.com image 364x450]

Also, flush.


I was wondering how long it would take for that pic to show up.
 
2012-03-18 09:46:44 PM
Some people are looking at the wrong part of the photo. :P

Maybe take it outside...
27.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-03-19 12:47:18 AM

rf134a: You mean like this?
[25.media.tumblr.com image 500x667]

Or this?
[30.media.tumblr.com image 500x665]


Why is refrigerant posting in this thread? At least R-12 didn't show up!

/I approve of those pictures, I don't care what anyone says
 
2012-03-19 12:59:38 AM

RangerTaylor: rf134a: You mean like this?
[25.media.tumblr.com image 500x667]

Or this?
[30.media.tumblr.com image 500x665]

Why is refrigerant posting in this thread? At least R-12 didn't show up!

/I approve of those pictures, I don't care what anyone says


cause refridgerant's cool like that.

/agree on the approval tho.
 
2012-03-19 10:09:44 AM
Actual title of the article: How to Take Flawless Phone Pics of Your Naked Body

Sorry Jizmoppo, there is no such thing as a flawless phone pic. There never has been. There probably never will be.

"Flawless". Like other words implying quality, it is something Jizmoppo will never be able to understand well enough to use properly.

/Fail
 
2012-03-19 11:11:23 AM
has anyone ever taken a good picture of themselves from a phone?

I figured that it was basically impossible, since the camera is too close to the subject and the angle will always be strange. not to mention, it won't be zoomed in, so there may be a slightly wide-angle issue with the camera, which will make the subject look strange
 
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