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(io9)   First trailer for DARK SHADOWS; pure unadulterated horror, and not in a good way   (io9.com ) divider line
    More: Stupid, Dark Shadows, survival horror, Jackie Earle Haley, Johnny Depp, trailers, matriarchs, Ellen Degeneres  
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5946 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 15 Mar 2012 at 8:37 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-03-15 10:07:21 PM  
There's two kinds of movies in this world: those that use a T.Rex song in the trailer, and those that don't.
 
2012-03-15 10:10:42 PM  
I think i'm maybe not going to ever see that.
 
2012-03-15 10:12:56 PM  

Surool: Lexx: This looks like it has potential.

What? Burton's so incredibly pretentiously artsy normally, this proves he's self-aware enough to embrace the cheese. And honestly, Depp has two characters: pimp and awkward pale face. I'll spend the movie laughing at cheap jokes and fantasizing about Eva Green.

Basically it's an Austin Powers horror movie. What's so wrong with that? Some people LIKE camp.

Here is my question to you... and to everyone in the thread really:

Why does Hollywood spend tons of money on a recognized property name and then change the story so much (like switching genre from horror to comedy in this case) and piss off the very fans of the original that you are hoping to lure in the first place? It seems that all they got were a few character names for their millions of dollars.

I wouldn't have minded Starship Troopers as a cynical play on the old WWII propaganda films if they had changed the name of the movie and characters. Now trashy Verhoeven film is relentlessly is crashing into the somewhat serious book I read and liked as a teenager.

I feel sorry for the fans of the horror soap opera at having to see this stupid comedy in place of the movie they wanted. If the names were changed and the movie had no expectations to live up to, wouldn't that significantly help the movie?


Yeah...you're really over-estimating the number of fans of whatever series this was, a few decades ago. Trust me, they're NOT the reason this movie's being made.

Dracula Love Story with Austin Powers Plot directed by a heavyweight starring Big Ticket Stars. The fact that it shares source material with another show is coincidence. Honestly...time travelling to the 70's British Vampire and the hotty Witch who cursed him? Really? This was a serious, non campy thing at some point in time?

//I read Starship Troopers. And Jurassic Park. The movie was far more clever than the book, and for the latter film, far more entertaining.
 
2012-03-15 10:15:27 PM  

Lexx: Surool: Lexx: This looks like it has potential.

What? Burton's so incredibly pretentiously artsy normally, this proves he's self-aware enough to embrace the cheese. And honestly, Depp has two characters: pimp and awkward pale face. I'll spend the movie laughing at cheap jokes and fantasizing about Eva Green.

Basically it's an Austin Powers horror movie. What's so wrong with that? Some people LIKE camp.

Here is my question to you... and to everyone in the thread really:

Why does Hollywood spend tons of money on a recognized property name and then change the story so much (like switching genre from horror to comedy in this case) and piss off the very fans of the original that you are hoping to lure in the first place? It seems that all they got were a few character names for their millions of dollars.

I wouldn't have minded Starship Troopers as a cynical play on the old WWII propaganda films if they had changed the name of the movie and characters. Now trashy Verhoeven film is relentlessly is crashing into the somewhat serious book I read and liked as a teenager.

I feel sorry for the fans of the horror soap opera at having to see this stupid comedy in place of the movie they wanted. If the names were changed and the movie had no expectations to live up to, wouldn't that significantly help the movie?

Yeah...you're really over-estimating the number of fans of whatever series this was, a few decades ago. Trust me, they're NOT the reason this movie's being made.

Dracula Love Story with Austin Powers Plot directed by a heavyweight starring Big Ticket Stars. The fact that it shares source material with another show is coincidence. Honestly...time travelling to the 70's British Vampire and the hotty Witch who cursed him? Really? This was a serious, non campy thing at some point in time?

//I read Starship Troopers. And Jurassic Park. The movie was far more clever than the book, and for the latter film, far more entertaining.


Also, if you want a horror soap opera, watch Vampire Diaries.

//Serious drama dies the moment it becomes a soap. Comedy soaps and porno soaps (Latin Lover) are the only interpretations of the genre that are mentionable.
 
2012-03-15 10:17:08 PM  
Oh, look! Burton remade his movie again!

He only made three movies: Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, Ed Wood, and the other one he keeps remaking.

Oblig.
 
2012-03-15 10:19:46 PM  
The only bright side to this movie is that it finally got MPI off their ass to put the entire series on DVD.

Which means that after the movie bombs, that same set will probably go for real cheap. Which is kinda good, since it means I can finish up my collection fairly quickly.

Seriously, though...what the fark is wrong with Burton? He just looks like he's not even trying anymore.
 
2012-03-15 10:23:03 PM  

Guntram Shatterhand:
Seriously, though...what the fark is wrong with Burton? He just looks like he's not even trying anymore.


I don't know I liked Big Fish, Corpse Bride, Sweeney Todd and his Willy Wonka remake. The only one I wasn't too fond of was Alice. Maybe I just like his style?
 
2012-03-15 10:25:36 PM  

Lexx: DjangoStonereaver: Lexx: This looks like it has potential.

What? Burton's so incredibly pretentiously artsy normally, this proves he's self-aware enough to embrace the cheese. And honestly, Depp has two characters: pimp and awkward pale face. I'll spend the movie laughing at cheap jokes and fantasizing about Eva Green.

Basically it's an Austin Powers horror movie. What's so wrong with that? Some people LIKE camp.

I see this as the apotheosis of Burton's pretentiousness, since he obviously thought the only way to handle the
property was to do is as a straight out comedy.

This isn't camp. This looks to me like mockery pure and simple (Depp's devotion to the original aside).

Wait...camp isn't pure and simple mockery of the material and audience? I kinda thought that was the point.


I've always heard 'camp' defined as treating absurd material with exaggerated seriousness. It isn't so much
mockery as assuming the audience will be 'in' on how silly/stupid the work is and treating them with the
commiserate respect as equal partners. a

I don't see any of that in the trailer. What I see is a bunch of mugging to the camera and obvious jokes about
1970s culture. There is also the snobbery implicit in Burton's works that people who don't like his stuff just don't
'get it', which I don't see as respecting the audience.

"Austin Powers: Vampire", as someone upthread called it. That isn't camp, its comedy, and I don't think its the
right way to successfully handle DARK SHADOWS.

//apotheosis? Really?

OK, so maybe part of my strong dislike of Burton is a recognition that I have a bit of pretentiousness in myself. ;-P
 
2012-03-15 10:29:12 PM  

Lexx: Yeah...you're really over-estimating the number of fans of whatever series this was, a few decades ago. Trust me, they're NOT the reason this movie's being made.

Dracula Love Story with Austin Powers Plot directed by a heavyweight starring Big Ticket Stars. The fact that it shares source material with another show is coincidence. Honestly...time travelling to the 70's British Vampire and the hotty Witch who cursed him? Really? This was a serious, non campy thing at some point in time?


...then why pay for the name and not make Dark Shadows? I'm not overestimating the fans or anything else, I'm saying it defies logic. Why buy a name if you don't want to draw in people who knew the original? I'm not saying anything about subject matter at all, other than the fact they bought the rights to not make a movie out of the source material for millions of dollars. Frankly, the movie might even be amusing, but that doesn't explain why you would waste that much money on a name.

Being buried for 300 years ≠ time travel. I know it is difficult to grasp, but try.

For the record, I didn't watch either Dark Shadows series, and I have no horse in this race.
 
2012-03-15 10:47:50 PM  

Surool: I feel sorry for the fans of the horror soap opera at having to see this stupid comedy in place of the movie they wanted. If the names were changed and the movie had no expectations to live up to, wouldn't that significantly help the movie?


As far as I can tell, the only fanbase that Dark Shadows has is people who love to get together, drink red wine, and mock the ever-loving shiat out of a completely and absurdly bad show. I've never met a Dark Shadows fan who actually thinks the show is good. And frankly, I don't think you could make any money doing a serious Dark Shadows movie.

But I know I am not alone in being farking sick to death of serious and pretentious vampire twaddle, and I would love to see Burton and Depp skewer the whole farking genre they helped to create with movies like Edward Scissorhands and Sleepy Hollow. You know they feel partially responsible, on some level, for the travesty that is four farking Twilight movies and the seemingly never ending crap that is trying to cash in on it. Like did you see that Red Riding Hood movie? I did, and I kept thinking "fark, it's like someone mated Sleepy Hollow (a movie I love) and Twilight (a movie I hate). What evil hath thou wrought Tim Burton!!!"

It is high time someone took the piss out of goffik romance, and a campy piece of crap show like Dark Shadows is the perfect vehicle for doing just that. And frankly, Tim Burton and Johnny Depp are the perfect pair to do it. They're the only people who know how do that kind of movie (goffik romance) with just enough cheekiness to keep the pretentiousness in check.

I will definitely see this, and I suspect I will spend the whole movie laughing my ass off.
 
2012-03-15 10:52:41 PM  
www.bbc.co.uk

Link (new window)

- I'm working with a great director right now; a guy named Tim Burton. Have you ever heard of him?
- of course.
- Well, the film itself is really brilliant and I'm playing a very interesting character...Do u have any idea who my leading lady is on this film?
- In the tim burton film? erm, Helena Bonham Carter?
- How did you know?
- A stab in the dark...
 
2012-03-15 10:55:13 PM  
It may not resemble the Dark Shadows that I remember, but hell - this is precicely the shot in the arm we need after Twilight.
 
2012-03-15 11:00:34 PM  

Bathia_Mapes: TheHopeDiamond: I'll challenge you for second place on the fan totem pole :)

But failing that I'll be happy as 3!

Or you two can share the role. :-)


That works!
 
2012-03-15 11:02:46 PM  

skepticultist: I will definitely see this, and I suspect I will spend the whole movie laughing my ass off.


...unless, as modern trailers go, that recycled "people inside the TV" joke and the "stoned" joke were the best the movie has to offer.
 
2012-03-15 11:03:45 PM  
I would have preferred the Hammer movie take Burton did with Sleepy Hollow. They have the gothic setting, the big breasted girl, Depp, it's an R so there will be some gore, I don't think it needed to be quite so Brady Bunch though.
 
2012-03-15 11:08:24 PM  
I think I'll just spend my ticket money on a spindle of blank DVDs and transfer my nearly-complete set of episodes off my VHS tapes.
 
2012-03-15 11:09:09 PM  
Is it still wrong to want to fark Chloe?
 
2012-03-15 11:12:46 PM  
Looks like Beetlejuice meets Death Becomes Her.

And not in the totally awesome way that you would think.

First half of the trailer was intriguing, second half was a total farking mess. "Save the family business" plots are almost never interesting.
 
2012-03-15 11:17:17 PM  

Mugato: I would have preferred the Hammer movie take Burton did with Sleepy Hollow. They have the gothic setting, the big breasted girl, Depp, it's an R so there will be some gore, I don't think it needed to be quite so Brady Bunch though.


That was my thought, "Tim Burton is doing Dark Shadows by way of the Brady Bunch Movie."

Could work. Could burn faster than Barnabas in day light.
 
2012-03-15 11:18:41 PM  
Looks great to me. Of course, all of the fanholes out here who pretend to know a shiat about the original will begin their pissing and moaning, but I don't care. I thought it looked funny.

And the original is slow as fudge. Not worthy of a faithful remake. This is exactly what I hoped they'd do with the property.

/Not really a Burton fan at all, FYI
 
2012-03-15 11:19:23 PM  

shower_in_my_socks: . "Save the family business" plots are almost never interesting.



I seem to recall a Dark Shadows novel where the side story included Roger having to find a new cannery because the little keys were snapping off the cans of fisn, which was making the company look bad.

Even a movie about that would be more entertaining than what is shown in that trailer.
 
2012-03-15 11:19:27 PM  

Mugato: I would have preferred the Hammer movie take Burton did with Sleepy Hollow.


I had hoped that was what we were getting. I would have paid theater prices for that. I have zero interest in seeing this now. Doubly so seeing as how the trailer gives away the entire plot.
 
2012-03-15 11:29:22 PM  
That looks like fun to me. Yes, I was a bit of a fan of the original, and this seems to tear the original to shreds. But it still looks like fun ;)
 
2012-03-15 11:42:10 PM  

GungFu: [www.bbc.co.uk image 500x333]

Link (new window)

- I'm working with a great director right now; a guy named Tim Burton. Have you ever heard of him?
- of course.
- Well, the film itself is really brilliant and I'm playing a very interesting character...Do u have any idea who my leading lady is on this film?
- In the tim burton film? erm, Helena Bonham Carter?
- How did you know?
- A stab in the dark...


"Why isn't Ricky Gervais circumcised? Because there's no end to that prick."

/Liam Neeson's cameo was also great
 
2012-03-15 11:47:43 PM  
Depp in Dark Shadows = Vampiric Jack Sparrow
Depp in The Lone Ranger = American Indian Jack Sparrow
Depp in The Rum Diary = Anachronistic Jack Sparrow(with unlimited rum!)
Depp in In Hell = Opium-addicted Jack Sparrow


.....................


Sigh.

I'm starting to finally accept that his performances in Blow and Donnie Brasco were brilliant flukes.
 
2012-03-15 11:58:00 PM  

DjangoStonereaver: Shrugging Atlas: Mother of what the fark??

For about the first 40 seconds i was thinking, "I really don't see anything wrong with this."

Then that thing just goes off the farking rails.

That was precisely my reaction.

Don't get me wrong: the orignal was extremely cheesy and had a very high camp factor, but it worked because it
was done with an absolute seriousness by people who were (with only a couple of exceptions) very good actors
and thus it achieved an amazingly high level of dignity.

This is just another example Burton saying "Oh, look how much better I am than this crap!" in the guise of
"reimagining" and "Paying homage."

And, on top of everything else, DS was a product of the 1960s, not the 70s, so once again Burton shows he just
doesn't give a rat's ass about what he's "reimagining".

Even the presence of Eva Green in lingerie doesn't make this anything other than a condescending snarkfest that
completely misses the point of the original in favor of gratuitious disco- and polyester-jokes.


Yeah, but on the other hand, there's Eva Green in lingerie.
 
2012-03-15 11:58:46 PM  

Bathia_Mapes: Kathryn Leigh Scott


she was my Mums roommate in acting school they are still friends and she said Burton was really good to her. She was very down with the death of her husband and Burton called and asked her to do the cameo and was truly nice to her. (and everything was first class limo all the way from la to london not often done for a small time beloved TV actress)
 
2012-03-16 12:02:14 AM  
Well... looks like I don't need to see the movie as I pretty much figured out the entire plot of the movie in the trailer. And I'm sure they included the best jokes in the trailer too.
 
2012-03-16 12:15:13 AM  
Chiming in to say I think it looks hysterical. My butt will be in a seat on opening night!

/fan of the original series, own the whole thing on DVD
//been to several cons
///won costume contests
 
2012-03-16 12:22:25 AM  

Lillith: Bathia_Mapes: Kathryn Leigh Scott

she was my Mums roommate in acting school they are still friends and she said Burton was really good to her. She was very down with the death of her husband and Burton called and asked her to do the cameo and was truly nice to her. (and everything was first class limo all the way from la to london not often done for a small time beloved TV actress)


I've heard similar things about Jonathan Frid's wonderful reception on behalf of Johnny Depp when Mr Frid arrived on set to do his cameo.

In fact, all the former DS actors/actresses couldn't say enough about how well they were treated by the cast and crew.

I haven't seen any stills yet of Jonathan Frid nor Kathryn Leigh Scott's cameos, but here are David Selby and Lara Parker's cameo appearances.

4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-03-16 12:26:21 AM  

Apos: Depp in Dark Shadows = Vampiric Jack Sparrow
Depp in The Lone Ranger = American Indian Jack Sparrow
Depp in The Rum Diary = Anachronistic Jack Sparrow(with unlimited rum!)
Depp in In Hell = Opium-addicted Jack Sparrow


Okay, so first of all the second movie you're citing started shooting two weeks ago. There's no trailer yet, so the idea that you can claim that Depp is playing Jack Sparrow again in that movie requires you to have a time travel machine. In which case, please, tell us all who wins the election, we're dying to know what 2013 is like.

I haven't seen The Rum Diaries, so I can't comment on that, but I don't see anything at Jack Sparrowish about Depp's Barnabas Collins. Since you've only seen the same trailer I've seen, I'm thinking that's another ass-pull.

And I strongly suspect that's an ass-pull because I have actually seen From Hell (which you got the title wrong on!) several times and the only thing Inspector Abbeline has in common with Captain Jack is that they're both played by Johnny Depp. Abberline is a morose, insightful and reserved character, while Jack is a flamboyant, maniacal and deeply idiosyncratic character.

There is a certain Johnny Deppness to both characters, because duh, it's Johnny Depp, but claiming all of these characters are Jack Sparrow is complete and utter nonsense.

/you must be trolling, congrats on the bite
 
2012-03-16 12:26:24 AM  

Carth: Guntram Shatterhand:
Seriously, though...what the fark is wrong with Burton? He just looks like he's not even trying anymore.

I don't know I liked Big Fish, Corpse Bride, Sweeney Todd and his Willy Wonka remake. The only one I wasn't too fond of was Alice. Maybe I just like his style?


You forgot Sleepy Hollow, the best looking horror film of the 1990's.

That trailer was something else. What the hell kind of movie is this going to be? It looks like somebody mashed the brady bunch with beetlejuice. How horrifying!
 
2012-03-16 12:26:34 AM  
If all Hollywood is going to do is just re-make TV shows and movies, what will they do 10-20 years from now when all the films to remake are remakes? By then of course I imagine we will be on our 3rd reboot of Spiderman
 
2012-03-16 12:32:13 AM  

ssa5: If all Hollywood is going to do is just re-make TV shows and movies, what will they do 10-20 years from now when all the films to remake are remakes? By then of course I imagine we will be on our 3rd reboot of Spiderman


You answered your own question there, pal. I'm waiting for the 3 hour Jackson epic remake of Jurassic park. Or hell, even Lost in Space. How cool would it be to have an ultra realistic version of Lost in Space where they get stranded on a planet and have to survive on a hostile alien world?
 
2012-03-16 12:37:58 AM  
I've thought seriously about this preview, and I've concluded that this is really not good and is going to be not good.
 
2012-03-16 12:43:05 AM  

Jaws_Victim: That trailer was something else. What the hell kind of movie is this going to be? It looks like somebody mashed the brady bunch with beetlejuice. How horrifying!


The tone is way, way off. If they were doing hokey, that's one thing. But it looks like they just got sick of the premise and decided to turn it into a comedy because the studio needed one. It doesn't help it comes off as a mockery of a typical Hollywood trailer. Even down to the music.

Who the fark would go watch this? The fans of the original will be turned off by the humor and slapstick, and everybody else will wonder why their comedy has all of this sad drama in it. The whole project seems like a tremendous waste of time on everybody's behalf.
 
2012-03-16 12:49:39 AM  
This looks so camp Allan Sherman would write a song about it.
 
2012-03-16 01:09:04 AM  
I was nowhere near stoned enough for that trailer. I don't think any person would be able to survive watching that movie without ODing.

/what the hell did I just see?
 
2012-03-16 01:11:47 AM  

fusillade762: Bathia_Mapes:

Huh, for some reason I always thought your handle was a "Dune" thing.

[www.wearysloth.com image 319x240]


Well, now she's the Shout-out Mapes, and she's now a HOUSE-keeeeper!
 
2012-03-16 01:18:13 AM  
That is not Dark Shadows, that is Catweazle (new window)!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catweazle
 
2012-03-16 01:27:18 AM  
Old fart here chiming in. The original was very limited, its budget skimpy, the camera work often dreadful, most of the acting was either very good (especially in the case of Jonathan Frid) or at least passable. HOWEVER IT SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME! It also scared the crap out of most of my friends.

While today's audiences would probably not be scared by the menace of a vampire there is no reason that you couldn't do an atmospheric creep fest that WOULD satisfy today's audiences.

Jonathan Frid was one of the all time creepy vampires. He did not crack wise as he was the smartest and drollest character in the series. He had hundreds of years of experience and knew exactly what to say to get what he wanted. He was pure menace and that was the heart of the show.

Barnabas Collins was frightening even in the context of a 60's filmed live soap opera which is an amazing feat.

Who will watch this? Fans of the original? No. Johnny Depp fans? Maybe.

What really bothers me is that Depp fought to have this movie made because he was such a big fan of the original series yet he presents a Barnabas Collins who is nothing in any way like Jonathan Frid's
interpretation. Why did he fight so hard to get this movie made if he was going to take a dump all over the part that inspired him to make it in the first place?
 
2012-03-16 01:36:17 AM  
Look, its that Tim Burton guy making the same movie he always makes with that Johnny Depp guy who plays the same role in all of Burton's movies!

Luckily Netflix has the original for streaming.....
 
2012-03-16 01:38:02 AM  
What's all the fuss about? That was a perfectly cromulent trailer.
 
2012-03-16 01:39:59 AM  

Delawheredad: HOWEVER IT SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME! It also scared the crap out of most of my friends. While today's audiences would probably not be scared by the menace of a vampire there is no reason that you couldn't do an atmospheric creep fest that WOULD satisfy today's audiences.


It was intentionally mysterious and atmospheric--preternatural unsettling noir. That is beyond Burton's capabilities. It would have been better for Depp as a mashup with 21 jump street. the original.
 
2012-03-16 01:44:23 AM  
Ugh, are you shiatting me? I'm not even going to watch the trailer, based on the description.

DjangoStonereaver: Even the presence of Eva Green in lingerie doesn't make this anything other


OK, I'll watch it once.
 
2012-03-16 01:49:38 AM  
I watched the trailer again, now that the shock has somewhat worn off.

That trailer made me hate my computer :(
 
2012-03-16 01:51:32 AM  

Somacandra: Look, its that Tim Burton guy making the same movie he always makes with that Johnny Depp guy who plays the same role in all of Burton's movies!

Luckily Netflix has the original for streaming.....


I just started this week. I feel like it is the next step if one can stand classic Doctor Who.

I can already see why it's a cult series, but I don't know off it will hold my interest on the long run yet and it will have nothing to do with special effects - I'm just not a soap opera guy.
 
2012-03-16 02:28:00 AM  
You know that background music they used in the series when someone was caught doing something they shouldn't be. You know what I mean. Yeah. I'm hearing that all around Johnny Depp right now. All I need is a gypsy curse and a room that crosses time bands.
 
2012-03-16 03:53:33 AM  

gadian: You know that background music they used in the series when someone was caught doing something they shouldn't be. You know what I mean. Yeah. I'm hearing that all around Johnny Depp right now. All I need is a gypsy curse and a room that crosses time bands.


Did someone say Dark Shadows music? (new window)
 
2012-03-16 04:27:36 AM  
Eva Green notwithstanding, it looks like every Tim Burton movie he's done since Ed Wood. (his high water mark, in my mind).
I understand directors having a similar style, but his style has no variations. By now, it's boring.
 
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