Raging Thespian: [www.ruggedelegantliving.com image 500x500]

Seriously, people. Awesome.

It's weird how that mixer has become some sort of "it" gift. My sister got one for xmas from her husband last year. My fiancee wants one. Some of her friends have them. How did this mixer take upper-middle class kitchens by storm in the last five years?

This is exactly what Mrs. Minge and I did when we got married a year and a half ago, so I'm getting a kick. Since we were already both in our mid-30's and had been living independently for over a decade when we finally started shacking up about a year before the wedding, we literally had two of everything and wound up giving away enough kitchen gadgets, plates, glasses, utensils, furniture, etc. to furnish an entire home just so we could both squeeze into her little house. We asked our guests to please refrain from giving us gifts at our wedding since life had already provided us with all of our material desires. BUT, otoh, we new that some people (mostly the older folks) just wouldn't be able to wrap their heads around the idea of not giving us a wedding gift. So, in order to placate them and keep from getting yet another blender or toaster, we found this nifty website where we could set up a fake registry of things people could buy us to supplement our honeymoon. Things like:

Lunch at beachside restaurant -- $XX
Tour of blah blah -- $XX
Dinner at so-and-so -- $XX
Upgrade airline tickets to better seats -- $XX

All of this stuff was completely made up, and in the end the website collected all the money and sent us one big check (minus a few percentage points for their service fee). We were happy because we got a little extra cash, and our guests were happy because they felt like they got to buy us a gift. Win/win.

Misterdiggity: Maybe you excellent farkers can give me some advice. My good friend eloped and is now having a party to celebrate their marriage, it's a picnic in a park and then they're taking everyone to a MLB game. The invite included a registry link, but I'm a little put off by it. I was thinking, no dinner & no bar=no gift. Am I an asshole?

If you have to ask that question...

This makes sense to me. I already have all the little things I need in my house. The things I want at this point would be way too expensive for a registry. I don't even know what I'd put on such a list. Everyone pick up a hammer, bring some supplies, and finish my basement for me maybe?

Misterdiggity: Maybe you excellent farkers can give me some advice. My good friend eloped and is now having a party to celebrate their marriage, it's a picnic in a park and then they're taking everyone to a MLB game. The invite included a registry link, but I'm a little put off by it. I was thinking, no dinner & no bar=no gift. Am I an asshole?

Scale the gift to the event. If you were going to give, say, $100 worth of gift for a dinner and drinks reception maybe give $25 or $50 worth of gift for a lunch and ballgame "reception". Also, where is the MLB game? If they're making you go to Pittsburgh or Houston I'd demand a cash payment towards booze.

Dear Jesus in heaven do I hate going to weddings.

There was one I've been to that was good, and that's it. They had two open bars serving homebrew, and this was before the actual service (which took place in a literal commune). Then the bride and groom just said, "everyone gather around, we're about to get married", and they did. Then we all drank more beer and ate delicous barbeque.

Link (new window)

Practical advice from a 12+ year wedding vendor. Take from it what you will.

Rapmaster2000: Raging Thespian: [www.ruggedelegantliving.com image 500x500]

Seriously, people. Awesome.

It's weird how that mixer has become some sort of "it" gift. My sister got one for xmas from her husband last year. My fiancee wants one. Some of her friends have them. How did this mixer take upper-middle class kitchens by storm in the last five years?

Brother, if you can figure out how the "in" crowd decides on what consumer item they HAVE to have next, let me know. We'll go in business and make millions.

/thinks of all the chrome kitchen stuff now at Goodwill

Stay classy.

Misterdiggity: Maybe you excellent farkers can give me some advice. My good friend eloped and is now having a party to celebrate their marriage, it's a picnic in a park and then they're taking everyone to a MLB game. The invite included a registry link, but I'm a little put off by it. I was thinking, no dinner & no bar=no gift. Am I an asshole?

Yes. Wedding gifts aren't a quid pro quo type of thing.

The_Sponge: Oprah's Minge: Lunch at beachside restaurant -- $XX
Tour of blah blah -- $XX
Dinner at so-and-so -- $XX
Upgrade airline tickets to better seats -- $XX

All of this stuff was completely made up, and in the end the website collected all the money and sent us one big check (minus a few percentage points for their service fee). We were happy because we got a little extra cash, and our guests were happy because they felt like they got to buy us a gift. Win/win.


Nice! My friend and his wife did the same. They went to a resort in Cancun, and I picked the Cuban cigars for him and a yoga class (IIRC) for her.

The only catch was that when we came back people were like, "so, how was the Tour of BlahBlah" that we bought you? Did you like it? Can we see some pictures of it??"

OldManDownDRoad: Rapmaster2000: Raging Thespian: [www.ruggedelegantliving.com image 500x500]

Seriously, people. Awesome.

It's weird how that mixer has become some sort of "it" gift. My sister got one for xmas from her husband last year. My fiancee wants one. Some of her friends have them. How did this mixer take upper-middle class kitchens by storm in the last five years?

Brother, if you can figure out how the "in" crowd decides on what consumer item they HAVE to have next, let me know. We'll go in business and make millions.

/thinks of all the chrome kitchen stuff now at Goodwill

Hmm, maybe I should be scouring the Goodwill near my office where all the wealthy housewives live. I bet I can find one that was used once to make a "carb free birthday cake" or some such monstrosity.

Anyway, based on my registry trip to Crate and Barrel, it looks like the colors of the 70s are returning to a kitchen near you.

See, gift registries are just where I cannot agree with the Miss Manner types. For major life events (graduations, weddings, births, etc.) you give gifts. Period. Money is an acceptable gift. Unless the card specifically says "No Gifts" because it is a third marriage or 25th anniversary, then you bring a gift. I consider it rude NOT to give a gift in these cases, whether you attend the wedding or not. I am talking about friends here, not the the niece of your boss's cousin needing bodies for her 400 person bash. I think it is a "well fark you, this is what I think about our friendships" if you get nothing (yes, even if you are poor, at least get a card).

So, this being my view on gift giving, INCLUDE THE FREAKING REGISTRY WITH YOUR INVITATION! My time is valuable. I am not going to go to 500 different websites typing in your name hunting for the registry or bother trying to track down your future mother-in-law to find out the details. I will not visit your super special wedding website. Give me the registry information if you want something. If not, you get cash. I never give as high a cash gift as I do off the registry because it isn't as exciting ($200 cash is standard around here, but if I have a registry I will probably buy you your $260-$300 Crate and Barrel dish set because I think it is practical you need stuff to eat off of). If you want me to go to your honeymoon registry, then I have zero problem with that. Luckily it is becoming common courtesy to include the registry information. I even got an invite to a $300 ritzy wedding where the mom is a total stickler on etiquette that had registry information in the invitation. Win.

When we got married I had physical registries at Pampered Chef and Bed/Bath/Beyond. We had a honeymoon registry that I including in my invitation because they gave me notes to include. I setup the registry so people could purchase us excursions on our cruise. Everything was in $20 denominations, so we might ask for 14 of a Diving excursion. I included details on what the excursion was about. It went over really well. Some friends went in on an excursion, other people bought out whole excursions, and some bought a few of each different thing. They were all things we were doing anyway, so it isn't like we cancelled the excursion if we didn't get enough money. In the thank-yous to the people that bought off the registry I told them the highlights of the excursion and sent pictures to their email from that excursion. Everyone said it was the coolest thing we could have done.

Now we did have a few people not give us anything for our wedding, but after all was said and done my thought was "well that was rude", but then I moved on and never held it against them. Weirdly two of them were wedding attendants who a) didn't have to travel, b) didn't have to pay for anything (I bought the dresses, tuxes, hairstyle, makeup, nails, shoes, and accessories) and c) didn't have to pay for their drinks (beer/wine free, liquor drinks cash except the wedding party who we footed the bill for). I just found it weird these are our supposed good friends who didn't have to spend a nickel to attend, begged to be a part of the whole thing (we weren't going to have ushers until this guy through a fit), and then didn't give us a gift. It was odd, but we still talk to them and even gave them nice gifts for their own weddings (which I had to shell out $300 to be a bridesmaid anyway, what an "honor").

My wife and I were in our mid 30s and had established households when we started dating. We combined everything when I moved in and took the best of the best from the combined stuff. We didn't register nor ask for money because we felt that'd be better than asking folks to upgrade all of our plates and appliances. A few folks gave cash, some gave gifts anyone, but most people just showed up.

While we would've liked more to help us pay for the event, we were happy to have the folks show up.

srsly, who cares what they do with the $$$?
it's their wedding - they can do whatever they want
either give or don't
reminds me of something:
i remember watching a lady in chicago give a homeless guy 50 cents AND demanded that it only be spent on food

Rapmaster2000: OldManDownDRoad:

/thinks of all the chrome kitchen stuff now at Goodwill

Hmm, maybe I should be scouring the Goodwill near my office where all the wealthy housewives live. I bet I can find one that was used once to make a "carb free birthday cake" or some such monstrosity.

Anyway, based on my registry trip to Crate and Barrel, it looks like the colors of the 70s are returning to a kitchen near you.


Geebus. I just renovated a house last painted in '73. If I ever see Seafoam Green again, I'll climb a water tower with a rifle.

Yeah, Goodwill stores located near wealthy neighborhood, especially those near a college, are good bets for a major score. Just about my entire kitchen was set up with stuff that was hip last year but now out of fashion. A $200 KitchenAid countertop convection oven for $5? Thank you, yuppies.

/and the full set of Pyrex nested mixing bowls for $2

pounddawg: I see this more and more (wedding officiant)

CSB --

I had one couple buy dual pane windows for their house with the money they were given. They said every time they look through those windows they think about how their friends made their house a home.

That's sweet.

And energy efficient.

My sister and her now husband are actually working on their house so there was a ton of kitchen stuff on their registry (also because she cooks fantasically), but even if they didn't need anything they NEVER would have asked for cash. Our maternal grandmother would turn in her grave if she dared. Not that they would have had to anyway, we have lazy friends.

She did kind of wish that Lowes/Home Depot had a registry set up though

How about they all chip in to provide birth control?

/and by that I mean the pill or shot or ring.

seriously, why is it every gal i meet is 'allergic' to the pill ? I mean it works for the VAST MAJORITY of women and yet every girl I date says "Oh, I tried it and It makes me crazy" or "It doesn't work well with my body". or "I can't do the depo shot. it makes me crazy.

I think we need to test all young women between 17 and 18, and put a mark on their forehead if they don't do well on it, so that men can simply save their own time.

sigdiamond2000: Can someone explain to me how just giving some couple $100 is more tacky than buying them a $100 gift from a registry of things they'll probably never use?

I don't get it either. It must just be a product of years and years of tradition and custom and certain people not being able to grasp something different.

I just got married last summer. We didn't ask for money for the honeymoon, but purposely limited our registry to items we either legitimately needed or would use regularly. After all we had been living together for a couple of years in the house we bought together. So there's not much we needed at that point. We just assumed most would opt for the cash gift instead and we could use that to offset some of the honeymoon cost.

OldManDownDRoad
Yeah, Goodwill stores located near wealthy neighborhood, especially those near a college, are good bets for a major score. Just about my entire kitchen was set up with stuff that was hip last year but now out of fashion. A $200 KitchenAid countertop convection oven for $5? Thank you, yuppies.


Isn't having the latest kitchen equipment for middle aged married couples? When I was in college, I just bought cheap stuff at Target, and i certainly wouldn't get rid of something that worked fine b/c it was one year "out of fashion." I didn't know anyone else who did it differently. Maybe I'm just getting old, and the new thing for all the cool kids to do is buy the latest kitchen equipment. Get off my lawn.

AverageAmericanGuy: This is how they do it in Japan. The couple throws a party and hopes to break even on the costs with the gift money.

This is how they Japanese break even: they don't marry.

As far as I am concerned, it is rude as hell. My cousin lived with a guy for 10 years and then had the nerve to have this gigantic wedding and invited every person she ever met and every relative she could find and they asked for money for the honeymoon, because they already had what they needed. What a crock!! Not only did I skip the wedding, but so did 90% of the rest of the family, and none of us even bothered with a card. lol

Now another couple I knew who lived together for years got married with just immediate family and close friends and because they didn't need anything, they asked for donations to the Humane Society. Everyone else just got a nice announcement that said "No Gifts Please"......they raised over $3,000 for the Humane Society. Now that is classy!

We have a nearly full set of Noritaki China. We've been married twelve years, and we've never opened it. I don't think I even know where it all is.

crzybtch: As far as I am concerned, it is rude as hell. My cousin lived with a guy for 10 years and then had the nerve to have this gigantic wedding and invited every person she ever met and every relative she could find and they asked for money for the honeymoon, because they already had what they needed. What a crock!! Not only did I skip the wedding, but so did 90% of the rest of the family, and none of us even bothered with a card. lol

Yes, the nerve of those people choosing to live their life the way they see fit and then asking for something that might actually be useful to them.

Plus, people are getting married later and later, and usually already have the basic stuff you ask for in a registry out of necessity. Unless they've been living with their parents or something.

crzybtch: As far as I am concerned, it is rude as hell. My cousin lived with a guy for 10 years and then had the nerve to have this gigantic wedding [...]

With Mrs. Sinanju and I, we had been cohabiting for 3 years. At that point, it's still close-quarters dating -- past finding out if you're compatible and have shared interests, but now trying to find out if you'd make good room mates. Once you drift into common law marriage, the wedding is a non-event.

I'm getting married next year and we're planning on doing this too. We want to go somewhere excellent for our honeymoon, and she's going to be starting grad school when we get back so money will be uber tight, so cash will be perfect. I've been out of college for a couple of years now, I have all the basics, so we don't need more basics.

The best way to help most newlyweds these days is to chip in a bit on their student loans.

We had a surprise wedding. We didn't need to worry about registering or telling people not to bring gifts. It was disguised as a joint birthday party so we did get a few random items that now remind us of that awesome night. If you can pull the surprise thing off it makes for a great low-stress wedding night.

1. Have your wedding in a cool restaurant. It will cost far less that you expect and the food is way better.

LMark: OldManDownDRoad
Yeah, Goodwill stores located near wealthy neighborhood, especially those near a college, are good bets for a major score. Just about my entire kitchen was set up with stuff that was hip last year but now out of fashion. A $200 KitchenAid countertop convection oven for $5? Thank you, yuppies.


Isn't having the latest kitchen equipment for middle aged married couples? When I was in college, I just bought cheap stuff at Target, and i certainly wouldn't get rid of something that worked fine b/c it was one year "out of fashion." I didn't know anyone else who did it differently. Maybe I'm just getting old, and the new thing for all the cool kids to do is buy the latest kitchen equipment. Get off my lawn.

15 years ago I dumpster dived a brand new wok still in the box at Purdue. I think you just have to hang around the right apartment complexes - the ones where all the out-of-state tuition kids live.

sandi_fish: ChuDogg: sandi_fish: How tacky. If they want honeymoon money, they should spend less on the wedding, or decide they can't afford the trip.

Just as many people, if not more, think your idea of a "proper wedding" is just as tacky. As evident by this thread. Your view may even be the minority.

Imagine that, the things you do and like, other people don't like them. The horror!

Yes, the horror! I would not ask my guests for gifts at my wedding, they are guests, not contributors.

You don't have a gift registry? Many people woukd think that's tacky.

What are you some asshole fishing for money? fark you, and your wedding.

Chinchillazilla: I dunno. I feel like if you don't need stuff, you tell people you don't need stuff and don't ask for money. I think most people would give you money anyway. Asking for it seems grabby.

Yeah, we should get away from the notion of wedding gifts in the first place. The idea was to help them set up a household--something they generally don't need to do anymore.

ChuDogg: Mrs.Sharpier: weddings are so selfish "ooohh look at us, we have sex and want to make it official, buy us stuff!!!"

Pretty much one of the primary acts of attention whoring. I dont get the whole concept of spending 20 to 30 grand for luxories for the guests, inviting anyone and everyone you've ever known, then having the guests lavishly outdo one another in gifts.

What a waste of money. Why not just charge the guests $100 per plate to cancel off the overhead of the wedding? Then you can avoid all the "oh you invited her but didn't invite me" nonsense. You'll know all the people who truly give a shiat by who shows up. Personally I would much rather have family and a few close friends than having to entertain a bunch of random jamokes looking for a free meal and drinks

I fully agree. We had a simple justice-of-the-peace wedding, nobody there but my parents (there was no way her parents could possibly attend.) Our total outlay was about $300 plus an unknown amount for her wedding dress (her parents sent it, we never knew what it cost.) We actually did get one wedding gift out of it--one of the customers of my employer (that I was often on the phone with) sent a candleholder. We put candles in it but I don't think they've ever been lit in the nearly 24 years we've been together.

Raging Thespian: Seriously, people. Awesome.

I asked my wife if she wanted one and she said "seriously, how often would that get used?" so we do not have one.

We do, however, have a bunch of platinum china in a box somewhere in our basement. Every time I suggest bring it upstairs for the next dinner event, I get shot down, even though she was the one who insisted on the china.

rubi_con_man: seriously, why is it every gal i meet is 'allergic' to the pill ? I mean it works for the VAST MAJORITY of women and yet every girl I date says "Oh, I tried it and It makes me crazy" or "It doesn't work well with my body". or "I can't do the depo shot. it makes me crazy.

Because they really want to get knocked up but don't want to deal with the guilt resulting from skipping a pill here and there.

Rapmaster2000: Raging Thespian: [www.ruggedelegantliving.com image 500x500]

Seriously, people. Awesome.

It's weird how that mixer has become some sort of "it" gift. My sister got one for xmas from her husband last year. My fiancee wants one. Some of her friends have them. How did this mixer take upper-middle class kitchens by storm in the last five years?

By cutting the price about $100 per unit.

Kitchen Aid mixers have been the high end go-to mixer for serious home chefs for a long time. Dependable, rugged, will do damn near anything. But at $500 for the low end they were just too expensive for anyone but the serious. Drop that to $400, and run sales even below that point, and wham! Volume city. Fully tricked out (high end 6Qt lift, all attachments) you still break the $1k mark.

Bought my first one 12 years ago - not expecting to ever need another unless I go semi-pro.

sinanju: crzybtch: As far as I am concerned, it is rude as hell. My cousin lived with a guy for 10 years and then had the nerve to have this gigantic wedding [...]

With Mrs. Sinanju and I, we had been cohabiting for 3 years. At that point, it's still close-quarters dating -- past finding out if you're compatible and have shared interests, but now trying to find out if you'd make good room mates. Once you drift into common law marriage, the wedding is a non-event.

If it takes three years to decide if you'll be good roommates, I have some bad news for you.

But you probably couldn't understand it.

Rapmaster2000: Raging Thespian: [www.ruggedelegantliving.com image 500x500]

Seriously, people. Awesome.

It's weird how that mixer has become some sort of "it" gift. My sister got one for xmas from her husband last year. My fiancee wants one. Some of her friends have them. How did this mixer take upper-middle class kitchens by storm in the last five years?

Kitchenaid mixers have been the bridal gift of choice for anyone who even remotely gets near a kitchen for at least 40 years. Mine is going to hit 27 this year, and still performs like it was new.

My husband and I eloped after living in sin for several years. My husband is very picky about appliances, so we collected everything we wanted/ had room for. (Even if we had a wedding not many people would get us a sous vide machine.) We never asked for gifts from anyone but strange relatives on his side sent us all kinds of crap like paper fruit bowls, strange pottery, and even candle holders from Tiffany's (talk about a relative who knows NOTHING about us).

My friends recently got married and actually had useful kitchen stuff on their registry. But of course most people (even one of their mothers) insisted on buying crap like decorative bricks. A microplane grater and a cast iron pan are 1,000x more useful than the garbage old ladies insist on purchasing.

My husband and I did a honeymoon registry when we got married last year. We have a small apartment with too much stuff already, and most of the guests were travelling a long ways so I wasn't planning on doing a registry at all. I figured if they're spending all that time and money just to come see me get married, that was plenty gift enough. A lot of people kept bugging me for a registry, though, so I ended up doing that. Nobody used the website but most everybody brought some cash, and it let us have a really great honeymoon without so much worry about the money.

I agree with everybody that says to spend less money on the wedding and more on the honeymoon. We only spent about three grand on the wedding and had an awesome honeymoon as a result.