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(Oregon Live)   Steven Wright arrested after fleeing from bank robbery, it was said to be a dry run   (oregonlive.com) divider line 127
    More: Obvious, bank robbery, portland police, dye pack, Michigan, robbery  
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15321 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Mar 2012 at 12:23 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



127 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-03-14 08:38:16 PM
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
 
2012-03-14 08:51:23 PM
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
 
2012-03-14 08:53:39 PM
Clearly, he needed the money to give to his friend Jiggs Casey to build a second atomic bomb, please don't ask about this again.
 
2012-03-14 08:57:42 PM
I once played solitaire with tarot cards. 5 people died.
 
2012-03-14 09:05:13 PM
He deserves another Oscar.
 
2012-03-14 09:09:26 PM
Like his father said, "If worse comes to worst, we're screwed."
 
2012-03-14 09:11:09 PM
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
 
2012-03-14 09:11:12 PM
I once put minute rice in a microwave and went back in time.
 
2012-03-14 09:19:53 PM
Joe Egan and Gerry Rafferty were a duo known as Stealer's Wheel when they recorded this Dylanesque, pop, bubble-gum favorite from April of 1974. That reached up to number five, as K-BILLY's Super Sounds Of The Seventies continues.
 
2012-03-14 09:20:21 PM
i once wrote a song, but i can't read music. so whenever i hear a new song on the radio, i think: hey, maybe i wrote that.
 
2012-03-14 09:22:46 PM
Spilled spot remover on my dog, now he's gone.
 
2012-03-14 09:24:36 PM
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
 
2012-03-14 09:29:31 PM
Clearly his attempt to flee failed when he turned up that one-way dead-end street.
 
2012-03-14 09:30:01 PM
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
 
2012-03-14 09:33:12 PM
 
2012-03-14 09:41:00 PM

Krymson Tyde: Joe Egan and Gerry Rafferty were a duo known as Stealer's Wheel when they recorded this Dylanesque, pop, bubble-gum favorite from April of 1974. That reached up to number five, as K-BILLY's Super Sounds Of The Seventies continues.


Resevoir Dogs reference, nice
 
2012-03-14 09:42:17 PM

Party Boy: Chris Rock and Steven Wright do each other's material


i somehow missed that. awesome clip
 
2012-03-14 09:44:20 PM

thomps: Party Boy: Chris Rock and Steven Wright do each other's material

i somehow missed that. awesome clip


If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
 
2012-03-14 09:49:22 PM

skandalus: I once played solitaire with tarot cards. 5 people died.


sorry, didn't see that. so here's another:

"Doing a little work around the house. I put fake brick wallpaper over a real brick wall, just so I'd be the only one who knew. People come over and I'm gonna say, "Go ahead, touch it... It feels real."
 
2012-03-14 09:51:38 PM
(Sometimes you can't hear me it's because sometimes I'm in parenthesis)
 
2012-03-14 09:54:39 PM

thomps: Party Boy: Chris Rock and Steven Wright do each other's material

i somehow missed that. awesome clip


Not really. I'm not big on the dry humor, but when it's slightly funny with Wright, it isn't at all with Rock. And Rock's material is less funny through Wright.

IMO anyway.
 
2012-03-14 09:57:44 PM

GAT_00: thomps: Party Boy: Chris Rock and Steven Wright do each other's material

i somehow missed that. awesome clip

Not really. I'm not big on the dry humor, but when it's slightly funny with Wright, it isn't at all with Rock. And Rock's material is less funny through Wright.

IMO anyway.


that's what made it so awesome for me though. so much about a joke is in the delivery.
 
2012-03-14 09:58:27 PM

GAT_00: thomps: Party Boy: Chris Rock and Steven Wright do each other's material

i somehow missed that. awesome clip

Not really. I'm not big on the dry humor, but when it's slightly funny with Wright, it isn't at all with Rock. And Rock's material is less funny through Wright.

IMO anyway.


and rock's jokes weren't represented well - you can cut up his bits into one-liners and expect them to still work.
 
2012-03-14 09:59:41 PM

thomps: that's what made it so awesome for me though. so much about a joke is in the delivery.


Exactly.
 
2012-03-14 10:07:26 PM

thomps: that's what made it so awesome for me though. so much about a joke is in the delivery.


True, it does show that well.
 
2012-03-14 10:11:31 PM
It's Jason Benge from Californication (among others).

www.xenutv.com
 
2012-03-14 10:39:53 PM
I was born in October 1983. That guy has been on the lam my entire life.
 
2012-03-15 12:25:38 AM
I bought batteries but they weren't included. I had to buy them again.
 
2012-03-15 12:33:53 AM
"The coin landed heads, and chose to rob the bank."

So it was the coin's fault,
 
2012-03-15 12:35:20 AM
I looked up 'redundant' in the dictionary. It said 'see redundant'.
 
2012-03-15 12:37:38 AM
She said im a "nymphomanic who loves Jewish cowboys."

I said hi, my names Bucky Goldstein.
 
2012-03-15 12:41:54 AM
I bought powdered water but I don't know what to add.

I went fishing once with Salvador Dali, he used a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
 
2012-03-15 12:53:02 AM
I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
 
2012-03-15 12:54:09 AM
When I was little my grandfather asked me how old I was. I said, "Five." He said, "When I was your age, I was six."
 
2012-03-15 12:55:04 AM
Pretty good disguise. BUt not as good as George Wallace.
 
2012-03-15 12:57:15 AM
I bought a dog the other day. I named him Stay. It's fun to call him. "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing.
 
2012-03-15 12:57:46 AM
I sometimes play blank cassettes full blast. It really pisses off my neighbor. He's a mime.
 
2012-03-15 12:58:41 AM
Who?
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2012-03-15 12:58:47 AM
Once I saw this wino who was eating grapes, and I said, "Dude, you have to wait."

/sorry
//more of a Mitch Hedberg kind of girl
 
2012-03-15 12:58:51 AM

Party Boy: Chris Rock and Steven Wright do each other's material


That is pretty good. Better than a set by either on their own.

/Too bad you couldn't set the link to pops.
 
2012-03-15 01:03:46 AM
Dear Steven,

If anything bad happens...

to you...

well, we'll be getting coffee!

Your father,
Tad Ghostal
 
2012-03-15 01:08:58 AM
Why don't they just worry about one thing at a time. He'll be fine; the robbery is what's important now.

/slams bathroom door
 
2012-03-15 01:17:50 AM

Walker: I once put minute rice in a microwave and went back in time.



I thought it was 'I put instant coffee in the microwave and went back in time'. Minute rice would just cook in under a minute.
 
2012-03-15 01:29:53 AM

MacWizard: "The coin landed heads, and chose to rob the bank."

So it was the coin's fault,


www.accesshollywood.com

Don't put it in your pocket
 
2012-03-15 01:30:14 AM
I have a microwave fireplace. I can lay down in front of the fire for the entire evening in 8 minutes.
 
2012-03-15 01:31:56 AM

Abox: Walker: I once put minute rice in a microwave and went back in time.

I thought it was 'I put instant coffee in the microwave and went back in time'. Minute rice would just cook in under a minute.


neither of those make any f*cking sense. (2nd one would have been good with 'it was the longest instant of my life...' *deadpan*)

/can cook minute race in 40 seconds flat!
 
2012-03-15 01:34:50 AM
When I was a boy I noticed I had a huge appendage hanging from my waist. It was rather alarming until I realized there was ANOTHER one!

Made my penis seem small in comparison.

sorry... just made that up and didn't want to forget it.
 
2012-03-15 01:43:54 AM
I prefer live pan humor.
 
2012-03-15 01:47:16 AM
I'm going to get a tattoo over my whole body of me, but taller
 
2012-03-15 01:49:44 AM
Why do they call it a 'building' after it's completely built? They should be called 'builts'!

/i don't think that's his, but it can't be mine
 
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