Nothing really new to add this week, just some good headlines. I used to keep this until Tuesday, but I think I'm gonna start publishing it on Monday. What do you think?

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2012-03-04 to Sat 2012-03-10:

  Underdog candidate Vladimir Putin wins surprise victory in Russia elections    

  Researchers aim to fill zoos with extinct species brought back via cloning. DID NONE OF THESE PEOPLE SEE JURASSIC PARK?    

  Autism walk cut 7,920 seconds short due to nearly 27,154 gallons of rain, man    

  The Melvins are selling their van, which features artwork by Kurt Cobain on the side. I CALL SHOTGUN    

  Badass three-year-old escapes from daycare after scaling seven foot tall spiked fence, making plans for next year's conquest of K2    

  Suspicious white powder found at two DC schools and a downtown hotel. Marion Barry offers to test it for free    

  Scientists measure first antimatter "atom", remarking that it appears very much like a normal atom except for the tiny little goatee    

  Los Angeles high school under lockdown after racially-motivated brawl involving thirty students that left four injured and two under arrest, or as we use to call it at my alma mater, "recess"    

  Safety committee suggests neighbors meet gang members and drug dealers. Go talk to Lord Humungus, he seems reasonable    

  Two women to go 100% natural without makeup, hair styling, shaving for 60 days to experience rejuvenation, confidence, celibacy    

  One in four pilots fight fatigue, having to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes    


Sports:

  Skier wins World Cup race on a single ski after terrifying pursuit by tenacious paperboy    

  49-year-old pitcher Jamie Moyer continues MLB comeback, pitches two scoreless innings, tests positive for Centrum Silver    

  Indiana's Jones to miss the rest of the regular season, plans to visit a museum in his free time    


Geek:

  New species of catshark found, so named because of its habit of vomiting at least twice a day    

  M.C. Escher-inspired labyrinth video game wins technical excellence award for M.C. Escher-inspired labyrinth video game wins technical excellence award for M.C. Escher-inspired labyrinth video game wins technical excellence award for ∞    

  Teen smoking now in epidemic proportions. One in four high school students now smokes regularly, the other three just like to light up after having sex with their teacher    


Entertainment:

  Adele fears her English country mansion is haunted. This sounds an awful lot like the time Scooby and the gang helped Mama Cass out of that haunted candy factory mess    

  Madonna, 53, considering marriage proposal from 24 year old boyfriend. Tells close friends that marriage is an easier process than just trying to adopt him    

  Aaron Sorkin will deliver commencement speech at Syracuse University this Spring. The speech will be delivered during a walking tour through campus hallways and include a lengthy aside about a Gilbert and Sullivan musical    


Politics:

  For those whore counting, that's 26 advertisers Limbaugh has lost now    

  Romney mocks Obama's focus on renewable energy, saying "you can't drive a car with a windmill on it." Especially when most of your car's roof space is already occupied by your dog    

  Mitt Romney: "I like grits". I assume grits is an acronym for Gems, Religion, Ivy league schools, Topiary gardens and Sailing    


Business:

  Maaden awards $1.5 billion contract to Hyundai. BOOM    

  After three years, Lehman Brothers emerges from bankruptcy. Company hopes to now achieve delicate balance between business irresponsibility and corporate fraud    

  Toyota recalls 681,000 U.S. cars for various problems. This year the only thing Toyota can't recall is the last time they made a car without any defects    
· · ·