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Pilot fatigue traced to dragging Walton and Lanier up and down the court, skier wins competition on one ski despite paperboy, and Madonna skips adoption in lieu of marriage: Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 3/4 - 3/10
Posted by Unfreakable at 2012-03-13 3:56:47 PM (10 comments) | Permalink
More: FarkBlog, Farkers

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2575 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Mar 2012 at 4:33 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Nothing really new to add this week, just some good headlines. I used to keep this until Tuesday, but I think I'm gonna start publishing it on Monday. What do you think?

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2012-03-04 to Sat 2012-03-10:

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  Underdog candidate Vladimir Putin wins surprise victory in Russia elections    
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  Researchers aim to fill zoos with extinct species brought back via cloning. DID NONE OF THESE PEOPLE SEE JURASSIC PARK?    
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  Autism walk cut 7,920 seconds short due to nearly 27,154 gallons of rain, man    
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  The Melvins are selling their van, which features artwork by Kurt Cobain on the side. I CALL SHOTGUN    
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  Badass three-year-old escapes from daycare after scaling seven foot tall spiked fence, making plans for next year's conquest of K2    
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  Suspicious white powder found at two DC schools and a downtown hotel. Marion Barry offers to test it for free    
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  Scientists measure first antimatter "atom", remarking that it appears very much like a normal atom except for the tiny little goatee    
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  Los Angeles high school under lockdown after racially-motivated brawl involving thirty students that left four injured and two under arrest, or as we use to call it at my alma mater, "recess"    
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  Safety committee suggests neighbors meet gang members and drug dealers. Go talk to Lord Humungus, he seems reasonable    
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  Two women to go 100% natural without makeup, hair styling, shaving for 60 days to experience rejuvenation, confidence, celibacy    
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  One in four pilots fight fatigue, having to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes    
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Sports:

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  Skier wins World Cup race on a single ski after terrifying pursuit by tenacious paperboy    
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  49-year-old pitcher Jamie Moyer continues MLB comeback, pitches two scoreless innings, tests positive for Centrum Silver    
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  Indiana's Jones to miss the rest of the regular season, plans to visit a museum in his free time    
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Geek:

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  New species of catshark found, so named because of its habit of vomiting at least twice a day    
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  M.C. Escher-inspired labyrinth video game wins technical excellence award for M.C. Escher-inspired labyrinth video game wins technical excellence award for M.C. Escher-inspired labyrinth video game wins technical excellence award for ∞    
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  Teen smoking now in epidemic proportions. One in four high school students now smokes regularly, the other three just like to light up after having sex with their teacher    
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Entertainment:

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  Adele fears her English country mansion is haunted. This sounds an awful lot like the time Scooby and the gang helped Mama Cass out of that haunted candy factory mess    
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  Madonna, 53, considering marriage proposal from 24 year old boyfriend. Tells close friends that marriage is an easier process than just trying to adopt him    
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  Aaron Sorkin will deliver commencement speech at Syracuse University this Spring. The speech will be delivered during a walking tour through campus hallways and include a lengthy aside about a Gilbert and Sullivan musical    
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Politics:

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  For those whore counting, that's 26 advertisers Limbaugh has lost now    
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  Romney mocks Obama's focus on renewable energy, saying "you can't drive a car with a windmill on it." Especially when most of your car's roof space is already occupied by your dog    
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  Mitt Romney: "I like grits". I assume grits is an acronym for Gems, Religion, Ivy league schools, Topiary gardens and Sailing    
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Business:

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  Maaden awards $1.5 billion contract to Hyundai. BOOM    
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  After three years, Lehman Brothers emerges from bankruptcy. Company hopes to now achieve delicate balance between business irresponsibility and corporate fraud    
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  Toyota recalls 681,000 U.S. cars for various problems. This year the only thing Toyota can't recall is the last time they made a car without any defects    
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10 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2012-03-13 04:40:24 PM  
While I like the 'Airplane' one, its the Sorkin or Lehman brothers ones for me.
 
2012-03-13 04:41:51 PM  
In before "submitted with a better headline..."
 
2012-03-13 04:43:51 PM  
Melvins, Cobain, SHOTGUN = Epic. Win.
 
2012-03-13 04:44:10 PM  
Am I the only one who read that as Potato Fatigue?
 
2012-03-13 04:47:00 PM  

gwowen: While I like the 'Airplane' one, its the Sorkin or Lehman brothers ones for me.


Yeah, I liked both of those a lot as well, the rest of the headline was too long to make it work without butchering it when shortening it
 
2012-03-13 04:57:10 PM  
I submitted "Fluke deflowers Rush." after he was dropped from proflowers.
I thought the world should know the genius that was redlighted.
 
2012-03-13 05:38:31 PM  
How about just not 1.5-2 weeks late? mmkay?
 
2012-03-13 06:45:03 PM  
Golf clap to the Airplane, and the autism ones.
 
2012-03-13 07:34:36 PM  
Great better off dead ref
 
2012-03-13 08:00:38 PM  
These made me laugh:

49-year-old pitcher Jamie Moyer continues MLB comeback, pitches two scoreless innings, tests positive for Centrum Silver
For those whore counting, that's 26 advertisers Limbaugh has lost now

/would've loved Jonathan Hohensee's
 
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