If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Alobama)   Is it Tuesday again already? Fine, then, let's have another set of Republican primaries. Alabama and Mississippi close at 8pm ET, insomniacs can stick around for Hawaii (closes at 2am ET)   (alabamavotes.gov) divider line 892
    More: Silly, Republican, Alabama, Mississippi, ballot access, insomniacs, primaries, Hawaii, elections in 2012  
•       •       •

1078 clicks; posted to Politics » on 13 Mar 2012 at 8:24 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



892 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | » | Last | Show all
 
2012-03-13 03:19:21 PM

Zerochance: hutchkc: Coco LaFemme: ou couldn't pay me to go to Mississippi. Well, you could if you let me bring my boyfriend with me. An atheist shacking up with a Jew? Their heads would EXPLODE.

Only way to top that would be interracial couple.

You rang? I'm latino, and my wife is as lily-white as can be.

ROAD TRIP!!


It sounds like a funny idea, but there are some bars in that neck of the woods where you will actually get hurt for that. It's no joke.
 
2012-03-13 03:21:40 PM

Duke Phillips' Singing Bears: Zerochance: hutchkc: Coco LaFemme: ou couldn't pay me to go to Mississippi. Well, you could if you let me bring my boyfriend with me. An atheist shacking up with a Jew? Their heads would EXPLODE.

Only way to top that would be interracial couple.

You rang? I'm latino, and my wife is as lily-white as can be.

ROAD TRIP!!

It sounds like a funny idea, but there are some bars in that neck of the woods where you will actually get hurt for that. It's no joke.


I'm in Kentucky. I'm well aware of that. Anywhere outside of Louisville/Lexington can get pretty dicey for a darkie like me.
 
2012-03-13 03:24:05 PM

abb3w: Huh. The FiveThirtyEight model currently has Gingrich with a 48% chance of victory in AL, and only 45% for Miss. The success would seem likely to give him enough of a bump to take Louisiana, for a sweep of Goldwater states of the Derp South. However, Missouri's (non-Beauty pageant) caucus and Texas look non-starters for Gingrich; the last polling data I can find has Santorum well ahead.

I don't think Gingrich has a lot of spoilerific funding from Romney people; losing (even narrowly) both AL and MS would seem likely to dry up his money supply in short order (especially if it's losses to Santorum). I don't think his ego would take running his campaign at a "Greyhound ticket to the next state" level for long.

If he wins, it's a question of how long until he suspends his campaign. I'd guess by early April it should be clear that he's not going to win outside Goldwater's territory.


I don't think winning is his goal. His goal is a brokered convention, in which he gets to play kingmaker while Romney and Santorum bow before him. He'll stay in until it is clear that a brokered convention is impossible.
 
2012-03-13 03:24:37 PM

Infernalist: Gingrich has a very rich sponsor in his pocket. He'll continue his run until it's numerically impossible for him to win, delegate-wise. And then he'll suicide-bomb the convention and try to run it off the rails.


I am firmly of the opinion that if the GOP decides they want Newt to stop shiatting in the punch bowl at their Romney Nomination Party, they're going to have to kill him. I'm not kidding. They'll have to shoot him dead. He's like the Terminator of modern politics. He absolutely will not stop.
 
2012-03-13 03:24:50 PM

dumbobruni: abb3w: Huh. The FiveThirtyEight model currently has Gingrich with a 48% chance of victory in AL, and only 45% for Miss. The success would seem likely to give him enough of a bump to take Louisiana, for a sweep of Goldwater states of the Derp South. However, Missouri's (non-Beauty pageant) caucus and Texas look non-starters for Gingrich; the last polling data I can find has Santorum well ahead.

I don't think Gingrich has a lot of spoilerific funding from Romney people; losing (even narrowly) both AL and MS would seem likely to dry up his money supply in short order (especially if it's losses to Santorum). I don't think his ego would take running his campaign at a "Greyhound ticket to the next state" level for long.

If he wins, it's a question of how long until he suspends his campaign. I'd guess by early April it should be clear that he's not going to win outside Goldwater's territory.

538 has gotten many things wrong during this primary season. for example, just one day before the Ohio primary, Nate Silver gave Santorum a 60% chance of winning.


True enough. Romney's money and organization really pays off in the last few days of races.

/I remember driving through the backwoods of MS one time on a road trip with a buddy. We were both amazed by the lost-in-time nature of the place. At one point, I turned to him and said, "Geez, I expect to see dinosaur heads over the treetops any second now."

//csb
 
2012-03-13 03:26:49 PM

dumbobruni: 538 has gotten many things wrong during this primary season. for example, just one day before the Ohio primary, Nate Silver gave Santorum a 60% chance of winning.


Oh, sure. And they have a post up about how polling the South has a long history of crap-level accuracy.

Still, InTrade is currently giving him about 60% in each, so "about half" sounds plausible -- though I don't think the two probabilities are independent.

And do note that the chance of winning is different from the expected vote fraction. Ohio went to Romney, but by a margin under 1%.

/still dissappointed RON PAUL didn't take Virginia
//would have made for epic lulz
 
2012-03-13 03:28:14 PM

abb3w: Coco LaFemme: An atheist shacking up with a Jew? Their heads would EXPLODE.

Huh. I had you Farkied as a Roman Catholic. Though I suppose (ex-)Catholic could spread the splatter radius even further....

Recent rethinking from the latest Church contraception fiasco, or have I just had you mis-labeled for a good while?


Mis-labeled for a good while. I've been an atheist since I was in high school. I was raised Roman Catholic, and went to Catholic school for 12 years, but I left the church when I was 16. I was never religious to begin with; I went to Mass and did the deal because it was what I was told to do, and expected to do, and my family was Catholic (still is).....it was more like rote memorization and repetition than because I held sincere belief. When I finally told my parents, look.....this ain't for me, they were hurt but I was damn near an adult, they had no control over it anymore.
 
2012-03-13 03:29:23 PM

Zerochance: I'm in Kentucky. I'm well aware of that. Anywhere outside of Louisville/Lexington can get pretty dicey for a darkie like me.


Lived all over the south-east and midwest and would agree. It amazes me that people are still like that. When we moved into the house we have now there was a KKK member next door to us and a black gal across the street. We really like the gal and one day she asked me why some of us whites hate blacks so much. I replied that if you figure that one out let me know.

But I'll just leave this here as I'm from Alabama and when Top gear went through there it was interesting.

Link (new window)
 
2012-03-13 03:32:13 PM
I don't know about the rest of you, but the "Romneybot" photo captions crack me up every time.

Seen some really good ones these past few days. The one of him eating chicken and talking about "ingesting bipedal avians" or something like that was f*cking hilarious.
 
2012-03-13 03:35:54 PM
Actually, I think I might be safe in Mississippi, atheism and Jew-farking aside. Jefferson Davis is in my family tree. No, seriously. My cousins, who are all Mormon (my family is majorly FARKED UP) were doing their genealogical research that apparently all Mormons must do, and discovered that my father's maternal great-grandmother's maiden name was Davis. We're only related through marriage, but he's there. We've had family in Shipman, VA for nearly a century and a half.

/cool story, sis
//my boyfriend think it's hilarious
///the mormon cousins don't like him
 
2012-03-13 03:42:54 PM

Infernalist: Gingrich has a very rich sponsor in his pocket.


Yes. One.

The question is, is that sponsor a covert Romney supporter? A completely delusional Tea Partier willing to fund even a run as an Independent for the principle? Or an extreme conservative still enough in touch with reality to switch to pushing Santorum once Gingrich has taken all the territory he can, strategizing to swing the GOP convention as far right as he can? My wild-ass guess is the last. In which case, after Gingrich takes Louisiana, that funding push lines up behind Santorum, and tries to push Santorum a little further right (boggle) while still allowing Santorum to play the voice of moderation at the GOP convention (boggle) between Romney and Gingrich.

The real LULZ scenario would have a full fission at the convention resulting in Romney/Paul Republican and Santorum/Gingrich Independent (or Tea) candidacies, but that's still a silly season longshot. I'm still just hoping for actual fisticuffs on the convention floor.

Lost Thought 00: His goal is a brokered convention, in which he gets to play kingmaker while Romney and Santorum bow before him. He'll stay in until it is clear that a brokered convention is impossible.


...or until it becomes clear that he'll have a better chance of leveraging a brokered convention by suspending? Say, after he's taken the Derp South, but suspending early enough to help Santorum cut into Romney's lead?
 
2012-03-13 03:58:40 PM

Coco LaFemme: I was raised Roman Catholic, and went to Catholic school for 12 years, but I left the church when I was 16.


Ah. OK.

Coco LaFemme: I was never religious to begin with; I went to Mass and did the deal because it was what I was told to do, and expected to do, and my family was Catholic (still is).....it was more like rote memorization and repetition than because I held sincere belief.


Sounds like a typical enough deconversion.
Thanks for indulging my curiosity.
 
2012-03-13 03:58:52 PM
So ready for the HOLD IT pics for tonight
 
2012-03-13 04:07:00 PM
Well, since these states hand out delegates proportionately, and if Nate Silver's predictions are in the ball park, I guess the 'good news' is that Santorum won't really make up any ground on Romney tonight.

On the other hand, Romney still needs close to half the remaining delegates to secure the nomination, so splitting delegates three-ways, which seems likely, isn't exactly helping him either.

I suppose Romney should dominate Hawaii and American Samoa, but... whatever.
 
2012-03-13 04:09:46 PM
Meanwhile, the Hawaii caucus will take place on the beach after many, many rounds of drinks, and the eventual winner will probably be that guy Petey the surfer who didn't even know he was running and who by that time will be face-down in the sand...

Did any of the candidates actually *campaign* in Hawaii, or are they not allowed into Obama's birth state by Presidential decree?
 
2012-03-13 04:11:02 PM
Up tonight...

Alabama: 47 delegates, open primary [Results by county]
- 21 delegates (3 per district) will be bound on a "winner take most" basis. Candidate with more than 50% of the vote gets all 3. If nobody reaches 50%, the leading candidate gets 2 and the second-place candidate gets 1 (assuming leading candidate has over 20% of the vote; if not, the delegates are split proportionally.)
- 26 delegates assigned based on statewide results, also "winner take most". If a candidate gets over 50% of the vote, he gets them all. If no candidate has 50% or higher, the delegates are allocated proportionally among the candidates with over 20% of the vote.

Background:
Latest poll: PPP March 12 Romney 31%, Gingrich 30%, Santorum 29%, Paul 8%. I have not broken this poll substantially but I did notice that 60% of respondents said they didn't believe in evolution. OKAY
538: Political Geography: Alabama
County/Congressional District map

Mississippi: 37 delegates, open primary [Results by county]
- 12 delegates will be bound to candidates based on the results in 4 congressional districts. If a candidate gets over 50% of the vote, they are allocated all 3 delegates. If no candidate reaches 50%, the vote is proportionally allocated between the candidates who receive more than 15% of the vote.
- 25 delegates will be bound based on the statewide vote. If a candidate receives over 50%, they get all 25. Otherwise, the vote is split proportionally between those who receive more than 15%.

Background:
Latest poll: PPP March 12 Gringrich 33%, Romney 31%, Santorum 27%, Paul 7%.
538: Political Geography: Mississippi
County/Congressional District map

Hawaii: 17 delegates, closed caucus [Results]
Delegates will be allocated proportionally to delegates based on votes for slates of candidates. Closed caucus but people can register as Republicans day-of and vote. Delegates are bound through the first ballot.

Background:
Nobody polls Hawaii. However, it was +16 Romney in October.

American Samoa
American Samoa will choose 6 delegates. They will apparently "reflect the presidential preference of the Caucus/Convention participants." They will hold a straw poll, maybe with actual straws since their caucus is in a bar. Then someone will drunk dial the mainland to tell us they all voted for Romney.
 
2012-03-13 04:15:39 PM
come on Newt get those states so the comedy can continue
 
2012-03-13 04:29:13 PM

Five Tails of Fury: Meanwhile, the Hawaii caucus will take place on the beach after many, many rounds of drinks, and the eventual winner will probably be that guy Petey the surfer who didn't even know he was running and who by that time will be face-down in the sand...

Did any of the candidates actually *campaign* in Hawaii, or are they not allowed into Obama's birth state by Presidential decree?


There typically is very limited interest in voting for Republicans in Hawaii. Linda Lingle (former Governor, presumably running for a Daniel Akaka's vacated Senate seat next year) is a rare exception. I could see her winning that race.

The odds of Hawaii voting for the GOP Presidential nominee are vanishingly close to zero.
 
2012-03-13 04:33:48 PM

bobbette: Up tonight...


Both Smart and Funny!
 
2012-03-13 04:42:21 PM
Has Mitt Romney won a state yet where Obama is not at least seriously competitive if not outright ahead?
 
2012-03-13 04:44:06 PM

bobbette: American Samoa
American Samoa will choose 6 delegates. They will apparently "reflect the presidential preference of the Caucus/Convention participants." They will hold a straw poll, maybe with actual straws since their caucus is in a bar. Then someone will drunk dial the mainland to tell us they all voted for Romney love us.

 
2012-03-13 04:47:46 PM
Is it Tuesday again already? Fine, then, let's have another set of Republican primaries. Alabama and Mississippi close at 8pm ET, insomniacs can stick around for Hawaii Kenya (closes at 2am ET)

FTFY
 
2012-03-13 04:52:45 PM

Pants full of macaroni!!: (Alobama)

*snrk*


I almost put a hyphen in it, but figured that would be too obvious: THE SOUTH IS MUSLIM. AL-OBAMA. THE CONSPIRACY IS REEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAL.
 
2012-03-13 05:00:18 PM

Stile4aly: Has Mitt Romney won a state yet where Obama is not at least seriously competitive if not outright ahead?


I don't think he has won even a county for which that's not true.

/Seriously.
 
2012-03-13 05:30:51 PM

Stile4aly: Has Mitt Romney won a state yet where Obama is not at least seriously competitive if not outright ahead?


The only states he's won that Obama didn't win in 2008 are Wyoming, Idaho, and Arizona.

Of course, there are an above average number of Mormons in all three states.

savejersey.com
upload.wikimedia.org
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2012-03-13 05:32:32 PM
Anybody see the Pelosi video of Mississippi citizens on Bill Maher? I'd like to say it was funny but it was actually terrifying. Those people have wound themselves into such a state of Negro Kenyan Jesus-Hating Terrorist Panic that they can't decide whether to wet themselves or crap themselves. It's like Inverse Christmas down there for those folks. They've been praying for a confirmation that They Wuz Right, and now they've got it, times infinity plus one. If I wanted to get rich, I'd open an ammo store down there. It would be shooting fish in a barrel, if you'll pardon the pun.

Maher had to warn his viewers that Pelosi told him that people shouldn't think she picked just the people without any teeth--"for every person we showed with no teeth, we left out another ten."
 
2012-03-13 05:39:20 PM

Lando Lincoln: Looks like it's going to be a big night for...Gingrich? Really? People are still voting for him? Yeah, sure. Why not.


It's the anti-Santorum vote.
 
2012-03-13 05:42:48 PM

bobbette: Nobody polls Hawaii.


Because it's not a part of the US! It's in KENYA!

I WANT MY COUNTRY BACK!
 
2012-03-13 05:51:21 PM

Kibbler: Anybody see the Pelosi video of Mississippi citizens on Bill Maher? I'd like to say it was funny but it was actually terrifying. Those people have wound themselves into such a state of Negro Kenyan Jesus-Hating Terrorist Panic that they can't decide whether to wet themselves or crap themselves. It's like Inverse Christmas down there for those folks. They've been praying for a confirmation that They Wuz Right, and now they've got it, times infinity plus one. If I wanted to get rich, I'd open an ammo store down there. It would be shooting fish in a barrel, if you'll pardon the pun.

Maher had to warn his viewers that Pelosi told him that people shouldn't think she picked just the people without any teeth--"for every person we showed with no teeth, we left out another ten."


The video is also on Crooks & Liars
 
2012-03-13 06:15:52 PM

Geotpf: Stile4aly: Has Mitt Romney won a state yet where Obama is not at least seriously competitive if not outright ahead?

The only states he's won that Obama didn't win in 2008 are Wyoming, Idaho, and Arizona.

Of course, there are an above average number of Mormons in all three states.

[savejersey.com image 300x242]
[upload.wikimedia.org image 380x226]
[upload.wikimedia.org image 349x203]


I think Romney could win Nevada against Obama maybe Florida if he can convince cutting government is good for medicare.
 
2012-03-13 06:44:35 PM

bobbette: Up tonight...


I see bobbette's already done most of my job reporting tonight's rules, so I'll just add a few things:
1. Hawaii is awarding 3 delegates in each of its two districts and 11 at-large.
2. The same set of polls that showed 60% of the Alabama GOP doesn't believe in evolution showed 66% of the Mississippi GOP didn't either.
3. Current standings coming shortly.
 
2012-03-13 06:49:41 PM
Total committed, entering tonight: Romney 364 [c], Santorum 131 [c, e], Gingrich 109, Paul 23, Huntsman 2 (b), Unclaimed 4 [e], Uncommitted 2 [d]

Note a: The following delegates have not yet been allocated to candidates: Iowa 25, Minnesota 37, Colorado 33, Maine 21, Washington 40. Wyoming has awarded 12 of its 26 contest delegates.
Note b: Huntsman's 2 New Hampshire delegates will become unbound once he withdraws (rather than suspends his campaign). Also apparently typing [ b ] without spaces is frowned upon, even through we're grown-up enough to use HTML here.
Note c: The following delegates, included above, are under protest: Florida (Romney 50) and Arizona (Romney 29), as violations of winner-take-all rules; Michigan (Romney 1) as technical violation of winner-take-all rules, but more apparently changing the rules after the vote; Wyoming (Santorum 1) because of a dispute at the Park County (WY) Convention.
Note d: One delegate from Wyoming and one delegate from US Virgin Islands were elected as uncommitted. Another USVI delegate, elected as uncommitted, announced his support of Romney later and is included in Romney's count.
Note e: Rick Santorum failed to submit enough actual people as potential delegates in Ohio, and thus may have forfeited four delegates.
Note f: Tennessee's vote breakdown by district has not been publicized, but the GOP and all major independent sources are using Santorum 17, Romney 7, Gingrich 3 as the result for the district delegates.
Note g: Jesus Christ, this whole farking thing is a trainwreck.


Superdelegates (according to FL/DCW): Romney 27, Gingrich 3, Santorum 2, Paul 1.

GRAND TOTAL: Romney 391, Santorum 133, Gingrich 112, Paul 25. 1144 to win.
 
2012-03-13 06:52:07 PM

RminusQ: GRAND TOTAL: Romney 391, Santorum 133, Gingrich 112, Paul 25. 1144 to win.


As long as Santorum and Gingrich combined have more delegates than Romney, the lulz just keep on coming!
 
2012-03-13 06:53:10 PM

BMulligan: RminusQ: GRAND TOTAL: Romney 391, Santorum 133, Gingrich 112, Paul 25. 1144 to win.

As long as Santorum and Gingrich combined have more delegates than Romney, the lulz just keep on coming!


Jesus - where the hell did I learn arithmetic?
 
2012-03-13 06:54:01 PM
www.wwe.com
I love the Samoans, but how do the Girl Scouts fit them into those tiny boxes. I'll bet it has something to do with lesbians.
westchesterbuzz.com

Mmmmmm, Samoans
x39.xanga.comx39.xanga.comx39.xanga.com
 
2012-03-13 06:55:13 PM

Carth: Geotpf: Stile4aly: Has Mitt Romney won a state yet where Obama is not at least seriously competitive if not outright ahead?

The only states he's won that Obama didn't win in 2008 are Wyoming, Idaho, and Arizona.

Of course, there are an above average number of Mormons in all three states.

[savejersey.com image 300x242]
[upload.wikimedia.org image 380x226]
[upload.wikimedia.org image 349x203]

I think Romney could win Nevada against Obama maybe Florida if he can convince cutting government is good for medicare.


But hasn't Romney backed ryan's voucher plan? I think he has, and if he has, he's toast in Florida.
 
2012-03-13 06:56:19 PM

BMulligan: BMulligan: RminusQ: GRAND TOTAL: Romney 391, Santorum 133, Gingrich 112, Paul 25. 1144 to win.

As long as Santorum and Gingrich combined have more delegates than Romney, the lulz just keep on coming!

Jesus - where the hell did I learn arithmetic?


Mississippi?
 
2012-03-13 07:00:06 PM

ariseatex: Mississippi?


Close - it was Idaho, the Mississippi of the West.
 
2012-03-13 07:06:40 PM

BMulligan: ariseatex: Mississippi?

Close - it was Idaho, the Mississippi of the West.


I thought Arizona was the Mississippi of the West.

/interracial gay from Arizona
//guess why I left
///slashies come in threes
 
2012-03-13 07:09:03 PM
I don't think the mobile version of fark i am on will let me do so, but someone not on a mobile should hit that "contact a mod" button and ask them to bump this up in the queue so people can find it.
 
2012-03-13 07:24:23 PM
Alright, I'm not even gonna watch tonight. I've got work to do. I'll be back around 10pm. Let me know if any really funny shiat happens, especially in candidate speeches.
 
2012-03-13 07:27:26 PM
I don't think this girl understands how the silent treatment works
 
2012-03-13 07:38:56 PM
Come on GOP, give us the farking brokered convention. For the lulz.
 
2012-03-13 07:51:10 PM

themindiswatching: Come on GOP, give us the farking brokered convention. For the lulz.


I would never stop laughing if this happened. It would quite literally be the greatest piece of political theater ever played out, even better than the great Hanging Chad Debate '00.
 
2012-03-13 07:57:13 PM
I think we're missing something VERY important here. Traditionally, the GOP will go with the runner up in the previous primary as the "Heir Apparent", so to speak. If we assume Romney wins the nomination, to lose to Obama in the general, I ask you: Who is the Heir Apparent for 2016, with Obama the Wunderkind no longer eligible for re-election?

Scared yet?
 
2012-03-13 08:00:45 PM
CNN projects a win for Carrot Top in Alabama!
 
2012-03-13 08:07:21 PM
Is that nice young man Santorum running again? I like him. He hear he likes lubrication.
 
2012-03-13 08:11:08 PM

Modguy: I think we're missing something VERY important here. Traditionally, the GOP will go with the runner up in the previous primary as the "Heir Apparent", so to speak. If we assume Romney wins the nomination, to lose to Obama in the general, I ask you: Who is the Heir Apparent for 2016, with Obama the Wunderkind no longer eligible for re-election?

Scared yet?


Hilary vs Jeb
aka Bush vs Clinton 2 electric boogaloo
 
2012-03-13 08:16:16 PM
Dead thread is dead. I wonder why.
 
2012-03-13 08:19:04 PM
Santorum takes Bama, Newt takes Miss
 
Displayed 50 of 892 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report