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(Huffington Post)   Pre-kids: My snowflakes will have no TV, no fast food, no disposable diapers, and no temper tantrums unlike YOUR unruly kids. Post-kids: LOL J/K   (huffingtonpost.com ) divider line
    More: Obvious, Michael Pollan, dirty diapers, absolutes, Popsicle, Nick Jr., laugh out loud, Kohl, diapers  
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13892 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Mar 2012 at 6:59 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2012-03-07 07:21:43 PM  
8 votes:
My Mother says that she used to be alarmed by my temper tantrums but then she realized I could hold my breath until I was literally blue in the face, but that I couldn' hold it long enough to hurt myself because I would black-out long before then, so she just ignored them after that.

Modern parenting is largely the result of realizing the futility of it all.

Things my parents learned too late to help me:

1. Let them eat what they want.
2. They're never going the f*** to sleep no matter how hard you try.
3. Children think you are stupid. They're probably right, at least for the next twelve years. You may recover eventually.
4. Warm the potty and you won't have to move the furniture.
5. You don't need to spend a lot of money on educational books. The Sears Catalog will do. Let the kid tell the stories.
6. There are two kinds of kids. Those who misbehave when their parents aren't around, and those who misbehave when they are. It's better to raise the first kind. And pay the babysitter well.
7. Clean children exist only in picture books. If one of your children doesn't get dirty, he's probably gay.
8. Girls are easier to raise. Until they are twelve. And then you'll wish you had two boys instead.
9. If you can get your children to do their homework when they get home from school, you're lucky, because then you don't have to spend all night doing it so you don't look stupid.
10. You shouldn't try to be your children's friends. There is just no way you can keep up with their damn friends.
Byn
2012-03-07 07:02:22 PM  
7 votes:
I was an amazing parent until I had kids.
2012-03-07 07:05:33 PM  
6 votes:
Translation: I didn't have the willpower to follow through on my convictions.
2012-03-07 07:33:50 PM  
4 votes:
Being the father of 4 crotchfruit, I offer this tidbit of parental wisdom:

Baby #1 - Drops pacifier - BOIL IT NOW. in fact, boil everything. Even the floormats in the car.
Baby #2 - Drops pacifier - Wipe it off on your pants, curtain, tablecloth, other child, family pet...whatever is handy or walks by.
Baby #3 - Drops pacifier - Pick up and immediately return to mouth

By the time you get partway through baby #1, you realize they are way tougher than you, have zero scruples and (by their very design) are the most selfish creatures on the planet.

\for all you non-parents out there. Don't be hatin'. Just you wait and remember what ol' Fapp said...
2012-03-07 07:51:34 PM  
3 votes:
Eh, I (a non-kid-having single person) feel free to judge everybody. Not just parents. I'm not even alarmed at the prospect of "Snooki" reproducing. Couldn't be much worse than the multitude of assholes who've done it already and are currently filling our schools (and ultimately prisons) with proof of their failure as human beings.

Whether I judge parents as OK or assholes depends on how much effort they make to not create a loud, annoying drain on society.

If your kid gets a little cranky in a store or restaurant and cries/whines a little, you're cool. Kids get cranky. It happens. No big deal.

If your kid runs around loose while screaming/shrieking, with no effort on your part whatsoever to control him/her, you're an asshole.

I don't care what your kid eats or drinks. I don't care if he/she watches TV or plays video games. That's normal kid shiat, a kid who doesn't watch TV or eat sugar in America today, is, by definition, abnormal. If, on the other hand, your kid can't read by the time he/she is 6 or 7 because you're too farking lazy to see to it that he/she learns anything in school, you're an asshole. If your kid weighs more than I do (about 140 lbs., last time I weighed) by the time he/she is 10 years old, you're an asshole.

This really isn't that hard.
2012-03-07 07:46:43 PM  
3 votes:

zez: Also, WTF is up with the new trend of "mommy bloggers" bragging about what shiatty parents they are for laughs? A SAHD would probably get his kids taken away if he posted half that shiat.


Do not challenge the mommy blogger.

They will muster all they can to destroy you and everything you holder dear, because if there is one thing I have learned about the new, plugged in, hipster moms, is that the moment they pop that kid out, they have become Mother Earth, and the repository of all knowledge about child rearing and life itself.

I'm glad you think your kid is special. I think mine are pretty awesome too. However, my humility compels me to not brag about their every accomplishment, even if they are pretty gifted according to their teachers.

My sanity also demands that I not define my life by my children. I have seen far too many marriages end shortly after the last kid leaves the nest. Do not define yourself by your kids!!! You need to be your own person!

Hell, I've seen a few marriages hit the rocks because their kids started showing more independence from mom and dad and the parents didn't know what to do with themselves!
2012-03-07 07:30:04 PM  
3 votes:
TV is good. Junk food is fine. Missing school once in a while is great. Digging in the garden or getting dirty while playing is OK with me.
As a father to kids who can drive me crazy in 3 seconds, everything done in moderation is not a problem. Kids who do not have any kind of candy at home will wolf it down later on in life. Kids without TV will stare at the TV for hours when given the opportunity. Everything in moderation and the kids will grow up just fine.
2012-03-07 07:14:53 PM  
3 votes:

Shazam999: Temper tantrums are your child's way of pushing you to see what kind of shiat you'll take before you actually bother to control them.


THIS

My toddler has learned from his daycare friends to throw himself onto the floor and start wailing. At first I was concerned but now I simply pour myself a double Maker's Mark with a few rocks and wait him out. He usually lasts a few minutes and than wants to know what's in Daddy's bottle.
2012-03-07 06:44:57 PM  
3 votes:
I will never have kids.

Smugness: Intact
2012-03-07 11:49:29 PM  
2 votes:
xkcd
imgs.xkcd.com
2012-03-07 09:03:33 PM  
2 votes:

Tali:
...now, if we could just figure out why baby boy is an angel at home, but just yesterday was caught standing on a chair trying to figure out how to get the blackboard off the wall at preschool...


Heh. Wait until you get the speech: "What do you do when he does this at home?" You: "He doesn't" Them: "No, really, what do you do?"
2012-03-07 08:30:10 PM  
2 votes:
nc423.files.wordpress.com
2012-03-07 08:20:08 PM  
2 votes:
Even parents with kids will judge. I had 3 of the easiest kids in the world. They ate, slept, and obeyed like perfect cherubs. The only exception was when they were sick or abnormally tired, and even then it wasn't that bad. My best friend's kids were like something out of Lord of the Flies and the Exorcist.

Then I had a fourth, and he was the devil incarnate. I stopped judging, because I didn't have time to do anything else but pray that he would eventually stop.

He's almost 4. I'm still waiting. But he's getting closer and closer to an age where I feel perfectly justified in beating the living shiat out of him.
2012-03-07 08:19:56 PM  
2 votes:

What Plants Crave: You don't even need to have children of your own to reach the lol j/k part. My wife and I frequently babysit a 2 year old who has the attention span of an overcooked carrot and boundless energy. TV or some kind of interactive game are the only things he will sit still for (yes, we still take him out and do all the usual kid stuff with him). The best thing I ever did was rip all of our Disney and Pixar DVDs and load them on my old Android phone. The wife then loaded a bunch of those kids apps (bubbles!) for him to play with as well. It's a godsend for those times when you are out at a restaurant and he has already finished eating (and started getting restless) and you have yet to take a bite.


SO MUCH THIS. My sister's seven. Since about two I've been Mommy 2.0. And before this, I used to think I would dote on any hypothetical children I had and record their every moment and every day would contain a nugget of wisdom and now I want my tubes tied.

/I love her dearly. I am never reproducing. Ever.
2012-03-07 08:00:21 PM  
2 votes:
I started having kids very young, got a new wife much later in life and had two more. My oldest is 30 and my youngest 13. So I've had kids in the house non-stop since early in the first Reagan administration. For the past five years, I've taught middle school. This causes me to believe I can offer some insight on the whole parenting thing.

1. Whatever misbehavior you tolerate during the first eighteen months of a child's life you own forever. You can't spank/ground/threaten a teenager for behavior you tacitly encouraged when they were in diapers.

2. If they forget their homework on the kitchen table, do not under any circumstances bundle it up and rush to the school to save them from the consequences of their forgetfulness, unless you plan on doing this for the rest of your life. A sad face and a B- when they're 11 is better than them deciding to blame you for every failure for the rest of eternity.

3. When they arrive home from school, don't ask them if they have homework. The adolescent mind his hardwired to answer "no" to this type of question. Instead, ask them what they learned at school, ignoring the response, "nothing." Ask follow-up questions.

4. If you have to, hit the books until you can master any subject taught through at least 8th grade. If a fifth-grader is struggling with long division, and you can't help them, the lesson they've learned that day is none of this school shiat is important, since my parents don't need to know how to do it. They will instantly apply this learning to include anything taught in school.
2012-03-07 07:38:25 PM  
2 votes:
You, the woman at Kohl's who pushed a cart with your screaming toddler draped on the rack underneath it, ignoring her as she scraped her feet on the floor because she couldn't have the toy she wanted: I judged you.

If your kid wants to throw a tantrum in public, it's not a battle of wills with you. It's an annoyance to everyone else. Take your kid away and they can "wear themselves out" outside my hearing. You're not the only people on the planet.
zez
2012-03-07 07:36:48 PM  
2 votes:
Also, WTF is up with the new trend of "mommy bloggers" bragging about what shiatty parents they are for laughs? A SAHD would probably get his kids taken away if he posted half that shiat.
2012-03-07 07:29:30 PM  
2 votes:
I did this same thing.

I had all these lofty ideas about the "proper" way to raise a kid.

The only things I've really carried through on all these years are "Don't beat them" and "Read to them every night from birth".

I've given up on fast food avoidance, but I've tried to keep it a rare treat. We never avoided sit down restaurants, because if you don't teach them how to behave in a restaurant, they'll never learn. I have removed my child from the restaurant to the car before while my wife finished dinner. I only had to do it once, but I know one family that had to do it a few times before the message got through.

Cloth diapers were considered but ultimately never done because if you live in an apartment like I did without your own dedicated washer and dryer, it's impossible to do unless you want to hand wash shiat stained diapers. I also really, really thought it would be exceptionally rude to wash cloth diapers in the communal washers. Additionally, I wonder if the cost savings and environmental considerations are a wash once you figure in detergent and water usage.

Also regarding cloth diapers, I've see the pains other parents go through with them, and when they are out and about, once baby drops a deuce, the outing is done, unless they want to walk around with an emptied but still poop stained diaper stinking up the general area.

TLDR: Reality changes the ideals you may have had as a non-parent
2012-03-07 07:25:42 PM  
2 votes:

pyr8bwoy: parents aren't cool. i see those people and i laugh at their pathetic attempts to have kids and be happenin'.
my buddy became a teacher and he told me the wisest words that i live by to this day, he said, 'beat your kids, beat them good and beat them often, because these kids have no respect.' i've done my best to remember that.
besides, have you ever tried to make your kid drink water instead of soda? it's easier getting them to drink poison. same with vegetables. but we try.


My kids love vegetables. They'll fight over asparagus or Brussels sprouts. Obviously I'm a better parent than you are.

//nah, not really. All kids are different. I have stuck to my pledge not to beat my children while I'm drunk though, so I'm pretty proud of that.
2012-03-07 07:14:32 PM  
2 votes:

Zeno-25: Translation: I didn't have the willpower to follow through on my convictions.


Yep.
Most people want to do right by their kids. If it's important to you, then you'll try your damnedest. If it's not, then you won't. You don't get a second chance at it.
2012-03-07 07:02:50 PM  
2 votes:
Temper tantrums are your child's way of pushing you to see what kind of shiat you'll take before you actually bother to control them.
2012-03-08 09:07:43 AM  
1 vote:

sec: I have twin 3-year old girls, and I would like to ask parents out there: When does it get better? If it goes on like this much longer, the thoughts of driving into oncoming traffic may become a reality.


I'd love to tell you, but every kid is different.

The real truth is it only gets better if you make it better, and the only way to make it better is by being calm, affectionate, methodical, and consistent.

The best I can tell you is:

1) the more you hug them, the better it gets
2) reward what you want to see again
3) pick your battles carefully--think before taking a stand on something, and don't take a stand on something unless you're willing and able to take the issue all the way to the mat and win.

One of the worst parenting mistakes I made, on picking my battles, was giving my kid an ultimatum and taking a firm stand when I thought she was faking being sick. Then I found out she was really ill. So if I backed down, I would set the precedent of her thinking if she whined enough when she felt cruddy, Mom would back down. But I had to back down because she was really sick.

I had to do some very creative maneuvering to apologize for getting it wrong and ensure she knew she was going to be making up for the work she was missing when she felt better and nurture my miserable, sick kid.

And I still lost some ground, because, well, I had seriously screwed up. I shouldn't have picked that hill to die on without being sure of my facts first.

4) Once you've picked a hill to die on, unless you find out you've extraordinarily screwed up (see above), WIN. Hold your ground, dig in your heels, put up with whatever pain it takes, and win.

5) Yell and punish is, overall, an ineffective parenting strategy, if punishment means they got the punishment instead of having to do what you told them to do when you told them to do it.
6) If you tell them to do something, make them do it. Sit there and stare at them and wait them out. Pick them up physically and move them to the room where the chore is to be done. Remind them frequently of all the fun things they could be out doing by now if they'd just gotten it over with. Remind them that they're going to do it eventually before they leave the room so they might as well get it over with. Out-stubborn them.

Number 6 sounds time consuming, but it's really the most time-saving thing you will ever do with your kids. Your kids learn that when you tell them to do something, they might as well go ahead and do it now, because they will be doing it anyway. They'll test you periodically on this to make sure you still mean it. As long as whenever they test you they find out you still mean it, you'll have fairly well-behaved kids.

7) When your kids first start getting homework, sit down with them every afternoon or evening while they do it, and walk them through anything they don't understand until their homework is all done. Make it a routine that they do at that set place and time every time. That first year, if you sit down with them every day, the second year and each year thereafter you will only have to ask them which classes they had today, which classes they have tomorrow, and which homework they have, and which projects or tests they have coming up---ask specifics---and then tell them to go do their homework. They'll do it.

Every kid is different. If yours won't just do it, you may have to sit with them and read a book while they do it, but if you sit there with them while they do it until it's done, it will get done.

8) Let 'em climb trees when they're a couple of years older. I swear our kid was the only girl in the neighborhood allowed to climb trees, and it was a damn shame. Sure, they could fall and get hurt, and maybe they will. But don't raise them too afraid to get out and live. It's good for your kid to know you trust in their competence. It's also good for you to know when they're doing something potentially hazardous so if they do fall you can get 'em to the doctor!

9) When they're a bit older, let 'em think you trust them with more independence than you do. It's normal to be overly nervous about your babies. It's okay to let them think they're playing outside with less observation from you than they've got. They don't have to see you every time you poke your head out the door or around a tree to make sure they're still within a few houses of home and doing okay.

10) Getting a kid a cell phone young is not for the kid, it's for you. Electronic leash. Make them carry it, but don't make them feel too watched by over-using it. Our rules was, "You can't go past the stop sign without the cell phone. If you borrow mom's cell phone, yes, you may walk to Emma's house. Call when you get there." By making the phone something that extended her range of freedom, we made her like carrying it from the start.

My kid was different in a huge way. Even when she was tiny, if I explained why something was dangerous, she seemed to understand, take it seriously, and I would never, ever have a problem with her messing with it again.

It was the things she blindsided us with where she got us---like the 2nd degree burns from making waffles while rollerblading in the kitchen. The waffle iron fell off the counter and she tried to catch it. Yeah, okay, it's funny now. Where was I? I was asleep on the couch with bronchitis while the 8 year old was helpfully making breakfast for Mommy. Argh.

Your mileage may vary. All kids are different. Mostly you have to be mentally agile and always try to stay three steps ahead of your particular kid and how your specific kid's mind works.

My sisters were about a year apart. Not twins, but close enough to be double trouble. As my mom put it, what one of them thought of, they both did. Mom's favorite stories are sewing machine oil in the hair, sugar in the typewriter, and a godawful mess including coffee, salt, and pepper while trying to make "rolls for breakfast."

Pick your battles and don't take the judgmental attitudes of non-parents or parents who have a different situation too seriously. Every kid is different and what worked for me may not work for you and your kid, and what those other parents faced may be totally different from the set of challenges your little girls are handing you.
2012-03-08 12:03:53 AM  
1 vote:

The Big H: xkcd
[imgs.xkcd.com image 640x256]


That is one of my favourite xkcd comics ever!!! In my case, though, the second pic would also have two or three cats, and probably not even the guy.

/ =D
// =( ?
/// ok, =S
2012-03-07 11:58:57 PM  
1 vote:

The Gordie Howe Hat Trick: I sometimes give my son drinks in cups that aren't BPA-free


Ok, that made me lol.

mod3072: Unrelated but funny story I just thought of: When he was a toddler and not too far out of diapers, he decided one day that he was going to poop in his little Fisher Price barn (new window). Anyone in their late 20's or early 30's knows what I'm talking about - it made a mooing noise when you opened the door and come with plastic farm animals and other accessories. Anyways, mom came into the room later and found the barn with a small plastic cow and a giant turd inside of it and angrily asked "Who pooped in this barn!?". He looked her right in the eye and said, serious as a heart attack, "The cow did it.". He never did fess up to it. That's what you have to look forward to, my childless friends!


But THAT is farking hilarious!!!

LouDobbsAwaaaay: The Homer Tax: Why would anyone want to bring their kids to a nice place on purpose? What a waste of time and money. If I'm going out with my son we're going to Red Robin or something

That and bars. I once had to leave a bar because there were a dozen kids there for a birthday party. At a bar. I guess the parents just wanted to sit in a corner and drink while the kids made everyone else miserable.


They let kids in bars?! WTF?!
2012-03-07 11:52:51 PM  
1 vote:

Gramma: sec: I have twin 3-year old girls, and I would like to ask parents out there: When does it get better? If it goes on like this much longer, the thoughts of driving into oncoming traffic may become a reality.

Four is a big improvement over three. Every year gets easier until 12. Then it goes to hell again.

/only applies to girls


Unless you have a well behaved teenage girl who prefers to stay home and read books. Then you yell at her for being weird and anti-social.
2012-03-07 10:39:36 PM  
1 vote:

LouDobbsAwaaaay: That and bars. I once had to leave a bar because there were a dozen kids there for a birthday party. At a bar. I guess the parents just wanted to sit in a corner and drink while the kids made everyone else miserable.


Exactly, same thing. Why would anyone bring their kids to a bar on purpose? I go to bars to pretend like I don't have kids for an hour or two...

It was always interesting, before I had a child, I always wondered why Happy hour starts at 3PM. Now that I have one I realize it's because Day Care doesn't close until 6:30.
2012-03-07 10:14:02 PM  
1 vote:
DNR the whole thread but am surprised that no one picked up on this line.

Post-children: Removal of the child is only sometimes doable; predicting when a tantrum is going to strike is often impossible.

False you asswipe.

Don't bring your child places where removal is not doable.

Author is bad news.
2012-03-07 10:04:39 PM  
1 vote:

Jim from Saint Paul: Well Subby, people who don;t have kids don't get it yet.

YET.


Ain't gonna get it, either. You can have it. No kids for me.
2012-03-07 09:46:52 PM  
1 vote:

moothemagiccow: The Gordie Howe Hat Trick: dbaggins: moothemagiccow: You, the woman at Kohl's who pushed a cart with your screaming toddler draped on the rack underneath it, ignoring her as she scraped her feet on the floor because she couldn't have the toy she wanted: I judged you.

If your kid wants to throw a tantrum in public, it's not a battle of wills with you. It's an annoyance to everyone else. Take your kid away and they can "wear themselves out" outside my hearing. You're not the only people on the planet.


This.

I don't care how you let your kids eat or watch TV or all that other crap you think we are judging you for. But this, our eyes are daggers for a legitimate reason.

Hah! Yeah, we don't care.

Thanks, now I'm gonna scream at you


I found that for some kids the best way to deal with their tantrum is to taunt them.

"Oh come on jst3p jr, you can do better than that. I have heard you yell louder than that playing lego star wars. Is that really all you got? Come on, make me believe you are upset, I am just not getting it."
2012-03-07 09:37:04 PM  
1 vote:

RhineStoneTaco: You're already more honest than most parents posting on Fark. Which is a nice reprieve from perfect angels.


FWIW, I think it's a coping mechanism. As a parent you tend to focus on the positive and ignore the negative because if you didn't you would slit your wrists. Being a parent is hard as shiat, and it's exhausting, and it's non-stop. You wake up, work all day, then come home to your second job (really your first job, the paying job becomes your second job). Then eventually he goes to sleep and you get a precious hour or two of silence/sanity. I've found that I honestly sacrifice sleep for "alone time" where I can just relax. I guess I value awake relaxing more than sleeping. Not my wife, she goes to bed at like 8:30 - about an hour after my son.

I've super digressed, but I think the point was that you take the good, special, or sweet things and give those a special place in your mind because that's what you hold onto in your "happy place" while he throws a five minute long temper tantrum because you had the audacity to prevent him from eating dog food or playing with the electric cord for your laptop.

FWIW, we don't let him throw tantrums in public. I try to bother other people as little as possible when out with my son. lf he really starts pitching a shiat fit either my wife or I will remove him from the scene immediately. If he won't calm down, we'll get our check and to go boxen.

Parenting is hard as shiat and an assload of work, but it's totally worth it. Any parent who tells your its easy or their kid is perfect is lying. Any non-parent who thinks that it's easy or their hypothetical kids would be perfect is wrong.
2012-03-07 09:33:47 PM  
1 vote:

teeny: Even parents with kids will judge. I had 3 of the easiest kids in the world. They ate, slept, and obeyed like perfect cherubs. The only exception was when they were sick or abnormally tired, and even then it wasn't that bad. My best friend's kids were like something out of Lord of the Flies and the Exorcist.

Then I had a fourth, and he was the devil incarnate. I stopped judging, because I didn't have time to do anything else but pray that he would eventually stop.

He's almost 4. I'm still waiting. But he's getting closer and closer to an age where I feel perfectly justified in beating the living shiat out of him.


I'm convinced that almost all of a kid's nature is determined at birth. You can only mould them to a certain degree. I'm old enough to have watched a lot of them grow up, and almost always you can tell what they'll be like as adults by what they are like as toddlers.
2012-03-07 09:24:16 PM  
1 vote:
Try being a male single parent with a 10 year old daughter. She's very loving 'but gets her stubborness from her mother. If I say white she says black when doing homework even when I'm right. I did all the heavy lifting when her mother left for the past 6 years, but she has more friends at her mother's house lately. I know eventually she'll figure out I was a better parent but that's years away. At least she's on honor roll due to me helping her with studying every weeknight.
2012-03-07 09:16:33 PM  
1 vote:

brantgoose: My Mother says that she used to be alarmed by my temper tantrums but then she realized I could hold my breath until I was literally blue in the face, but that I couldn' hold it long enough to hurt myself because I would black-out long before then, so she just ignored them after that.

Modern parenting is largely the result of realizing the futility of it all.

Things my parents learned too late to help me:

1. Let them eat what they want.
2. They're never going the f*** to sleep no matter how hard you try.
3. Children think you are stupid. They're probably right, at least for the next twelve years. You may recover eventually.
4. Warm the potty and you won't have to move the furniture.
5. You don't need to spend a lot of money on educational books. The Sears Catalog will do. Let the kid tell the stories.
6. There are two kinds of kids. Those who misbehave when their parents aren't around, and those who misbehave when they are. It's better to raise the first kind. And pay the babysitter well.
7. Clean children exist only in picture books. If one of your children doesn't get dirty, he's probably gay.
8. Girls are easier to raise. Until they are twelve. And then you'll wish you had two boys instead.
9. If you can get your children to do their homework when they get home from school, you're lucky, because then you don't have to spend all night doing it so you don't look stupid.
10. You shouldn't try to be your children's friends. There is just no way you can keep up with their damn friends.


You are wise, and have much to teach us.

I've found the best parental aid in my arsenal is the double bourbon and soda. After that, I can handle anything my 2 year old boy throws at me. Or throws up. Or poops. Etc.
2012-03-07 09:06:45 PM  
1 vote:

dbaggins: moothemagiccow: You, the woman at Kohl's who pushed a cart with your screaming toddler draped on the rack underneath it, ignoring her as she scraped her feet on the floor because she couldn't have the toy she wanted: I judged you.

If your kid wants to throw a tantrum in public, it's not a battle of wills with you. It's an annoyance to everyone else. Take your kid away and they can "wear themselves out" outside my hearing. You're not the only people on the planet.


This.

I don't care how you let your kids eat or watch TV or all that other crap you think we are judging you for. But this, our eyes are daggers for a legitimate reason.


Hah! Yeah, we don't care.
2012-03-07 09:02:45 PM  
1 vote:

RhineStoneTaco: Gilligann: Tell me about your kids.

Enrolled in the finest private honors academy in Lake Wobegon.


And?

Oh, I get it. You're not able to read an entire post so you selectively read a small part of it. Your brain has a limited character count, sorta like Twitter. That would certainly explain things.
2012-03-07 09:00:46 PM  
1 vote:

RhineStoneTaco: O

snuff3r: And even then, he takes water to school and happily drinks it at dinner. Same with veggies. He'll eat veggies like theyre candy and leave the meat untouched.

mod3072: My kids love vegetables. They'll fight over asparagus or Brussels sprouts.


The veggie thing isnt that exceptional. My kid farking loves veggies, mostly peas, carrots, and green beans. He eats that shiat by the fistful. He eats chicken nuggets and bad shiat too, but he loves peas and green beans. Hes not too keen on sweets but likes fig newtons.

He trows tantrums becuase hes 16months old and thats what they do. Its mostly at home and we try to ignore him until he gets bored. He watches tv sometimes while eating but gets bored easily, he also likes the iPad.
2012-03-07 08:59:50 PM  
1 vote:

Omahawg: the young boy child won't give up breastfeeding at 2.

he does his dance and sings "boobies! boobies! boobies are good food yum!"

my son...


Smart kid.

And he is correct, boobies are, in fact, good food and yum.
2012-03-07 08:32:28 PM  
1 vote:

moothemagiccow: You, the woman at Kohl's who pushed a cart with your screaming toddler draped on the rack underneath it, ignoring her as she scraped her feet on the floor because she couldn't have the toy she wanted: I judged you.

If your kid wants to throw a tantrum in public, it's not a battle of wills with you. It's an annoyance to everyone else. Take your kid away and they can "wear themselves out" outside my hearing. You're not the only people on the planet.



This.

I don't care how you let your kids eat or watch TV or all that other crap you think we are judging you for. But this, our eyes are daggers for a legitimate reason.
2012-03-07 08:04:38 PM  
1 vote:
Speak harshly to your little boy,
And beat him when he sneezes.
He only does it to annoy,
Because he knows it teases.

/Grandma likes Lewis Carrol
2012-03-07 08:03:27 PM  
1 vote:

larrycot: the lesson they've learned that day is none of this school shiat is important, since my parents don't need to know how to do it. They will instantly apply this learning to include anything taught in school.


Yes, but if the only reason you're learning it is so that your kids won't know that they don't need it, isn't that kind of retarded? Shouldn't you be honest with your kids and tell them that they are correct, they don't need any of that shiat in the real world? Isn't lying to them in order to make their correct instinct appear false going to screw up their decision-making abilities?
2012-03-07 07:47:13 PM  
1 vote:
Wake up the boys and deal with their short tempers having only slept for 25 minutes, or sit in the van with them while they slept, bribing my daughter with apps on my iPod and promises of candy once inside if she would just sit and be quiet for a half hour longer (!). I chose option B without blinking. And I left the car running (!) the entire time.

This lady is a nutjob. My mom never bribed us with candy left the car idling for half an hour just so she wouldn't be slightly inconvenienced. We didn't even have candy in the house! You don't give small children candy on a regular basis.

We also rarely had TV, or fast food, or had temper tantrums, because my mom was a good parent in those respects. I can't remember us throwing temper tantrums; it didn't work. If we were misbehaving in public she would just pack us up and leave.

I hear all these stories about parents who give in to their every child's whims just for peace and quiet or whatnot and it seems to me that they just lack willpower and a spine. Grow a pair of ovaries and be a better role model. Your grandma would have beat your child with a wooden spoon for pulling that sh*t, don't be all "Ashlynne please please please stop screaming please I'll give you candy."
2012-03-07 07:44:38 PM  
1 vote:
Pre-experiencing it yourself: "retarded opinion"
Post-experiencing it yourself: "relevant opinion"
2012-03-07 07:34:25 PM  
1 vote:

taurusowner: PoochUMD: As someone who will have their first child in a few month, I can assure you it wont eat fast food, be a jerk in public or watch tv.

/Until I give in

Please please PLEASE just don't act like everything your baby does is the most magical thing that has ever happened and MUST be interesting to absolutely everybody. Don't be like that, and you'll be better than 95% of new parents.


\Trillions of babies have done every single thing your child has done
\\None of it is special
\\\And other people don't want to hear about or see pictures/video of ANY OF IT


Oh, yeah, within the last year my friends are finally having kids, and now they are all like "This video of my baby boy's poop tornado is so special"

//wish I was joking about the video...
2012-03-07 07:32:42 PM  
1 vote:
Sprout and YouTube are goddamned saviors.

Except for HaveFunTeaching. Never getting those songs out of my head

/A is a vowel, a letter in the alphabet...
2012-03-07 07:28:21 PM  
1 vote:

mod3072: pyr8bwoy: parents aren't cool. i see those people and i laugh at their pathetic attempts to have kids and be happenin'.
my buddy became a teacher and he told me the wisest words that i live by to this day, he said, 'beat your kids, beat them good and beat them often, because these kids have no respect.' i've done my best to remember that.
besides, have you ever tried to make your kid drink water instead of soda? it's easier getting them to drink poison. same with vegetables. but we try.

My kids love vegetables. They'll fight over asparagus or Brussels sprouts. Obviously I'm a better parent than you are.

//nah, not really. All kids are different. I have stuck to my pledge not to beat my children while I'm drunk though, so I'm pretty proud of that.


You are a better man than me: i get drunk and then i get one of my kids drunk until he passes out and then use his limp body to beat the other ones.
2012-03-07 07:28:07 PM  
1 vote:
Kids that are small/young enough to have to use a car seat complain about stiff necks? Holy cow, mommy is already doing a good job at 'the squeaky wheel get the grease' model.
2012-03-07 07:23:59 PM  
1 vote:

PoochUMD: As someone who will have their first child in a few month, I can assure you it wont eat fast food, be a jerk in public or watch tv.

/Until I give in


Please please PLEASE just don't act like everything your baby does is the most magical thing that has ever happened and MUST be interesting to absolutely everybody. Don't be like that, and you'll be better than 95% of new parents.


\Trillions of babies have done every single thing your child has done
\\None of it is special
\\\And other people don't want to hear about or see pictures/video of ANY OF IT
2012-03-07 07:22:47 PM  
1 vote:

MBK: I'm tired of people attacking Chocolate Milk.

CHOCOLATE MILK IS AMAZING.


i689.photobucket.com
2012-03-07 07:21:47 PM  
1 vote:

pyr8bwoy: parents aren't cool. i see those people and i laugh at their pathetic attempts to have kids and be happenin'.
my buddy became a teacher and he told me the wisest words that i live by to this day, he said, 'beat your kids, beat them good and beat them often, because these kids have no respect.' i've done my best to remember that.
besides, have you ever tried to make your kid drink water instead of soda? it's easier getting them to drink poison. same with vegetables. but we try.


You gotta start them young. My kid gets one flavour a day. And flavour = juice. Not that pretend juice, proper juice. And even then, he takes water to school and happily drinks it at dinner. Same with veggies. He'll eat veggies like theyre candy and leave the meat untouched.

I never hit my kid but we just got lucky with behaviour (so far, anyways).

/sugar nazi
2012-03-07 07:21:29 PM  
1 vote:

MadUncleEoin: My kid is 5. He watches allowed TV shows, but not all the time and not unmonitored. We eat cooked meals as a family almost every night, so he gets fast food maybe 2 times every 3 weeks. Yes, he wore disposable diapers (suck it, environment). His tantrums are few and far between, and even then aren't bad compared to what I've seen in other kids. He's a great kid and everyone loves him.

You do what you want with your kids and leave mine alone. I'll do what I (i.e. my wife) want to do with him.


Eh, the first never really did tantrums, but the second certainly does get more temperamental. My B-I-L's doctor said that early speakers tend to have more tantrums because they can articulate ideas better in their minds but don't have the emotional control to temper those ideas. My second spoke quite early.

We tried the re-usable diapers and cloths for a while. Problem was that some poo stains just would not come out. Also you need to use HOT water and lots of detergent to really clean the damned things.
2012-03-07 07:21:05 PM  
1 vote:
As third of six, I pity people who can't properly train two or three; or even one. And train is the work. Trying to reason with a two-year-old is a losing proposition, I've seen my sisters try it.

How many do I have? Zero and that won't change. I can learn from others' experiences.
2012-03-07 07:14:21 PM  
1 vote:
So she is writing to say she is a low class lazy biatch with no self discipline, nor discipline for her children, who has no regard for society as a whole and takes the low and easy road at every opportunity ? Wow, Thomas Jefferson would be proud.
2012-03-07 07:10:27 PM  
1 vote:
I grew up watching TV and I turned out TV.
MBK [TotalFark]
2012-03-07 07:09:34 PM  
1 vote:
I'm tired of people attacking Chocolate Milk.

CHOCOLATE MILK IS AMAZING.
2012-03-07 07:07:02 PM  
1 vote:
1 kid. She watches TV, only eats a little fast food, does not drink any soda (she's convinced that she doesn't like "fizzy drinks") and only throws temper tantrums for my wife. And she goes to a charter school for gifted children. And she's a Pokemon addict, which seems pretty normal. My wife throws fits about the TV watching and video games, but the kid also plays soccer and softball and reads incessantly. Whatever, she's healthy, happy, and physically fit, unlike her mother.
2012-03-07 07:05:47 PM  
1 vote:
parents aren't cool. i see those people and i laugh at their pathetic attempts to have kids and be happenin'.
my buddy became a teacher and he told me the wisest words that i live by to this day, he said, 'beat your kids, beat them good and beat them often, because these kids have no respect.' i've done my best to remember that.
besides, have you ever tried to make your kid drink water instead of soda? it's easier getting them to drink poison. same with vegetables. but we try.
2012-03-07 07:04:20 PM  
1 vote:
Yeah, I used to think it was cruel to let a kid watch TV all day, but God bless the electronic babysitter. Energy is wasted on the young.
2012-03-07 06:48:18 PM  
1 vote:
I have kids and I still judge.
/You twentysomething moms with your tatoos, lattes and spiked shoes are hysterical. You don't see me but I laugh behind your tramp-stamps.
2012-03-07 06:38:04 PM  
1 vote:
Kara Gebhart Uhl sounds less like a name and more like a death rattle.
 
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