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(Huffington Post)   Pre-kids: My snowflakes will have no TV, no fast food, no disposable diapers, and no temper tantrums unlike YOUR unruly kids. Post-kids: LOL J/K   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 236
    More: Obvious, Michael Pollan, dirty diapers, absolutes, Popsicle, Nick Jr., laugh out loud, Kohl, diapers  
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13887 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Mar 2012 at 6:59 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-03-07 05:29:53 PM  
TWO parenting threads?

www.diabetesmine.com

/hot like buttered popcorn
 
2012-03-07 06:11:05 PM  
Damn. I have to take my kid to a soccer game. I'm gonna miss the fun.
 
2012-03-07 06:14:51 PM  
Huh. Whiny complaining mom is whining and complaining.

Yes, yes. Every new parent does it. You aren't special. Shut up and go change her diaper.
 
2012-03-07 06:33:22 PM  
Well Subby, people who don;t have kids don't get it yet.

YET.
 
2012-03-07 06:38:04 PM  
Kara Gebhart Uhl sounds less like a name and more like a death rattle.
 
2012-03-07 06:44:57 PM  
I will never have kids.

Smugness: Intact
 
2012-03-07 06:48:18 PM  
I have kids and I still judge.
/You twentysomething moms with your tatoos, lattes and spiked shoes are hysterical. You don't see me but I laugh behind your tramp-stamps.
 
Byn
2012-03-07 07:02:22 PM  
I was an amazing parent until I had kids.
 
2012-03-07 07:02:50 PM  
Temper tantrums are your child's way of pushing you to see what kind of shiat you'll take before you actually bother to control them.
 
2012-03-07 07:04:20 PM  
Yeah, I used to think it was cruel to let a kid watch TV all day, but God bless the electronic babysitter. Energy is wasted on the young.
 
2012-03-07 07:05:33 PM  
Translation: I didn't have the willpower to follow through on my convictions.
 
2012-03-07 07:05:47 PM  
parents aren't cool. i see those people and i laugh at their pathetic attempts to have kids and be happenin'.
my buddy became a teacher and he told me the wisest words that i live by to this day, he said, 'beat your kids, beat them good and beat them often, because these kids have no respect.' i've done my best to remember that.
besides, have you ever tried to make your kid drink water instead of soda? it's easier getting them to drink poison. same with vegetables. but we try.
 
2012-03-07 07:06:06 PM  
And for all that they do I think back and realize I probably was worse

/except I respected adults, even when misbehaving, kids really gotta learn more respect these days
 
2012-03-07 07:06:17 PM  
It's best to give them TV at an early age to help them build up an immunity to it later in life. Also true for fast food.
 
2012-03-07 07:06:53 PM  
As someone who will have their first child in a few month, I can assure you it wont eat fast food, be a jerk in public or watch tv.

/Until I give in
 
2012-03-07 07:07:02 PM  
1 kid. She watches TV, only eats a little fast food, does not drink any soda (she's convinced that she doesn't like "fizzy drinks") and only throws temper tantrums for my wife. And she goes to a charter school for gifted children. And she's a Pokemon addict, which seems pretty normal. My wife throws fits about the TV watching and video games, but the kid also plays soccer and softball and reads incessantly. Whatever, she's healthy, happy, and physically fit, unlike her mother.
 
2012-03-07 07:07:06 PM  
http://www.thefrisky.com/2012-03-07/this-diaper-commercial-makes-me-w a nt-to-die/ (new window)

i.imgur.com

So the LUVs commercial linked to above would probably bring laughs to any parent, but the girls with presumingly no kids at The Frisky ain't having that.

The point of the commercial is that babies can poop astronomical amounts of poop, and wouldn't it be nice to have a diaper that never had blow-outs.

(potential nsfw ad removed.)
 
MBK [TotalFark]
2012-03-07 07:09:34 PM  
I'm tired of people attacking Chocolate Milk.

CHOCOLATE MILK IS AMAZING.
 
2012-03-07 07:10:27 PM  
I grew up watching TV and I turned out TV.
 
2012-03-07 07:11:05 PM  
New parents are annoying. I hope I'm not one.

It would be ironic for me to be surprised by my own children at this point.
 
2012-03-07 07:11:39 PM  
Nice try, chicky. You have failed as a parent, and I have not. My children will hire yours for menial labor and laugh at the prospect of paying them less than a Foxconn employee. Enjoy your shame.
 
2012-03-07 07:12:25 PM  

Ed Finnerty: Kara Gebhart Uhl sounds less like a name and more like a death rattle.




Sometimes things give me the creeps for no reason. Add this to the list.
 
MBK [TotalFark]
2012-03-07 07:13:28 PM  

PoochUMD: As someone who will have their first child in a few month, I can assure you it wont eat fast food, be a jerk in public or watch tv.

/Until I give in


When I was staying at my parent's house during college summers, my niece would stay with them during the daytime hours.

The greatest day ever was when she figured out how to use the cable remote control and use OnDemand.

Sure, she went out and played. But some days it was way too hot to go outside, and the pools would be packed anyway. So TV it was. And man, the relief we all got once she realized how to select her programs...OH JOYOUS OF ALL JOYS!

Same thing with Netflix.
 
2012-03-07 07:14:21 PM  
So she is writing to say she is a low class lazy biatch with no self discipline, nor discipline for her children, who has no regard for society as a whole and takes the low and easy road at every opportunity ? Wow, Thomas Jefferson would be proud.
 
2012-03-07 07:14:32 PM  

Zeno-25: Translation: I didn't have the willpower to follow through on my convictions.


Yep.
Most people want to do right by their kids. If it's important to you, then you'll try your damnedest. If it's not, then you won't. You don't get a second chance at it.
 
2012-03-07 07:14:53 PM  

Shazam999: Temper tantrums are your child's way of pushing you to see what kind of shiat you'll take before you actually bother to control them.


THIS

My toddler has learned from his daycare friends to throw himself onto the floor and start wailing. At first I was concerned but now I simply pour myself a double Maker's Mark with a few rocks and wait him out. He usually lasts a few minutes and than wants to know what's in Daddy's bottle.
 
2012-03-07 07:15:33 PM  

Shazam999: Temper tantrums are your child's way of pushing you to see what kind of shiat you'll take before you actually bother to control them.


Here's how we did the in store tantrum: we will be going to the store to pick out (food, a present, ect...) we can look and play a bit while we are looking but the first whine about if you can get this or that now means we leave and you don't get to go to the party, no dessert or some penalty.

We only had to leave a store once, from then on we had fun, bought well and put toys back to be seen another time. Of course being broke and credit card maxed out helped too for not being able to indulge.
 
2012-03-07 07:15:38 PM  

Ed Finnerty: Kara Gebhart Uhl sounds less like a name and more like a death rattle.


She must have died while writing it.
 
2012-03-07 07:17:11 PM  

doglover: New parents are annoying. I hope I'm not one. It would be ironic for me to be surprised by my own children at this point.


Here's the two part test:
1. What is the #1 rule when raising kids?
2. In every parent-child conflict since the cave, what is the "currency" being negotiated? (Hint: not money, not a tangible asset)
 
2012-03-07 07:17:15 PM  
My kid is 5. He watches allowed TV shows, but not all the time and not unmonitored. We eat cooked meals as a family almost every night, so he gets fast food maybe 2 times every 3 weeks. Yes, he wore disposable diapers (suck it, environment). His tantrums are few and far between, and even then aren't bad compared to what I've seen in other kids. He's a great kid and everyone loves him.

You do what you want with your kids and leave mine alone. I'll do what I (i.e. my wife) want to do with him.
 
2012-03-07 07:17:45 PM  
my kid is awesome
 
2012-03-07 07:17:52 PM  

que.guero: Shazam999: Temper tantrums are your child's way of pushing you to see what kind of shiat you'll take before you actually bother to control them.

THIS

My toddler has learned from his daycare friends to throw himself onto the floor and start wailing. At first I was concerned but now I simply pour myself a double Maker's Mark with a few rocks and wait him out. He usually lasts a few minutes and than wants to know what's in Daddy's bottle.


Alcohol tastes soooo good after you have kids. I can now honestly understand why parents become alcoholics.
 
2012-03-07 07:18:55 PM  

Wholesale Ass: I grew up licking ball sack. I turned out ball sack.


...wait a sec
 
2012-03-07 07:19:53 PM  
You don't even need to have children of your own to reach the lol j/k part. My wife and I frequently babysit a 2 year old who has the attention span of an overcooked carrot and boundless energy. TV or some kind of interactive game are the only things he will sit still for (yes, we still take him out and do all the usual kid stuff with him). The best thing I ever did was rip all of our Disney and Pixar DVDs and load them on my old Android phone. The wife then loaded a bunch of those kids apps (bubbles!) for him to play with as well. It's a godsend for those times when you are out at a restaurant and he has already finished eating (and started getting restless) and you have yet to take a bite.
 
2012-03-07 07:21:05 PM  
As third of six, I pity people who can't properly train two or three; or even one. And train is the work. Trying to reason with a two-year-old is a losing proposition, I've seen my sisters try it.

How many do I have? Zero and that won't change. I can learn from others' experiences.
 
2012-03-07 07:21:22 PM  
the young boy child won't give up breastfeeding at 2.

he does his dance and sings "boobies! boobies! boobies are good food yum!"

my son...
 
2012-03-07 07:21:29 PM  

MadUncleEoin: My kid is 5. He watches allowed TV shows, but not all the time and not unmonitored. We eat cooked meals as a family almost every night, so he gets fast food maybe 2 times every 3 weeks. Yes, he wore disposable diapers (suck it, environment). His tantrums are few and far between, and even then aren't bad compared to what I've seen in other kids. He's a great kid and everyone loves him.

You do what you want with your kids and leave mine alone. I'll do what I (i.e. my wife) want to do with him.


Eh, the first never really did tantrums, but the second certainly does get more temperamental. My B-I-L's doctor said that early speakers tend to have more tantrums because they can articulate ideas better in their minds but don't have the emotional control to temper those ideas. My second spoke quite early.

We tried the re-usable diapers and cloths for a while. Problem was that some poo stains just would not come out. Also you need to use HOT water and lots of detergent to really clean the damned things.
 
2012-03-07 07:21:43 PM  
My Mother says that she used to be alarmed by my temper tantrums but then she realized I could hold my breath until I was literally blue in the face, but that I couldn' hold it long enough to hurt myself because I would black-out long before then, so she just ignored them after that.

Modern parenting is largely the result of realizing the futility of it all.

Things my parents learned too late to help me:

1. Let them eat what they want.
2. They're never going the f*** to sleep no matter how hard you try.
3. Children think you are stupid. They're probably right, at least for the next twelve years. You may recover eventually.
4. Warm the potty and you won't have to move the furniture.
5. You don't need to spend a lot of money on educational books. The Sears Catalog will do. Let the kid tell the stories.
6. There are two kinds of kids. Those who misbehave when their parents aren't around, and those who misbehave when they are. It's better to raise the first kind. And pay the babysitter well.
7. Clean children exist only in picture books. If one of your children doesn't get dirty, he's probably gay.
8. Girls are easier to raise. Until they are twelve. And then you'll wish you had two boys instead.
9. If you can get your children to do their homework when they get home from school, you're lucky, because then you don't have to spend all night doing it so you don't look stupid.
10. You shouldn't try to be your children's friends. There is just no way you can keep up with their damn friends.
 
2012-03-07 07:21:47 PM  

pyr8bwoy: parents aren't cool. i see those people and i laugh at their pathetic attempts to have kids and be happenin'.
my buddy became a teacher and he told me the wisest words that i live by to this day, he said, 'beat your kids, beat them good and beat them often, because these kids have no respect.' i've done my best to remember that.
besides, have you ever tried to make your kid drink water instead of soda? it's easier getting them to drink poison. same with vegetables. but we try.


You gotta start them young. My kid gets one flavour a day. And flavour = juice. Not that pretend juice, proper juice. And even then, he takes water to school and happily drinks it at dinner. Same with veggies. He'll eat veggies like theyre candy and leave the meat untouched.

I never hit my kid but we just got lucky with behaviour (so far, anyways).

/sugar nazi
 
2012-03-07 07:22:47 PM  

MBK: I'm tired of people attacking Chocolate Milk.

CHOCOLATE MILK IS AMAZING.


i689.photobucket.com
 
Ehh
2012-03-07 07:22:50 PM  
RoyBatty: Ed Finnerty: Kara Gebhart Uhl sounds less like a name and more like a death rattle.

She must have died while writing it.


Maybe she was dictating.
 
2012-03-07 07:23:59 PM  

PoochUMD: As someone who will have their first child in a few month, I can assure you it wont eat fast food, be a jerk in public or watch tv.

/Until I give in


Please please PLEASE just don't act like everything your baby does is the most magical thing that has ever happened and MUST be interesting to absolutely everybody. Don't be like that, and you'll be better than 95% of new parents.


\Trillions of babies have done every single thing your child has done
\\None of it is special
\\\And other people don't want to hear about or see pictures/video of ANY OF IT
 
2012-03-07 07:24:23 PM  

RoyBatty: http://www.thefrisky.com/2012-03-07/this-diaper-commercial-makes-me-w a nt-to-die/ (new window)

[i.imgur.com image 612x560]

So the LUVs commercial linked to above would probably bring laughs to any parent, but the girls with presumingly no kids at The Frisky ain't having that.

The point of the commercial is that babies can poop astronomical amounts of poop, and wouldn't it be nice to have a diaper that never had blow-outs.

(potential nsfw ad removed.)


That commericial was on when I scrolled to your post. Hadn't seen it before but holy crap (pun intended) is it disgusting.
 
2012-03-07 07:24:28 PM  
Not all clean children are gay.

Some are just unusually fastidious.

They may grow up to be accountants.

You'll consider yourself lucky if they are gay.
 
2012-03-07 07:25:42 PM  

pyr8bwoy: parents aren't cool. i see those people and i laugh at their pathetic attempts to have kids and be happenin'.
my buddy became a teacher and he told me the wisest words that i live by to this day, he said, 'beat your kids, beat them good and beat them often, because these kids have no respect.' i've done my best to remember that.
besides, have you ever tried to make your kid drink water instead of soda? it's easier getting them to drink poison. same with vegetables. but we try.


My kids love vegetables. They'll fight over asparagus or Brussels sprouts. Obviously I'm a better parent than you are.

//nah, not really. All kids are different. I have stuck to my pledge not to beat my children while I'm drunk though, so I'm pretty proud of that.
 
2012-03-07 07:26:57 PM  

taurusowner: Trillions of babies have done every single thing your child has done
\\None of it is special


My 1 year old recited the Gettysburg Address. In Latin.
 
2012-03-07 07:27:13 PM  

que.guero: Shazam999: Temper tantrums are your child's way of pushing you to see what kind of shiat you'll take before you actually bother to control them.
THIS
My toddler has learned from his daycare friends to throw himself onto the floor and start wailing. At first I was concerned but now I simply pour myself a double Maker's Mark with a few rocks and wait him out. He usually lasts a few minutes and than wants to know what's in Daddy's bottle.


Booze or these also work:
www.healthyhearing.com
 
2012-03-07 07:28:07 PM  
Kids that are small/young enough to have to use a car seat complain about stiff necks? Holy cow, mommy is already doing a good job at 'the squeaky wheel get the grease' model.
 
2012-03-07 07:28:21 PM  

mod3072: pyr8bwoy: parents aren't cool. i see those people and i laugh at their pathetic attempts to have kids and be happenin'.
my buddy became a teacher and he told me the wisest words that i live by to this day, he said, 'beat your kids, beat them good and beat them often, because these kids have no respect.' i've done my best to remember that.
besides, have you ever tried to make your kid drink water instead of soda? it's easier getting them to drink poison. same with vegetables. but we try.

My kids love vegetables. They'll fight over asparagus or Brussels sprouts. Obviously I'm a better parent than you are.

//nah, not really. All kids are different. I have stuck to my pledge not to beat my children while I'm drunk though, so I'm pretty proud of that.


You are a better man than me: i get drunk and then i get one of my kids drunk until he passes out and then use his limp body to beat the other ones.
 
2012-03-07 07:29:20 PM  

rkiller1: I have kids and I still judge.
/You twentysomething moms with your tatoos, lattes and spiked shoes are hysterical. You don't see me but I laugh behind your tramp-stamps.


It has been a while since I attended the wedding in which the bride AND bridemaids did not have visible ink.

Not sure if it says something about society, or just me.
 
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