James!: Holy jesus mary mother of farking awful. Never go to Australia.

yes, but enough about their beer.
They also have a spider problem.

Elandriel: Given the politeness of the headline, I can only imagine these spiders are all sporting top hats and monocles.

On the plus side, that farm won't have a mosquito problem.

MBK: BURN IT ALL

NUKE IT

DO SOMETHING WITH FIRE

Can't. The ground is wet.

BKITU: Diogenes: BKITU: Diogenes: OMGOMG THEY'RE ON ME!!!!

But seriously, must be hard to tell when a fly hits that web.

Looks more like emergency living space than a food net. Look, if you had the ability to build a shelter by shooting it out of your ass, and your town was flooded, you'd do it, wouldn't you?

I mean, the housing market is already borked, but the prospect of humans being able to generate instant shelters via rectal expulsion would send prices tumbling even further. However, the homeless problem would not exist anymore.

Scientists need to get on this. I'm farking brilliant.

Problem is, I'd have to file for a permit with the HOA. Building structures with my ass gunk isn't in the by-laws, and will probably be referred to the Architectural Committee.

All the little Eichmanns running your HOA need to let up. A man's ass-shelter is his ass-castle!

What if the homeless crowd in? Do you want to live in a neighborhood that smells like hobo ass?

and since this is Australia they each have the venom to kill 100 rhinos.

Opens link . . .

One the plus side mosquito and fly season won't be so bad this year.

BKITU: Diogenes: OMGOMG THEY'RE ON ME!!!!

But seriously, must be hard to tell when a fly hits that web.

Looks more like emergency living space than a food net. Look, if you had the ability to build a shelter by shooting it out of your ass, and your town was flooded, you'd do it, wouldn't you?

I mean, the housing market is already borked, but the prospect of humans being able to generate instant shelters via rectal expulsion would send prices tumbling even further. However, the homeless problem would not exist anymore.

Scientists need to get on this. I'm farking brilliant.

Man, my last colonoscopy prep, I would have ended up sitting on a 30-unit condo!

/Literally.

Well I normally say no to spiders. But you look like the friendly kind..
Care for some Vegemite?

This headline starts out like the joke about the guy that farks the farmer's daughter. But it ends like the joke about the guy that goes to the biker bar and farks the biker's mom.

Cheron: One the plus side mosquito and fly season won't be so bad this year.

at best it's the same number of spiders as before the massive amount of standing water showed up. Yeah, I think they are going to have another problem with the mosquitos (mosquitoes?) soon.

It's kinda pretty from a safe distance. And I mean, on the other side of the earth on my computer.

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: NOPE!

Chuck Testa.

On second thought, go ahead and just flood my house.

In this first generation, the original male also produced a queen, and together they will construct a primary nest which the queen will guard. But eventually, she will create reproductive offspring of her own. And when that happens, this town is dead... and the next town... and the next town... and the next one, and so on.

Flies? Mosquitoes? I believe those spiders are hunting for pheasants.

This happened in Pakistan (new window) too:

Huck Chaser: Love the headline, subby. Awesome work.

This! I laughed.

Nope (new window)

Cheron: One the plus side mosquito and fly season won't be so bad this year.

Also, if the Simpsons taught me anything, someone will make a fortune here selling snakes and gorillas.

Man, Hershel's gonna be p*ssed.

nytmare: Flies? Mosquitoes? I believe those spiders are hunting for pheasants.

As has been implied elsewhere, these are top-hatted, bemonocled spiders. Ergo, they are hunting peasants.

I click the article then I scream and the comments aren't any better.

/AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Cagey B: nytmare: Flies? Mosquitoes? I believe those spiders are hunting for pheasants.

As has been implied elsewhere, these are top-hatted, bemonocled spiders. Ergo, they are hunting peasants.

I would totally roll with those spiders. They seem like stand up chaps AND they keep vermin out of my house.

Blues_X: Oh God, they're trapping the dog!

It looks like a crappy William Shatner movie.

If by crappy, you mean awesome.

"Oh, by all means, make yourselves at home. I'll just be over here on the brand new lake, camping out in my tinny. With a flamethrower."

Also, Fiesta!

That is straight out of a nightmare for me. FARK that.

+1 headline subby

Oh, look. It's snowiiiiiiiiIIIIII

dahmers love zombie already said it, but I had to post it anyway...

Clearly the time to act is now. Australia must be destroyed. According to my calculations, the continent will drift towards civilized humanity and rejoin the supercontinent in exactly someday in the future and we can never let that happen.

Fire. Ze. Missiles.

Vagina Spider.

MaxxLarge: I made it as far as the first picture before I got the overwhelming desire to go take a shower.

I'm honestly just fine with the odd spider. I have these little khaki ones at my house, and I see one every couple of weeks. They're kinda cute. We steer clear of each other, and co-exist for the most part. I actually find myself hoping the little guys are getting enough to eat, since Minnesota winters tend to kill off most of the other stuff that'd be on their menu.

That said, if I walked in one day, and there were suddenly thousands of them? I'd turn right back around, go and get the gas can from the garage, and burn the place to the ground for the insurance money without a second's hesitation. And realistically, I know that there are a LOT more than the ones I see. But out of sight, out of mind.

I have an ongoing agreement with the spider population at large.

I am ~6' tall. Spiders, then, must always maintain an altitude of at least six feet. Any spider caught breaking this flight deck by more than one inch will be punished by death.

/eventually, I'm going to inadvertently breed a species of spider that either cannot or will not ever venture beneath six feet in altitude.
//I, for one, welcome our new arachnid overlords.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *breath* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

dammit man! Not another spider thread!!!!!!

Good day, just thought I'd mention what a delightful, well-crafted headline that is before I "click" on the related link. Off I go, with a spring in my step, good subby!

/what could go wrong

This reminds me! I have Crazy Bug Mac n Cheese in my pantry!

AAAAAAAAAAGH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH

Mr. Dark sent them.

whconner4: Clearly the time to act is now. Australia must be destroyed. According to my calculations, the continent will drift towards civilized humanity and rejoin the supercontinent in exactly someday in the future and we can never let that happen.

Fire. Ze. Missiles.

I'll be in Madagascar. Shutting down things.

This reminds me of a csb...

When I was in junior high school, we were on the track running laps during P.E.. All of the sudden the sky was filled with what looked like little strings and balls of cotton that were descending on us. Everybody was having great fun trying to grab all the fluffiness...YAY!

Come to find out, it was millions of baby spiders on a once in a decade super hatching kinda thing. Luckily, we were able to wash them off in the showers as were were just finishing P.E.

/csb

William Shatner Movie = Kingdom of the Spiders and Yes I own it on DVD, that was the first thing that came to mind when I saw these pictures.

Anybody know what kind of spiders those are?

I wonder if you could collect the silk and spin it into thread or rope.

whconner4: Clearly the time to act is now. Australia must be destroyed. According to my calculations, the continent will drift towards civilized humanity and rejoin the supercontinent in exactly someday in the future and we can never let that happen.

Fire. Ze. Missiles.

But I am le tired.

Seriously, since they are Oz spiders you can bet just one of their bites can make the skin melt off your arm.

*shudder*

Ishkur: This is not an uncommon thing.

Typically what happens is odd weather (or in this case, a flood) forces bottlenecks spider migrations into a small area and they build what looks like a super community. I won't say it's global warming-related, but it's probably global warming related. Climate has historically affected animal migrations the most.

Happened up north near Prince George, BC, a few years back.

[flatrock.org.nz image 480x360]

[flatrock.org.nz image 480x360]

[flatrock.org.nz image 480x360]

[flatrock.org.nz image 480x360]

I was living just down the road in Valemount, BC when that happened. I stayed far, far, away.

Perhaps we can leverage this into an audience with Queen Spider, so that Holy Vatican Law can be changed to allow priests to have sex with women instead of molesting boys

/just kidding, the Holy Document of Vatican Law cannot be changed
//So Sayeth The Spider

You're gonna need a bigger clock

Woo!!! Packers!!!

Ugh.

WTF, Australia, I mean really, WTF.

*shudders*

Spiders took over a park in Texas before.

If there was ever a better time for an "aw, hell no!" I can't think of it.

Now I wonder what spawn of Satan creature shows up to eat those spiders.

Bukharin: Elandriel: Given the politeness of the headline, I can only imagine these spiders are all sporting top hats and monocles.

[www.silverfoxfilms.com image 640x640]

I was promised a monocle.

bugmn99: [500motivators.com image 479x599]

Picky point: the picture shows a mass of "harvestmen," which are also called daddy long-legs. They are arachnids in the order Opiliones, but not spiders (order Araneae). There is such a thing as a daddy long-legs spider. Say, that course in invertebrate taxonomy finally paid off. Thank you college!

caddisfly: katerbug72: [deadeven.files.wordpress.com image 300x300]

Mr. Dark sent them.

God I loved that movie. Race you to Netflix?

Have it on the hard drive. ;)

As long as they stay outside, I don't see the problem.

Just think of it as spider refugee camps. It's not like they wanna be all squished together in a tree or on a fencepost, but better that than drowning.

I bet spiders don't sit in their soon-to-be-flooded web and say, "Nope, I'm staying, I'm not gonna let a little flood chase me out of my home."

Spiders are smarter than people that way.

Made this for another thread, but still fitting:

This is why they don't need an army. Who in their right mind would ever invade this place?

Came for the Shatner; left happy.

Holy crap! I can handle the odd little spider now and then but whoa...

Damn, nature! You scary!

Hmmm. We've probably all heard at some point or other of the wonderful properties of spider silk, but that the reason we can't farm it like silk worm silk is because spiders eat each other. Are all these refugee spiders engaged in a cannibalistic Battle Royal, or is there something very useful to be learned here?

Can't they just get the dingoes to eat the spiders, or are they on a strict baby-only diet?

cleveoh: Can't they just get the dingoes to eat the spiders, or are they on a strict baby-only diet?

They should release wave after wave of Chinese Needle Snakes. They'll wipe out the spiders.

boogie_down: [i1057.photobucket.com image 600x480]

That's not entirely fair. I rather like Dannii Minogue's assets.

elev8meL8r: [3.bp.blogspot.com image 400x276]

You're gonna need a bigger clock

Jesus! Every farking time I'm with a woman they say this! What the hell does the size of my time piece have to do with... Oh.

...

OOOOOH.

Max Awesome: [The Mist, spider pic]

Can't decide if I should watch that or shat myself.

JackieRabbit: bugmn99: [500motivators.com image 479x599]

Picky point: the picture shows a mass of "harvestmen," which are also called daddy long-legs. They are arachnids in the order Opiliones, but not spiders (order Araneae). There is such a thing as a daddy long-legs spider. Say, that course in invertebrate taxonomy finally paid off. Thank you college!

Oh good. So you won't mind if I THROW THEM ALL OVER YOU!!!

James!: Holy jesus mary mother of farking awful. Never go to Australia.

And you just now acquired this new motto?

Australia is designed to kill you. Cracked told me so.

Yeah, I think I'll cancel my flight to Australia.

not that I have a flight to Australia, but I will go reserve one right now specifically so I can then turn around and cancel that thing because JESUS CHRIST AUSTRALIA WTF?!?!!

Vincibleman: [www.digitalbusstop.com image 570x697]

Dear Girlfriend,
I can make your boyfriend scream louder than you can.

Love,
Spiders..

Tashindi: [spotoffun.files.wordpress.com image 354x327]

Exactly.

Spiders are your friends. They don't bother you and they eat the bugs that actually do.

Myria: Max Awesome: [i42.photobucket.com image 447x447]

I loved The Mist. It was one of the better horror movies I've ever seen. The ending was great, too, though extremely depressing.

S King has a mediocre record of books to movie. Some Great, most 'meh' and some downright terrible. The book ending was much better, though ambiguous. I thought the movie ending of the Mist ruined was was otherwise a great movie.

As was pointed out by others. NUKE IT FROM ORBIT.

I once met a spider named Mike.
I chanced upon him on a hike.
I chose not to squish him,
but good day did wish him,
for he dines on the bugs I dislike.

btraz70: [petcenter.info image 500x400]

I hate you so much

Oh my dear lord.

That's my Room 101 right there.

/Shudder.

Just hanging out in my kitchen a few months ago

Don't worry, everyone. The solution will be ready in another 3 to 6 months

Why do I keep clicking on these links???????

Odd Bird: Max Awesome: [The Mist, spider pic]

Can't decide if I should watch that or shat myself.

Why not do both?

/actually, watch it. It's a pretty awesome, grim little movie.

Codenamechaz: Don't worry, everyone. The solution will be ready in another 3 to 6 months

[file.walagata.com image 600x323]

looks more like Strong Bad.

SpeckledJim: Just hanging out in my kitchen a few months ago

[i.imgur.com image 640x424]

Where do you live? Because i am going to stay at least 500 miles from wherever it is.

Return the slaaaaab.

Apparently you assholes think it's funny to greenlight a shiatload of stories about how Australia is going to kill me in terrible, horrible, gawd-awful, spider-infested ways just a week before I leave for Brisbane. D':

/hold me um skurred

WAGGA WAGGA

See, this is why ordinary citizens need access to military weaponry. This is a prime problem for a flamethrower option.

TheNewWinch: SpeckledJim: Just hanging out in my kitchen a few months ago

[i.imgur.com image 640x424]

Where do you live? Because i am going to stay at least 500 miles from wherever it is.

Southern California. They're apparently really common around here but I've only seen a couple over the years. They jump, and they bite - painful but not dangerous.

How can you not love the little guy with his fuzzy hat though?

Elandriel: Given the politeness of the headline, I can only imagine these spiders are all sporting top hats and monocles.

What a Spider(man) in a tophat and monocle looks like:

It seems that spiders are one of the greatest objects of fear for most Farkers - second only to clowns.

Now if there was a clown spider....

*everyone on Fark runs away screaming*

James!: Holy jesus mary mother of farking awful. Never go to Australia.


THIS!

Pants full of macaroni!!: It seems that spiders are one of the greatest objects of fear for most Farkers - second only to clowns.

Now if there was a(n) evangelical clown spider....

*everyone on Fark runs away screaming*

SpeckledJim: TheNewWinch: SpeckledJim: Just hanging out in my kitchen a few months ago

[i.imgur.com image 640x424]

Where do you live? Because i am going to stay at least 500 miles from wherever it is.

Southern California. They're apparently really common around here but I've only seen a couple over the years. They jump, and they bite - painful but not dangerous.

How can you not love the little guy with his fuzzy hat though?

I grew up in So Cal, and I never saw one of those ugly puppies. Blech! Used to see some of the regular tarantulas, but that thing looks like it should have its own zip code.

I guess Utah is good for one thing, when it snows, there are no big ugly spiders around.

That is... the worst thing.

well thank god this spider thread was not nearly as bad as some of them in the past.

Felgraf: Pants full of macaroni!!: whconner4: Clearly the time to act is now. Australia must be destroyed. According to my calculations, the continent will drift towards civilized humanity and rejoin the supercontinent in exactly someday in the future and we can never let that happen.

Fire. Ze. Missiles.

But I am le tired.

Alright, well, go take a nap BUT THEN FIRE ZE MISSILES.

(and Russia is all "AAAAH MOTHERLAND!" )

and then England is all like

'bout that time eh chaps?

/Right-o

Spiders are bad.

Farkers trawling Childrens TV websites are....weirder....

SpeckledJim: Just hanging out in my kitchen a few months ago

[i.imgur.com image 640x424]

I'm not normally a crazy gun person, but I can't lie - if I saw something like that in my house, I would probably shoot it and claim self-defense.

Also, you've made me afraid to walk into any room of my house without checking the walls and ceilings now. Thanks.

SingletonFactory: SpeckledJim: Just hanging out in my kitchen a few months ago

[i.imgur.com image 640x424]

I'm not normally a crazy gun person, but I can't lie - if I saw something like that in my house, I would probably shoot it and claim self-defense.

Also, you've made me afraid to walk into any room of my house without checking the walls and ceilings now. Thanks.

Yeah, you'll lose that impulse in a few days tops, though.

...and that's when they STRIKE.

cleveoh: Pants full of macaroni!!: It seems that spiders are one of the greatest objects of fear for most Farkers - second only to clowns.

Now if there was a(n) evangelical clown spider....

*everyone on Fark runs away screaming*

That boss dungeon is a huge step up...



/also: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

TheAnvil: Woo!!! Packers!!!

hey I came here to say that!

WOOOOOOO PACKERS WON THE SUPER BOWL! WOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

SocraticIrony: Opens link . . .


[i2.kym-cdn.com image 500x350]

This, this, and farking this. I have arachnophobia so bad and I can't even stay in the same room with a spider, let alone bring myself to actually kill it. Thank god my husband has A+ spider killing skillz.

UGHHHHHH I EFFING HATE SPIDERS

Oh god, I flipped through the pictures, and my first thoughts were "damn, that's not just a flood, that's white-water rapids on that farm....wait...that's not white-water.

AAAIIIEEEEEE!

Pants full of macaroni!!: It seems that spiders are one of the greatest objects of fear for most Farkers - second only to clowns.

Now if there was a clown spider....

*everyone on Fark runs away screaming*

These guys show up under my deck in the summer. I'm scared shiatless of them, but my camera protects me...

High octane nightmare fuel.

Max Awesome: [i42.photobucket.com image 500x327]

WTF?? Lobster spider? With 9 legs?

gerbilpox: Max Awesome: [i42.photobucket.com image 500x327]

WTF?? Lobster spider? With 9 legs?

That's a solifuge. They're awesome.

SpeckledJim: Just hanging out in my kitchen a few months ago

[i.imgur.com image 640x424]

That looks really cute, actually. But bright colours usually mean poison, so I'd probably have tried to catch him and relocate outside.

PonceAlyosha: gerbilpox: Max Awesome: [i42.photobucket.com image 500x327]

WTF?? Lobster spider? With 9 legs?

That's a solifuge. They're awesome.

It's actually a fake one made of string. But the live ones are awesomely freakish.

gerbilpox: Max Awesome: [i42.photobucket.com image 500x327]

WTF?? Lobster spider? With 9 legs?

10 legs - it's a solifugid (specifically, a camel spider).

I, uh, I must just go and vomit with terror now. Brb.

SpeckledJim: TheNewWinch: SpeckledJim: Just hanging out in my kitchen a few months ago

[i.imgur.com image 640x424]

Where do you live? Because i am going to stay at least 500 miles from wherever it is.

Southern California. They're apparently really common around here but I've only seen a couple over the years. They jump, and they bite - painful but not dangerous.

How can you not love the little guy with his fuzzy hat though?

??
i live in So. Cal. and ive never seen anything but daddielonglegs, widows and tarantulas. and the occasional little jumpy ones.

There is a Hell. It's called Australia.

Max Awesome: [i42.photobucket.com image 500x327]

WHAT the flying farmer is THAT????

SingletonFactory: Also, you've made me afraid to walk into any room of my house without checking the walls and ceilings now. Thanks.

Don't forget the bathtub. That's one of the worst places for them....always check the shower curtain too, they like to hide in them. Then when you turn the water on, they panic and BAM! right down on your naked body.

just trying to help.

phantomht:
??
i live in So. Cal. and ive never seen anything but daddielonglegs, widows and tarantulas. and the occasional little jumpy ones.

He was smaller than the photo makes him look, maybe half an inch long.

Red-backed Jumping Spider (wiki)

cryinoutloud: SingletonFactory: Also, you've made me afraid to walk into any room of my house without checking the walls and ceilings now. Thanks.

Don't forget the bathtub. That's one of the worst places for them....always check the shower curtain too, they like to hide in them. Then when you turn the water on, they panic and BAM! right down on your naked body.

just trying to help.


fark you man. fark you.

Max Awesome: [i42.photobucket.com image 500x327]

HOLY CRAP ON A CRACKER! What is this beast that mother nature unleashed!!???

I will type a few things:

1) I enjoy the headline for this thread very much. I'm not sure why, it just strikes me as so droll. "I hope you do not mind that we are THOUSANDS OF SPIDERS" Well done!
2) I'm not particularly squeamish about bugs, but that damn many spiders - NOPE. (Also, any quantity of camel-back crickets. Nope.)
3) In my mind, spiders seem a LOT less bothersome if I picture them wearing four pairs of big floppy, cartoony-looking high-top sneakers. I could let a tarantula walk up my arm, I think, if it were wearing sneakers, and maybe walked a bit slower than usual.

ok, my CSB tyme.

When i was much younger, 11 or 12, my younger brother was about 6 or 7 at the time. We were living in Duarte, Ca and playing outside.
Next to our apartment was one of those T shaped clothesline things with a huge spider web in the crotch of one of the T things and the spider that made it was one of those big fat farkers.

Ok. so my little brother and i are playing catch with a baseball and i accidently [?][not completely sure if i did it on purpose or not] threw it and he missed it and it rolled past him and past the clothesline T. [there was no way i was gonna stand where he was withmy back to that T since i knew what was living in it]
So yeh, my brother goes running after the ball and i stand there and WATCH him run face first right straight into that big farkin web.
He turns around screaming and i SAW that big fat farkin spider running around on my little brothers face and head [he :spider: was prolly just as scared], and i kept yelling to my brother "CLOSE YOUR MOUTH, CLOSE YOUR MOUTH!!" because i would have died right there on the spot had i seen that fat farker spider run INTO MY BROTHERS OPEN SCREAMING MOUTH.
but it didnt.
i cant remember much after that, i dont know if i turned around and bailed on him, or ran for help or what.

but yeh. generally im there for my little brother, always have been. but i have my limits.
/end CSB

This should be in every spider thread.

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/03/spiders-are-scary-its-o k ay-to-be-afraid.html

I don't care about the ones that stay out of the way. I have one above my kitchen window and a few in the garage that catch a good number of flies, and they spin pretty webs, so I figure they earn their keep.

The ones that dart out from under the fridge or something and effing glare at me can DIAF. If any bug scares me, I will torture it until its wife and children come running, and then I will squish them, too.

cryinoutloud: SingletonFactory: Also, you've made me afraid to walk into any room of my house without checking the walls and ceilings now. Thanks.

Don't forget the bathtub. That's one of the worst places for them....always check the shower curtain too, they like to hide in them. Then when you turn the water on, they panic and BAM! right down on your naked body.

just trying to help.

The last place I lived in was a crappy little basement suite with the bathtub not being installed properly. I can't tell you exactly what the issue was, but obviously the drain wasn't attached properly or something like that. I'd always get sewage smells coming out of the drain. And huge farking spiders. Way too many goddam times I pulled the shower curtain back to get in the shower to find a huge spider in the bottom of the tub. So not what I wanted to deal with in the mornings. The worst part was the fact that no matter how much water I sprayed at it, the farkers would. not. go. down. the. drain.

/Meanwhile, my son never had this problem when it was time for him to shower.
//Spiders have a vendetta against arachnophobes, I swear...

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
When along came a spider
That decided to bite her
And she died the very next day

yep, those are definitely spiders, but that isn't webbing...

bad Spiderman, bad...

Some 'Splainin' To Do: The Southern Dandy: This reminds me of a csb...

When I was in junior high school, we were on the track running laps during P.E.. All of the sudden the sky was filled with what looked like little strings and balls of cotton that were descending on us. Everybody was having great fun trying to grab all the fluffiness...YAY!

Come to find out, it was millions of baby spiders on a once in a decade super hatching kinda thing. Luckily, we were able to wash them off in the showers as were were just finishing P.E.

/csb

Something like that happened to me during elementary school in the Bay Area (this was back in the 70s). No one every believes me when I tell them about it.

Morgan Hill, CA. circa 1977 or 78

I have a sister that lives in Australia and haven't heard from her in a while. Meh she wasn't my favorite anyways.

abfalter: If there was ever a better time for an "aw, hell no!" I can't think of it.

I exclaimed that out loud in my room upon opening that link. It's the only thing I'd said out loud in like 2 hours. I even put the "hail" inflection on it, though I'm whiter than rice...

I often wonder if there was an alien race or a pan-dimensional being whose projection into our universe looked like a spider. And it learned our language, but being spider-sized it couldn't speak with much volume.

So to communicate it has to get very close to your ear.

Then my wife wonders why I sleep with ear muffs on.

I tell her she doesn't want to know.

Hallby81: Max Awesome: [i42.photobucket.com image 500x327]

HOLY CRAP ON A CRACKER! What is this beast that mother nature unleashed!!???

Camel Spider - though I think that one is just a model. Thank god.

Here's what they normally look like:

Frantic Freddie: Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
When along came a spider
That decided to bite her
And she died the very next day


Todd McFarlane's Little Miss Muffet. Scroll down, it's unmistakable. (NSFW)

Link (new window)

Oh Lordy Subby, thank You for that laugh. I really needed that.

Also...

EWWWWW! AHHHHH! ICKICKICK!

I'm not saying that nuking the continent from orbit is the only way to be sure.

But it's really the only way to be sure.

SpectroBoy: Pardon sir, but we would like to stay at your farm as the rest of this area is

[www.fandompost.com image 480x276]

brian burke should stop making guest appearances on tv shows and go back to destroying the leafs

Rug Doctor: I'm not saying that nuking the continent from orbit is the only way to be sure.

But it's really the only way to be sure.

I can't decide if nuking Australia would be the FIRST thing I would have done upon the invention of the nuclear bomb, or if it would just make even deadlier Godzilla spiders.

ARE THEY ON ME?

I FEEL LIKE THEY ARE ON ME!

OH GOD! OH GOD!

I get these guys in my basement

Anyone else reading this thread feeling kinda itchy?

/creepycrawlies

LoneVVolf: abfalter: If there was ever a better time for an "aw, hell no!" I can't think of it.

I exclaimed that out loud in my room upon opening that link. It's the only thing I'd said out loud in like 2 hours. I even put the "hail" inflection on it, though I'm whiter than rice...

I had a similar exclamation, except mine was "fark that." Fark is my danger word as it were, only uttered in extreme duress situations.

I am...okay with spiders to an extent. If they are content with the ceiling and my patio, I'm okay with that. However if they travel to the floor, all bets are off.

Not-so-CSS:
My parents' home. Age 12. My mom and I were watching television, when she and I both saw a LARGE spider crawling on the floor. As it had broken Spider Law, it was time to die. She grabs one of my Dad's boots, and it's off to squish.
So she squished it.
Then approximately A SHIAT TON of baby spiders launched from the dead spider's body. They scattered like cockroaches. My mom starts flailing the boot all over the floor. She didn't kill them all.
That was the first time (and not the last) that a profanity escaped my mouth--HOLY SHIAT--yet I went unpunished.

End CSS.

/pic of big spider with lots of little ones?
//flame thrower + grain alcohol = only way to be sure

What is this???? 5 pages and no Clock Spider????



Fark, I am disappoint

Veritas: Anyone else reading this thread feeling kinda itchy?

/creepycrawlies

Yes.

Beware of those centipede-looking things with lots of legs that move FAST. (Silverfish..I think?)

Saw ONE in my shower once before I took an after-work shower. I almost shot it.

sovietski: LoneVVolf: abfalter: If there was ever a better time for an "aw, hell no!" I can't think of it.

I exclaimed that out loud in my room upon opening that link. It's the only thing I'd said out loud in like 2 hours. I even put the "hail" inflection on it, though I'm whiter than rice...

I had a similar exclamation, except mine was "fark that." Fark is my danger word as it were, only uttered in extreme duress situations.

I am...okay with spiders to an extent. If they are content with the ceiling and my patio, I'm okay with that. However if they travel to the floor, all bets are off.

Not-so-CSS:
My parents' home. Age 12. My mom and I were watching television, when she and I both saw a LARGE spider crawling on the floor. As it had broken Spider Law, it was time to die. She grabs one of my Dad's boots, and it's off to squish.
So she squished it.
Then approximately A SHIAT TON of baby spiders launched from the dead spider's body. They scattered like cockroaches. My mom starts flailing the boot all over the floor. She didn't kill them all.
That was the first time (and not the last) that a profanity escaped my mouth--HOLY SHIAT--yet I went unpunished.

End CSS.

/pic of big spider with lots of little ones?
//flame thrower + grain alcohol = only way to be sure


That would be enough to make me sell the damn house. Or burn it down. One or the other.

/damn you for that story
//itching again

sovietski: Veritas: Anyone else reading this thread feeling kinda itchy?

/creepycrawlies

Yes.

Beware of those centipede-looking things with lots of legs that move FAST. (Silverfish..I think?)

Saw ONE in my shower once before I took an after-work shower. I almost shot it.



Okay, you asked for it.

[CSB]

We built our house on what used to be a bush block, so for the first several months all we did was chase various insects from the house who still thought it was their home ("Didn't there used to be a tree right here? Why does it have sheets on it now? I'm moving back in, anyway...")

One night I kinda half-woke up because my forearm was itchy. So I scratched it. Then was roused again because my upper arm was itchy. So I scratched it. And my hand closed over something that was wriggling.

So I was instantly wide awake and flicked whatever it was off my arm as hard as I could, thinking briefly that it seemed to fill most of my hand, and when it bounced off the wall beside the bed it sounded like I'd chucked a chocolate bar.

I turned the light on and saw one of these.



About five inches long.

I made sure the body was in several pieces before being able to convince myself the thing was actually dead. And I didn't sleep for nearly a week.

[/CSB]

Casting another vote for Shatner and Kingdom of the Spiders. Of course it's far from the best movie ever made, but you gotta love the web FX and makeup they whipped up for the victims.

Veritas:

I would've died if I found a centipede trying to make my arm a tasty snack.

I did a Google for what I saw in my shower, peeking from between my hands, and what I saw is a house centipede.

Immediately closed the tab upon discovery.

sovietski: Veritas:

I would've died if I found a centipede trying to make my arm a tasty snack.

I did a Google for what I saw in my shower, peeking from between my hands, and what I saw is a house centipede.

Immediately closed the tab upon discovery.

Welcome to life in Australia. We have these hand-sized huntsman spiders that can flatten themselves to fit through cracks that don't even exist. You find them in the farking creepiest places. Often. And they play dead. So corpses must be dismembered and burned.

/wish I was kidding

... on the bright side this should put a dent in their Meth problem

/Meth and Spiders don't mix

my lip balm addiction: I always hated the big ass spiders that they have on the island of Kauai. Freaking things are the size of your hand...and aggressive as fark! I mean you're just sitting there and you look up and see 2 legs sticking out from under the couch. You go to find a shoe to smack it with and as you walk by, it runs out to attack your foot! GAAAH!! Hated those farking things.

If there was ever a slam-dunk justification for home gun ownership, that's it right there.

Any SPIDER EXPERTS here? Got a question. I thought I remember reading about a species that builds a small "hut" on the ground and it then attaches a single thread of silk from the "hut" out several feet, pulls it taut, and then anchors it to the ground. Any insect that brushes the silk strand gets stuck and while struggling to break free breaks the anchor. The taut line of silk then recoils back to the hut, taking the insect with it. When the insect crashes into the side of the hut it gets stuck and the spider bites its tasty little snack. Anyone ever hear of a spider like this? It might be native to England?

I am an arachnophobe...

I was curious.. but did not click the link.

I had a hard time getting to the bottom of the thread because of the pictures.

Truth is.. I have no idea why I am here. I totally forgot what I was going to say. I'm going to go be sick now.

nite..

"Maybe the spider ate your dingo..."

Tziva: SpeckledJim: Just hanging out in my kitchen a few months ago

[i.imgur.com image 640x424]

Okay, that guy is super cute.

He can come hang out in my kitchen anytime.

How you doin'?

Oh wait, you think bacon is gross.

What about mummified centipedes? Are those good for you? 'Cause when I bring home the bacon, it's mostly mummified centipedes.

Oh hai!

sovietski: LoneVVolf: abfalter: If there was ever a better time for an "aw, hell no!" I can't think of it.

I exclaimed that out loud in my room upon opening that link. It's the only thing I'd said out loud in like 2 hours. I even put the "hail" inflection on it, though I'm whiter than rice...

I had a similar exclamation, except mine was "fark that." Fark is my danger word as it were, only uttered in extreme duress situations.

I am...okay with spiders to an extent. If they are content with the ceiling and my patio, I'm okay with that. However if they travel to the floor, all bets are off.

Not-so-CSS:
My parents' home. Age 12. My mom and I were watching television, when she and I both saw a LARGE spider crawling on the floor. As it had broken Spider Law, it was time to die. She grabs one of my Dad's boots, and it's off to squish.
So she squished it.
Then approximately A SHIAT TON of baby spiders launched from the dead spider's body. They scattered like cockroaches. My mom starts flailing the boot all over the floor. She didn't kill them all.
That was the first time (and not the last) that a profanity escaped my mouth--HOLY SHIAT--yet I went unpunished.

End CSS.

/pic of big spider with lots of little ones?
//flame thrower + grain alcohol = only way to be sure

Same thing happened to me except I stepped on the spiderfarker. Popped like a small tomato then spewed millions of tiny hairy minions everywhere.

Will never step on a spider again.

sovietski: Veritas: Anyone else reading this thread feeling kinda itchy?

/creepycrawlies

Yes.

Beware of those centipede-looking things with lots of legs that move FAST. (Silverfish..I think?)

Saw ONE in my shower once before I took an after-work shower. I almost shot it.


Scutigera coleoptrata
Not poisonous. Creepy as hell, but not poisonous.

It has taken me a few years, but I have trained myself to not kill them as they eat other insects, especially cockroaches.

MagSeven: Mock26: [img.photobucket.com image 500x444]

Any SPIDER EXPERTS here? Got a question. I thought I remember reading about a species that builds a small "hut" on the ground and it then attaches a single thread of silk from the "hut" out several feet, pulls it taut, and then anchors it to the ground. Any insect that brushes the silk strand gets stuck and while struggling to break free breaks the anchor. The taut line of silk then recoils back to the hut, taking the insect with it. When the insect crashes into the side of the hut it gets stuck and the spider bites its tasty little snack. Anyone ever hear of a spider like this? It might be native to England?

I'm no expert, but it sounds a lot like the Trapdoor Spider.

Nope. Not a trapdoor spider. Those guys dig a hole and they do not use their webs to trap their prey. They use the web to detect their prey and then pounce out of their hole to grab them. The species I am thinking of actually creates a sort of spring trap.

BKITU: Diogenes: OMGOMG THEY'RE ON ME!!!!

But seriously, must be hard to tell when a fly hits that web.

Looks more like emergency living space than a food net. Look, if you had the ability to build a shelter by shooting it out of your ass, and your town was flooded, you'd do it, wouldn't you?

I mean, the housing market is already borked, but the prospect of humans being able to generate instant shelters via rectal expulsion would send prices tumbling even further. However, the homeless problem would not exist anymore.

Scientists need to get on this. I'm farking brilliant.

New keyboard.
You owe me one.