It's like watching the US Olympic trials for marathon running.

In the end it doesn't matter, since the winner of this race is just going to get blown out by a Kenyan in the big one.

eagles95: Romneybot



First Law: A romneybot may not injure a millionaire, or through inaction allow a millionaire to come to harm.

Second Law: A romneybot must obey the orders given to it by wall street, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.

Third Law: A romneybot must protect its own investments as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws.

Look, I know some of you here from over the years. Most I don't. But I'm going to be quite open to all of you and admit the following: If Santorum wins Ohio tonight, caught up in the pure joy of the moment I'm going to beat my cock as if it owes me money.

Clench Frothy. You can hold it.

cretinbob: Two invisible dicks

And one visible one.

So I take it that everybody is pulling for Ole Frothy. You guys know that if he wins the GOP nomination that even though he will get beaten by Obama, we are going to have to put up with 4 years of derp from him because he is going to be the new Right Wing talking head darling.

Oh and by the way I heard the reason why he is winning in Ohio is because he got the endorsement of the Cleveland Steamers.

Mitt Romney in a nutshell:



/sorry, couldn't link to larger version

bugontherug: Even Islam says Jesus was a pretty good guy.

Indeed, as it is written in the Holy Q'uran,
I think King James is a pretty good guy. Eh kills aleins and doesnt afraid of anything

Back on topic ... the big metro areas in Ohio still have a ton of votes yet to count. Unfortunately for the sake of hilarity, I doubt the Santorum can hold onto this one. His lead will dribble out in the end.

// hot & frothy

I considered voting for Santorum in GA for the lulz. I decided that doing so might endanger my hypothetical immortal soul, so I guess I'll just go vote for Obama. It will feel a bit better and high D participation in an uncontested primary may give them a sense of impending dread. Much like Santorum feels when his wife gets undressed.

The debates for this nomination have had all the veracity of three whores in the back of a limo arguing over the last bindle of coke.

Omahawg: there ya go (new window)

*clicks link* mother of god....

Wait...it's tied up again!



CHARGE SANTORUMITES!!!

TheManofPA: With 47 percent of precincts reporting:
I am currently losing the write-in race for coroner
1081 to 5

I WILL NOT CONCEDE

Did you at least remember to vote for yourself?

CNN is just fascinated by the concept of putting coins in buckets. It's amusing.

Did that bald guy on Fox Business just fart?

Omahawg: the fact that Ohio, Michigan, Ohio are such close horse-races really shows a continued division in the GOP between the establishment and the culture warriors with the South, as usual, in full newtonian derp. Could this be the end of the Reagan coalition? Will a Slate article say this same thing tomorrow?

If Barry was a white guy I'd predict a Johnson landslide of extraordinary magnitude, Mr. Lu. As it is I think some Americans still have a real problem with the guy's skin color. Still, If this was 1953 the guy would be slightly to the right of Eisenhower.

still voting for him though.

Conserving what is good in America isn't bad policy. It isn't Republican policy either.

Shrugging Atlas: I Said: Ok. Fox's online feed shows that they basically hired internet trolls to argue with people on message boards. I sh*t you not.

That might explain why so few of them are in this thread tonight.

They don't show up for the debate threads either. I think they just have trouble keeping up in fast moving threads.

Boxcutta: 53% of the Wyoming vote in.

Ron Paul: 13 votes
Newt Gingrich: 0 votes

100% turnout in WY then?

53% of the Wyoming vote in.

Ron Paul: 13 votes
Newt Gingrich: 0 votes

Looks like it's gonna be a long night folks. How about an iced mocha latte to keep the strength up?

Extra foam!

Come on Frothy, don't drop this. You NEED to win. We're all pulling for you, buddy. Especially Shrugging Atlas. He's really pulling for you.

Wife: "Are you seriously telling people you're going to jerkoff of Santorum wins the election?"

Me: "No, I'm telling them I'm going to jack it if he wins the Ohio Primary."

Wife: "Have fun....."

Me: "C'mon, I'll think of you!"

bugontherug: Moodybastard: ariseatex: NateGrey: The Book of Mormon is a book of LDS scripture that takes place during the same time as the Bible and takes place on the American continent. It follows the stories of two tribes who descended from the family of Lehi. After Jesus' resurrection LDS people believe he visited the peoples of the Americas.


Start practicing Republicans, defend this shiat.

There's a lot more for Republicans to defend. No need to "defend" someone's religious beliefs.

/not LDS--too gay
//though I have a thing for missionaries
///slashies come in threes

Well, as works of fiction go, it stacks pretty well against Battlefield Earth, The Torah and The New Testament.

It is wrong to disrespect Romney's religion, and it's wrong to ask conservatives to "defend" Mormonism. On the contrary, we should celebrate this great historical moment, where the Republican Party stands poised to nominate America's first non-Christian major party presidential candidate. Huzzah to conservatives, on making this bold, progressive step toward a more secular America. Who ever would have guessed it would be today's Republican Party who gave us a presidential candidate whose religion teaches that:

1) Acceptance of Jesus is not necessary for salvation, and

2) That God the Father conceived Jesus through carnal intercourse with Mary?

Not me. I'm nothing but proud of the Republicans for their willingness to nominate America's first non-Christian major party presidential candidate. Surely, Romney's nomination will pave the way for members of other non-Christian faiths to aspire to the presidency. Who can guess who America's first Jewish, Hindu, or Buddhist presidential candidate will be? Thank you, conservatives, for helping ease the grip of Christianity's dominance on our presidential selection process.

Hey now....I've been told in no uncertain terms that Obama was the first non-Christian AND non-American to be elected president.

Farking Christ Romney is pathetic. He outspends Santorum 5:1. Santorum's opinions are absolutely vile to a good percentage of America, he has the personality of a bag of wet hair and he can barely form functional sentences. This is hilarious.

The Bestest: Ross Perot was an infinitely more likable "rich guy" than Romney.

Romney is Steve Forbes 2.0

That is a dead-on comparison.

shamanwest: mjjt: Fark time is EST and Ohio is PST, 3 hrs behind, is that right?

Geography.

[i.infopls.com image 480x330]

It's not just for beauty contestants and such as.

Look. Some US Americans don't HAVE maps and the South Africa, such as. We need to help the education in the Iraq so we can improve the future for

Oh here we go, saving the soul time!!!

/don't baptize me bro!

Shrugging Atlas: Look, I know some of you here from over the years. Most I don't. But I'm going to be quite open to all of you and admit the following: If Santorum wins Ohio tonight, caught up in the pure joy of the moment I'm going to beat my cock as if it owes me money.

You're gonna smash it under a toilet seat and then light it on fire?

So now that everybody wins and loses Super Tuesday, do they have to have joint presidency? It could make a hilarious sitcom!

You know why I love Rachel Maddow? She's talking about what actually matters, ie on the ground organization and capturing delegates.

Meanwhile at CNN Wolf Blitzer is probably saying that the winner is going to win things, because winning, while making a serious face. Now here's John King to draw circles on maps!

Ishkur: I can't stop looking at Santorum's daughters.

They're Catholics too, which means they're technical virgins.

wanna do frothy things to them.

All his children have Brian Mulroney chins.

vygramul: Santorum: "We're number 2! We're number 2!"

Partly, yes.

Newt 150 years ago: "Them elitists say you can feed your horse with 'gas-o-lean'".

pacified: The All-Powerful Atheismo: On a completely unrelated note, you know who I miss? Thus guy:

[upload.wikimedia.org image 250x317]

I don't know how it's relevant or why I'm even mentioning it. It just occurred to me for some reason.

I've come to question whether Lincoln made the correct call not letting them leave.

// only sort of kidding

Well I think he would have fixed the south after the war ended, but he had other things going through his head at the time.

On a completely unrelated note, you know who I miss? Thus guy:



I don't know how it's relevant or why I'm even mentioning it. It just occurred to me for some reason.

I Said: The All-Powerful Atheismo: I Said: [consciousnessandpopstuff.files.wordpress.com image 353x280]

" I am the Gingrich. I created the 1994 Republican Revolution. I've been waiting for you. You have many questions, and although the primaries have altered your consciousness, you remain irrevocably republican. Ergo, some of my answers you will understand, and some of them you will not. Concordantly, while your first question may be the most pertinent, you may or may not realize it is also the most irrelevant."

"Why are you still in the race?"

[moviesmedia.ign.com image 190x190]

"I am here because Israel is about to be destroyed by Iran. Its every living inhabitant terminated, its entire existence eradicated."

Wharrgarbl is the most predictable of Republican responses

I Said: [consciousnessandpopstuff.files.wordpress.com image 353x280]

" I am the Gingrich. I created the 1994 Republican Revolution. I've been waiting for you. You have many questions, and although the primaries have altered your consciousness, you remain irrevocably republican. Ergo, some of my answers you will understand, and some of them you will not. Concordantly, while your first question may be the most pertinent, you may or may not realize it is also the most irrelevant."

"Why are you still in the race?"

Griftin Rubes: Hillbilly Jim: Is it wrong that I still want to fark sarah palin senseless?

yes of course - because she already is senseless.

you could fark her brains ou.... no wait not that either.

Your dick would be the first useful thing to ever come out of her mouth?

gimmegimme: Hey, don't be disrespected.

I already was the first time I heard Palin speak words.

Sarah Palin you ignorant Slut.

Do not count out Santorum just yet. He has a reputation of surging from behind.

verbaltoxin: I Said: verbaltoxin: You know, I was thinking. We should start doing politics threads in kayfabe too.

I lol'd

And now I start:

Santorum is the only viable candidate who can beat Obama and return the United States to its Christian roots. Look at countries around the world that aren't saved by Christ: Saudi Arabia, Iran, Syria, Iraq, Afghanistan. Is that how we should end up?

/kayfabe in politics threads is awful close to trolling

But Mitt Romney has the business experience necessary to govern from a stern, fiscally conservative point of view! Sure he's not the most hardcore on social issues, but we need to get our financial house in order, and I for one trust the man who has managed millions of dollars in capital over the rigid Catholic who is more concerned about birth control pills than he is about the deficit and al Qaeda.

/How'd I do?

Mitt Romney is a businessman, and he's bought into the same principles as Wall Street. What we really need is reform of our monetary system! Did the framers of the Constitution tell us that we need bailouts or Olympics? I don't see Olympics in the Constitution! Ron Paul has the record and experience we need, the right position on shrinking the size of federal government and not giving money to terrorists via foreign aid and military adventures, and he has the charisma and advocacy of personal responsibility that will bring out youth voters in the general election.

hubiestubert: Flaming Yawn: This is barely on topic, but I just wanted to come here because I was excited to come across a word that perfectly expresses my opinion of Newt Gingrich.

"Loathsome."

I'm still trying to find the word that has that exact same shading of nuance and piquancy to apply to Rick Santorum.

Romney doesn't deserve one, being a colorless multimillionaire machine politician, and Ron Paul is colorful enough just being himself.

I think that Santorum's own name sufficiently describes him, and as for Newt...

[lh3.googleusercontent.com image 512x640]

Badger might be 'respectable' enough to compete in this primary..

Bring back the bone standard! We need a real Liberterrier in the White House to beat the Democats.

Santorum will be their nominee. The religious right will NOT allow a Mormon (Morons are OK) to be nominated. In the off chance that he is, he will probably not live to see the general elections.

dohrk: indylaw: Remember, if you live in one of those 10 states, a vote for Santorum is a vote for freedom. Do with that indisputable fact as you will.

Freedom of religion (unless you are not Christian)
Freedom from government intrusion into your personal life (unless you are female, gay, or not a Christian)
Freedom, indeed.

Super Tuesday Morning : Where Americans go for dusty leftovers and remnants of useless crap they don't need and doesn't work





/Souper Tuesday Morning: Soup AND dusty leftovers and remnants of useless crap they don't need and doesn't work.

casual disregard: Not really working out for them, then. Too bad Pawlenty bowed out. That might actually have been a contest. Wouldn't you love to see a Pawlenty vs. Gravel election? It would at least be different. I might actually have to think how to vote in that one.

Huh? I always got the impression that Pawlenty was Romney without all the flash.

Happy Super Tuesday y'all (new window)

Sir Vanderhoot: If anyone loves the romantic notion of being completely self-suffiicient and without government, it has to be Alaskans.

Haha, yeah... that Government-Check-Dispensing Socialist Paradise

I still love that after their self professed 'worst president evar' that the best the GOP can give us is an Adulteror Authoritarian, a Theocratic Zealot, A racist economic know nothing, and the king of the flipfloppers.

Surely they could have done better then this. I wouldn't vote for any of those guys to run a 7-11, let alone a nation.

Remember, if you live in one of those 10 states, a vote for Santorum is a vote for freedom. Do with that indisputable fact as you will.

I'll be able to tell all my friends I was here when it started!!!

/GO TEAM SANTORUM!!!