Get down on your knees people and wish Pat "Weasel Eyes" Robertson a speedy fare-thee-well.

You're just dissipating the power of wishful thinking prayer when you pray for the deaths of thousands of judgeds, doctors, nurses, teachers, lawyers, scientists, etc.

FOCUS PEOPLE. FOCUS.

Get Pat to Anti-Christ Heaven and then worry about the small fry. You know that's the way he'd want it.

Pat's so powerful and close to God his prayers should be enough. Tell me Pat, why aren't you praying for tornadoes to end? Why are you allowing innocent people to suffer all aroudn the world? Why? God talks to you and tells you all this stuff. Why aren't you convincing him to not be such a dick? This is all on you buddy.

/eyeroll

"God doesn't send tornadoes to hurt people," he said. "We call them acts of God, but they're not. All I can say is, why do you build houses in a place where tornadoes are apt to happen?"

Pat Robertson busting out the Carlos Mencia jokes, ladies and gentlemen.

You would think these people would be overjoyed at the prospect of meeting their maker vs avoiding it

I'm thinking somebody prayed really really hard for tornadoes and God obviously rewarded them by granting their prayers for the destruction of their neighbors.

I thought Rural America was an area where most people are religious and will pray?

Or is it because they didn't pray the right God in the right church at the right time?

fark Pat Roberston. I hope a tornado spawns in his asshole.

Bible Belt


Map of tornadoes spawned during last year's Super Outbreak, April 27, 2011

As you can see, Pat's right: the tornadoes hit the heart of Godless America, the Obama-loving, gay-marrying, baby-aborting, socialist hippie liberal heavens of Alabama and Mississippi while God-fearing, small government-embracing, tax cutting Christian states like Vermont, Washington and Oregon were spared.

MBK: I thought Rural America was an area where most people are religious and will pray?

Or is it because they didn't pray the right God in the right church at the right time?

They weren't facing Mecca.

A couple of days ago, I saw an interview with a tornado survivor who was telling how her childhood home was blown away during last year's tornadoes.
She had rebuilt since then, and almost as soon as her new house was finished, this year's tornadoes blew that one away too.

When asked whether she would rebuild again, she said "yes, I believe God has a plan for us all".

My first thought? Yeah, He just might, but I'm pretty sure his plans call for a new parking lot.

TommyymmoT: When asked whether she would rebuild again, she said "yes, I believe God has a plan for us all".

My first thought? Yeah, He just might, but I'm pretty sure his plans call for a new parking lot.

Actually, God is telling her that He doesn't like her very much.

Dang, between Pat Robertson and Ron Paul and the snow, not much slack for those folks.

TommyymmoT: A couple of days ago, I saw an interview with a tornado survivor who was telling how her childhood home was blown away during last year's tornadoes.
She had rebuilt since then, and almost as soon as her new house was finished, this year's tornadoes blew that one away too.

When asked whether she would rebuild again, she said "yes, I believe God has a plan for us all".

My first thought? Yeah, He just might, but I'm pretty sure his plans call for a new parking lot.

Or maybe it was God's way of telling her to move to a state that rarely, if ever, gets tornadoes.

My favorite is still the people that claim God was watching out for them when they survive a tornado when a dozen of their neighbors get thrown 3 miles and impaled on a fence post.

TeddyBallGame: My favorite is still the people that claim God was watching out for them when they survive a tornado when a dozen of their neighbors get thrown 3 miles and impaled on a fence post.

Their neighbors just didn't pray hard enough. Duh. And besides, God just wasn't ready for them yet.

Bathia_Mapes: TommyymmoT: A couple of days ago, I saw an interview with a tornado survivor who was telling how her childhood home was blown away during last year's tornadoes.
She had rebuilt since then, and almost as soon as her new house was finished, this year's tornadoes blew that one away too.

When asked whether she would rebuild again, she said "yes, I believe God has a plan for us all".

My first thought? Yeah, He just might, but I'm pretty sure his plans call for a new parking lot.

Or maybe it was God's way of telling her to move to a state that rarely, if ever, gets tornadoes.
================
Actually, it reminded me of this joke I first heard from a nun back in Catholic school.
(couldn't remember the whole thing so it's C&P)

A religious man is on top of a roof during a great flood. A man comes by in a boat and says "get in, get in!" The religous man replies, " no I have faith in God, he will grant me a miracle."

Later the water is up to his waist and another boat comes by and the guy tells him to get in again. He responds that he has faith in god and god will give him a miracle. With the water at about chest high, another boat comes to rescue him, but he turns down the offer again cause "God will grant him a miracle."

With the water at chin high, a helicopter throws down a ladder and they tell him to get in, mumbling with the water in his mouth, he again turns down the request for help for the faith of God. He arrives at the gates of heaven with broken faith and says to Peter, I thought God would grand me a miracle and I have been let down." St. Peter chuckles and responds, "I don't know what you're complaining about, we sent you three boats and a helicopter."

I'm a big fan of the faith-based sciences. The results are as good as you need them to be, as consistent as your racist uncle and as broad and sweeping as your mom.

Hellion_666: Let me get this straight, we shouldn't live in the middle of the country because of tornados and we shouldn't live on edge of the country because of hurricanes... And don't forget to stay away from the west coast because that's where God shakes stuff up once in a while for some other BS reason. Pat can you ask God where the fark I should live?

Las Vegas, apparently....

Pat Robertson is another reason why I support our nation's separation of church and state. Can you imagine our politicians taking orders from people like him?

Hellion_666: Let me get this straight, we shouldn't live in the middle of the country because of tornados and we shouldn't live on edge of the country because of hurricanes... And don't forget to stay away from the west coast because that's where God shakes stuff up once in a while for some other BS reason. Pat can you ask God where the fark I should live?

Also anything north of Des Moines is right out because of excess snow. So basically, Omaha NE.

Nothing like suffering through a time of personal trial caused by an act of God only to have your religious leader tell you "Well, it IS your fault, you know?"

To put it another way? Even State Farm and Allstate will cut you slack that Pat Robertson won't.

Time for a trip down memory lane with Pat. Enjoy! (new window, sfw)

10. "Lord, give us righteous judges who will not try to legislate and dominate this society. Take control, Lord! We ask for additional vacancies on the court." -Pat Robertson

9. "Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It's no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history." -Pat Robertson

8. "I would warn Orlando that you're right in the way of some serious hurricanes, and I don't think I'd be waving those flags in God's face if I were you, This is not a message of hate -- this is a message of redemption. But a condition like this will bring about the destruction of your nation. It'll bring about terrorist bombs; it'll bring earthquakes, tornadoes, and possibly a meteor." -Pat Robertson, on "gay days" at Disneyworld

7. "(T)he feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." -Pat Robertson

6. "I know this is painful for the ladies to hear, but if you get married, you have accepted the headship of a man, your husband. Christ is the head of the household and the husband is the head of the wife, and that's the way it is, period." -Pat Robertson

5. "I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: If there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God, you just rejected him from your city. And don't wonder why he hasn't helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I'm not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if that's the case, don't ask for his help because he might not be there." --Pat Robertson, after the city of Dover, Pennsylvania voted to boot the current school board, which instituted an intelligent design policy that led to a federal trial

4. "God considers this land to be his. You read the Bible and he says 'This is my land,' and for any prime minister of Israel who decides he is going to carve it up and give it away, God says, 'No, this is mine.' ... He was dividing God's land. And I would say, 'Woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the E.U., the United Nations, or the United States of America.' God says, 'This land belongs to me. You better leave it alone.'" --Pat Robertson, on why Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon suffered a massive stroke

3. "Maybe we need a very small nuke thrown off on Foggy Bottom to shake things up" -Pat Robertson, on nuking the State Department

2. "You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war ... We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability. We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator. It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with." -Pat Robertson, calling for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez

1. "It may be a blessing in disguise. ... Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it. Haitians were originally under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon the third, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you will get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it's a deal. Ever since they have been cursed by one thing after the other." -Pat Robertson, on the earthquake in Haiti that destroyed the capital and killed tens of thousands of people, Jan. 13, 2010

Pray in one hand and shiat in the other, Pat. Let us know which one fills up first.