I never schedule sex. It just gives her time to run.

Wow, the wife sure is.... British pretty.

My day planner just has "masturbate" written on every line on every page.

metametameta: Hey, it actually works. I remember during my "I'm a sleepless zombie" years of parenting that scheduling time and treating it like a worth while project was pretty much the only way to get the stars to line up so we could reliably end up in bed together without a child in there with us. Infants and toddlers are amazingly efficient cock-blockers.

Yep. As a matter of fact, my pet names for my boys are Captain Cockblock and the Blue Ball Kid. They're superheroes whose powers include smelling when sex is in the air and instantly teleporting to the location, they can drain libido and steal time too.

Seriously, I've thought about making a web comic to this effect. They're farking UNCANNY when it comes to trying to get some.

medius: My day planner just has "masturbate" written on every line on every page.

lol and the pages stick together.

She looks like a Mini Ditka shoop.

//Is scheduling 7 years ahead to much?

cgraves67:
3) babysitters make it all possible. family makes the best babysitters. The kids can sleepover at grandma's house. You and your SO can stay in or get a hotel room.have sex with them every chance you get.

Indubitably: Your husband is an idiot.

Are you hot and rich?


*sigh* Sorry. Neither hot nor rich. Er, I mean, yes, I'm hot. As hot as any internet woman out there. So hot...uh, I melt stuff. Yeah, that's the ticket. Still not rich.

Great article, but I have to be at the ob/GYN in 26 minutes.

Scheduling seems okay but if I have a bf scheduled at 2 for sex and I can make lunch date with a friend at 2:05, then there is going to be trouble.

calm like a bomb: Once the kids come along, scheduling is often the ONLY way sex is going to happen

Irish foreplay: "Brace yerself Bridgett!"

I'll pencil _dick you in.

cjmook21: [t0.gstatic.com image 182x182]

She has a pretty huge chin ball shelf.

The First Four Black Sabbath Albums: [i.dailymail.co.uk image 468x677]

I don't get this picture. The woman is looking for sex, and the husband is scared? Does she have shards of broken glass in her vagina or something?


...and I think he's growing a vagina on his cheek?
Seriously, WTF?

The perfect schedule keeper for your average farker's sex appointments.

That coward David Lopan: RedEmily: Scheduling seems okay but if I have a bf scheduled at 2 for sex and I can make lunch date with a friend at 2:05, then there is going to be trouble.

If you scheduled appointments for sex, you'd have more no-shows than a doctor who performed adult circumcisions with rusty scissors.

Daaaaaamn. Who else wants popcorn? Orange whip? Orange whip?

littleshootingstar: BurnShrike: morgantx: Us gals would LOVE to get it on more, but the guys are never in the mood. And on the rare occasion when you can actually get them to shut down the computer or turn off the video game to turn in early, they're "tired".

I have to admit that I've turned down sex in favour of playing a computer game.

Which game? I hope it wasn't WoW.

he was gonna have sex, but then he took an arrow to the knee

BurnShrike: morgantx: Us gals would LOVE to get it on more, but the guys are never in the mood. And on the rare occasion when you can actually get them to shut down the computer or turn off the video game to turn in early, they're "tired".

I have to admit that I've turned down sex in favour of playing a computer game.

Which game? I hope it wasn't WoW.

If we have sex, the next day, I pay my quarterly taxes.

If its oral sex, I renew my driver's license.

/Shamelessly stolen from Ray Romano

Rapmaster2000: [i.dailymail.co.uk image 468x537]

He looks like Al Gore without hair.

Rodney Dangerfield's limey lovechild.

morgantx: but the guys are never in the mood.

Horseshiat. Strip to your underwear (not skin colored granny-panties), sit on his lap and run your hands along his thigh. He'd shoot his X-Box if it would turn it off faster than the button. It won't matter if he's tired. It won't matter if he's hungry. It won't matter if he's doing something else.

The problem is, that when you want it, you think "signals" will get him to come to you. Be obvious. Again, strip to your underwear, sit on his lap and run your hands along his thigh. It will work*.


*The ONLY time this would not work, both from personal experience, and from stories, is if you've been holding out on him for so long he's pissed at you and wants to turn the tables. If he makes moves on you a couple times a week, and you've pull the old "lie next to your husband, hardly daring to breathe, and think: 'If I don't move for a moment or two, please, please, let him think I'm asleep.'" trick on him every time. He knows that you were doing that. And now he wants you to see how it feels. If you've gotten to that point, you both need some help.

Us guys are guilty of a lot of things and are the cause of a number of problems. I'll admit that. But if your man is saying no to sex from you, there's a 95% chance it's because of something you did.

Is it just me, or does she have huge feet? Like skis, or sasquatch feet.

My hubby used to work retail (so he had an unpredictable schedule), so we would schedule ours in the middle of the day. We'd put on a video for the kids and tell them we were tired and going to "take a nap". (They were 10, 8, and 1 at the time.) If we did it in the morning, we'd wake the baby. If we did it at night, the baby would wake up. But doing it in the afternoon while everyone was watching a movie was sometimes the only way to get it done.

And then one day out of the blue, it was getting close to "nap time", and my 10YO says, "Mom, since you're pregnant, does that mean that you and Dad had sex?" I said, "Yes." He said, "Is THAT what you do during nap time?" I said, "Yes." He said, "Oh. Okay," and never mentioned it again.

/CSS

colon_pow: can you squeeze me in on saturday?

With that name, I think not!

medius: My day planner just has "masturbate" written on every line on every page.

Mine come preprinted that way.

Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: Leap Day = teh buttsecks

Is that because it makes you jump?

The First Four Black Sabbath Albums: I don't get this picture. The woman is looking for sex, and the husband is scared? Does she have shards of broken glass in her vagina or something?

She's a gelgamek.

Raug the Dwarf: ObscureNameHere: Raug the Dwarf: metametameta: Hey, it actually works. I remember during my "I'm a sleepless zombie" years of parenting that scheduling time and treating it like a worth while project was pretty much the only way to get the stars to line up so we could reliably end up in bed together without a child in there with us. Infants and toddlers are amazingly efficient cock-blockers.

Yep. As a matter of fact, my pet names for my boys are Captain Cockblock and the Blue Ball Kid. They're superheroes whose powers include smelling when sex is in the air and instantly teleporting to the location, they can drain libido and steal time too.

Seriously, I've thought about making a web comic to this effect. They're farking UNCANNY when it comes to trying to get some.

Step 1: Locks on the bedroom door.
Step 2: Mommy and Daddy are 'Having a nap'
Step 3: Profit!

You say that. But do you have any idea how badly it throws off your rhythm with kids banging on the bedroom door yelling, "Can we come in? I'm hungry? My Brother hit me!"

So let them in. Naked. They'll only make that mistake once.

cwheelie: Irish foreplay: "Brace yerself Bridgett!"

"Quick Seamus, while you're still sober enough to get it up!"

Sonny Corleone: "The only thing that is instant and strong in our house these days is the coffee."

From the looks of her, who can blame him?

The reason old men use Viagra is not that they are impotent. It's that old women are so very ugly.

"The only thing that is instant and strong in our house these days is the coffee."

Lol, I love the passive aggressive slam on his virility. Based on all their movies and sitcoms I've seen, that's exactly what I've come to expect from British women.

The sensual glance, the satin pillows, strawberries and champagne, the hot pastrami on rye.....

She certainly has a face that challenges you.

/hot like my wife

The First Four Black Sabbath Albums: [i.dailymail.co.uk image 468x677]

I don't get this picture. The woman is looking for sex, and the husband is scared? Does she have shards of broken glass in her vagina or something?

He's a closeted Republican.