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(Cracked)   E.T. 2: Nocturnal Fears actually looked like a pretty cool idea, if you ask me   (cracked.com) divider line 55
    More: Interesting, Forrest Gump, Se7en, human beings, Reese's Pieces, David Fincher, Anthony Hopkins, O.J. Simpson, New Line  
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6251 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 28 Feb 2012 at 1:08 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-02-28 10:12:57 AM
Ei8ht sounds like one of the worst movies that could possibly have been made...but my sense of morbid curiosity wouldn't have allowed me to ignore it.
 
2012-02-28 01:22:36 PM
Se7en is the second best movie ever made. It is a perfectly complete, self contained story. Anyone suggesting a sequel should have been cock punched ten seconds after spouting that nonsense.
 
2012-02-28 01:24:03 PM
If I had movie making kind of money, I would seriously consider buying and producing Nick Cave's Gladiator 2 movie.

/directed by Terry Gilliam
 
2012-02-28 01:28:45 PM
gladiator 2 sounded pretty fantastic, a little ridiculous, but if it can be pulled off, nick cave can make it happen... last time I watched a nick cave penned movie it was the proposition, which was brilliant.
 
2012-02-28 01:29:02 PM
Let's get that Gladiator movie made, FARK!
 
2012-02-28 01:31:45 PM
"Drew Barrymore would have been around 9 at the time this movie was made, and therefore already addicted to cocaine."

Lol'd. Would lol again.
 
2012-02-28 01:31:53 PM
E.T. 2: Nocturnal Emissions would have been a better idea.
 
2012-02-28 01:38:29 PM

Diogenes: E.T. 2: Nocturnal Emissions would have been a better idea.


Is Drew Barrymore going to star in that one aswell?
 
2012-02-28 01:43:16 PM
so the secret to a greenlight is post the cracked article that appeared in the side bar 2 days ago?
 
2012-02-28 01:43:40 PM

Evil Mackerel: Diogenes: E.T. 2: Nocturnal Emissions would have been a better idea.

Is Drew Barrymore going to star in that one aswell?


Yes. Gertie learns that it's not just his finger that has a glowing tip.
 
2012-02-28 01:43:50 PM
You could do a serious ET Sequel though, and not fark up the franchise. Bring back a ship full of the little space buggers and make them friendly like ET was. They're a ship full of scientists come back to where they picked up their marooned compatriot, and they want to study us and share information. Drew and her brother are all grown up now and can have more adult perspectives on what they went through as children.

What the aliens discover is that we are a planet full of farked up simians, so they nuke us from orbit, just to be sure.

fin
 
2012-02-28 01:48:56 PM
Pass the blunt and let's knuckle-fark a Nazi.

Awesome.
 
2012-02-28 01:51:21 PM

Rent Party: Bring back a ship full of the little space buggers


buggers are evil.
 
2012-02-28 02:00:37 PM
ET shows up at Earf just after the aliens from ID4 return to try to harvest the planet a second time, and right before the Prawns show up with their fully armed and operational battle station and destroy Earf, ID4's, ETs,.. and then leave while singing the theme song to the Mickey Mouse Club.

/Mickey Mouse
//Donald Duck
 
2012-02-28 02:01:13 PM
They could make the ET sequel now and torture the now-grown up kids from the first movie. Then ET comes in at the end with a Wookie.

/because remember, ET's race is in the Star Wars universe!
 
2012-02-28 02:08:38 PM
For a TV production course in college, I made a commercial for "E. T. II: The Vengeance." E.T. was flying in a tank (late 80s home computer graphics).

Really bad, but it worked.

Lost the tape, though, dammit.
 
2012-02-28 02:16:08 PM
Gladiator 2 was reworked and homoeroticized and turned into a really boring show on BBC called Torchwood.
 
2012-02-28 02:16:52 PM

illegalitygirl: Let's get that Gladiator movie made, FARK!


Here's my thing: I can get giant space robots ripping each others heads off every 3 years, but Russell Crowe Fightin' Round Time is too over the top? Whatever.
 
2012-02-28 02:20:05 PM

bluorangefyre: They could make the ET sequel now and torture the now-grown up kids from the first movie. Then ET comes in at the end with a Wookie.

/because remember, ET's race is in the Star Wars universe!


Didn't the Enterprise do a fly-by in that movie?
 
2012-02-28 02:24:18 PM
I'm currently working on a squeal to the Who's Tommy. The script is a love triangle between New Age, Punk and industrial musicians so I'm getting a kick out of this.
 
2012-02-28 02:33:13 PM

Inaditch: Gladiator 2 was reworked and homoeroticized and turned into a really boring show on BBC called Torchwood 300.

 
2012-02-28 02:45:36 PM
I would love to see "Forest Gump" remade into a dark comedy more closely following the book.
 
2012-02-28 02:47:40 PM

Andrew Wiggin: Rent Party: Bring back a ship full of the little space buggers

buggers are evil.


I don't usually do this...but you earned it

+1
 
2012-02-28 03:03:39 PM
There's sort of an unofficial ET story in the ride at Universal. It's even introduced by Spielberg. Some shiat about ET's planet dying or something.

I think they're actually still going ahead with Beetlejuice 2, although probably not the same story. Especially since Winona Ryder is no longer a teenager and a whole generation knows her as Spock's mom.
 
2012-02-28 03:09:49 PM

Nickster79: Ei8ht sounds like one of the worst movies that could possibly have been made...but my sense of morbid curiosity wouldn't have allowed me to ignore it.


Snapper Carr: If I had movie making kind of money, I would seriously consider buying and producing Nick Cave's Gladiator 2 movie.

/directed by Terry Gilliam


pute kisses like a man: gladiator 2 sounded pretty fantastic, a little ridiculous, but if it can be pulled off, nick cave can make it happen... last time I watched a nick cave penned movie it was the proposition, which was brilliant.


illegalitygirl: Let's get that Gladiator movie made, FARK!


Rent Party: You could do a serious ET Sequel though, and not fark up the franchise. Bring back a ship full of the little space buggers and make them friendly like ET was. They're a ship full of scientists come back to where they picked up their marooned compatriot, and they want to study us and share information. Drew and her brother are all grown up now and can have more adult perspectives on what they went through as children.

What the aliens discover is that we are a planet full of farked up simians, so they nuke us from orbit, just to be sure.

fin


See, if we ran the studios we'd fark it up just like they do. We pretend we wouldn't and only make good movies, but we'd see the box offce potential and greenlight like it was our first day as a Fark mod and someone submitted a Cracked sidebar article.
 
2012-02-28 03:10:37 PM
That Gladiator treatment sounds leagues better than Bunny Monroe.
 
2012-02-28 03:12:55 PM
Just please no, not another Forrest Gump movie. I don't think I could take even hearing about a sequel to that piece of shiat.
 
2012-02-28 03:25:18 PM

Mugato: Especially since Winona Ryder is no longer a teenager and a whole generation knows her as Spock's mom.


Winona was a total VILF in that movie.

Part of me kind of wishes they'd do the Ferris Bueller movie instead of that stupid car commercial. Although, I kind of think of Election as an unofficial sequel. Bueller screwed off in high-school, and continued to do so in college. He found that he really couldn't get away with doing whatever he wanted. The pressures of real life, his personal failures and his lackluster marriage eventually sucked the life out of him, making him a milquetoast shell of who he was and eventually leading to his midlife crisis.
 
2012-02-28 03:32:43 PM

Inaditch: Winona was a total VILF in that movie.


Anybody else want to tell him?
 
2012-02-28 03:34:06 PM

Inaditch: Part of me kind of wishes they'd do the Ferris Bueller movie instead of that stupid car commercial


It would definitely have to have Ferris no longer getting away with shiat and coasting through life. Any one of those "I hate my cubicle job that anyone in the 2010's would kill for" movies made in 1999 would have worked as a Ferris sequel. Office Space, American Beauty, Fight Club, hell even The Matrix. Just pick one.
 
2012-02-28 03:42:35 PM

That coward David Lopan: Nickster79: Ei8ht sounds like one of the worst movies that could possibly have been made...but my sense of morbid curiosity wouldn't have allowed me to ignore it.

Snapper Carr: If I had movie making kind of money, I would seriously consider buying and producing Nick Cave's Gladiator 2 movie.

/directed by Terry Gilliam

pute kisses like a man: gladiator 2 sounded pretty fantastic, a little ridiculous, but if it can be pulled off, nick cave can make it happen... last time I watched a nick cave penned movie it was the proposition, which was brilliant.

illegalitygirl: Let's get that Gladiator movie made, FARK!

Rent Party: You could do a serious ET Sequel though, and not fark up the franchise. Bring back a ship full of the little space buggers and make them friendly like ET was. They're a ship full of scientists come back to where they picked up their marooned compatriot, and they want to study us and share information. Drew and her brother are all grown up now and can have more adult perspectives on what they went through as children.

What the aliens discover is that we are a planet full of farked up simians, so they nuke us from orbit, just to be sure.

fin

See, if we ran the studios we'd fark it up just like they do. We pretend we wouldn't and only make good movies, but we'd see the box offce potential and greenlight like it was our first day as a Fark mod and someone submitted a Cracked sidebar article.


Oh sure, it's easy to be a critic, but you're not hanging yourself out there man. It's ART!
 
2012-02-28 04:12:57 PM

That coward David Lopan: Nickster79: Ei8ht sounds like one of the worst movies that could possibly have been made...but my sense of morbid curiosity wouldn't have allowed me to ignore it.

Snapper Carr: If I had movie making kind of money, I would seriously consider buying and producing Nick Cave's Gladiator 2 movie.

/directed by Terry Gilliam

pute kisses like a man: gladiator 2 sounded pretty fantastic, a little ridiculous, but if it can be pulled off, nick cave can make it happen... last time I watched a nick cave penned movie it was the proposition, which was brilliant.

illegalitygirl: Let's get that Gladiator movie made, FARK!

Rent Party: You could do a serious ET Sequel though, and not fark up the franchise. Bring back a ship full of the little space buggers and make them friendly like ET was. They're a ship full of scientists come back to where they picked up their marooned compatriot, and they want to study us and share information. Drew and her brother are all grown up now and can have more adult perspectives on what they went through as children.

What the aliens discover is that we are a planet full of farked up simians, so they nuke us from orbit, just to be sure.

fin

See, if we ran the studios we'd fark it up just like they do. We pretend we wouldn't and only make good movies, but we'd see the box offce potential and greenlight like it was our first day as a Fark mod and someone submitted a Cracked sidebar article.


I absolutely would not want farkers to make this movie... i wanted nick cave to write it and ridley scott to make it.

/ farkers would definitely ruin the movie... just make fat kiddie pr0n with cats in bunny suits
 
2012-02-28 04:40:47 PM
ExT. (new window)

Late to the party, but whoa.
 
2012-02-28 05:01:48 PM
Surprisingly, there was one. I read it as a kid, don't recall much though:

ET: The Green Planet (new window)
 
2012-02-28 05:25:16 PM
I'm almost 100% sure that the Nick Cave Gladiator 2 script has been turned into Nick Caves script for the new "The Crow" movie.


Loves me some Nick Cave, but I'm almost certain he has floated this exact script as a sequel to like, 10 movies where the protagonist dies.
 
2012-02-28 05:35:30 PM

Burr: Inaditch: Winona was a total VILF in that movie.

Anybody else want to tell him?


I'll do it.

Doctor McCoy couldn't call him a "half-breed, green-blooded bastard" if she was.
 
2012-02-28 05:39:32 PM
After Forrest Gump came out and was such a phenomenon, I was watching Wheel of Fortune one night and a woman was faced with "__RR___ GUMP", with the clue being "Movie Character" or something. After a few seconds, she confidently tried to solve the puzzle. "MORRIS GUMP!"

Laughs were had. Her children and husband beat her badly that night though, which was in a way kind of sad.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2012-02-28 05:53:53 PM
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid wasn't included because instead of everybody laughing at the notion, somebody filmed a sequel.
 
2012-02-28 05:55:56 PM
Gladiator 2 sounds like a bad rip off of a series of books called Casca the Eternal Mercenary. Casca is the soldier who speared Jesus when he was on the cross. He was damned to wander the Earth for all eternity and fight in almost every war in human history. The books came out in the early 80's.
 
2012-02-28 06:04:22 PM

ZAZ: Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid wasn't included because instead of everybody laughing at the notion, somebody filmed a sequel.


Blackstone was a surprising disappointment.
 
2012-02-28 06:29:10 PM

Nickster79: Ei8ht sounds like one of the worst movies that could possibly have been made...but my sense of morbid curiosity wouldn't have allowed me to ignore it.


It reminds me a bit of the worst movie I've ever seen, American Psycho 2, in that they're both sequels who's scripts were originally supposed to be completely original movies, but some genius decided to shoehorn them into being sequels to great films.
 
2012-02-28 07:02:34 PM

Shoop008: I would love to see "Forest Gump" remade into a dark comedy more closely following the book.


the reason for no forest gump sequel had nothing to do with the reason on that list...the writer of the books that owns the rights to Forest Gump was basically screwed in the end when surprisingly the movie was declared a financial failure because of Hollywood accounting, i think he even had to sue the studios and they only payed him after the judge ordered they submit the financial data for the film to prove their BS claim...I'm not going to bother to look the quote up, but he mockingly said years ago when asked if there would ever be a sequel that he couldn't professionally support another blockbuster failure
 
2012-02-28 09:21:19 PM

EmRack: Shoop008: I would love to see "Forest Gump" remade into a dark comedy more closely following the book.

the reason for no forest gump sequel had nothing to do with the reason on that list...the writer of the books that owns the rights to Forest Gump was basically screwed in the end when surprisingly the movie was declared a financial failure because of Hollywood accounting, i think he even had to sue the studios and they only payed him after the judge ordered they submit the financial data for the film to prove their BS claim...I'm not going to bother to look the quote up, but he mockingly said years ago when asked if there would ever be a sequel that he couldn't professionally support another blockbuster failure


He also didn't care for the film and intentionally wrote the sequel as over the top.

Hell, the sequel opens with Gump complaining about the movie.
 
2012-02-28 09:31:33 PM
There was an E.T. 2 -- It was called "The Phantom Menace".


farm1.static.flickr.com
 
2012-02-28 10:01:59 PM
Forrest Gump 2:

i.crackedcdn.com
 
2012-02-28 11:28:19 PM

ZMugg: Doctor McCoy couldn't call him a "half-breed, green-blooded bastard" if she was.


Wait... so in the future, human women don't have a vagina?

(I know, I know. I forgot she was human).
 
2012-02-28 11:43:50 PM
The basic premise of Gladiator 2 (Immortal warrior fights through time) is the common thread of the Casca novels written by the dude who sang "The Ballad of the Green Berets."
 
2012-02-29 12:19:02 AM

cirby: For a TV production course in college, I made a commercial for "E. T. II: The Vengeance." E.T. was flying in a tank (late 80s home computer graphics).

Really bad, but it worked.

Lost the tape, though, dammit.


I want to see that more than anything mention by the Cracked article by a damn sight.
 
2012-02-29 01:05:16 AM
TFA: Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian

Made me think of this:
i139.photobucket.com
Drawn by the same dude did my profile pic in response finding out that Razed in Black was from Hawaii. (new window)

/Crappy PS by yours truly
 
2012-02-29 01:54:18 AM

Mugato: Inaditch: Part of me kind of wishes they'd do the Ferris Bueller movie instead of that stupid car commercial

It would definitely have to have Ferris no longer getting away with shiat and coasting through life. Any one of those "I hate my cubicle job that anyone in the 2010's would kill for" movies made in 1999 would have worked as a Ferris sequel. Office Space, American Beauty, Fight Club, hell even The Matrix. Just pick one.


I always imagined that sometime in the 90s Ferris met the guy from WarGames, they became friends, and eventually wound up heading up a Silicon Valley tech start up. Ferris would be the Steve Jobs type, being able to wheel, deal, and when necessary bullshiat is way to success in the corporate world, while the guy from WarGames would have been the Woz type that somehow made all the crap Ferris promised actually work.
 
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