catastrophe averted: Great Porn Dragon: *snip*

///srsly glad everyone walked away though, including poor Mr. Jet Dryer Truck Safety Crew Guy Who Is Undoubtedly In Need Of A Fresh Change Of Pants

This guy deserves his own beer commercial

REAL AMERICAN HEROESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

We salute you Mr. Jet Dryer Truck Safety Crew Guy

MR. JET DRYER TRUCK SAFETY CREW GUY

You drive a truck with a helicopter jet engine on the back of it

ROCK N ROTOR!

You drive around a track drying all the rain off

5 LAPS TO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

and you get nailed in the back by an inerrant driver

NEVARRRRRRRRRRR FORGETTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

So here's to you MR JET DRYER TRUCK SAFETY CREW GUY

eddievercetti: This race will be talked about for years

Yeah, because it will still be on.

Why doesn't NASCAR have tires for this? F1 runs through these kinds of things all the time.

Anyone else find it ironic that a Rick Santorum car appears and the track ends up covered in a frothy mix?

I swear, if Fox had been in charge of the moon landing, Neal Armstrong would have touched down in Shinola, PA.

Dumb-Ass-Monkey: I can't help but wonder how much impact fatigue is going to have on the last 100 miles of racing.

Bill Elliot and Marj Martin had naps. Kyle on the other hand never EVER sleeps at the track anymore. He even has a spotter who's job is to update him on Richard Childress' location at all times so he can relax at all.

Clearly I'm missing an uneventful race. I can only hope it's still going when I get home at 11pm PT.

Also WTFJPMBBQ?

Juablo just made Junior feel a little better about not being able to see his pit box. Jet dryers are wayyy bigger than pit boxes

JPM, meet JP4

Looks like Bowyer's car has that 2:30 feeling

thoughtpol: well i guess Earnhardt knows exactly what Biffle's ass smells like.

My guess? Santorum.

Jensaarai:

I dunno. I heard Romney is friends with many NASCAR owners. He's just like me!

Romney was actually going to enter a car as well, but it failed to qualify because the dog carrier on the roof ruined the aerodynamics.

"They're going to run a shuttle around to the backstretch and..."

LOOK OUT! It's Juan Pablo!

Someone go check on Mark Martin...it's WAAAAAY past his bedtime!!!

Ah, I see what happened now..
Juablo saw Jeffy's car blow up, and his competitiveness overcame him

"You call that a fire? Pfft. I'LL show you a fire!"

mrtk421: OMG Santorum car in top 3

You're shiattin' me.

JPM is on fire tonight!

Mark Martin will replace Tony Stewart when he retires.

clear_prop: Talladega advertising Cinco de Mayo? Is that even legal in Alabama?

Celebrating Mexicans kicking Frenchmens asses. Hell yeah thats legal in Alabama! It wasnt too long ago they dug pits made em fight eachother and bet on that shiat in Birmingham.

The Bestest: I'm now envisioning a new meme involving JPM at the scene of various historic conflagrations, a la Disaster Girl.

ski9600: BTW, I think that JPM lost the little clip that holds the axle in the housing (on the right side). Which caused the accident with the jet dryer. Any other ideas?

Catastrophic turbulance forced the car into an aerodynamically imbalanced lateral acceleration mode of harmonic oscillations which quickly intensified until control was lost and recovery became impossible. Clearly this condition was propagated and maintained at the locus on the surface of Juablo's car where the radiator inlet duct was too small to ever work.

mikaloyd: Remember the space shuttle Challenger? Yeah this aint Juablos first visit to Florida.

I'm now envisioning a new meme involving JPM at the scene of various historic conflagrations, a la Disaster Girl.

The Bestest: Karma Curmudgeon: There's a report that JP Montoya just took out a caterer's tent with a golf cart and there's destroyed chafing dishes and burning gel fuel all over the place. Developing...

I think at some point, JPM will somehow manage to take out the Goodyear blimp

Remember the space shuttle Challenger? Yeah this aint Juablos first visit to Florida.

Karma Curmudgeon: There's a report that JP Montoya just took out a caterer's tent with a golf cart and there's destroyed chafing dishes and burning gel fuel all over the place. Developing...

We cant let people back into the caterers area now. Theyd drop like flies when they hit the sterno slick. . I doubt they van ever use that area again. Not until they dig the damaged area out to bedrock then backfill with virgin soil and roadbed then resurface 40 acres of tent area.

Karma Curmudgeon: There's a report that JP Montoya just took out a caterer's tent with a golf cart and there's destroyed chafing dishes and burning gel fuel all over the place. Developing...

I think at some point, JPM will somehow manage to take out the Goodyear blimp

Karma Curmudgeon: There's a report that JP Montoya just took out a caterer's tent with a golf cart and there's destroyed chafing dishes and burning gel fuel all over the place. Developing...

can't...stop...laughing...

bulldg4life: Hello Blonde in the background

"Is there a happier man in America?"

"Whoever taps that blonde.

Wow, I just lost a ton of respect for Biffle. If I were one of his crew members I would punch him right in the mouth.

It's the Daytona 500 man..

catastrophe averted: I can't tell you how much I hate Time-Warner Cable right now. Bastids!

Rather fitting name despite all the events tonight....

mikaloyd: R.I.P.
[i640.photobucket.com image 310x348]
Damn you straight to hell Montoya!!

So, who is submitting the winning headline and will it include Through Hellfire and Brimstone

Can we get an interview with the guy who rebuilt the track? How the hell did they fix it like that.

eddievercetti: GEEK SQUAD WINS

They must have been using Monster Cables.

MRN: Started in prime time, it'll end in infomercial territory.

NEUPhD: Over/under on when if the race actually ends?

TommyymmoT: eddievercetti: This race will be talked about for years

Yeah, because it will still be on.

HA!

I've only watched the past half hour. Has it been like this the whole time? How have there only been ten cautions? How are there any cars left?

Tonight's Daytona 500 has been brought to you by Tide and Scott's

DANICA WINS!

/swerve
//just finish under yellow

I would have paid good money to hear DW say, "Raines is protecting that bottom in the Santorum car."

I would like to point out that my yahoo team is called "I'm a wreck and currently is made up of:

Jimmie Johnson: 42nd
David Regan: 43rd
Kurt Busch: 39th
and the Flamethrower: 35th

That takes some skills folks.

Ed Becker: This is the most expensive demolition derby I've ever seen.

And they're even demolishing the track for good measure!

moss covered three handled family gredunza

Moss covered three handled flaming Montoya!

catastrophe averted: mahughe: suckerpunch: screw this, I'm going to bed.

That's what I said 40 laps ago. Then it became 30. Then 20. Now I'm just resigned to being a zombie come work tomorrow.

I mean, 20 laps = roughly 20 minutes, right? Right?

/yah right

Well the first 180 laps took 36 hrs, so.......

/they told me there would be no math

Truthfully they're averaging 12.5 MPH.

/math nerd

Hang in there Farkers -- if we can hang in there, it will be Wednesday Morning under the lights!!!!!

WhyteRaven74: bluorangefyre: I vote that this race goes down in the history books as the Derp-tona 500. What say you all?

Well it's the first Daytona 500 that will be remembered for a crash involving only one Cup car.

one car.. UNDER CAUTION

suckerpunch: screw this, I'm going to bed.

Good idea.

bluorangefyre: Q: has any NASCAR thread ever hit 2,000 posts?

Not that I can remember. This is truly a night of miracles.

It's 36 hours at Daytona!

The Bestest: really, we all complain about Fox now, but when the bottom third of the season comes long and we're in ESPN/ABC territory, we'll all be begging for Fox back.

NASCAR is likely radioing the drivers to take it easy around the jet dryers.

Santorum went back to the rear -- his natural habitat.

/Poor Raines

There aren't nearly enough commercials.
They should have played them all during the red flag.

Didn't they used to show the race via "picture in picture" during the commercials?

Your forefathers raced out there in the sand on the damned beach... Shut up and drive!

Oh big old jet air dryer, dont bury me too far away

funk_soul_bubby: TommyymmoT: Why do they have a statue of John Travolta?

Because obviously they want a Saturday night race!

Right now all they have is Pulp Friction.

TommyymmoT: funk_soul_bubby: vegaswench: Stretch_8: It's DW or MW all the time. It is very tiring to see/hear nothing but Waltrip 24/7.

Shut yo mouf. I love both Waltrips. They add whimsy, dammit. Whimsy!

[www.millenniumhwy.net image 480x640] (new window)

Random plug for Kentucky Speedway. They built a pedestrian tunnel and some roads, come on! (new window)

Why do they have a statue of John Travolta?

Its actually Drew, and he held that pose the entire time that they carved it.

Friction8r: x-caliber: Why does the Santorum car have brown spooge on the front and no one else does? Seriously, look at that thing.

It'll be awesome if SANTORUM wins this race!!! THAT will be maximum trolling, but he's already won the hearts and minds of millions of race fans!

I dunno. I heard Romney is friends with many NASCAR owners. He's just like me!

funk_soul_bubby: vegaswench: Stretch_8: It's DW or MW all the time. It is very tiring to see/hear nothing but Waltrip 24/7.

Shut yo mouf. I love both Waltrips. They add whimsy, dammit. Whimsy!

[www.millenniumhwy.net image 480x640] (new window)

Random plug for Kentucky Speedway. They built a pedestrian tunnel and some roads, come on! (new window)

Why do they have a statue of John Travolta?

Why are those guys getting off the bus?
I thought they were being sent back to Mexico.

Stretch_8: It's DW or MW all the time. It is very tiring to see/hear nothing but Waltrip 24/7.

Shut yo mouf. I love both Waltrips. They add whimsy, dammit. Whimsy!

penguin31: Jim from Saint Paul: I am 100% serious and not trolling:

Is this guy with the pompadour toupee gay? That's the most southern feminine lisp I have ever heard a man have.

Michael Waltrip. And he quite possibly could be but due to family dynamics and the nature of the sport he works in he's probably miles deep into the closet.

You take that back! Mikey is as straight as Liberace, Rosie O'Donnell and Tom Cruise!

If that jet dryer had a bigger spoiler and no restrictor plate Montoya would have never hit it from behind. Back in 69 Jets were doing way over 200 at Indy. This is NASCARS fault.

Gosling: What do they do if Raines wins?

They'll buy him a beater GT500, I would think.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL?!??!?! They're gonna be fixing the track till September 1st?

Pontious Pilates: Someone needs to ram the bus.

JPM done blowed up his car, though.

catastrophe averted: bluorangefyre: Haha @firefly911: I wonder if @keselowski 's Siri sits there all race saying "Left. Left. Left. Left. Left. Pass. Left. Left.""

*recalculating*

That's Montoya's.

ironhead: Do they not actually wrestle anymore in the WWE? All I've seen tonight is a bunch of 'roid ragers with microphones.

I dunno, Juablo looked like he was on fire there for a moment. Did you see how he slammed that guy?

four95: Dumb-Ass-Monkey: I won a math debate: cameroncrazy1984: four95: Karma Curmudgeon: vygramul: relaxitsjustme: Dumb-Ass-Monkey: I can tell there's true damage to the track, and I'm 3000 miles away, watching on a 32 inch TV!!

I'm 5000 miles away and I'm watching it on a 27" CRT TV and I can tell there's damage to the track

I'm watching on my iPhone from the ISS, and *I* can tell there's damage to the track.

I'm listening on shortwave and I can tell there's damage to the track.

I'm listening in morse code and I can tell there's damage to the track.

I'm listening to Helen Keller describe it and I can tell there's damage to the track.

I'm drawing the track on an etch-a-sketch and it looks badly damaged.

I just read a previously unseen Nostradamus prediction describing this event, and he said that yes, the track is damaged.

2 Kings 9:20 "He has reached them, but he isn't coming back either. The driving is like that of Jehu son of Nimshi--he drives like a madman and damages the track with liquid fire"

1 First God made heaven & earth 2 The earth was without form and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep, and the track at Daytona was damaged; and the Spirit of God was moving over the face of the waters.

catastrophe averted: Yeah! The Jet Dryer guy was treated and released. He's ok :)

That's so unfair. I always get treated and detained.

ScreamingLemur46: vygramul: smerfnablin: You literally have metal melted into the track...


Jet fuel can't melt metal. At least, that's what I've been told.

I'm pretty sure I saw a cruise missile hit the dryer before Montoya got to it.

None of Daytona's Jewish workers showed up to work tonight. Coincidence?

Karma Curmudgeon: vygramul: relaxitsjustme: Dumb-Ass-Monkey: I can tell there's true damage to the track, and I'm 3000 miles away, watching on a 32 inch TV!!

I'm 5000 miles away and I'm watching it on a 27" CRT TV and I can tell there's damage to the track

I'm watching on my iPhone from the ISS, and *I* can tell there's damage to the track.

I'm listening on shortwave and I can tell there's damage to the track.

Pony Expresses just delivered a Western Union telegram telling me that the track has damage.

I can tell there's true damage to the track, and I'm 3000 miles away, watching on a 32 inch TV!!

FiendishFellow05: How's the WWE going to top these shenanigans?

/I bet Richard Petty is there.
//And I bet he took off his sunglasses, look at that wreck, and went
/"I ain't never seen that before. Damn."

When Kane came out everyone knew they were just copying Daytona

Oh, NOW they split-screen the race. Hey, seeing the drivers walking is so exciting. What next a Talladega Nights scene when they break into a full sprint?

smerfnablin: You literally have metal melted into the track...


Jet fuel can't melt metal. At least, that's what I've been told.

Crashalotski tweeted a picture during the race? Really? He has enough trouble keeping the car on the track as it is.

Jensaarai: mrtk421: OMG Santorum car in top 3

You're shiattin' me.

I froth you not

catastrophe averted: Is Digger making farting noises during the recap?

We can only hope. I got a taste for fried animated mascot

Joey Logano has no friends... except for his new dog.

Gosling: HOW THE HELL DO YOU RUN OUT OF GAS ON LAP 128?

5-hour energy car has that 2:30 feeling.

ironhead: FiendishFellow05: soopey: Jensaarai: Davey Allison :(

E.i.p. last good driver of the 28

Dale Jarrett and Ricky Rudd would like a word. Oh, and Swervin' Irvan, too. Come on, Davey was good, but not the last good driver in that car.

Agreed! I wonder what Ricky Rudd's been up to?

Jensaarai: I thought I was being clever by benching Bayne in favor of Patrick as my C-List driver.

Yup.

If I were Danica, I dunno if I'd want the 39 team working on the rear of my car. The back wheel may fall off.

Ba-DUM-dum! *crash*

FiendishFellow05: /Tony be firing people tomorrow.

Only if he gets mad. His firings seem to be more related to emotion than results on the track..

"I went around the corner, and my wheel fell off.

It fell off.

It fell the f*ck off."

"Touch: the Jerry Sandusky Story. This month on FOX."

I like what tkat and DAM have done with the idols in the off season

Danica's front looks good. Car too.

Shadow Blasko: WTF?!?!

My local Fox affiliate is running with back to back Judge Judy?!?!?!?

Im not saying you need to go down there with a bat, but you need to go down there with a baseball bat.