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(Mother Nature Network)   In this day and age, you have every right to not take your husband's name after you get married. And society has every right to judge you for that decision   (mnn.com) divider line 62
    More: Obvious, Eastern United States, birth name, society  
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19138 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Feb 2012 at 3:13 PM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
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Archived thread
2012-02-26 02:43:45 PM  
8 votes:

iamrex: MidnightSkulker: My husband took my last name. *shrug* Has caused some confusion, but he wanted to so he did.

jesus. do you carry his balls in your purse?


Taking your wife's name is not an indication of lack of manhood.
2012-02-26 02:06:26 PM  
8 votes:
Oh for God's sake. Who the fark cares about any of this? Change your name, don't change your name, make up a name. The world will carry on just the same.
2012-02-26 02:10:07 PM  
7 votes:
Ah, yes. Protesting the sexist hegemony by keeping your FATHER's name. Good jorb.
2012-02-26 01:52:45 PM  
4 votes:
I don't know about other cultures, but in almost all of Latin America, the woman does not take the husband's name. She keeps her maiden name (paternal) plus her second last name (maternal). That's her identity. It shows who her father and mother were, not whose property she is.
2012-02-26 12:40:57 PM  
4 votes:
One of my first acts as global dictator will be to take away naming privileges until people show they're responsible enough to use them properly.
2012-02-26 04:20:33 PM  
3 votes:
My wife said she didn't want my last name as she thought it was a dumb tradition.

I told her I thought the whole 10k white wedding was a dumb tradition.

She took my last name.
2012-02-26 04:01:43 PM  
3 votes:
Wife kept her last name. The way she saw it was such: We're in our 30s. She has an identity as an adult built up that involves her name. It WOULD be a royal pain in the neck to change everything. This in addition to her (and my) beliefs that the whole idea that the woman must change HER name are stupid.

But yes, the mail and calls from people asking to talk to Greek Mywifeslastname or Mr. Mywifeslastname make it easy to weed out the marketers.

But I DO wish people would mind your own business. Her decision to keep her last name doesn't indicate in any way that her love for me is less than it wuld have been had she taken my name, so keep your stupid opinion to yourself. This doesn't happen often, but it has happened, and it makes me wanna choke a biatch. (the opinion giver)
2012-02-26 03:21:28 PM  
3 votes:
Personally, I think a husband and wife should select a *new* last name when they get married. I don't believe in the hyphenation crap-names get to long and after a few generations it's a nightmare. Instead, I think a new name should be construction from the letters of both names.

This way, no name is lost, no name appears first when hyphenated, and the married couple still share the same last name. It's not sexist because both people are changing their name. It's win-win-win.
2012-02-26 01:52:25 PM  
3 votes:

staplermofo: At least you're not hyphenating.


Exactly.

Who cares whether a woman takes a man's last name or not? As long as she's not doing the pretentious douchebaguette hyphenating thing.
2012-02-26 10:00:57 PM  
2 votes:

cherryl taggart: I know a few female doctors that kept their maiden names, and then use their husbands as professional resources, without disclosing the personal relationship. Seems a little odd to tell a patient, "I'm sending you to Dr. X. He's a great specialist," without also mentioning, "and I should know, I married him right out of residency." The husbands don't seem to have a problem with telling people who they married, just the wives.



As a scientist married to another scientist, let me say that one* of the reasons my professional name is not my married name is that in case Hubby and I ever choose to collaborate in research---I don't see it happening, though, since our research interests are so disparate---I didn't want to be known as a husband+wife team. It's just weird. And the connotation is that the male of the husband+wife team did the most important work and that the female did the lesser stuff.

*not the only reason, and certainly not the most important reason. Nonetheless, it was something I gave some thought to.
2012-02-26 05:22:39 PM  
2 votes:
Last name is a family name.
My wife CHOSE to take it.
My father asked her to, she respected him as much as I did.

I was not born to him, I was adopted much later.
He asked me to.

She says it in no way indicates ownership, and I agree.
It is a family name, for our family. We proudly carried that on to our children.

It is sexist that the female is the one expected to do so, but when she chooses to do so it is an honour.

// I would have changed mine to Rumplestiltskin if it meant we could share it as a family.
Xoc
2012-02-26 05:18:09 PM  
2 votes:
In academic circles, a woman may have published many papers under a specific name. If she adopts her husband's name, there isn't a unique identifier for her complete set of published works when doing research. This would hurt her credibility and stature, so would be dumb. Even males have this problem sometimes. I have a lot of stuff published with a shortened version of my first name, but some (typically more formal stuff) published with the full version.

I suggest if you ever have anything published, you think hard about what identifier you want to use for your entire career, and don't muck with it.
2012-02-26 04:53:39 PM  
2 votes:
Not taking your husband's name means "not committed to the relationship" the same way that pleading the Fifth Amendment or not letting a cop search without a warrant means "you have something to hide".

People are idiots.
2012-02-26 03:48:29 PM  
2 votes:
Legally taking my ex-husband's name was one of the worst mistakes I ever made, second only to marrying him in the first place.

Regardless of what name you end up going by in day-to-day life, any woman who changes her name legally at this point is just asking to be completely farked if the marriage ends and she doesn't want to cart around a reminder of her old life for years.

If I ever marry again, even if I let people call me by my married name just because it's easier, all of my legal documents, IDs and accounts will still be under my maiden name.
2012-02-26 03:39:11 PM  
2 votes:
Practically speaking, people are so tied to their names through internet accounts nowadays, it kind of makes sense to not change your name for marriage.
2012-02-26 03:36:25 PM  
2 votes:
My wife's reasoning for not changing her name: too many email addresses and credit cards to change. Makes sense to me. Makes identity verification a big pain in the ass, especially when a form requires you to enter your name exactly as it appears on this certificate or that.
2012-02-26 03:34:28 PM  
2 votes:
A guy I knew in Georgia several years ago took his wife's name when they got married for two reasons. She didn't have any brothers and wanted to pass on her family name (wasn't a problem on his side), and otherwise her name would have been Anita Dick. It should be left up to the couple. If anybody has a problem with it, screw 'em.
2012-02-26 03:28:22 PM  
2 votes:

MidnightSkulker: lilplatinum: MidnightSkulker: He's a 6'2" roughneck who spends 14 hours a day on an oil rig lifting 100lb+ equipment. I challenge anyone who thinks he's a pansy to tell him that to his face.

Marrying someone who is prone to violence is unhealthy..

He isn't prone to violence - quite the opposite. He's just intimidating.


So your challenge wouldn't be very challenging then...
2012-02-26 03:26:58 PM  
2 votes:
If she won't take your name, she will wear your pants.
2012-02-26 03:23:02 PM  
2 votes:

Rincewind53: So what Subby is saying is that society has a right to be sexist? Okay then, whatever you say. You go on thinking that while the rest of us try to change things for the better.


People have differing views of what is "better". On many issues, what some people know in their hearts to be right might be opposite of what I believe.
2012-02-26 03:18:06 PM  
2 votes:

natmar_76: Who gives a fark?


Summation of the thread.

/and society can judge people who judge people for making that decision as being assholes and busybodies
2012-02-26 03:15:01 PM  
2 votes:
Who gives a fark?
2012-02-26 02:58:01 PM  
2 votes:

quatchi: MidnightSkulker: quatchi:

He's a 6'2" roughneck who spends 14 hours a day on an oil rig lifting 100lb+ equipment. I challenge anyone who thinks he's a pansy to tell him that to his face.

His former last name was the last name of his mother's first husband, to whom he is not related. He doesn't have any relationship with his mother, so he didn't want to take her birth name. My parents adore him and he said he wanted to honour them by taking our family name. I had no preference either way, as I have a rather dumb last name, and had actually changed all my documents to his name before he decided to take mine.

Cool story, Sis. Well, at least I got an answer to my question PDQ.

Haters gonna hate.


Since I chimed in as well, I'll repeat for emphasis: CSS.

But that said, "he took my family's name out of mutual respect" is not necessarily -- or even typically -- the background to "he took my last name". And there are plenty of tough-looking guys in hard jobs who deal with emasculating shrews at home. (Not that I'm suggesting you're one of them.)

Lead with the cool story next time.
2012-02-26 02:42:17 PM  
2 votes:

dahmers love zombie: Ah, yes. Protesting the sexist hegemony by keeping your FATHER's name. Good jorb.


Instead keep your mother's father's name.
2012-02-26 02:41:16 PM  
2 votes:

quatchi:

Always wondered about that. In cases where the wife-to-be has a cooler last name than the guy or if she is the last person in her line with that last name and wants to perpetuate it then the guy taking the woman's last name makes sense to me. But it does rather posit the question "Is society at a place yet where a guy can take his wife's last name and not spent the rest of life hearing *whip crack* noises being made behind his back?"


iamrex:

jesus. do you carry his balls in your purse?


He's a 6'2" roughneck who spends 14 hours a day on an oil rig lifting 100lb+ equipment. I challenge anyone who thinks he's a pansy to tell him that to his face.

His former last name was the last name of his mother's first husband, to whom he is not related. He doesn't have any relationship with his mother, so he didn't want to take her birth name. My parents adore him and he said he wanted to honour them by taking our family name. I had no preference either way, as I have a rather dumb last name, and had actually changed all my documents to his name before he decided to take mine.
2012-02-26 02:34:54 PM  
2 votes:

MidnightSkulker: My husband took my last name. *shrug* Has caused some confusion, but he wanted to so he did.


jesus. do you carry his balls in your purse?
2012-02-26 02:32:20 PM  
2 votes:

MidnightSkulker: My husband took my last name. *shrug* Has caused some confusion, but he wanted to so he did.


Always wondered about that. In cases where the wife-to-be has a cooler last name than the guy or if she is the last person in her line with that last name and wants to perpetuate it then the guy taking the woman's last name makes sense to me. But it does rather posit the question "Is society at a place yet where a guy can take his wife's last name and not spent the rest of life hearing *whip crack* noises being made behind his back?"
2012-02-26 02:28:54 PM  
2 votes:
My wife of 12 years kept her married name and eventually I started getting a lot of junk mail sent to my first name and her last name. It's so bad that in background checks of me, that combo is listed as an alias of my name.

Basically marketing companies get hold of her name, figure she's married, and assume her husband's name is the same surname.

Idiots.
2012-02-26 01:43:31 PM  
2 votes:

staplermofo: One of my first acts as global dictator will be to take away naming privileges until people show they're responsible enough to use them properly.


Won't somebody think of poor Urhines Kendall Icy Eight Special K?
2012-02-26 01:27:59 PM  
2 votes:
So what Subby is saying is that society has a right to be sexist? Okay then, whatever you say. You go on thinking that while the rest of us try to change things for the better.
2012-02-27 07:08:37 PM  
1 votes:

Pincy: Tziva: It's just a trivial social norm. Frankly, I'm not sure why anyone even cares who does what outside of their own personal circumstances.

If you read back through this thread you'll find that there are a lot of men who would consider it tantamount to having their balls cut off if a man took his wife's name.


Those people are not me.

And also drama queens.
2012-02-26 10:15:28 PM  
1 votes:

lethological_lassie: Occam's Nailfile: If you have a career where it would be inconvenient to change your name, I completely understand.

If you refuse to take on your huband's name because you feel men are oppressors, or to make some political point, or some other such nonsense, I just want you to know that whenever you leave a room, everyone in the room you just left experiences a great sense of relief, and very often the phrase, "for fark's sake, I'm glad that's over" is utterred within moments of your absence.

And what if we also just like our own name and don't want to change it because "that's the way it's always been"?


I'd still file such a woman under P for "pain in the ass".

Taking a man's name in marriage is one of the few things women are expected to do to demonstrate their dedication to him. There certainly is a laundry lst of things that is expected of a man in a marriage, much owing completely to the fact that he is male.

I guarantee you, there isn't a man out there worth his salt who would not want his wife to take his name in marriage. In return, you get someone who is committing to put her before himself for the rest of his life. If she is bothered by the idea of taking his name, you can bet your ass she has not even given an ounce of consideration to the idea of putting his desires before hers, and if a marriage is to be a healthy one, both parties need to put the other's needs, hopes, dreams, and desires at the top of their priority lists.

There is value in tradition, and value in sacrifice. Granted, some traditions are harmful, and some sacrifices are self destructive. This doesn't fall under that category.
2012-02-26 09:56:01 PM  
1 votes:

Occam's Nailfile: If you have a career where it would be inconvenient to change your name, I completely understand.

If you refuse to take on your huband's name because you feel men are oppressors, or to make some political point, or some other such nonsense, I just want you to know that whenever you leave a room, everyone in the room you just left experiences a great sense of relief, and very often the phrase, "for fark's sake, I'm glad that's over" is utterred within moments of your absence.


And what if we also just like our own name and don't want to change it because "that's the way it's always been"?
2012-02-26 07:58:10 PM  
1 votes:

Rincewind53: So what Subby is saying is that society has a right to be sexist?


It feels more and more like sexism is just another way of saying double standards are okay as long as they benefit women.
2012-02-26 07:30:50 PM  
1 votes:

Stinkyy: A certain breasted-American "Betty" and I dated. She was hot, but saw no need to take my name. Biatch, shiate. Please. She was so gone after that.


I think it is clear who the winner is in this case.
2012-02-26 07:22:38 PM  
1 votes:

Pincy: kab: If name change is such a gargantuan issue to you, marriage itself probably will be as well.

Yes, I agree, most men seem to be unable to handle the thought of changing their last name and thus should probably not get married reproduce.


FTFE

Son of Streak: If I was Frank Zappa's kid, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't give a flying fark about anyone else.


That's a good point. I chose a poor example.

lilplatinum: It will never end because humans are dicks, and no amount of shiatty parenting choices to try to change the world is going to change that. Prepare your children for the world they are going to live in, not the fantasy candy land you wished they would one day live in.


It might surprise you to learn this, but not everyone in the world is like you. If you study history, you'll see that people can and usually do get better, but someone almost always has to show them how.

But don't feel like you need to respond. History also shows that many people don't want to get better, or at least don't want to try. I absolutely agree with you that it's much easier to accept things as they are than to challenge them. I just don't agree that that's the right thing to do.
2012-02-26 07:13:42 PM  
1 votes:

kab: If name change is such a gargantuan issue to you, marriage itself probably will be as well.


Yes, I agree, most men seem to be unable to handle the thought of changing their last name and thus should probably not get married.
kab
2012-02-26 07:02:23 PM  
1 votes:
If name change is such a gargantuan issue to you, marriage itself probably will be as well.
2012-02-26 06:42:02 PM  
1 votes:

tortilla burger: I don't really care about wife's name, but any and all children must take my last name and only my last name. This is non-negotiable.


I bet you're a joy to live with.
2012-02-26 06:07:55 PM  
1 votes:
Equality certainly isn't such an independent decision when they cash the alimony/child support checks.

I am woman hear me roar, in numbers too bi.,.... uh, bi.... uh, yeah just sign there,... and then there,.... aaaaand there,,..

Oh wait, where was I, oh yeah, "...Oh Oprah/Dr.Phil, he was such a bastage and I'm such a victim,... " repeat ad nauseum

You want equality? Suck it up princess and deal with reality like the rest of us 'stupid, pathetic, incompetent men,... wwaaaaa'....

/midrnitrite?
2012-02-26 05:55:18 PM  
1 votes:
Me? I really don't give a shiat what people want to call themselves or what name they want to assume, adopt, or change.
No skin off my back. Really.

Now on the other hand, if you decide to be a total shiatcock and give your child a stupid name like "Destynee" or "Freedom" or "Apple" or some other non-conventional BS name... too bad for the kid. Nothing I can do about it, but roll my "inner" eyes and ignore the fact you've branded your kid with a dumbass label for the remainder of their life (or until they change it). A case of grin and bear it, I suppose.

/true story. Knew a family whose last name was "Benz'.
//Yes... they named their daughter 'Mercedes'
///shiatcocks!!
2012-02-26 05:51:55 PM  
1 votes:
It could happen. Just like mouth-breathing, misogynist shiatstains can somehow operate a computer well enough to post on Fark.
2012-02-26 05:36:37 PM  
1 votes:

Mimic_Octopus: Freudian_slipknot: es

the point of a marriage is that is does not end. the name change is designed to be permanent. If you even have a doubt, dont get married in the first place.


That's so cute!

In today's society there are three levels of long term commitment:

Getting married. Minor commitment. Easily walked away from.

Buying a house together: This is a pretty serious commitment. Getting out of it is going to take some work.

Having a kid: This is the most significant commitment. You are going to be required to work together in come capacity for at least 18 years.
2012-02-26 05:28:04 PM  
1 votes:
I don't know too many women who kept their name, but the ones I do all seemed to have had sensible reasons. Reasonable reasons I can imagine or have heard of:

- Want to preserve hardwon name recognition in job.
- Husband has a stupid or common name like Smith wife has an exotic name so they both take hers.
- Husband has a name that really would clash with the wives first name.
- Wife has already children with her current last name and want to preserve family connection to them.
- Wife has no brothers and he has many so they take hers to preserve the name.
- Wife's name has a business attached to hit that was originally named after father or grandfather.
- Wife and husband are routinely addressed by the same title and preserve different last names to avoid confusion (like both being Dr. Smith.)
- Wife married another woman and one of them had keep her name.
- Just because.
2012-02-26 05:10:57 PM  
1 votes:
encrypted-tbn1.google.com
2012-02-26 04:55:13 PM  
1 votes:
No one cares what women think. They aren't people.
2012-02-26 04:49:58 PM  
1 votes:

letrole: My surname is Le Trôle.


i6.photobucket.com
2012-02-26 04:44:49 PM  
1 votes:
I've no intentions to change my name when I get married- I have a publication history I'm rather proud of, and if I had to bet money I'll probably marry a Dutch guy with a last name I can't really pronounce. So what would be the point of getting a name I can't say anyway?

My theoretical children are free to have my husband's name to avoid confusion. Unless, of course, my future husband thinks it's important we have the same last name- in that case he's welcome to change his to mine.
2012-02-26 04:22:51 PM  
1 votes:

MidnightSkulker:
He's a 6'2" roughneck who spends 14 hours a day on an oil rig lifting 100lb+ equipment. I challenge anyone who thinks he's a pansy to tell him that to his face.



Calling bullshiat. Rig shifts are 12 hours long and lifting restriction is 50 lbs. Anything over 75 is required to use mechinical lifting....

Oh, and roughnecks mop the deck on the rig I'm on....


But DO carry on...
2012-02-26 04:16:13 PM  
1 votes:
Hyphenated last names. "Those who would be so pompous as to expect people to remember your maiden name and your married name are condemned to having people remember neither".

-Benjamin Franklin
/or me, I forgot who first said it.
2012-02-26 04:06:27 PM  
1 votes:
In my country, there's no such thing as 'taking your spouse's name' anymore. You keep your own name, but you can choose the surname of your children (at the birth of the first child), and you can choose how government organisations should address you.
2012-02-26 03:32:57 PM  
1 votes:
Don't ask me, I'm just a girl! *tee hee*
2012-02-26 03:32:29 PM  
1 votes:
My fiancee is a teacher. I'm hoping that she DOESN'T take my last name.

She's got all sorts of books of hers with her last name on them, and lots of former students as well.

There was a bit on Mike & Molly (which sometimes hits a bit too close to home) where a former student tracked Molly down - and had she changed her name, he wouldn't have been able to find her.

/CSB...
2012-02-26 03:32:11 PM  
1 votes:

quatchi: MidnightSkulker: My husband took my last name. *shrug* Has caused some confusion, but he wanted to so he did.

Always wondered about that. In cases where the wife-to-be has a cooler last name than the guy or if she is the last person in her line with that last name and wants to perpetuate it then the guy taking the woman's last name makes sense to me. But it does rather posit the question "Is society at a place yet where a guy can take his wife's last name and not spent the rest of life hearing *whip crack* noises being made behind his back?"



iamrex: MidnightSkulker: My husband took my last name. *shrug* Has caused some confusion, but he wanted to so he did.

jesus. do you carry his balls in your purse?



I love this place.
2012-02-26 03:30:03 PM  
1 votes:

Atheist_Republican: When I got married, I didn't take my husband's name. Besides being confused when I told some people that the wedding gift checks were no good because they wrote my name incorrectly, nobody cared. And that's honestly the only response I've ever gotten from anyone: the momentary confusion, and then they go back to not caring. And I certainly don't go out of my way to correct anyone who calls me Mrs. with my husband's last name unless it's an issue like the checks where the name must be correct. Although boy does my hubby get a little huffy when they call him by my last name. :P


This is how we know whether or not someone actually knows the family when they call the house. If they use the incorrect last name - buh bye, wrong number.
2012-02-26 03:26:13 PM  
1 votes:
I think Turk (Scrubs) said it best: "Sure baby, you can keep your last name. We'll just be one of those modern couples that don't love each other."


/think women should do whatever they want, keep or take name.
/see what you get, when you mess, with the WARRIOR
2012-02-26 03:24:20 PM  
1 votes:
Mrs. Smurf hyphenated her name for the only good reason I've ever heard.

After her first marriage she never switched back to her maiden name. This was for the benefit of her kids. Her ex remarried first. The new broad took his name. In order for nobody to have any confusion as to the mother of the children, my wife hyphenated her name. She's planning on changing it once the kids are all out of the house.
2012-02-26 03:20:39 PM  
1 votes:

ecmoRandomNumbers: I don't know about other cultures, but in almost all of Latin America, the woman does not take the husband's name. She keeps her maiden name (paternal) plus her second last name (maternal). That's her identity. It shows who her father and mother were, not whose property she is.


I'm surprised she has time to ponder her identity in between popping out the 18th and 19th babies..
2012-02-26 03:18:54 PM  
1 votes:
If you have ever judged a woman for anything, even for committing murder, you are a bad person and should feel bad about yourself.
2012-02-26 02:51:26 PM  
1 votes:
Deciding whether to take my fiance's name or keep mine is something I gave some thought to. My last name is something that isn't always pronounced correctly (despite it being pretty phonetic), and it's easy to alter into a curse word (endless fun on the playground). My fiance's last name isn't too much higher ranking on the "cool" scale. The bottom line was that I want us to share a last name, and there's no way in hell I would hyphenate (each of our last names has eight letters).
2012-02-26 02:40:43 PM  
1 votes:

iamrex: MidnightSkulker: My husband took my last name. *shrug* Has caused some confusion, but he wanted to so he did.

jesus. do you carry his balls in your purse?


Dude. Of course not -- he carries the purse with his balls for her.
2012-02-26 02:08:23 PM  
1 votes:
I wish someone would take my last name, as I can't even pronounce it properly myself. Got damn Norwegian forefathers with your proto-Germanic gobbledy gook.
 
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