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(Mother Nature Network)   In this day and age, you have every right to not take your husband's name after you get married. And society has every right to judge you for that decision   (mnn.com) divider line 321
    More: Obvious, Eastern United States, birth name, society  
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19130 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Feb 2012 at 3:13 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-02-26 12:40:57 PM
One of my first acts as global dictator will be to take away naming privileges until people show they're responsible enough to use them properly.
 
2012-02-26 01:27:59 PM
So what Subby is saying is that society has a right to be sexist? Okay then, whatever you say. You go on thinking that while the rest of us try to change things for the better.
 
2012-02-26 01:43:31 PM

staplermofo: One of my first acts as global dictator will be to take away naming privileges until people show they're responsible enough to use them properly.


Won't somebody think of poor Urhines Kendall Icy Eight Special K?
 
2012-02-26 01:44:07 PM
This is a bit convoluted; lotsa words.

The dress is an impractical, uncomfortable, hindering garment. The move to women wearing trousers is good. But, it initially defied convention and was annoying (women's pants are and should be different from men's). Mr and Mrs _____ is now Mr _____ and Mrs ______, which means more memorizing, writing and spelling names. For that, I hate you. At least you're not hyphenating.
 
2012-02-26 01:52:25 PM

staplermofo: At least you're not hyphenating.


Exactly.

Who cares whether a woman takes a man's last name or not? As long as she's not doing the pretentious douchebaguette hyphenating thing.
 
2012-02-26 01:52:45 PM
I don't know about other cultures, but in almost all of Latin America, the woman does not take the husband's name. She keeps her maiden name (paternal) plus her second last name (maternal). That's her identity. It shows who her father and mother were, not whose property she is.
 
2012-02-26 02:06:26 PM
Oh for God's sake. Who the fark cares about any of this? Change your name, don't change your name, make up a name. The world will carry on just the same.
 
2012-02-26 02:08:23 PM
I wish someone would take my last name, as I can't even pronounce it properly myself. Got damn Norwegian forefathers with your proto-Germanic gobbledy gook.
 
2012-02-26 02:10:07 PM
Ah, yes. Protesting the sexist hegemony by keeping your FATHER's name. Good jorb.
 
2012-02-26 02:16:51 PM
My last name is Fudgetoot.

:(
 
2012-02-26 02:24:13 PM

ecmoRandomNumbers: not whose property she is.


I don't see it as being this way anymore. The taking of the last name should be a sign that people are bonded. That is what marriage is about.

In some states, (Ca at least) you can create a new last name if you want using the letters in your last names, which I think is pretty cool. I know some people who have done it, though the names they made tended to sound awful.
 
2012-02-26 02:24:25 PM
My husband took my last name. *shrug* Has caused some confusion, but he wanted to so he did.
 
2012-02-26 02:28:54 PM
My wife of 12 years kept her married name and eventually I started getting a lot of junk mail sent to my first name and her last name. It's so bad that in background checks of me, that combo is listed as an alias of my name.

Basically marketing companies get hold of her name, figure she's married, and assume her husband's name is the same surname.

Idiots.
 
2012-02-26 02:32:20 PM

MidnightSkulker: My husband took my last name. *shrug* Has caused some confusion, but he wanted to so he did.


Always wondered about that. In cases where the wife-to-be has a cooler last name than the guy or if she is the last person in her line with that last name and wants to perpetuate it then the guy taking the woman's last name makes sense to me. But it does rather posit the question "Is society at a place yet where a guy can take his wife's last name and not spent the rest of life hearing *whip crack* noises being made behind his back?"
 
2012-02-26 02:34:54 PM

MidnightSkulker: My husband took my last name. *shrug* Has caused some confusion, but he wanted to so he did.


jesus. do you carry his balls in your purse?
 
2012-02-26 02:40:43 PM

iamrex: MidnightSkulker: My husband took my last name. *shrug* Has caused some confusion, but he wanted to so he did.

jesus. do you carry his balls in your purse?


Dude. Of course not -- he carries the purse with his balls for her.
 
2012-02-26 02:41:16 PM

quatchi:

Always wondered about that. In cases where the wife-to-be has a cooler last name than the guy or if she is the last person in her line with that last name and wants to perpetuate it then the guy taking the woman's last name makes sense to me. But it does rather posit the question "Is society at a place yet where a guy can take his wife's last name and not spent the rest of life hearing *whip crack* noises being made behind his back?"


iamrex:

jesus. do you carry his balls in your purse?


He's a 6'2" roughneck who spends 14 hours a day on an oil rig lifting 100lb+ equipment. I challenge anyone who thinks he's a pansy to tell him that to his face.

His former last name was the last name of his mother's first husband, to whom he is not related. He doesn't have any relationship with his mother, so he didn't want to take her birth name. My parents adore him and he said he wanted to honour them by taking our family name. I had no preference either way, as I have a rather dumb last name, and had actually changed all my documents to his name before he decided to take mine.
 
2012-02-26 02:42:17 PM

dahmers love zombie: Ah, yes. Protesting the sexist hegemony by keeping your FATHER's name. Good jorb.


Instead keep your mother's father's name.
 
2012-02-26 02:43:45 PM

iamrex: MidnightSkulker: My husband took my last name. *shrug* Has caused some confusion, but he wanted to so he did.

jesus. do you carry his balls in your purse?


Taking your wife's name is not an indication of lack of manhood.
 
2012-02-26 02:44:37 PM

ecmoRandomNumbers: I don't know about other cultures, but in almost all of Latin America, the woman does not take the husband's name. She keeps her maiden name (paternal) plus her second last name (maternal). That's her identity. It shows who her father and mother were, not whose property she is.


The tradition of my particular Mexican family line was to make the maiden name the middle name of the wife and any children from that marriage. The husband would've had kept his mother's maiden name as his middle name. Makes family trees really easy to work out.

Henry Rodriguez Hernandez marrys Maria Gonzales Lopez.
He is still Henry Rodriguez Hernandez, but the wife is now Maria Lopez Hernandez.
Their children would be Paco Lopez Hernandez & Rose Marie Lopez Hernandez.

I didn't keep with tradition when I married a white guy, but I now wish I had.
 
2012-02-26 02:45:02 PM

Teknowaffle: ecmoRandomNumbers: not whose property she is.

I don't see it as being this way anymore. The taking of the last name should be a sign that people are bonded. That is what marriage is about.

In some states, (Ca at least) you can create a new last name if you want using the letters in your last names, which I think is pretty cool. I know some people who have done it, though the names they made tended to sound awful.


I think the temptation to abuse that option would be irresistible.
 
2012-02-26 02:47:06 PM

MidnightSkulker: quatchi:

Always wondered about that. In cases where the wife-to-be has a cooler last name than the guy or if she is the last person in her line with that last name and wants to perpetuate it then the guy taking the woman's last name makes sense to me. But it does rather posit the question "Is society at a place yet where a guy can take his wife's last name and not spent the rest of life hearing *whip crack* noises being made behind his back?"

iamrex:

jesus. do you carry his balls in your purse?

He's a 6'2" roughneck who spends 14 hours a day on an oil rig lifting 100lb+ equipment. I challenge anyone who thinks he's a pansy to tell him that to his face.

His former last name was the last name of his mother's first husband, to whom he is not related. He doesn't have any relationship with his mother, so he didn't want to take her birth name. My parents adore him and he said he wanted to honour them by taking our family name. I had no preference either way, as I have a rather dumb last name, and had actually changed all my documents to his name before he decided to take mine.


Cool story, Sis. Well, at least I got an answer to my question PDQ.

Haters gonna hate.
 
2012-02-26 02:51:26 PM
Deciding whether to take my fiance's name or keep mine is something I gave some thought to. My last name is something that isn't always pronounced correctly (despite it being pretty phonetic), and it's easy to alter into a curse word (endless fun on the playground). My fiance's last name isn't too much higher ranking on the "cool" scale. The bottom line was that I want us to share a last name, and there's no way in hell I would hyphenate (each of our last names has eight letters).
 
2012-02-26 02:58:01 PM

quatchi: MidnightSkulker: quatchi:

He's a 6'2" roughneck who spends 14 hours a day on an oil rig lifting 100lb+ equipment. I challenge anyone who thinks he's a pansy to tell him that to his face.

His former last name was the last name of his mother's first husband, to whom he is not related. He doesn't have any relationship with his mother, so he didn't want to take her birth name. My parents adore him and he said he wanted to honour them by taking our family name. I had no preference either way, as I have a rather dumb last name, and had actually changed all my documents to his name before he decided to take mine.

Cool story, Sis. Well, at least I got an answer to my question PDQ.

Haters gonna hate.


Since I chimed in as well, I'll repeat for emphasis: CSS.

But that said, "he took my family's name out of mutual respect" is not necessarily -- or even typically -- the background to "he took my last name". And there are plenty of tough-looking guys in hard jobs who deal with emasculating shrews at home. (Not that I'm suggesting you're one of them.)

Lead with the cool story next time.
 
2012-02-26 03:00:08 PM

gerrymander: q
Since I chimed in as well, I'll repeat for emphasis: CSS.

But that said, "he took my family's name out of mutual respect" is not necessarily -- or even typically -- the background to "he took my last name". And there are plenty of tough-looking guys in hard jobs who deal with emasculating shrews at home. (Not that I'm suggesting you're one of them.)

Lead with the cool story next time.


I'm only an emasculating shrew while pregnant. :)
 
2012-02-26 03:00:22 PM
FTFA: Women who did plan to keep their birth surnames did not believe that plan made them less committed to marriage, the data showed. Instead, the researchers reported in the journal Sex Roles, the attitude shift took place among women who didn't have any intention of keeping their name

No one has a right to judge anything without actual facts to back it up. Pure unsupported opinion is not evidence.
 
2012-02-26 03:15:01 PM
Who gives a fark?
 
2012-02-26 03:18:06 PM

natmar_76: Who gives a fark?


Summation of the thread.

/and society can judge people who judge people for making that decision as being assholes and busybodies
 
2012-02-26 03:18:54 PM
If you have ever judged a woman for anything, even for committing murder, you are a bad person and should feel bad about yourself.
 
2012-02-26 03:19:11 PM

MidnightSkulker: He's a 6'2" roughneck who spends 14 hours a day on an oil rig lifting 100lb+ equipment. I challenge anyone who thinks he's a pansy to tell him that to his face.


Marrying someone who is prone to violence is unhealthy..
 
2012-02-26 03:19:59 PM

MidnightSkulker: He's a 6'2" roughneck who spends 14 hours a day on an oil rig lifting 100lb+ equipment.


So you're a beard?
 
2012-02-26 03:20:39 PM

ecmoRandomNumbers: I don't know about other cultures, but in almost all of Latin America, the woman does not take the husband's name. She keeps her maiden name (paternal) plus her second last name (maternal). That's her identity. It shows who her father and mother were, not whose property she is.


I'm surprised she has time to ponder her identity in between popping out the 18th and 19th babies..
 
2012-02-26 03:21:28 PM
Personally, I think a husband and wife should select a *new* last name when they get married. I don't believe in the hyphenation crap-names get to long and after a few generations it's a nightmare. Instead, I think a new name should be construction from the letters of both names.

This way, no name is lost, no name appears first when hyphenated, and the married couple still share the same last name. It's not sexist because both people are changing their name. It's win-win-win.
 
2012-02-26 03:22:41 PM
When I got married, I didn't take my husband's name. Besides being confused when I told some people that the wedding gift checks were no good because they wrote my name incorrectly, nobody cared. And that's honestly the only response I've ever gotten from anyone: the momentary confusion, and then they go back to not caring. And I certainly don't go out of my way to correct anyone who calls me Mrs. with my husband's last name unless it's an issue like the checks where the name must be correct. Although boy does my hubby get a little huffy when they call him by my last name. :P
 
2012-02-26 03:23:02 PM

Rincewind53: So what Subby is saying is that society has a right to be sexist? Okay then, whatever you say. You go on thinking that while the rest of us try to change things for the better.


People have differing views of what is "better". On many issues, what some people know in their hearts to be right might be opposite of what I believe.
 
2012-02-26 03:24:00 PM

weave: My wife of 12 years kept her married name and eventually I started getting a lot of junk mail sent to my first name and her last name. It's so bad that in background checks of me, that combo is listed as an alias of my name.

Basically marketing companies get hold of her name, figure she's married, and assume her husband's name is the same surname.

Idiots.


Yeah, I get that a lot too. The good thing is that if I get a phone call for "Mr (Mrs Hero's name)" I know I can almost certainly ignore it.

Still, better than some friends of mine. They had to get married in a bit of a hurry and when she went down to the DMV to change her name she realized she couldn't spell it. (actually not all that surprising- virtually nobody could pronounce it either)
 
2012-02-26 03:24:20 PM
Mrs. Smurf hyphenated her name for the only good reason I've ever heard.

After her first marriage she never switched back to her maiden name. This was for the benefit of her kids. Her ex remarried first. The new broad took his name. In order for nobody to have any confusion as to the mother of the children, my wife hyphenated her name. She's planning on changing it once the kids are all out of the house.
 
2012-02-26 03:25:00 PM

lilplatinum: MidnightSkulker: He's a 6'2" roughneck who spends 14 hours a day on an oil rig lifting 100lb+ equipment. I challenge anyone who thinks he's a pansy to tell him that to his face.

Marrying someone who is prone to violence is unhealthy..


He isn't prone to violence - quite the opposite. He's just intimidating.
 
2012-02-26 03:25:04 PM

ecmoRandomNumbers: I don't know about other cultures, but in almost all of Latin America, the woman does not take the husband's name. She keeps her maiden name (paternal) plus her second last name (maternal). That's her identity. It shows who her father and mother were, not whose property she is.


Here in Italy it is very uncommon for a woman to take her husband's last name, too. Every single married woman I know kept her last name.

I admit I find it kind of bizarre, if only because the children share the father's last name. So everyone in the family has the same last name, except for the mom. Seems kind of exclusive to me - and not necessarily in the good way.
 
2012-02-26 03:25:51 PM
I'll reserve my judgement for any guy who takes his wife's last name.
 
2012-02-26 03:26:13 PM
I think Turk (Scrubs) said it best: "Sure baby, you can keep your last name. We'll just be one of those modern couples that don't love each other."


/think women should do whatever they want, keep or take name.
/see what you get, when you mess, with the WARRIOR
 
2012-02-26 03:26:58 PM
If she won't take your name, she will wear your pants.
 
2012-02-26 03:27:21 PM
Let me tell you...
www.hollowaypages.com
...about names.
 
2012-02-26 03:28:22 PM

MidnightSkulker: lilplatinum: MidnightSkulker: He's a 6'2" roughneck who spends 14 hours a day on an oil rig lifting 100lb+ equipment. I challenge anyone who thinks he's a pansy to tell him that to his face.

Marrying someone who is prone to violence is unhealthy..

He isn't prone to violence - quite the opposite. He's just intimidating.


So your challenge wouldn't be very challenging then...
 
2012-02-26 03:30:03 PM

Atheist_Republican: When I got married, I didn't take my husband's name. Besides being confused when I told some people that the wedding gift checks were no good because they wrote my name incorrectly, nobody cared. And that's honestly the only response I've ever gotten from anyone: the momentary confusion, and then they go back to not caring. And I certainly don't go out of my way to correct anyone who calls me Mrs. with my husband's last name unless it's an issue like the checks where the name must be correct. Although boy does my hubby get a little huffy when they call him by my last name. :P


This is how we know whether or not someone actually knows the family when they call the house. If they use the incorrect last name - buh bye, wrong number.
 
2012-02-26 03:32:11 PM

quatchi: MidnightSkulker: My husband took my last name. *shrug* Has caused some confusion, but he wanted to so he did.

Always wondered about that. In cases where the wife-to-be has a cooler last name than the guy or if she is the last person in her line with that last name and wants to perpetuate it then the guy taking the woman's last name makes sense to me. But it does rather posit the question "Is society at a place yet where a guy can take his wife's last name and not spent the rest of life hearing *whip crack* noises being made behind his back?"



iamrex: MidnightSkulker: My husband took my last name. *shrug* Has caused some confusion, but he wanted to so he did.

jesus. do you carry his balls in your purse?



I love this place.
 
2012-02-26 03:32:29 PM
My fiancee is a teacher. I'm hoping that she DOESN'T take my last name.

She's got all sorts of books of hers with her last name on them, and lots of former students as well.

There was a bit on Mike & Molly (which sometimes hits a bit too close to home) where a former student tracked Molly down - and had she changed her name, he wouldn't have been able to find her.

/CSB...
 
2012-02-26 03:32:57 PM
Don't ask me, I'm just a girl! *tee hee*
 
2012-02-26 03:32:57 PM
In the interest of this thread I went back on my maternal side to the first known last name...when last names became prevelant. How does TheDumbPlantagenet sound?
 
2012-02-26 03:33:42 PM
FTA: A small study shows that Midwestern college women...

That's all I needed to read. There's a reason they are fly-over states.
 
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