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(Some Guy)   In Kirk Cameron's new film, Monumental, the actor retraces "the footsteps of our Founders from England to America in the hope of discovering our true "national treasure."" Obviously he's referring to the Crocoduck   (stopthehype.com) divider line 109
    More: Amusing, Kirk Cameron, parachute pants  
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2933 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 25 Feb 2012 at 1:18 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-02-25 01:07:47 PM
what is this shiat?
 
2012-02-25 01:15:40 PM
"WTF am i reading?"
 
2012-02-25 01:17:57 PM
Ok, dunno why that didnt preview, lets try that again.

i.imgur.com

"WTF am i reading?
 
2012-02-25 01:22:10 PM
The same number of people who came to his b-day party are going to go see this.
 
2012-02-25 01:23:13 PM
I bet it's Jesus.
 
2012-02-25 01:23:16 PM
Kirk's mom's ass ... that is my national treasure
 
2012-02-25 01:29:11 PM
Holy shiat, this is hilarious. Let me sum it up:

"Hi, remember me? I'm Kirk Cameron, and once upon a time I had a career. But that's gone now and I'm here now to talk about how famous I once was. Really! Once, I was taken seriously as an actor. Well, not that seriously. I mean, I was on this show that has fallen so far off the radar that only the first two seasons are out on DVD, and it took years before the second season was released. In the industry, that pretty much shows that there isn't even nostalgia for my show. In fact, I don't even think it's in reruns anymore. I sure as hell don't see any money from it! But sometimes, I like to pretend I'm a star...sometimes.....

"Anyway, I'm doing a new movie. It explores something incredibly vague like 'deep personal truths' which is code for 'hey, America is based on God, and I'm going to offer some condescending platitudes about it that can't be backed up because they're just assertions that rational people just laugh about behind my back. I'll take this lack of confrontation as 'proof' despite my lack of knowledge about anything. But that's okay, because it's still a job, and I can't get any jobs anymore because the way I left my sitcom--do you remember its name? Oh, then you must be in your twenties and enjoying your life--has made me poisonous to anybody at all. In fact, do you know that the made-for-TV 'reunion' movie was so badly received it was dumped on ABC Family? They pretty much air shiat that nobody watches intentionally except for the old, retarded, disabled, or a mix of those.

"Oh, my new movie. Yeah, you should watch it. Maybe you could pay for it since the only ones who'll buy it are stupid churchgoers that fear everything. But chances are you'll watch it when someone mentions that it's in Netflix, and get through five minutes before realizing life is too short, even for a joke career like mine. Oh well, catch ya later! As long as there are conmen who prey on the pious for a buck, I'll still have what is technically a movie career. Home movies count, right?

"Oh, and be sure to watch whenever I kiss someone, because it'll be my suspiciously hot wife that is only a few years from being found having an affair on me with someone with a much bigger penis. Obey Jesus Now!"
 
2012-02-25 01:29:34 PM
I get tired of these people that say "America has lost it's way". I take that as code for "OMG, we have a black president!!"
 
2012-02-25 01:30:23 PM
it's Jesus, isn't it?
 
2012-02-25 01:30:54 PM
Didn't Ayn Rand cover this already?
 
2012-02-25 01:31:05 PM
Wacky hijinx are afoot as a dashing but chaste ordained minister (Cameron) teams up with a sexist but loveable Cardinal (Stacy Keach) as they race from Akron to Tulsa in search of a mysterious artifact known only as "The Constitution"! This summer, Kirk Cameron goes

MONU
MENTAL

/Rated PG for impotent pandering. Coming to VHS this fall.
 
2012-02-25 01:31:10 PM
It's the tale of his epic quest to find someone to help him eat the six foot Subway sub from his birthday party that he still has about four feet left on.
 
2012-02-25 01:31:55 PM

gregario: I get tired of these people that say "America has lost it's way". I take that as code for "OMG, we have a black president!!"




close, but it's mostly code for "not enough Jesus. ಠ_ಠ"
 
2012-02-25 01:33:48 PM
cdn.fd.uproxx.com

How am I not in this movie!
 
2012-02-25 01:36:48 PM

gregario: I get tired of these people that say "America has lost it's way". I take that as code for "OMG, we have a black president!!"


America has lost its way. Because it hasn't lost its GAY.

Kirk Cameron. Rick Santorum.

Monu-Mental!

Coming this Christ-Mas
 
2012-02-25 01:37:04 PM

Guntram Shatterhand: "Oh, and be sure to watch whenever I kiss someone, because it'll be my suspiciously hot wife that is only a few years from being found having an affair on me with someone with a much bigger penis. Obey Jesus Now!"


hot how?
a) christians are not "hot" unless stricken dumb.
b) she's probably a guy IRL
c) otherwise a great small novel
 
2012-02-25 01:37:08 PM
Wow, he looks soooo dreamy on that movie poster.
 
2012-02-25 01:39:45 PM
FTA -- Monumental take viewers through historic details of the United States that few even realize happened.

Well, of course it will. Because the script writers will make shiat up as they go along.
 
2012-02-25 01:42:55 PM
All of you people are farking idiots. This is a movie about the Banana
 
2012-02-25 01:43:38 PM

gregario: I get tired of these people that say "America has lost it's way". I take that as code for "OMG, we have a black president!!"


Nah, it's always been a signal for people who need the waaaaaaahmbulance. That'll never change.
 
2012-02-25 01:47:07 PM
i229.photobucket.com
 
2012-02-25 01:51:57 PM
www.gracechurch.org

/he gets to tap that ass
//in missionary position only.
 
2012-02-25 01:58:08 PM
From the actor that brought you the Left Behind Series (crappy Christian books/movies about how the world ends because God farted), Fireproof (Another Christian movie about the evils of porn!), and now how God founded America! The Christian god of course.

JoePiscopoJr.: All of you people are farking idiots. This is a movie about the Banana (new window)


TIFIFY
 
2012-02-25 02:03:52 PM
/******************SPOILER ALERT********************/

Our national treasure our faith in Christianity.

/******************END SPOILERS*********************/

There, I just saved you all $8.50.
 
2012-02-25 02:05:50 PM
Kirk Cameron is a less interesting version of Nicolas Cage....Mmm, yeah I guess that makes sense.
 
2012-02-25 02:07:28 PM

gregario: I get tired of these people that say "America has lost it's way". I take that as code for "OMG, we have a black president!!"


The very same people who are saying "America has lost its way" were the very same people that fought against the ratification of the Constitution.

/bet Kirk glosses over the early history of the colonies and the religious intolerance of each other that resulted in people being jailed and stoned if they weren't the right type of Christian
 
2012-02-25 02:10:38 PM
The villian of the film will be a hot young Playboy model, whom Cameron will defeat by whining to the producers and threatening to quit until they fire her. Praise Jesus!
 
2012-02-25 02:11:23 PM
What is Kirk Cameron hiding?

What evil past does Cameron have to make him the zealot? Is this penance for past evil deeds?

What horror awaits as we delve into Cameron's Mind.

Cameron's Mind, coming this fall. Certificate R.
 
rka
2012-02-25 02:14:30 PM

gregario: I get tired of these people that say "America has lost it's way". I take that as code for "OMG, we have a black president!!"


Both sides come at the "America has lost it's way" theme, but from different angles.

The right bemoans the fact that we have a black president, gays are getting more rights and when the US blows up brown people, the rest of the world actually dares voice an opinion. "America has lost its way!"

The left bemoans the fact that the US has fallen from the #1 in the world in education, health care (if we ever were #1, no one addresses that fact) and our income disparity gap grows wider and wider. "America has lost its way!"
 
2012-02-25 02:19:14 PM
I got to "Roman Empire" and killed the trailer.
 
2012-02-25 02:22:18 PM

GungFu: What is Kirk Cameron hiding?

What evil past does Cameron have to make him the zealot? Is this penance for past evil deeds?

What horror awaits as we delve into Cameron's Mind.

Cameron's Mind, coming this fall. Certificate R.


Add some M. Night to that and I'll watch.
 
2012-02-25 02:22:28 PM
"This is one of the most important journeys of my life. America is worth fighting for, and so are our families. We can still be a "city upon a hill," but we need to work together. With God's help, we can turn this thing around. It's been said, "Footprints in history are not made sitting down," and I couldn't agree more. I hope that our children will mark this moment as the turning point when we stood up, came together, and reclaimed the true national treasure of America."

/that's beautiful. But please excuse me, I'm not crying... just something in my eye
 
2012-02-25 02:22:50 PM

foo monkey: Our national treasure our faith in Christianity.


The problem with that is that most of the Founding Fathers were not particularly religious. Some were out and out atheists. Many were agnostics.

It should also be pointed out that all of the Founding Fathers were born in here, so they made no journey "from England". Hamilton was the only one I can think of who was born elsewhere.
 
2012-02-25 02:30:30 PM
Eh, some things are bad, and getting worse. Other things are good, and getting better. It's always been like that.
 
2012-02-25 02:34:10 PM

Dwight_Yeast: foo monkey: Our national treasure our faith in Christianity.

The problem with that is that most of the Founding Fathers were not particularly religious. Some were out and out atheists. Many were agnostics.

It should also be pointed out that all of the Founding Fathers were born in here, so they made no journey "from England". Hamilton was the only one I can think of who was born elsewhere.


How dare you bring facts and reason into this? Religion has no need for those! Go back to your baby-raping gay orgies, you heathen!
 
2012-02-25 02:39:16 PM
I hope he does try to get from England to the United States by following footprints.
 
2012-02-25 02:39:49 PM
The right has been trying to convince dumbasses that the Founding Fathers loved Jeebus as much as they do for years. It's been one of Glenn Beck's scams to fleece his fans for a while now: it's the whole point of that whole Glenn Beck University thing.

/the only "college" that sucks worse than Duke
 
2012-02-25 02:41:25 PM

Mantour: [www.gracechurch.org image 640x963]

/he gets to tap that ass
//in missionary position only.


Well, if he's going for her ass then her legs are ending up around her shoulders.
 
2012-02-25 02:41:55 PM
"It's the richest, freest nation the world has ever seen. Everyone wants to live here. "

That's a Sean Hannity level of doucheness.
 
2012-02-25 02:45:56 PM
Somehow I doubt the national treasure they discuss will be the actual "secret" one: a whole hell of a lot of good land that the former occupants have been pushed off of.
 
2012-02-25 02:51:37 PM
So is his project going to allude to the fact that the Puritans fled from England after they failed to impose a theocracy? That they ended up in what is modern day Holland and had to flee from *there* too after...wait for it....failing to impose a theocracy?

Or am I confusing them with another sect?

Thank you for the toilet paper
But your flag's meaningless to me
Look around, we're all people
Who needs country's any way?


Dead Kennedys
 
2012-02-25 02:52:51 PM
I have the national treasure and for only the low low price of $14.99 I will send you an email containing a map with directions for a wholesome adventure that will enable you to find it and discover the truth about yourself. Order now our, sorry no CODs.
 
2012-02-25 02:53:03 PM
Turkeys or corn, it's one or the other.
 
2012-02-25 03:03:19 PM

Henry Holland: So is his project going to allude to the fact that the Puritans fled from England after they failed to impose a theocracy? That they ended up in what is modern day Holland and had to flee from *there* too after...wait for it....failing to impose a theocracy?


Don't forget that after the Restoration, the English didn't ban Dissenters from practicing their religion; they simply demanded they followed their weird faiths more than five miles from any town.Given that they'd committed treason and regicide, I would say they got off quite lightly.
 
2012-02-25 03:07:53 PM
Spoiler Alert: The treasure is God.

That's the problem with Christian-themed media of any kind really, from Church Rock to Veggie Tales, whatever. It's always God.

Just saying, maybe you could make one or two songs/shows/movies about friendship or maybe kid detectives?
 
2012-02-25 03:12:14 PM

FuryOfFirestorm: The villian of the film will be a hot young Playboy model, whom Cameron will defeat by whining to the producers and threatening to quit until they fire her. Praise Jesus!


Yeah, but a few years later, God finally biatchslapped Cameron by reducing his career to sermonizing for subs, while the Cousin Oliver character from his show became one of the biggest movie stars in the world.
 
2012-02-25 03:13:18 PM

i_dig_chicks: The same number of people who came to his b-day party are going to go see this.


No pictures of his birthday party? Those were some great pictures, I'm leaving disappointed but I will check back later.
 
2012-02-25 03:20:57 PM
I second the motion. Make with the sad Subway conference room birthday party pics please.
 
2012-02-25 03:40:57 PM
Kirk Cameron is a douche.

He kicked that really nice Playboy model off of his precious show because she wasn't as angelic as he... so he is a douche.

Let me sum this up again...

KIRK CAMERON IS A BIG FLAPPY, STINKY, SLIMY, CRACKED AROUND THE EDGES, DOUCHE!
 
2012-02-25 03:45:21 PM
img219.imageshack.us
/Taken from the original fark thread...
/warm...
 
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